by Beth Wiseman
Esther could still recall the turmoil Lizzie went through during her husband’s cancer and the months leading up to his death. Esther had grieved when she lost her beloved Joe, but they’d created a beautiful life filled with memories Esther clung to during those hard times. Lizzie’s grief after Reuben died left her a different person for a while. She’d been the same when their father passed and years later when their mother died. Even though their people believed it was God’s will when He took a person home, the loss was always extra hard on Lizzie. Each time, she eventually bounced back to her old self, but it was a long and slow process.
“Naomi allowed me to apologize about the way I talked to her.” Lizzie mashed her beans and rice with the prongs of her fork, having opted not to wear her dentures. “And I bit mei tongue and didn’t call Thomas a cad.”
“We just want her to be happy,” Esther said to Amos, who hadn’t had much to say all evening, only nodding when Lizzie thanked him. He wasn’t downstairs when Thomas came to the door to get Naomi. Sadness seemed to fill his expression. Or perhaps he was just tired after putting in a long day of work on the barn. Esther had firmly instructed Lizzie not to say or do anything to make Amos feel uncomfortable. They’d both politely thanked him for smoothing things over between Naomi and Lizzie, but Esther was as curious as Lizzie about what was said during that conversation.
Following the quiet supper, Amos excused himself and said he was going to go paint for a while.
Lizzie waited until he was outside, carrying only one easel while pulling the wagon.
“Did you see how sad he was during supper?” She spoke with an unwarranted sense of excitement. “He’s lovesick!”
Esther shook her head, which was starting to throb. “We don’t know that. He worked hard today and might just be exhausted.”
“Nee.” Lizzie sat taller and raised her chin. “I know I’m right about this. If Thomas had returned two or three weeks later, I think he’d have found something more than friendship between Naomi and Amos.”
“Maybe, but we’ll never know.” She paused, smiling. “And you must admit it was nice to see Naomi glowing again.”
“Ya, ya.” Lizzie sighed. “But if Thomas hurts her again, I’m going to hang him on the clothesline and beat him with a broom like a dirty rug.”
Esther laughed and laid her fork across her plate.
“Are you losing weight? You haven’t been eating much lately.” Lizzie squinted at Esther. “I know you’ve had some stomach troubles.”
“I don’t think so.” Esther suspected she’d lost a little weight, although she wasn’t sure if it was due to her medical condition or her worry about what was wrong. She needed to change the subject so Lizzie wouldn’t push her about it. “I hope Naomi is having a gut time this evening, and that’s what you should hope too.”
Lizzie leaned her head back and closed her eyes. “I know, I know.”
* * *
Naomi couldn’t believe Thomas was sitting across the table from her. She’d dreamed of the scenario ever since he left. He had mentioned several times how sorry he was for leaving and how happy he was to be back.
Still, something was amiss. Naomi wanted her heart to stay full, but as questions somersaulted around in her mind, a slow leak seemed to have sprung in her heart. She had decided that for them to be able to move forward, they had to take a look backward, no matter how painful.
“You’ve been quiet.” Thomas wiped his mouth with his napkin and captured her eyes with his own. He had beautiful blue eyes set against an olive complexion. When he smiled, he lit up a room.
“I-I just need to know why you came back.” She pressed her lips together, afraid he might not be honest with her. “I know there was another woman.”
Thomas hung his head, sighed, then looked back at her. “I knew I’d made a mistake when I left and that you were the only woman I’d ever love. But I didn’t know how to come back. The longer I was gone, the harder it was to return and face everyone, especially you.” He paused, his eyes glistening with moisture. “And I still have to have a hard conversation with the bishop and elders since I’d been baptized before I left. I will assure him that I will never leave mei faith again. And I won’t leave this town or you ever again.” He took a deep breath and stared into her eyes. “I promise you, Naomi, I will never leave you again. Never.”
