I rose on tiptoe and pressed a kiss to his jaw. “No, you’re not. There won’t be enough time to fail me,” I joked, trying to lighten the mood. I kissed his dimple. If only kisses made it all better, like when I’d been a child. “I leave soon, remember?”
“Don’t remind me,” he groaned. “I’m no good for you, but fuck if I don’t want to be.” He turned his face into mine. “I’m a selfish bastard, and I don’t want to let you go yet.”
He’d had a horrible life. A hard life.
I wanted to make his future brighter in any way I could, for what little time we had together, but I couldn’t keep making him talk about stuff. I lifted up on tiptoe, and he framed my face with his hands. And then he kissed me.
And what a kiss it was.
Stars burst in front of my eyes at the force of his mouth on mine. I wrapped my hands behind his neck, yanking him even closer, and he swung me into his arms effortlessly. We’d kissed before, plenty of times. But this time it felt different.
This was warm and sweet and full of promise.
He walked to my bed, laying me down on it gently. He stood back, his gaze skimming over my body. I wished I was wearing something more seductive than a countrified plaid shirt and a pair of shorts, but that’s who I was. A country girl at heart.
And he was the bad boy who’d come to rescue me. Who needed a prince when men like Austin existed? Prince Charming was so overrated.
Give me a man like Austin any day.
“We barely know each other.” He crawled up my body. “But I’ve told you more about myself in one fucking day than I have anyone else ever. Just wanted to mention that. You’re special to me. You have been since the moment you walked into my bar.”
My throat threatened to close up on me. Knowing that he felt the same way I did was insane. I didn’t believe in love at first sight. Heck, I barely believed love was real. But for the second time in as many days, the same thought crossed my mind. With him I could totally see it happening. I could believe in it.
I could write a song about it.
He closed his mouth over my nipple, and even through the fabric of my shirt and bra, I felt his heat. I squirmed and buried my hands in his hair. Parts of me wanted to simply take what he had given me, and lose myself in his touch.
But he’d opened up to me. Shouldn’t I do the same for him?
I wanted to give him more of myself than I’d ever given anyone else—just like he had with me. Even the playing ground, so to speak. “I…I want to tell you something, too. Something I haven’t told anyone else. Not even my best friends, who know everything about me.”
He lifted his head, his smoky eyes meeting mine. “What’s that?”
“My mom didn’t just divorce my dad and try to keep me in her custody. She was a drug addict. Cocaine. She snorted half my bank account up her nose, and then wanted more. We managed to keep it a secret from the media, but I’m not sure how.” I took a deep breath, not dropping his gaze. “I haven’t heard from her in years. I hate her for what she did to me. I hate her for what she did to herself, too. But mostly…I just hate her.”
Holy crap. I hadn’t ever admitted that last part to anyone.
Not even myself.
I HELD my breath, unable to believe the sweet country princess of America had uttered those words to me. That she could hate, when all I’d seen out of her was happiness and sunshine, for the most part. Or maybe it just seemed that way, since she made me feel so fucking alive. But either way, I couldn’t believe it.
“I had no idea,” I finally managed to say. “My dad was all about heroin, not cocaine. He had a thing for getting so wasted he couldn’t even talk, let alone stand up straight. And then the hallucinations. He thought my sister was a cop. That’s why he tried to shoot her.”
“I think my mom had those, too.” She reached out and smoothed my hair off my forehead. I closed my eyes, enjoying her tender touch. If she let me, I could lose myself in Mackenzie and never come back out. “She never tried to shoot us, but she was acting all kinds of crazy during the court hearings. Accusing us of all kinds of insane stuff.”
I let out a breath. “Sounds like we had similar lives.”
And the weird thing was…we did.
She might be rich and famous now, but she had gone through the same fucked-up childhood I had. Hers had just ended happy while mine hadn’t. That was the only difference between us. “A little bit, yeah,” she said.
“We’re either really good for each other,” I kissed her gently, making sure not to linger for too long, “or we’re going to fuck each other up even more than we already are.”
