I snorted. There she went using inappropriate words to describe me again. I almost pulled my ankle away from hers to protest her descriptors, but it felt too damn good. “I’m not fucking sweet.”
“What’s the matter?” Her smile widened. “Does that not fit the bad boy image you try so hard to put out there?”
She was teasing me. Actually fucking teasing me. Two can play at that game.
“Oh, you can call me ‘sweet’ if it makes you happy. As a matter of fact…” I leaned in and motioned for her to do the same. She moved closer, and her lower lip was caught between her teeth, as if she was nervous or turned on—or both. “I’ll show you how sweet I can be when I bend you over the trunk of my car and fuck you until you scream. How’s that sound?”
Her eyes flared. “It sounds perfect.” She released her lower lip, and I couldn’t stop staring at the red mark she left behind. “But being good at dirty talk doesn’t make you any less sweet. It just makes you the total package.”
I blinked at her. She was fucking insane. If she thought I was the total package, she seriously needed to re-evaluate her standards. “Yeah. Not so much.”
“You don’t see you for what you really are.”
“I was about to say the same thing to you. You think I’m something I’m not.”
Something I’d like to be for her.
“No, I don’t.” She played with her bread, then looked up at me with those gorgeous green eyes of hers. “Austin?”
“Yeah?”
“Would you like to maybe keep in touch? You know, after.”
Hell yeah, I did. But was it for the best? I didn’t do this. And she didn’t know what she was agreeing to. She knew nothing about me. But still…
Maybe it was time she found out.
“Mackenzie.” I reached across the table and held her hand, letting myself stop the worrying for a second. “I—”
I cut myself off when my phone rang. It was lying on the table between us, face up. We both glanced at it, me to see who it was. Her probably out of habit more than anything else. The name on the front couldn’t have been any clearer.
It was Rachel.
“I’m sorry, but I’ve gotta get this.” I grabbed my phone and didn’t meet her eyes. I got out of my seat, headed for the door, and answered. “What’s up, Rach?”
“Okay, don’t be too mad, but we left Kaitlyn’s house for a party, and it’s bad, Austin. Drinking. Drugs. Sex.” She took a shuddering breath. “I didn’t know it was going to be like this, and you said to call if I ever needed you to come get me from a bad situation—no questions asked.”
I closed my eyes, making myself bite back the reprimands I wanted to give her. She was supposed to be having a laid-back sleepover, not going to some crazy party. Hell, I wanted to fucking scream at her. Behind me, I could barely make out the sound of Mac laughing lightly at something the waiter said. “You went to that party I refused to let you go to, didn’t you?”
She sniffed. “Yeah. And I know I’m grounded. But can you please come get me and then ground me?”
“Yeah,” I bit out. I was proud of her for calling me for help. I really was. But I was also fucking pissed at her for lying to me. “Where are you?”
She named the address. It was about five minutes past Mackenzie’s hotel. After promising to be there in ten minutes, I hung up and turned around. Mackenzie still sat at the table, fiddling with her wineglass. When I came back to her side, she looked up at me and stood. She wrapped her arms around herself, watching me without saying a word. I shoved my phone into my pocket and dragged a hand through my hair. “Mac…”
“Let me guess? You have to go?” she asked, her tone level.
“Yeah.” I hesitated. “It’s a long story, and I’ll give it to you, but right now? I don’t have time. I have to hurry up.”
“I figured. I already paid the bill while you were on the phone.”
I stiffened. “I can pay the damn bill.”
“I’m sure you can, but I did it already.” She headed for the door, sliding into the dark night without a backward glance.
I followed her, my hands fisted. I was going to fucking ground Rachel for life after this. No questions asked. I unlocked the car, and she took her seat without a word. I got into the car, too, starting it with an angry jerk of my hand.
“Are you going to tell me what’s going on?” she asked, her voice perfectly steady. “And who’s Rachel?”
I pulled out of the spot, gripping the wheel tight. “It’s a complicated answer. One I really don’t feel like giving you when I’m so angry I could fucking scream. You’ll have questions. There’s not enough time to cover them.”
