by Hélène Soper
Merlot trotted down the stairs, his big tail thumping her leg as he pushed by her. She already had a soft spot for the beautiful beast, but it grew even bigger when he plopped on the floor next to where Luc slept. Both let out a peaceful sigh when Luc reached down to touch the dog’s head, content that their well-choreographed routine was complete.
Then it hit her. What the hell was he doing sleeping on the couch? He wasn’t going anywhere. She was safe in his arms. Was it all BS? She spun and ran back upstairs and jumped back into bed. Her thoughts were a chaotic brew. Did he genuinely mean what he said, or was it all empty platitudes? Did her panic turn him off so much he couldn’t stand sleeping in the same bed with her?
She was damaged goods. That was her reality. Why would an established, put-together guy like Luc want to have anything to do with someone with her past? Luc was a fantasy. Nothing more. The tears started again with that realization. How could she have been so stupid?
Dawn broke as Avery’s tears finally relented and she fell into a shallow, exhausted sleep. She woke from the ensuite bathroom door opening and a wave of humidity billowing into the bedroom. Luc emerged with only a towel cinched at his waist and damp, tousled hair covering one eye like a marauder coming to pillage her. Even in her angry, confused state Luc was still the sexiest man she had ever known, and her body reacted accordingly.
“The bathroom is all yours, little one. Take your time. I’ll go make some coffee and breakfast,” Luc said in a considerate, if not a little affectionate, tone.
Avery hopped out of bed and ran into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. She couldn’t face him. What would she say? Do you prefer the couch to a bed? Why didn’t you stay in bed with me? The last thing she wanted to do was pile onto the needy, fragile image Luc must already have of her. Anger and disappointment twisted the fist in her gut — directed at Luc or herself she couldn’t say. Either way, it felt like shit.
Forty minutes later Avery walked into the kitchen to find Luc at the stove. Her heartbeat kicked up and her breathing became erratic as she stood next to him to fix herself a mug of coffee. Damn her traitorous body rendering her susceptible to his clean, musky scent and his sculpted physique. She was still hurt that he chose to not sleep with her, despite the words he placated her with. Not to mention she was still embarrassed about her panic attack.
Avery glanced up from stirring sugar into her cup to find him smoldering. She now knew the true meaning of that word. Oh man, sex on a stick. Just being near him sent her brain into a tizzy. Hunger stole across his gaze, not the pity she’d expected. The growing tent in the front of his pajama pants punctuated the surge of hormones flooding her body. She licked her suddenly dry lips, and an image flashed across her mind’s eye of her on her knees, his hands wrapped in her hair keeping her head exactly where he wanted it, Luc’s cock deep in her mouth. She tried to stifle a moan from escaping her throat.
“Good morning, beautiful girl? Are you hungry for…breakfast?” The smirk on his face said he knew exactly the images her depraved mind conjured, and he approved.
Embarrassment for panicking during sex, paired with arousal from the possibility of sex, cascaded a wave of heat through Avery that consumed the possibility of her playing the cool morning-after card. Great. She was thirty-eight years old going on eighteen based on her body’s reaction to this man.
“Coffee is fine, thanks. I’m going to call Gryff to see what the plan is to get Cassie to school then I have to be at the office for an eight-thirty staff meeting.”
She walked out of the kitchen into the living room with her cell phone, needing distance in order to get her brain firing on all cylinders. With a good plan for Cassie in place, she bolted upstairs, gathered her overnight bag, and headed for the garage door.
“Gryff says she’s on the bus en route to school. He and one of his security buddies are meeting at my house to upgrade the alarm system. So, it looks like you won’t need to babysit me tonight. Thank you for last night.” She gave him a peck on the cheek, avoiding the eyes that would destroy her resolve to escape without further embarrassment.
Luc stepped in front of her, blocking the door. “Woah, woah, woah, little one. You can’t just walk out of here like that.”
Avery raised her hand, palm forward like a stop sign.