She trailed her hands down my back. It felt so fucking good it was stupid. “We only have a couple of days to do our damage, one way or the other.”
That was the third time she’d said as much in the space of a few minutes. Was she reminding me of that, or herself? I wasn’t going to beg her to stay, if that’s what she was worried about. When it came time to say goodbye, I’d fucking say goodbye and walk away. End of story. I could only imagine she would do the same.
“So your sister…does she listen to my music?”
I chuckled. “Yeah. She idolizes you. I took her to one of your concerts last year.”
“Wow. If I had seen you then...” She skimmed her fingers up my back, keeping close to my spine. “This would’ve happened a year earlier, I bet.”
“Or not.” I clenched my hands on her ass, rolling my hips against her. I had no experience with virgins and how they might feel after two rounds of sex. “I would’ve had my sister with me, after all.”
“It wouldn’t have mattered. I’d have found a way to woo you into my bed.”
“Speaking of which…” I nibbled on her neck, my pulse racing. Fuck, I wanted her naked now. And more than sex, I wanted her. That might not make much sense, but to me it did. “Are you too sore for me to fuck you again?”
“Nope.” She wrapped her legs around my waist. “Even if I was, I wouldn’t care. We don’t have enough time to worry about sore body parts.”
“There’s never enough time,” I agreed, capturing her lips. “Not when it comes to this.”
And it was true.
There would never be a time where I’d have enough of her. I knew it to the bottom of my blackened soul. I kissed her, letting my hands roam over her body. Sometimes, I swore I already knew all the hills and valleys of her curves.
I knew she liked it when I hooked my arm under her knee and thrust into her deep and hard. I knew she went crazy when I bit her neck. And I knew that when she came, she always let out the same adorable little moan. And I knew no matter how many times I said it, what we had going on between us was more than just sex.
I just didn’t want to admit it.
She called to me in a way I’d never felt before. As if she’d been meant for me and only me. The real kicker was I couldn’t have her. Even if we decided to make a go of it, which she hadn’t given any indication whatsoever of wanting to do, we would never work out.
She would go back to Chicago and jet across the country. And I’d be here. She’d be out partying and smiling at the cameras. And, once again, I’d be here.
The end of every scenario of her fabulous life ended with me staying here with Rachel. And that was fine. It’s what I’d signed on for when I took over Rachel’s guardianship. But it didn’t make saying goodbye any easier.
The whole time I made love to Mac, all I could think about was this one fucking detail: Even if we hadn’t separated, it was already over.
We’d never work.
IT HAD been a night from heaven so far. We’d been in bed ever since this afternoon, and if I had my way? We’d never fucking leave it again. As soon as we left this room, real life would come crashing back to us. I didn’t want that.
Didn’t want to deal with the shit I knew we’d have to deal with.
As soon as I left, I would have to be Austin, big brother to Rachel. Always responsible. Always there. I wouldn
’t be Austin, hot bartender who Mackenzie Forbes picked. I wouldn’t be this version of myself. I’d be ordinary.
It might be after midnight, but I was refusing to get up and leave. Refusing to be me. I rolled on top of her and kissed her, trying to shut my mind off. Trying to ignore that inner voice that mocked me for being me. And afterward, as I lay on top of her, my breath coming out heavy from the mind-blowing orgasm I’d just had, I closed my eyes against the overhead light above her bed.
She hugged me close. Fucking hugged me. Why did that affect me more than the earth-shattering sex? It didn’t make any sense. “Can you stay the whole night?” she asked. “Or do you have to go home to Rachel?”
“I have my neighbor at my house watching her, so I’m good. She’s kind of like a mother to us. The closest thing we have, anyway.” I sighed and lifted up on my elbows, fairly certain my fucked-up feelings were sufficiently hidden from her. “Rachel’s old enough to be alone, obviously, but I wanted someone to keep an eye on her after the whole party thing.”
She nodded and reached out, smoothing my hair. “What happened earlier?”
