Rock Bottom

by Emily Goodwin

  “It’s snowing.”

  Dean makes a face. “It’s going to feel even worse coming from here.”

  “I know. Seriously. Why do we live in the midwest?” I laugh.

  Dean tugs me forward, and I stumble over the uneven boards. He wraps his arms around my waist and brings his face to mine, lips just inches away. My heart is in my throat again, but he turns his head instead of kissing me.

  “So tomorrow night,” he starts.

  “I’m working midnights.”

  “That’s awful.”

  “I know,” I groan. “ I don’t know why I agreed to do it. My scheudle got all shuffled around so I could come here, and at the time, an early flight, sleeping during the day, and then going in for a midnight shift didn’t sound bad. Now it sounds awful.”

  “It does. You don’t have to work the day after that, do you?”

  “Thank goodness no.”

  “The night after you work midnights then.” Dean takes one hand from mine and grips my waist. “Can I take you out on another date?”

  “You can.” I’m smiling ear to ear, heat rushing to my core. Fuck, I want him. “Or you can come over and let me cook for you.”

  “You did mention your father owned a restaurant. I’m going to have high expectations.”

  “In that case, I will have to pick up something and pretend that I made it,” I laugh. Dean pulls me closer and I snake one hand up over his shoulder. “When do you get off work?”

  “I can leave the office by five most days. If it’s any later, I’ll text you.”

  “Okay. You know where the super upscale, luxury apartments in Eastwood are, right?”

  “We have those?” he raises his eyebrows.

  “Oh yeah. Top of the line everything. You do know where they are though, right?”

  “Yes. Quinn and Archer lived there while their house was being built, so I’m pretty familiar with that complex. It needs updating, but it’s nice.”

  “Yeah, I can’t complain. I figured I’ll stay there for a while until I get things sorted out.”

  He tucks my hair behind my ear. “Makes sense.” We turn around and head back to the hotel to get dinner before spending our last few hours soaking up every last second of Florida heat we can at the hotel bar.

  We’ve enjoyed each other the last few days. There’s no mistaking Dean’s attraction to me, and it’s obvious how my body reacts to his.

  Yet…I have no idea what we’re doing. He said he wanted to prove that I’m more than a piece of ass to him, but then what? I hate confrontation of any kind, and it would be easy to keep doing this—whatever it is—than to ask about it and make things weird.

  But I have to know.

  Because the more time I spend with Dean, the more I like him. The more I feel, and the more I want…which puts me at an even bigger risk of getting hurt. So tonight at dinner, I have to lay it out there.

  He might tell me he doesn’t see this going anywhere, but at least I’d know.

  “Rory!” someone calls as soon as we step to the side after giving our name to the hostess.

  “That’s my roommate,” I whisper to Dean. “We can pretend we don’t hear them.”

  “She looks like Drew Carey’s mother.”

  I laugh. “I know. She’s really nice though.”

  “I think they want us to join them. We can.”

  “You sure?”

  He shrugs. “Why not? It’s at least a thirty minute wait until we get a table anyway.”

  Dammit. How am I going to talk to him now?

  “Hi,” I say, stopping by their table.

  “Join on, dear! We have the room.”

  “You don’t mind?” I ask, though it’s not like she’s going to say no now.”

  “Of course not! This must be your friend.” JoAnn’s eyebrows, which are drawn on higher than yesterday, hike up past her poofy bangs. “The one keeping you busy all night.”

  “This is Dean,” introduce, sitting in the chair Dean pulled out for me. “And Dean, this is JoAnn and Brenda. They’re both nurses as well.”

  JoAnn leans over. “Now that’s what I call a man.” She bats her lashes and flashes Dean a smile.

  “What do you do for a living, son?”

  “I’m a contractor,” Dean tells her, taking a seat next to me. “I’m a partner at our family’s company.”

  “And you two knew each other previously?” JoAnn slathers butter on a slice of bread.

  “Yeah. We’ve, uh, hung out before,” I say, taking the cloth napkin and spreading it out in my lap.

  “So you traveled together?” Brenda asks, looking at Dean like she wants to take the butter from JoAnn, slather it all over Dean and eat him like a snack.

  “I didn’t know she was going to be here,” Dean says and puts his hand on mine. I’m still unsure what’s going on between us, but he sure is acting like we’re a couple.

  A couple who keeps things annoyingly PG.

  “But I’m glad we ran into each other.”

  “Me too,” I say, heart flutter once again. “I really don’t want to go back to Indiana. It’s so cold.”

  “I’m from Santa Fe,” Brenda says. “I’ll happily trade you for some of our heat.”

  “I’d take you up on that offer if I could,” I laugh. A waitress comes over and takes our order. Both Brenda and JoAnn are fascinated with the snow, having never seen it before, and ask us questions about a midwest winter until our food comes. The night isn’t going as I planned, but I can’t say it’s unenjoyable.

  Dinner is wrapping up, and JoAnn is trying to get us to go to karaoke with her once we’re done. That’s the last thing I want to do—being in front of a group of people is my idea of torture, and I can’t carry a tune in a bucket—yet part of me wants to say yes.

