Above The Surface

by Akeroyd, Serena

  Her brows rose. “The artist?”

  I dipped my chin. “Yes.”

  “What did you want painted?”

  It was my turn for my lips to twitch. “When you come to my place in London, you can see for yourself.” I’d had him do her portrait when she’d taken part in the World Championships in China three years ago. The moment when she’d whipped off her Lycra swim cap, dunked her head under the water, then surged above the surface with triumph lining her features and water slipping down over the curves of her face.

  But she didn’t need to know that.

  Her brows arched like she thought I was being arrogant and getting ahead of myself. Then, deep in her eyes, I saw exactly what I needed to see.

  Want.

  Deep, pervasive.

  Enough to make me sigh.

  Enough to make me thank God that nothing had changed on that score.

  As much as I wanted to be a part of her life, she wanted to be a part of mine.

  She tugged at my grip on her hand. “It’s not going to be easy,” she muttered.

  “I know. I want an explanation, Thea. We’re not breaking that vacation until you tell me what happened, what sent you running—if not in body, in spirit.”

  She swallowed, and the gesture was thick. Like it was involuntarily done. Maybe it was. She certainly looked queasy at the memory.

  “You shouldn’t remind me,” she whispered. “If you do, I might come to my senses.”

  “I think we proved last week that neither of us has much sense where we’re concerned.”

  Her chin tipped up. “Maybe not, but for your safety, for your sake, I’d try.”

  I narrowed my eyes at that definitely unusual phrasing. “What are you talking about?”

  “I’m cursed, Adam.”

  For a second, I thought she was joking. I wanted to laugh, I even started to, but she was so serious, so earnest, that I stopped myself just in time.

  The last thing I wanted was to piss her off enough to make her storm away, and even though she might look as innocent as a nun, she wasn’t.

  She was fire, not ice.

  I rubbed my free hand over my lips, trying to discern what the fuck she was talking about.

  That she believed such nonsense, I knew, was because of her heritage, and I didn’t want to mock her culture. That kind of stuff...it was make-believe. Wasn’t it? And yet, she’d altered her life course because of it. Shit, she’d altered our life courses because of it.

  “Why do you think you’re cursed?” I asked carefully, trying to keep my skepticism out of my tone.

  “Because I visited my mother in jail—”

  “You did? When?” I demanded, even as hurt filled me that she hadn’t told me she was going to see her.

  “A few months before graduation,” she muttered, her gaze on the ground. She toed the sidewalk a little with the toe of her sneaker. “It didn’t go well. She asked me not to visit her again.”

  Everything in me stiffened in outrage on her behalf. “Are you shitting me?”

  “No. She said it was for my sake.”

  Was it? I tried to think that through. Tried to imagine telling Freddie not to come visit me if I ever found myself in that similar, horrific position.

  But I couldn’t.

  Because I wouldn’t.

  How had her mother killed to protect Thea, to defend her against her father, then turn her back on her like that?

  It was like she wanted to be erased from Thea’s life.

  For a second, I was speechless, unsure of what to say to make things right when there was nothing I could say to make that better.

  I guessed that, when the time came for Thea to meet her mom, I thought there’d be a grand reunion. The likes of which you saw on soap operas and shit. I’d never imagined Thea’s mother wouldn’t be happy to reconnect with her daughter.

  “That sucks,” I rasped, and while it wasn’t particularly poetic, it was the truth.

  She grimaced. “I get the feeling she was doing it for my benefit.”

  “I wonder if she watched the Olympics,” I mused, the skepticism I’d felt earlier starting to slip into my words.

  She cut me a look. “She isn’t the type to ask for money, if that’s what you’re thinking. Anyway, I told you long ago—I’ll get her out. Even if it costs me millions.”

  “Which you have to spend now,” I pointed out, well aware from what my father had disclosed that she was going to be earning tens of millions of dollars over the next few years with proper management. “When are you getting the lawyers in on this?”