She gripped her thighs. “I see. Is she your girlfriend?”
“No.” She was picking a fight when I didn’t have the time to take my part in it. “Do you honestly think I’d be fucking you if I had a girl waiting for me back home?”
“I didn’t think so, no,” she said softly. “So who is she?”
My phone dinged again, so I glanced at it. Rachel had texted me. I’m outside waiting. Hurry, please. I love you. I glanced at Mac, and she was watching me. “Look, I—”
“You don’t have to say another word. You have secrets, and I totally get that.” She lifted her hand, but dropped it back in her lap. “But maybe we should quit while we’re ahead. We had fun. You were nice, and no one got hurt. Maybe this should be the end. I have a feeling if it’s not, it might not go so good in the end. I already feel more than I should, and it’s only going to get more intense. This was supposed to be easy and fun, but it doesn’t feel that way anymore.”
“No, it doesn’t.” I stopped at the red light, anger coursing through my veins. “I don’t think it ever did, though. Nothing in life comes easy.”
She nodded, gazing out the window. The rest of the ride passed in silence. I kept wanting to break it, to give her an explanation of some sort, but what was the point? There wasn’t enough time, and she’d already come to her senses and called things off with me. Why bore her with the details of my shitty past now?
As I pulled up to the hotel, she put her hand on the knob, looking at me one last time. She seemed to be giving me a chance to say something. Anything.
“I had fun today,” I said lamely.
She pressed her lips together. “Me too. Goodbye, Austin.”
And she got out, shutting the door behind her. I knew she was saying goodbye for forever, and I also knew it was for the best. There was nothing I could do about it.
I had to go save my sister…again.
I LOOKED up at the ceiling, studying the crack that ran all the way across it. It had been a long night and morning, ever since Austin and I had parted ways, and I was going a little bit crazy. Luckily, Cassie was here now to distract me from my thoughts. “And then he told me he had to go.”
“But why?” Cassie asked, propping her chin in her hand and studying me.
“This Rachel person, whoever that is.” I shrugged. “He says it’s not his girlfriend, but I’m just not sure what to think anymore.”
“Yeah. That sounds confusing.” Cassie fidgeted with her light blonde hair. “Maybe it’s an ex he still has feelings for?”
“Yeah, maybe.” I sighed. “Either way, it’s over. I told him we should call it quits while we were ahead, and he didn’t argue with me.”
Cassie reached out to squeeze my hands. “I’m sorry, Mac. I know you liked him a lot.”
“I did, but maybe that’s why it’s a good thing we ended it now. If I hung around him much more, I might have been hooked on him even more, you know?”
After all, I was already missing him too much as it was. That wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted easy. Carefree. Spring fling. Not this undying need to see him again.
“Yeah, you were quite clear you didn’t want any long-term crap going on.” Cassie grinned, but it looked a little bit forced. “You also forbade us from attaching ourselves to anyone.”
“Yeah.” I hesit
ated. “Speaking of which, how’s Tyler? You still hanging around him?”
Her cheeks turned red. “Yeah.”
“And does he still have a girlfriend?”
“Well, I’m not sure.” She sat up and gripped her knees. “I’m going to find out ‘everything’ later tonight. What ‘everything’ is…I have no idea.”
“You seem nervous. You think it’s bad?”
She looked at me, then glanced away. “It’s been kind of crazy, honestly. There was some drugging of girls going on, and somehow I got in the middle of it, and now—”
I held up a hand. “Wait just a second. Drugging? And you were involved?”
“Yeah. I kind of sort of got targeted last night.”
I gasped and covered my mouth, then hauled her close for a hug. “Oh my God, Cassie. Why didn’t you tell us?” I scrambled for my phone. “I should call Quinn. She needs to hear this. Did you tell her yet?”
“No.” She grabbed my phone out of my hand. “She’s out having fun, and I’m fine. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to ruin your vacation, and Tyler took care of me. It was scary, but I’m fine. I swear. Don’t bug her.”