She wanted to believe him, but she couldn’t help noticing he had swerved around her question. “What happened with the other woman?” She held her breath. It was a direct question, and he had to answer it.
“Does it matter? I’m back. I’m in love with you. And I’m promising you a lifetime of happiness.”
She looked down at the slice of pizza on her plate that she hadn’t touched. Slowly, she lifted her eyes to his. “Ya, it matters.”
“I missed you so much, and I was terrified about coming back. I guess I fell into the first woman’s arms who showed me a little attention.” He shook his head. “I knew it was a mistake the first time I kissed her. Your face was all I saw.”
Naomi could have done without that detail as she flinched, picturing Thomas kissing someone else. But parallel in her thoughts was how close she had come to kissing Amos. Would she have seen Thomas in her mind while kissing Amos?
“Can we please just be happy together now that I’m back and put the past behind us?” Thomas’s eyes pleaded with her.
She nodded. Thomas started talking about how he was going to resume working for his father at their lumberyard, and Naomi’s mind began to drift. She wondered if Amos was painting.
* * *
Amos stepped back and eyed his canvas, then cast his eyes toward the horizon. There couldn’t have been a more beautiful sunset, and capturing the glory of it seemed impossible. He was determined to do better this time, and he was glad Naomi had a lot of blank canvases in the basement so he could start over. His initial plan was to fix the one he’d started with Naomi, but that had changed. Like any hope of pursuing more than friendship with her.
As his eyes darted back and forth between the beautiful landscape in front of him and his new painting, he still felt like something was missing. The painting was brighter, didn’t have the grayish tint, and he’d replicated the reflection off the pond almost exactly as he saw it. Still, something was wrong.
Maybe it was the loss of his painting partner.
* * *
As Thomas pulled into the driveway, Naomi ignored her desire to look and see if Amos was painting. Thomas might catch her, and she didn’t want to upset him. He already appeared uncomfortable that Amos was staying in the house.
“I had a gut time,” she said once they were on the porch.
He cupped her cheeks in his hands and gently pulled her toward him, kissing her with all the passion she remembered.
“I love you so much,” he said before his mouth covered hers again.
After a few minutes she pulled back and thanked him for supper. “I love you too.”
“I might not see you tomorrow.” His shoulders slumped. “Mei daed wants to stay late with me at the lumberyard to show me the new inventory system he’s using. I don’t think it’s necessary since it’s similar to the one I was using while I was gone and working for my cousin.” He kissed her tenderly on the cheek. “I’d much rather be with you.”
“It’s fine,” she said, smiling. “We have a lifetime to spend together.”
“Ya, things are going to be gut, Naomi.” He grinned. “Tomorrow is Halloween. Don’t let any of the Englisch ghosts and goblins get you.”
Naomi laughed. “I don’t think we’ll have any goblins at the haus. Most everyone around here knows we don’t celebrate Halloween.”
“Well, be safe until I see you again.” He kissed her one last time, then left.
Naomi waved until he turned onto the road that led to the highway. Then she walked across the front yard, far enough to see if Amos was down by the pond. He’s there. She ran back to the house. Lizzie and Esther were settled i
n for the night in their bedrooms, but there was probably an hour of daylight left.
She tiptoed across the living room and went upstairs to get the painting she’d been working on, then hurried to the basement to grab the other easel. With a bounce in her step, she carried both across the yard and started toward the pond.
Halfway there, she stopped. What am I doing?
Even though she and Amos had agreed to be friends, she couldn’t deny the mutual attraction. Why put herself in a tempting situation? More concerning was that she even considered it a tempting situation.
Shoulders slumped, she slowly turned around and went back to the house. She’d lost the bounce in her step.
Sixteen
Esther waved to Naomi and Lizzie as Naomi maneuvered the buggy out of the driveway. She was glad Naomi had the reins. Lizzie had a tendency to go too fast. They would be gone for hours to Sister’s Day, so when Gus carted her to her first medical test, she wouldn’t have to explain why she didn’t hire a driver. Amos had been quiet at breakfast and lunch, much like he’d been the past few days. With the exception of one night, Naomi had left with Thomas when he got off work each evening.