  “The second I get enough to retain one. The contracts are still being negotiated.”

  “My dad plays hardball,” I commented gruffly, glad for her sake that he did, because she sure as hell wouldn’t. Thea’s hunger wasn’t for money. I wasn’t entirely sure what it was for…freedom?

  Maybe.

  It fit more than a zealous need for material stuff that wouldn’t serve her.

  “Yeah, and it will get me more money to get her out of that place.”

  I tugged at my lip once more. “What if—”

  “I’ve already thought of that,” she muttered, like she could read my mind. She straightened her shoulders like she was bracing herself for future blows, and if that didn’t fill me with rage, I wasn’t sure what would. “Whether or not she wants anything to do with me, I’ll get her out. She doesn’t deserve to be in there. I can’t stand it,” she admitted. “I go to sleep thinking of her in that place. It’s horrible.” A shudder racked her small frame, and I could no more stop myself from reaching out and curving my arm over her shoulders and hauling her into me than I could stop the tide from turning.

  “You don’t need to wait. I have the money to get a retainer.”

  She stared up at me. “You worked hard for that.”

  “So? You worked hard for your money too.”

  A wince had her mouth twisting. “I don’t know. I don’t think I’ve earned millions. I mean, I deserve a good salary, but millions seems excessive.”

  I snorted. “You going to turn the money down? I can’t see my dad letting you.”

  “No, I can’t see him doing that either,” she said wryly, “and I’ll give some away. Why do I need all that cash?”

  “Just to have it? For a rainy day? For savings? When you’re old and gray?”

  “With careful investment, I can make sure I’m set for life, but after that...it’s not like I can’t get a job.”

  I stared at her for a second, and while I’d been raised with a mom who’d dragged herself out of the gutter, who was a politician to her core, and who worked more hours than she probably should, I wasn’t used to those kind of women.

  My mom was one of a kind. In my experience, mothers were like the rich housewives on TV. They didn’t do shit with their days except for spend their husband’s money and do lunch to alleviate the boredom.

  And Maria and her mother? They were some of the worst. Jose worked pretty much all the time while they just figured out ways to waste the money he earned. Even my wealth didn’t equate with Jose’s, so, ironically enough, when taking her allowance into consideration, I’d probably be the one getting alimony—not her.

  Still, Thea’s mindset, her views, they were like a breath of fresh air in a polluted world.

  I sucked it in, sucked in her genuine confusion at my question, and tucking her tighter into me, I kissed her temple. “Thea?”

  “Yes?” she murmured, her voice low and hoarse.

  “I love you.”

  She burrowed her face into me. “I love you too.”

  “We can work through anything—even a curse.”

  “How can we?” she rasped. “It’s a curse. And better women than me in my family haven’t figured out a way to stop it.”

  I wasn’t going to argue. Not here, standing outside a coffee shop in downtown Tokyo. Nor was I going to try to convince her when I didn’t know what I was up against, so I just kissed her t
emple once more and muttered, “We’ll talk about that later.”

  She sighed. “I-I just want this one vacation.”

  I got it.

  I did.

  But if she thought that was going to be enough, a vacation, her reward after years of training and hard work and dedication, then she was crazy.

  A lifetime wouldn’t be enough for Theodosia Kinkade and me. I knew that like I knew she was mine and I was hers.

  Now, I just had to prove that to her.

  THEA

  I stared at him as he slept.

  The light crept through the shades, peeking in only slightly over our seats thanks to the way the pilot controlled our waking hours, and though Adam had slept through a good few hours of the flight because of that level of control, I hadn’t.

  I couldn’t.

  But I was going to be weak, again. I was going to take this time and own it, embrace it, and indulge myself in him like he was a treat I was forbidden.

  He was sugar, and I was a diabetic.

  Junk food to my heart disease.

  He was the death of me, when, every time I was with him, he felt like the life of me.

  Torment.

  Bittersweet.

  It was why I watched him.