“It’s OK, Luc. Really. I appreciate your friendship and how you helped me feel safe. It’s over now and I need to get to the office. So, please step aside.”
Luc didn’t move. He peered down, tenderly placed his fingers under her chin, and tilted it up so she couldn’t avoid his gaze. She did her best to conceal her confusion, hurt, and the fresh tears starting to form.
“I don’t think what we have going on here is friendship.” His low, melty voice was gentle but no less firm. She didn’t know what to say. Luc sensed her confusion and moved out of her way. Avery took the opening and bolted for the door, jumped into her car, and threw the gear in reverse before the garage door lifted.
“I’ll call you later.”
Yeah right. How many women in how many countries over countless years had heard that line? “I’ll call you later.” What did that mean exactly? Later today? Tomorrow? Next week? Or was it a polite brush off? Avery couldn’t believe he said it. Whatever. She had enough to worry about.
She backed out of the garage and headed toward the office. Determination buoyed her mood.
“Luc Christianson can bite me,” she yelled to the universe.
Shit. That was not the image she needed to wipe the man from her memory banks. Avery reached for the power on the car’s sound system. Led Zeppelin’s “Immigrant Song” blared through her speakers. Damn it! That had been one of the songs Luc’s high school band used to play back in the day. She couldn’t hit the power off fast enough. Was everything going to remind her of Luc?
Avery arrived at the paper with her armor back in place. She didn’t expect Luc to “call her later” so he couldn’t disappoint her. He was a Dom and she wasn’t ready to be a sub. That made the outcome of their time together inevitable. So why did it feel like she was losing something rare and precious?
14
Gryff channeled his inner rock star and brought his drumstick down on the final cymbal crash of “The Pretender” by Foo Fighters and the rest of the band expertly followed his lead.
“I knew you still had chops, brother.”
Gryff’s infectious smile warmed a corner of Luc’s broken heart, still he hesitated. It had been years since Luc picked up a guitar. Not since he lost Sydney and Ella. Their death also meant the death of music in his soul. That part of himself that felt emotion, felt music, felt his heart beat, had all but shriveled up.
“It’s been a long time, Gryff. You know that. I’m…very rusty.”
“Come on, man. We all know what you’ve been through. It’s time. You’ve been away from music for far too long. You need it to move on. You know it and we know it. Get off your lazy ass and prove to us you still got game.”
Luc knew his best friend’s goading tactics. His all-consuming grief had blocked out the piece of himself that heard and felt music. It used to be that he couldn’t even handle the noise while driving. Lately, he noticed a shift deep inside. Gradual. Meaningful. Soulful. He craved music again. Curiosity about what was hitting the radio waves these days had him often reaching for the power button on his car’s audio system. The other day he found himself humming “The Stage” by Avenged Sevenfold.
“All right, all right.” Luc held up his hands in surrender, his Pelham Blue Gibson Firebird guitar still strapped to his body. “I still need a lot more practice before I’ll be ready for the Canada Day gig. I can’t have you guys showing me up in my own backyard.”
Gryff jumped up from behind his drum kit to bump fists with Luc. “You’ve got this. You need this. The crowd’s going to love it,” Gryff said with a big grin.
Later that evening, after a couple more hours of working out the kinks, the guys packed up their gear and headed upstair
s from Gryff’s basement, which doubled as their rehearsal space.
“Thanks for letting me work out with you guys. And for your patience. I still have some work to do, but I’ll be ready for next week.”
“Don’t worry about it, man. You’ve still got it. Besides, it’s just a bit of fun. Not like we’re getting paid. Right?” Zeke, the bass guitarist, chuckled.
“I know, I know.” Luc held up his right hand like a stop sign. “It feels great to play. I’m looking forward to being on stage with you guys again.”
And he meant it. Luc missed the rush of adrenaline that playing live in front of an audience gave him. Play, the kinky kind, was a rush, too, but it was short lived and lately more hollow. Music infused his soul with longing for a deeper connection to the world around him. One he had once thrived in.