Amos had taken Esther’s buggy to pick up more supplies he needed to work on the barn. The timing couldn’t have been better as she made her way to Gus’s cottage. If all went well, she’d be back home before anyone knew she was gone. Except maybe Amos, and she’d deal with him later if he saw her returning in Gus’s truck.
They’d had guests in two of the bedrooms over the weekend—a young Englisch couple who gobbled down their breakfast both mornings, then didn’t return until after dark each night. A woman had stayed only Saturday night, and she’d been very inquisitive. She was Englisch and in town doing research for a book about farming in different states.
Even though Naomi did most of the work, cleaning and preparing meals, Esther was exhausted today. She’d be glad to get this test behind her and get home to take a nap.
Gus was sitting in the rocking chair on the front porch. Esther put her hands on her hips and laughed. “I never would have pictured you as a cat person.”
He shook his head, eased the black kitten off his lap, and set it on the porch. “I’ve taken this thing back to the barn a dozen times, but every morning when I get up, it’s on my porch.” Shaking his head and groaning, he stood up. “There ain’t a white hair anywhere on that cat. Solid black. I’ve got enough bad luck to last the rest of my life.” His eyes widened. “It whined and cried all night on Halloween. I wasn’t going to get any sleep, so I had to let it in. And do you know what?”
Esther waited, grinning.
“It isn’t funny. When I woke up the next morning, that cat was sleeping at the foot of my bed. I’m sure I’m cursed.” He brushed past her when he was down the porch steps. “Let’s go get this over with.”
After they were in the truck, Esther wrapped an arm across her stomach, hoping she didn’t have to ask Gus to pull over so she could vomit. Again, she wondered if some of her physical responses were due to whatever was ailing her, her nerves, or the stench in Gus’s truck.
“What stinks in here?” She pinched her nostrils.
Gus scowled. “That ain’t a very nice thing to say to the person who’s hauling you around.”
“It smells like something dead. Maybe a critter got underneath the hood and died.”
“I don’t smell anything.” He glanced at her, frowning.
Esther decided to let it go. It didn’t take much to get Gus wound up, and she had enough on her mind. Several minutes lapsed before Gus cleared his throat.
“I’ve already told you, an MRI doesn’t hurt. Quit looking so scared.” He shook his head, frowning.
What Esther wouldn’t do for some compassion today. Perhaps that was Gus’s idea of compassion. She chose not to answer him, fearful her voice would tremble and he’d say something to either infuriate her or make her cry. Esther rarely let her emotions get the best of her, but if the knot in her throat was any indication of how unstable her emotions were right now, tears weren’t out of the question. She reminded herself she was a mature woman who should be able to handle this noninvasive procedure.
When they arrived at the hospital, she took in Gus’s appearance. He’d cleaned himself up again, but more so than last time. His hair looked like maybe he’d run a brush through it. His beard was growing out, but it wasn’t as scruffy as before. He wore black slacks with a blue long-sleeve shirt, and suspenders held his pants up, like always. He wasn’t wearing a hat, but in every other way, he looked like an Amish man. Esther wondered if the people at the hospital would think he was her husband, a thought that caused her to shiver.
He opened the door and went in ahead of her but held the door until she was inside. She supposed that was as much gentlemanly behavior as he could muster up.
“Go over there.” He pointed to a desk to their right. “They’ll make you fill out a bunch of paperwork, like at the doctor’s office.”
Esther glanced around the large waiting room with lots of occupied chairs, tables filled with magazines, and fish tanks. There were also two desks and a closed window with a bell in front of it.
“How do you know that’s the right place to go?” Her knees shook as she stood in the middle of the room.