  Tucked inside the business class cabin, I sat at an angle, curled so I could watch him rest, absorbing every part of him like I was a camel stocking up on water for the future drought.

  He was beautiful.

  Even more than he’d been as a kid, and just looking at him, being in his proximity, made my heart start to pound.

  But I controlled it, like I’d been doing for the past few hours.

  Seeing him so vulnerable in sleep did things to me, because he was beyond strong. Such a powerful man in his own right. Self-made now, with connections forged on his name and not his father’s, he wasn’t what I’d expected.

  The guys in my year at school were still big kids. Still dicking around, doing insane stuff for shits and giggles.

  Adam wasn’t like that.

  He was a man now. He had responsibilities, and I saw them on his shoulders, like they were literal weights. A visible burden.

  Even as I wondered why he hadn’t taken the easy route, why he hadn’t gone to college when he’d been given a scholarship to Yale, why he hadn’t waited until he was twenty-five to gain access to a bigger trust fund, I had to admit that I respected him all the more for it.

  He hadn’t taken the easy way, and neither had I.

  “I can feel you watching me.”

  I didn’t bother blushing. I felt no shame for what I was doing.

  If anything, I just sighed in appreciation as he stretched, his tee pulling taut against his belly, revealing a hard stomach I wanted to lick.

  There was only one man who could make me feel this with only a goddamn stretch, and he was lying beside me.

  “You’ve no shame, Theodosia Kinkade.”

  My lips twitched at his teasing. “You say my full name too much.”

  “It suits the occasion.”

  “It does?” I queried, my brows high.

  “Yep.” He yawned, dragged over the menu, and rang the bell for the steward once he’d made his selection. “You want anything?”

  “Breakfast tea.” Then, I thought about how I didn’t have to train for a good two weeks, and though it felt so wicked, I cleared my throat and mumbled, “A stack of pancakes.”

  He snickered, but in his eyes, I saw the glint of understanding—he knew what it was like in the run-up to a meet. And the Olympics was just that on a massive scale.

  I hadn’t eaten anything fun in months. Egg whites, brown rice, and bland poached chicken.

  Yum.

  Not.

  The steward arrived, giving me a warm glance that I’d been ignoring ever since I boarded. Adam grunted at the sight, glared at the man, and I smiled at him because it amused me.

  When Adam, glaring all the while, put in our order, I laughed the second the guy disappeared.

  “Why are you jealous?” I inquired with a soft smile. “You have to know it isn’t necessary.”

  “Just like it wasn’t necessary for you to be jealous of Maria, but you were.”

  My smile didn’t falter. “I’ve never lied about how I feel for you. Never tried to convince you otherwise. I’ve always stayed true to you.”

  He closed his eyes, and though the words should probably have made him happy, I was glad they caused him pain.

  Yeah, I knew I was no saint, but still, I’d accepted that a long time ago. Just as I’d accepted that I couldn’t hold Adam to me, and that I couldn’t be an integral part of his life.

  “Do you know what that does to me?”

  “Racks you with guilt?” I replied lightly. “Makes you wonder why you couldn’t stay true to me when I stayed true to you?” I hummed. “I can imagine.”

  “Yeah, I’ll bet you can.” His mouth tightened. “You ignored me.”

  “For your own sake.” I saw he was getting angry, and because I was curious, I changed the subject. Not because I didn’t discount his anger, because he could get angry—I’d prefer that to the polite platitudes we usually shared with one another in his parents’ presence. “Do your folks know you’re with me?”

  “No. Of course not.”

  His derision had me snorting. But I still said, “I thought Robert wouldn’t have minded...”

  “Dad wouldn’t. Mom would. She knows about the divorce.”

  Huh. So Anna’s visit had been, what? Reconnaissance? She’d wanted to know if I was the reason behind the divorce?

  And who the fuck was Maria’s baby’s father if, for the past eight months, Adam had pretty much been living full time in London or, when he was back home, Anna had been the one chauffeuring Freddie around for visits with his dad?