“All right. I won’t call her.” I sat up straighter and threw my arm over her shoulder, hugging her close. “But I need more details, please. Every. Single. One.”
As I listened to my best friend fill me in on everything I’d missed, I realized this is what I should have been doing all along. We’d all come down here, determined to let loose and have fun, and we’d missed so much of each other’s lives in the process.
It was time to focus on being myself again…and to focus on my girls.
A FEW hours later, my phone rang. I picked it up off the bed and peeked at the caller. It wasn’t who I was hoping for, of course. Austin wasn’t calling, and I had to face the facts. He’d been fine with me ending things, and I had to face that, too.
Sighing, I hit decline. It was my agent…again. I wasn’t in the mood to talk shop.
I looked out the window, watching the rain pour down. Lightning struck, and I flinched. It was nasty out there tonight. Good thing I was staying in. Cassie was out on a date with Tyler. Quinn was with James. And I was…
Here. Alone. Again.
I tapped my fingers on my MacBook Air, debating what to do. Maybe I would Google Austin’s name and see what came up. It would occupy my time, if nothing else. I slammed the lid down, angry with myself for even thinking about Googling him.
He deserved to keep his secrets. Just because I could barely keep my bra size private didn’t mean he didn’t have his civil rights. And I couldn’t begrudge him that. If he’d wanted to tell me about this Rachel girl, then he would have. If he wanted to be done with me, after I’d told him we were done, then he could be done.
And I’d have to accept that.
But there was something about him that called for me to know more. Heck, to know everything. I wanted to know his hopes, dreams, and fears. I wanted to know his past and maybe even be in his future. But that wasn’t possible…was it?
My phone vibrated and I reached for it with a racing heart. Maybe it would be a text from Austin, even though we’d “broken up.” It wasn’t. It was my head of security, and they’d dug up Austin’s past, judging from the title of the email: Intel on Austin Murphy.
Well, crap. Should I open it?
If I really wanted to respect his privacy, I couldn’t. I shut off the screen, tossing my phone out of arm’s reach. I couldn’t stop staring at it. All it would take was a quick scan through the email and I’d have all the answers I needed about him. I’d know why he was so closed off and cautious. I’d know all his secrets.
But at what cost?
A knock sounded on the door, and I rolled off the bed. It was probably Cassie again. Maybe she’d come to tell me more about Tyler and his big secret. I could certainly use the distraction. I started talking even before I opened the door. “Cass, did you find out—”
I broke off the second I had the door open, my eyes going wide. It wasn’t Cassie. It was Austin, and he was soaking wet. He almost looked like a criminal, all haggard and wet and disheveled. His black ink stood out against the backdrop of his pale, wet, goosebump-covered skin.
If I’d passed him on the road looking this way, I’d have steered clear. Now…I couldn’t look away. “You came back.”
“I shouldn’t have. You told me you were done with me, and I tried to respect that. But they had me on the approved visitors list. I guess you put me there at one point?”
I nodded. I’d added him to the list after breakfast yesterday, figuring he’d come up to see me at some point this week. “I did.”
“Well, I’m glad.” He dragged his hands down his face. “Because I can’t fucking stay away from you unless you kick me out. Tell me to leave right now—or let me in. Your choice.”
As if there was a question of which one I’d choose. I opened the door, stepping back to let him in. “Did you walk here in the rain?”
“Yeah.” He walked in and shut the door behind him. “I needed to clear my head.”
He yanked off his drenched shirt, and I swallowed hard. His muscles flexed and stretched to perfection, making me itch to touch him. But I didn’t.
“Oh.” I bit down on my lip. “Why are you here?”
He wiped his shirt over his wet face, watching me the whole time. He looked so dangerously sexy that the freaking smoke alarms should be ringing.
How was I supposed to resist him?
“I’m here for you. To talk, since you obviously want to, or need to. Go ahead. Ask me anything.” He dropped the shirt. “And I’ll answer.”
Talk? Seriously? All I could think about was jumping him, and he finally wanted to talk? I swallowed the half-hysterical laugh that tried to bubble out. “Okay. So talk. Tell me what happened today.”