  I have a history of getting to a point in a relationship where I think everything is going along perfectly and then shit falls apart at my feet. If Dean and I never get to the point of having a relationship, then—fuck—I don’t know. We do this song and dance long enough for it to become our routine?

  No, that’s awful.

  My chest starts to tighten and I’m regretting eating my entire side salad along with the penne pasta. I moved from the only home I’d ever known to get a fresh start.

  To keep things simple.

  To really give myself a chance to establish me and to finally become one hundred percent comfortable in my own skin. Am I screwing everything up by looking for something that’s not really there? This could very well be some vacation fling…though if Dean wanted a fling he could have women lined up outside his door.

  My insecurities come rushing back and I sink my teeth into my bottom lip, tapping my foot against the floor. I’ve worked hard not to let them get to me anymore, but I’m human, and right now I’m feeling like there’s no way Dean would want to be with me.

  He was married, betrayed, and divorced. I get why he doesn’t want to settle down again. Why would little old me be the one to change his mind?

  “Rory?” Dean says in such a way I know it wasn’t the first time he called my name.

  “Yeah, sorry.” I shake my head and force a smile. “I’m spacing out.”

  “What are you thinking about?” He flashes a look letting me know what he’s thinking about. Maybe I should relent to him, letting him ravish my body one more time before we part ways, awkwardly avoiding each other when we no doubt cross paths in our small town.

  “How much I don’t want to go back to work,” I blurt. “Or the cold. Maybe I’ll stay here forever.”

  “Just make sure you let your FBI agent brother know it was your choice and I didn’t actually kidnap you.”

  “Ohhh, that just gave me an idea. We can live an exciting life on the run.”

  “I need to get a 70s muscle car and biker boots first.”

  I laugh. “I like your style.”

  “So,” JoAnn claps her hands together. “Come sing with us?”

  “I promised Rory
we’d walk along the beach and look for shells,” Dean blurts. Neither of us have any idea if we’d even be able to find shells on the shore.

  “You two have fun.” JoAnn gives a big wink. “I won’t wait up for you.”

  “I’ll probably grab my suitcase before we head out,” I say, wrinkling my nose. “I have an early flight tomorrow.”

  “Well get over here and give me a hug!” JoAnn opens her arms and I lean over and am swallowed by her embrace. “Are you on the Facebook?”

  “Yes. I have Facebook.”

  “I’m going to find you and send you a friend request! My profile picture is of Dudley, my puggle. We’ll have to keep in touch. And I’ll be watching for that status change.” She gives a big wink.

  “Okay,” I say, smiling again. “It was really nice meeting you both.”

  Dean comes with me to get my suitcase, and then we really do go to the shore, wanting to feel the sand between our toes one last time before we have to trade our sandals for snow boots. The low tonight is seventy-two, and some of the locals have on sweatshirts and pants, making us both chuckle.

  Slowly, we go down the wooden path and then emerge onto the beach, walking close to the water. The night is alive with the energy of the city, yet it’s still so peaceful by the ocean.

  My heart is in my throat, wrestling with the words that want to come out, but die from fear before they reach my lips. And then I remember the advice Dean shared earlier. Don’t let fear make you settle.

  I think I see a shooting star, which is probably just an airplane, but I take it as a sign to buck up and stop being afraid. I’d rather know the truth than live in lies.

  “What are we doing?”

  “Walking along the beach.” Dean looks at me with that stupid, sexy smirk.

  “That’s not what I mean.” A cool breeze comes in from the over the ocean, making me shiver. “And you know it.”

  “I…I don’t know.” He slows, plowing his hand through his hair. “I like being with you.”

  “I like being with you too.” I wait, and he doesn’t go on. I bring my arms in, crossing them over my body. Biting my lip, I look out at the dark water again. The sound of waves crashing on the shore echoes around us, and the sand is still holding onto a bit of warmth from the sun.

  “Hey,” he says and brings his hand to my face, cupping my cheek. The rough skin of his palm feels so good against me. “We don’t have to think about it. I like what we have going on now.” He moves closer and his other hand lands on my waist, fingers pressing into my side.

  I wish I could let it go completely and enjoy this moment right here. Because the setting is perfect, and the man in front of me is everything I ever wanted…only he doesn’t want me in the way I need to be wanted.

  Chapter 28

  Dean

  What the fuck is wrong with me?

  I told Rory I wanted her to give me a chance to prove she’s more than a one-night stand. To prove we could be more because I want there to be more between us.

  And when the perfect opportunity was laid out in front of me, I fuck it up. If I sat down and let myself think about it, I’d know I’m still letting my shitty baggage to weigh me down, but this time, it’s dragging Rory along with it.

  I’ve wanted nothing more this whole fucking trip than to slam Rory up against the wall and kiss her until she’s breathless. I want to carry her to bed and fuck her until she’s screaming my name, coming so hard she sees stars and can’t form a coherent sentence from all the pleasure.