  I said none of that out loud. Anna wasn’t important. She never had been.

  His jaw was tight as he muttered, “I used the family firm, which was foolish in hindsight.”

  Reading between the lines, I questioned, “Doesn’t that breach attorney-client privilege? If your attorney told her, I mean?”

  “Yeah, it does. I won’t be using him again, and he’s lucky that I won’t say shit to the bar association.”

  “Why won’t you?”

  He shrugged. “She’d have found out anyway, and I like to know who’s loyal to me.”

  I thought about that. “So, now you know he can’t be trusted, and he’s proven that to you, you know for a fact to move your business elsewhere?”

  “Exactly. He showed me early on, before I could trust him with anything too sensitive, that his loyalty went to my parents above me, so now I know to take my business elsewhere.”

  It made sense, even if it surprised me. But then, Adam was surprising.

  In his own way, he was the type of man to take charge. Dominant. But I thought his time with Cain had changed him, tempered him.

  Without his brother, he’d probably have been an unsalvageable asshole.

  Instead, he knew what it was like to not be listened to. To be ignored. He knew what it was to be worthless and when to pick a fight.

  Just as I did.

  Two entirely different upbringings, one with wealth, one with poverty, one with family, and one with foster parents, and yet, we’d both learned the same lessons.

  On the outside looking in, Anna and Robert appeared to be the perfect parents, and, in many ways, I guessed they were.

  They were, I reckoned, just evidence that parents had a favorite child.

  Shitty, but true, and it made me think, made me wonder if, when I had a kid or kids, I’d be the same. I wanted to promise myself, my unborn child or children, that I wouldn’t be like that.

  But maybe I would.

  I could only try to be different.

  “Knowing Mom, she’ll have given Maria my flight times so that she can bombard me the second I land—”

  “Anna still thinks you’re going to the U.S. straight afte
r Tokyo?” I interrupted, surprised by that.

  He shrugged. “I let her think it.”

  “Why?”

  “Because she’s on Maria’s side. She wants me to call off the divorce, but I won’t. It’s underway.”

  “How is it? Maria’s Catholic, more than that, why would she want to give you up?”

  “To spite me. She’s not exactly devout,” he drawled. “Her parents might be, but she isn’t. And I’m not that great a catch, Thea. I’m a pain in the ass, and I’ve been that way for years. But mostly, in the end, with her allowance, I’ll end up with alimony payments from her, especially if I win Freddie in the custody battle. She won’t want that—sharing her precious cash.”

  “Do you think she’ll fight for Freddie?” She’d never seemed that interested in her son. As far as I could tell, the second he’d stopped being a toddler, Freddie had become boring, because she couldn’t dress him up like a doll. Couldn’t parade him in front of her friends and have them coo over how cute he was.

  “She’ll have no choice, because Jose and Adela won’t let her not fight for him. They love him, even if she doesn’t.”

  Christ, the tangled web of Adam’s life had me shaking my head.

  “Yeah, I know,” he said dryly. “It’s a nightmare that’s brewing—”

  “No wonder you want a vacation with me,” I retorted with a faint laugh. “Hell, anyone would.”

  He shook his head, his eyes on mine as he replied, “I want a vacation with you because this is our time, Thea. You have to see that.”

  “The curse—” I bit my lip. “My mother made me promise to cut you from my life the second I could for your sake and mine, Adam.”

  “She had no right to do that,” he snapped, and when a passenger opposite us hissed for silence, he lowered his voice, ignored the intrusion, and spat, “She had no right to fuck with our lives like that.”

  “She was saving you from yourself, and me from myself,” I reasoned.

  “Why would she do that?”

  “Because she said it was the one thing she could do for me as a mother, and that, as a mother, she’d ask from me. You weren’t there, Adam. You didn’t see her. She was cold, a little blank. A lot flat. Like every day was squeezing the life out of her.