“This ain’t my first rodeo. Trust me. That’s where you go.”
Gus left her standing there as he walked to an empty seat.
Esther coaxed her feet to move, and when she arrived at the desk and told the woman her name, she handed her a clipboard, instructing her to read it and sign where indicated. Esther gulped back the growing knot in her throat and went to sit by Gus, who was picking up magazines, then tossing them back on a table in front of them rather recklessly.
She took her small reading glasses out of her black purse and started scanning the fine print, with a signature line at the bottom.
“You don’t need to read all that. Just sign at the bottom.” Gus had apparently found a magazine that was holding his interest. He didn’t even look her way when he spoke. Esther started reading it anyway, and her heart about leapt out of her chest.
She elbowed Gus. “This says they aren’t responsible if I die.” Bringing a hand to her chest, she took a deep breath.
“Good grief. Just sign at the bottom. There’s always something like that when you sign stuff for tests.” He flipped the page in his magazine, still not looking at her, which was probably a good thing since she could feel her bottom lip trembling.
She took his advice and skipped over the small print, signing at the bottom. Her life was in God’s hands anyway.
“If you’re done, take it back to that lady at the desk.” Gus pointed to the same person Esther had gotten the forms from.
She did as he said and leaned closer to the woman and whispered, “What will I be wearing for this test?”
“You should be fine wearing what you have on, but no metal zippers, buttons, fasteners, or bras with underwire.”
Esther thought about the pins holding her dress together beneath her apron. She supposed she would have to remove those, but she’d still be covered.
“Thank you,” she said before she went back to her seat.
Folding her hands in her lap, she fought the urge to get up and run out the door. “You’re sure this procedure won’t hurt?” She fidgeted like a child. Somehow she’d managed to avoid tests like this for seventy-two years.
“No. It won’t hurt.” His eyes were still on the pages of whatever he was reading. “It’s just loud.”
A few moments went by.
“How loud?” Esther kept her eyes straight ahead, sure Gus was giving her a disgusted look.
“Real loud.” He closed the magazine and sighed. “Look, it’ll be over before you know it. It doesn’t hurt. It’s loud, but they’ll give you earplugs or let you listen to music.” He paused, waved a dismissive hand. “Forget the music. I know your people don’t listen to music.”
Esther’s bre
ath seized in her lungs when a woman called her name.
“It’ll be fine.” Gus went back to his magazine.
Esther hoped she didn’t faint as she stood and began walking toward the woman. She’d never passed out before. But she was so weak in the knees and trembling from head to toe, she feared this might be the day.
“Ma’am, are you all right?” The middle-aged woman dressed in blue put a hand on Esther’s arm.
“I-I . . . am just a bit nervous.” Esther tried to smile, but she was pretty sure it was a failed attempt.
“If you’d like to bring your husband with you, you can.” The woman nodded past Esther to Gus. “I saw you two sitting together when I called the last person in. He’s welcome to come inside. We have open-concept MRI machines, so he can sit right beside you.”
Esther shook her head. “Oh, nee . . . I mean, no. I mean . . .” She held up her first finger. “I’ll be right back.” On shaky legs, she shuffled back to where Gus was seated, sure that Joe was rolling over in his grave.
“What’s wrong? Why are you back?” Gus groaned as he looked up from his magazine. “Please tell me you didn’t chicken out, that we did all this for nothing?” His gray eyebrows came together above his crinkled nose.
“Will . . . um . . .” She leaned closer and whispered. “Will you come with me?”
His jaw dropped. “Are you kidding me, woman?” He held up his hand. “Sorry about the ‘woman’ thing.”
“Never mind. I don’t know why I even asked.” She turned around and briskly walked back to the woman as her eyes filled with tears.
“Aw, don’t worry. Everything is going to be fine.” The lady in blue held the door open and when Esther stepped past her, she heard heavy footsteps behind her. She looked over her shoulder at Gus, who shrugged.