“She told me she was going to her friend’s house, but instead she went to a party I’d told her she couldn’t go to. Turned out, I was right about it being bad news.” I clenched my jaw, getting angry all over again. “There was drugs, sex, and booze, but at least she was smart enough to call me and get help.”
“She could have lied and gotten a cab,” Mackenzie said, smiling. “It shows how much she loves you that she called you and admitted her mistake.”
“Yeah, I guess.” I shrugged and rolled off her. I landed on my back, and rested my hands over my stomach. I always hurried out of the room after sex. Was always in a rush to leave the scene, so to speak. To get home. For once, I didn’t want to fucking move, and I’d been here almost all night. “I think she wanted to get in trouble, maybe. Wanted to own up to the lie.”
“Is she grounded for life?”
“Nah. Just for a month.” I turned by head toward her. She was on her back, too, her dark hair splayed all across the pillow. Her green eyes were soft and warm. Her lips swollen from my kisses. I wanted to take a picture so I could remember this moment forever, but that wouldn’t be permitted. No pictures. No news stories. “She came to me. Like you said, it was a mature decision. I didn’t want to punish her too strictly after that.”
“Maybe that was her goal all along,” Mackenzie said, laughing. “Her plan to get out of a huge punishment if her lie was discovered. I would’ve done that if I were her.”
I thought about it. Why, that little... “Son of a bitch.”
She laughed and rolled onto her side, resting her weight on her elbow. “Yeah. You might have gotten played.” She patted my chest, directly over my heart. “Don’t worry. It’s happened to the best of us.”
“Not to you, I’d bet,” I muttered, glowering at the ceiling. Had Rachel played me? Probably. The girl was smart like that. I didn’t know whether to be pissed or impressed. “Damn her and her high IQ.”
She laughed. “I don’t have kids. When I do, I’m sure they’ll lie to me.”
“Do you want them?” I met her eyes hesitantly. “Kids, that is.”
“Yeah. Of course I do.” She smiled, and her whole face kind of…glowed. “I’d like at least two. I was an only child, and it sucked most of the time. I was always alone. So, maybe one of each? The boy and then the girl.”
I laughed, reaching out to wrap a strand of her hair around my finger. “I’m pretty sure you don’t get to pick the gender.”
She lifted a shoulder. “By the time I’m ready, I might be able to.” She nibbled on her lower lip. Her freckles danced over the bridge of her nose. Fucking adorable freckles. “What about you?”
“Well, I—” Her phone rang, so I stopped talking. When she didn’t grab it, I raised a brow. “You going to answer that, or what? It’s kind of late for casual calls.”
“Not in my world, it isn’t. And nope, not answering. It’s my agent.” She rolled her eyes. “He’s called me at least ten times in the past twenty-four hours. I’ll call him back later, when I’m in the mood.”
“How do you know it’s him?”
“Special ringtone.” She bopped me on the nose. “Now answer my question.”
“Which one?” I asked.
Her mouth lifted on the left side. A small half-smile. Her phone stopped ringing, and the room was silent again. “Do you want kids someday?”
“I don’t know. I’m pretty fucked up. I would need a hell of a great wife to even it out so they stood half a chance of being normal.”
“You’re not too ‘fucked up’ for kids,” she said, frowning at me. “You’re already raising one. The teenage years are the hardest, and you’re there right now. If you can do that? You can do babies.”
I tugged on her hair again, the warmth in my chest spreading outward at the compliment. “You wouldn’t say that if I wanted you to have my messed-up babies.”
Her eyes went wide. The phone dinged, announcing she had a voicemail. She still didn’t reach for it. “Right now? I’d run in the opposite direction. But if we were older? I’d have your messed-up babies, and I’d love them.”
“Well, then…” I pulled her onto my chest. She looked down at me, her hair framing her face. “Maybe I’ll come knocking on your door in ten years. I can write you a song and sing it on your doorstep, and then you’ll know why I’m there. Does that sound good?”
She didn’t laugh. Didn’t even smile. Did she think I was serious? Hell, was I serious? “It sounds perfect.”