Gryff closed the front door behind the other band members, turned to his friend and clapped him on the shoulder. “Stay for one more beer?”
Luc glanced at his watch and gave Gryff a quick nod. It wasn’t that late. They headed to the kitchen. “Thanks again for getting me out tonight. It felt great to finger the frets again.” Luc opened the fridge, grabbed a beer for himself, and handed another to Gryff.
“You’ve still got it, my brother. I knew you did. You just needed to work some shit out to clear the way for the groove to flow again. I wonder if our friend Avery has something to do with this awakening.” Gryff smiled and waggled his eyebrows.
Luc couldn’t hide or deny it, Gryff knew him too well. He looked up from the beer bottle that he’d absently picked the label off and smiled. “Yeah, I guess she does.” That realization surprised Luc. He was even more surprised he admitted it out loud.
“Listen,” Gryff said, “you know Avery’s special to me. She’s been a good friend for a long time. I’ve seen her through a hell of a lot. Been her shoulder to lean on and cry on. I’m not going to betray her confidence with the details, but let me just say that beneath that strong exterior is a wounded soul. She’s come a long way, and I think she’s ready to let someone in again. I see the chemistry between you hasn’t changed despite the years. I think you could be good for each other. But, don’t take this the wrong way, I will break your legs if you hurt her. If you’re ready for something beyond a pick-up scene at The House then go for it. Just take it slow. Got it?” Gryff gave his friend the cop glare for emphasis.
Luc nodded thoughtfully, his gaze focused on the spot where his wedding ring used to be. “I hear you. It’s not like I haven’t had my share of heartache. You know that. You probably know both of us better than we know ourselves. This is the first time since…their deaths…that I’ve felt like wanting more than just a scene. She responded to me like a natural sub. It’s intoxicating. She’s intoxicating. For so long it’s been as if I died in that crash along with my girls. But when I’m with Avery, it doesn’t feel so dark and empty. Crazy, right?”
Gryff sighed like he debated sharing something. He leaned forward, rested his forearms on his knees, and clasped his hands together. “Let me just say this, she is a natural sub. I saw how she responded to you at the awards gala. But I also know someone in her past abused that sweet gift. She’s not going to trust so easily again. Please, just be careful with her. That’s all I ask.”
He understood what Gryff was saying. Gryff had trained him to be Master Luc so he knew what made him tick, knew what he expected from his subs. Gryff also knew how he and Sydney played. They pushed each other’s boundaries but never crossed the line of trust they worked hard at establishing, together. Playing brought them closer as a couple, focused their attention on each other, and strengthened their relationship.
After the accident, Luc’s demands of his subs became harder, colder. The goal was hedonistic pleasure. For a few moments of bliss where the constant ache of loss disappeared into the ether of carnal release. But that was as far as it went. He played, they climaxed. Feelings weren’t part of the equation.
“I get it, brother,” Luc said. “She had a panic attack in my arms.”
“What the fuck?” Gryff shot out of his chair to loom over Luc, hands fisted at his sides like he was seconds away from pounding his friend into the next room. “What did you do to trigger that?”
Luc’s eyes must have telegraphed the sincerity of his remorse because Gryff took a calming breath and stood down, marginally.
“I had her wrists in my hand lightly pinned above her head. Just testing the waters a bit, you know.”
Gryff glared and gave a single nod of acknowledgment. And waited for Luc to continue.
“I think something I said sent her back to that time in her life. As soon as I realized what happened I backed off and just held her. When she came back, she told me about her asshole ex.”
“Motherfucker. Prison was too good for that cocksucker.”
“Fucking right. She’s a survivor, our Avery. I still can’t fathom what he did to her and her unborn child. It’s a fucking miracle she’s as put together as she is.”
Gryff sat back down and jammed his hands through his hair. “I regret that I didn’t get them out sooner. I knew Cal was on the edge. I’ve seen the signs too many times from my days as a beat cop. We’d get the call from a distraught woman, arrive on the scene then she wouldn’t press charges. The next time we saw her was either in emerg or the morgue. I refused to let Avery become another statistic.”