“I don’t tell people about myself, and I don’t bond. I don’t ever want more than a quick fuck and a goodbye.” He leaned against the wall. “I didn’t want a relationship. And neither did you, and we said that from the beginning. But we keep talking about shit that has nothing to do with fucking, which makes me think you want more.”
I nodded. He was right, but I didn’t know what to say to that.
He continued on without an answer from me. I guess he didn’t need one. “You’re cautious about who you hang out with. I get it.” He crossed his arms. “But I kind of liked you not knowing much about me, to be honest. The locals know all about me. They know what I did, and who I am. They know it all.”
I tensed. Is this the part where he told me he was a serial killer or something? No. That couldn’t be true. Not my Austin. He was rough around the edges, but he wasn’t a criminal. “What did you do?”
“It’s more what I didn’t do.”
“Okay.” I bit down on my inner cheeks, trying to remain calm. “What didn’t you do?”
“I didn’t protect her.” He let out a frustrated sound. “Rachel isn’t my girlfriend.” He tossed his shirt across the room. It landed on the couch. “She’s my sister, and I’m basically her dad now.”
I digested that. After hearing bits and pieces of his life, I hadn’t even considered the fact that he’d had siblings. Stupid, really. Why wouldn’t he? “Wow.”
“Yeah. But it’s true. She’s more like my child at this point. I’m a dad to a teenager. Let that sink in.” He rubbed the back of his neck and looked at me, his face impassively cool. “She’s sixteen, but I’ve been her guardian since she was fourteen. Ever since my father blew his brains out in front of her.” Austin laughed uneasily, not meeting my eyes. “Yeah, you heard that right. But he took a few shots at her first. Tried to take her down with him. Good thing he was too high to see clearly.”
“Oh my God…” I swallowed the bile rising to my throat. I knew his father had killed himself, but in front of his own child? And he’d tried to kill her, too? That was horrible. No wonder he didn’t want to talk about it. “I’m so sorry.”
/> He cocked his head. “Why do people apologize for something they didn’t do? I never got that. You weren’t the one who wasn’t there to save her from him. That was all me. I was the one who failed her. I was the one who wasn’t there to save her from his fucking selfishness. Not you.”
“You couldn’t have known—”
He held up a hand. “Oh, trust me. I knew how much of an asshole he was. It’s why I left in the first place. I’d been beaten, broken, and abused more times than I could count before I turned fourteen. That’s when I started fighting back. That’s when I ran away, too. I should have stolen her and taken her with me. That was my biggest mistake, and I’ll never make up for the fact that I left her behind.”
I blinked back tears, my throat throbbing. “Was she with him when you left?”
“No, she was living with my mom at that point. But then she left…and I didn’t go back to save Rachel from my dad.” He shook his head, his face scrunched up as he remembered. “I failed her.”
I wanted to take it all away. Make it all better, but I also knew I couldn’t. I couldn’t save him from his demons, no matter how much I wanted to. “Austin.”
“I tried to pretend she was fine back in Florida when I was in California trying to get signed at a record label,” he said, meeting my eyes. “I lived in denial for a long time. I tried to live in my own fucking bubble, promising myself that when I made it big, she would come out with me. I’d treat her like a princess.” He placed a hand over his heart. “That guilt is on me. That is who I am—the jerk who ran away from his own sister.”
“No.” I shook my head and went up to him, cupping his face. Tears filled my eyes, but I tried to blink them back. “This wasn’t your fault. You were too young to comprehend the consequences of your actions. When you were an adult, you came back. You take care of her now, and that’s all that matters.”
“Pretty words from a pretty girl.” His lips twisted. “But it was my fault. I was the one who was in L.A. recording a fucking demo, with big dreams and aspirations. If I’d have stayed with her—” He broke off, then gripped my hands so tight it almost hurt. “I wasn’t there, Mackenzie. I failed her. And I’m going to fail you, too. Just wait and see.”
Between Us Page 9