The smile faded off my face. That sounded an awful lot like an actual plan or a promise. I should be freaking out right now. Running away. Telling her I was fucking around, because I had been. Or…maybe I hadn’t been. It wouldn’t work between us right now, but that didn’t mean it couldn’t in the future.
When Rachel was in college, and I was free to move…could it actually work?
“Mackenzie?” I lifted my hand, curling it around her cheek. She was so soft and sweet. So very perfect. Everything I wasn’t. A guy like me didn’t deserve her. “I’m…shit, I don’t know.”
I wanted to tell her that I would wait for her, and ask her to wait for me. But that wasn’t fair or realistic. And I wasn’t any good for her. Sure, I’d be thankful for every day she gave me, knowing she could have done so much better than an asshole like me with a record and a history darker than midnight itself, but that didn’t mean I’d be the best thing that ever happened to her.
But it did mean I’d very well know I didn’t deserve her, so I would treat her like the fucking princess she was. Every second of every day. Could I actually get a happily-ever-after ending in my life?
“You never know, right?” she asked, breathlessly. “In a few years, we might see each other from across the room, like in the movies. We’ll look at each other, locking eyes, and then in slow motion…” She leaned in closer, slow inch by slow inch. “We’ll come together. And with one kiss?”
I closed my eyes. “We’ll know.”
“We’ll just know,” she agreed.
I closed the distance between us, melding our mouths together in a picture-perfect, amazing, breathtaking kiss. Right here, right now, life was sweet. But nothing that felt this good lasted long. For once, I wanted to believe it could, though.
Wanted to believe that a girl like her could want me, and actually be happy with me at her side indefinitely. I wanted to believe in fairy tales, unicorns, and all that crazy, shiny, happy shit that made no sense in the real world. “Mac, I should—”
Her phone rang again. It sounded different, so it wasn’t her agent. She broke off the kiss and reached for it, smiling at me apologetically. “Sorry. That’s my PR rep. If she’s calling, it’s important. Just give me a sec?”
“Sure.”
I rested my hands behind my head, my mind whirling around at breakneck speeds. I was a bit of a commitment-phobe, and I wasn’t going to lie a
bout that. But with Mackenzie, this unspoken promise that wasn’t really a promise felt abso-fucking-lutely right.
“He’s a what?” Mackenzie said, her eyes locked on me. “No, I didn’t know that. He didn’t mention it. Huge shocker there, huh?” She paused, her eyes going even narrower. “Who knows?” A pause. “Well, that’s just fabulous.”
My heart stuttered in my chest. Oh God. This was it. She knew who I was. What I was. She must have found out that I beat the hell out of my dad, and that he’d pressed charges against me. I had a record because of it. I thought she would understand why I’d done what I’d done, but I guess I’d been wrong.
This was the beginning of the end.
And there was nothing I could do to stop it.
I CLUTCHED the phone so tight my hand hurt, but I couldn’t make myself relax. Just seconds before, I’d been in Austin’s arms. I’d been so sure that we were going somewhere great. Somewhere with promise and hope and maybe even love. He’d been looking at me so tenderly. As if I mattered to him.
He’d told me things he’d never told anyone else.
I’d done the same.
And now, I found out it was all a ploy to get closer to me? To sell my pictures? All the warning signs had been there, but I’d ignored them stubbornly. God, how could I have been so freaking stupid again? He’d lied to me once. He’d lied to me again.
There wouldn’t be a third time.
He was a photographer. A freaking paparazzi. He sold photos to tabloids. Photos I sought to avoid at all costs. Already, pictures of Austin and me in the snorkeling cove were surfacing. He hadn’t wasted any time in betraying me. My PR rep said that he must have had an accomplice, because God knows he’d been too busy blowing my mind straight into stupidity to take pictures of it all.
And I’d fallen for every single word, too. Eaten it up like candy.
“…It’s on TMZ, ET, E! News. You name it, the pictures are there. And they know who he is, too. They’re calling you the princess and the pauper.” I heard something slam down. “Did you know what he was? Or that he had a record for kicking the snot out of his father when he was seventeen?”
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