“Thank God you were there for her then. Now she has both of us.”
Gryff’s eyebrows peaked. “Is that so?”
“Look, she’s been our friend for years. Neither of us wants that fucker to hurt her or Cassie again.”
“And…”
Luc nodded, squared his shoulders, and opened himself to Gryff’s inquisitive glare before he spoke. “And, as you noted, we have incredible chemistry. She makes me want to feel again. When I think about Sydney and Ella it doesn’t seem as if the pain in my chest is going to rip me apart. Something is changing inside me, and it’s because of Avery. It’s Avery I see in my head when I wake up in the morning. Christ, just thinking about tasting her again gets me hard. I want to see where this might go.”
Avery was different. He wanted to get to know her, understand her, cherish her. And it felt good. The pain and longing in his heart where the emptiness lived started to ease. It was transforming into something peaceful and content. Could he be actually starting to heal from his shattering loss?
Relief swelled when Gryff’s mouth curled up into the beginning of a smile. But worry still lingered in his eyes.
“OK. I’m thrilled you are starting to put the past behind you and look toward something positive in the future. I’m also glad Avery has you by her side. But you need to hear me on this. We both know Avery is a sub. She knows it too. That fucker led her down the proverbial path with promises of helping her find her submission. Instead she found abuse.”
“I know what you’re going to say.”
“Do you? I think you could be good for her. You could train her. But only if you can take a step back and go at her pace, not the pace you’ve become accustomed to.”
“I agree, on both counts. I see how she responds to me. Yet I triggered a panic attack. I need to earn her trust.”
“That’s just the beginning. Avery deserves the best. No one in her life has treated her with the respect and honor you bestowed on Syd. I think you can be the Dom Avery needs. The question is, will she let you?”
That was one question. The other rested with Luc. Could he be that Dom again? The one who took the time to unravel the woman to discover the sub in his arms. The one who cared enough about the woman to open himself up and allow her to invade his soul. The one who connected with his partner, strengthening their bond through D/s. The one willing to risk losing it all, again, in order to bask in the glow of her light for as long as she allowed it.
Luc stood in the middle of Gryff’s kitchen, hands on his hips, and bent his head back to look up at the ceiling. “Sydney and Ella were my world. I miss
them every damn day. A piece of my heart will always be theirs.” His spine straightened and his chest rose as he looked to Gryff. “Avery lightens my heart. I feel myself smiling more than I have in years. Hell, I played my guitar tonight. That says a lot.”
Gryff slapped his friend on the shoulder then pulled Luc in for a quick bro hug.
“You certainly look more alive than you have since they died. If Avery is the catalyst for you finding your way out of the dark hole you’ve been in for the past five years, then I’m happy for you my brother.”
Luc’s shoulders eased away from his ears. He hadn’t realized how much his friend’s approval meant to him.
“Thanks, man. I appreciate your vote of confidence.”
“You have it.” Gryff raised his hand and wagged a finger in Luc’s face. “Just the same, I’m going to keep an eye on you both. If I see Avery unhappy or unsure of what’s happening between you two, you will be answering to me. Am I clear?”
“You have my word.”
Luc said good night and headed home.
Gryff’s warning resonated. Luc understood his friend’s protectiveness toward Avery. The same urge had flared to life when she sobbed in his arms. None of the other subs he’d played with since Syd ignited his primal need to protect. His first instinct was to lock her and Cassidy down somewhere safe until Gryff found the fucker scaring her with those messages. Luc snorted. He couldn’t picture Avery acquiescing to that command. Hell, she fought against spending one night away from her home. Independence was a badge of honor she wore proudly. He would never want to take that from her.
Though images of her blonde hair wound around his fist, holding her exactly where he wanted her, obeying his command to not come as he pounded into her pussy from behind, had his cock straining for release from his jeans. Yes, Luc wanted to be the Dom who earned Avery’s trust and her submission, but not at the expense of the woman she had become. That wasn’t what the power exchange was about.