  From the moment I met her—even when I thought she was Blaire—I knew there was something about her.

  Something different.

  Something I couldn’t get out of my head.

  I don’t want to lose her. It wasn’t a lie: I do like what we have. Rory is smart. Funny. Sassy and sarcastic at times, but ultimately sweet and caring. She’s not afraid to be herself and we just get each other. Being around her feels natural. I spent the last year trying to fill a void that’s been there all along, before the divorce, before my marriage started to crumble at my feet.

  The moment my eyes met Rory’s the wind didn’t echo painfully through the hole in my chest. It’s not the first time I’ve felt like this, but with Rory, it’s different somehow.

  And it scares the shit out of me. I haven’t known Rory for that long. I can’t be falling in love with her already.

  But, fuck, I know I am.

  I should have told her the truth. I have feelings for her and it’s scaring the fuck out of me.

  I sink down on the pullout bed and bring my head to my hand, rubbing my forehead as I look at the closed doors of the bedroom. It’s late, and Rory went right to bed since she has to be up early in the morning to catch her flight.

  It’s not too late to tell her how I feel. To put it all out there on the line. She’ll either take me or leave me, but I’ll know one way or another. Yet…fuck. I let out a heavy sigh and get up, stripping down to my boxers. I brush my teeth and gather up some of my stuff and shove it in my suitcase.

  I pace over to the closed bedroom doors and pause outside, listening. Everything is quiet, but that doesn’t mean she’s asleep.

  “Rory,” I call quietly, hoping to hear her stir and get out of bed. “Rory,” I try again. I wait a beat and put my hand on the doorknob, slowly twisting it. If she is sleeping, I don’t want to wake her up. I inch the door open and peer inside the room. She left the bathroom light on, with the door cracked to let in a little light. The balcony doors are open as well, and the crashing of the waves echoes through the room.

  She’s snuggled up in bed, with a pink unicorn sleep mask on her face.

  “Rory?” I whisper. “You awake?” She’s laying on her back, with one arm up on the pillow above her head, and doesn’t move. “Night, Rory.” I step back, silently closing the door, and go into the living room. I get into bed, throwing my head back into the pillows.

  It’ll be a fucking miracle if I can fall asleep tonight.

  “Shit!”

  My eyes flutter open at the sound of something clanging to the floor. Rory is rushing around the room, and in her haste, knocked a metal vase over.

  “You okay?” I ask, sitting up. I didn’t fall asleep until the sun was creeping up on the horizon.

  “No,” she says, sounding panicked. “My alarm didn’t go off and I need to be at the airport like now.”

  “Oh, fuck.” I spring out of bed, and Rory pauses, flicking her eyes up and down my body. Then she shakes her head. “I’m so flustered and can’t find my wallet.”

  “You put it on the counter,” I remind her, pointing to the kitchen area. “So you wouldn’t forget it.”

  “Thank you.” She grabs it and spins around. “I feel like I forgot something.”

  “If you did, I’ll find it. It’s not like I’ll never see you again.” I take a few steps toward her. “In fact…”

  “Fuck. My Uber is here already.”

  “Go. I’ll check the room and make sure you got everything,” I assure her.

  “Okay, thank you.” She shoves her wallet into her carryon bag and hikes it over her shoulder. Time is of the essence here, and I can’t blurt out everything I was thinking last night.

  But I can’t let her leave like this.

  “Rory,” I say, hurrying over. She stops at the door and whirls around. She’s stressed about missing her flight, and I don’t want to add to it. So instead of wasting time with words, I cup her face in both my hands and kiss her. She lets her bag fall to the floor. I push her up against the wall, and deepen the kiss, pushing my tongue into her mouth. She hooks her arms around my neck, and my cock jumps when she presses her hips into mine.

  “You…don’t want to…miss your…flight,” I say between kisses. Holding Rory in my arms like this is the best fucking feeling in the world.

  “Right,” she pants and rakes her nails down my back. “I…should…go.”

  I put my mouth to her neck and bring one hand up, balling up the hem
of her dress. Her phone vibrates, and she groans, pulling away only to give back in. We kiss again and I muster every ounce of control I have to stop kissing her. I rest my forehead against hers.

  “This isn’t goodbye,” I say with a smile.”But I’ll miss you.”

  “You will?”

  The question in her voice kills me. “I will, Rory. I meant it when I said I like being with you.” The words are right there on the tip of my tongue, wanting to come up and tell her exactly how I feel. If only there was more fucking time.

  I run my hand over her hair, smoothing it out. “Can I be lame and ask you to let me know when you’re home safely?”

  Nodding, she smiles. “Yes, but I want you to do the same.”

  “Okay, I’ll text you so I don’t wake you up.”

  “Ugh,” she groans. “I forgot I have to go home and sleep before work.”

  “I do feel for you.” I kiss her once more and then pry myself away. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “Right. Dinner tomorrow.” Her eyes linger on mine for another few seconds, and then she rushes out the door. I stand there, rooted to the spot, looking where she was just standing.

  Tomorrow cannot come fast enough.

  Chapter 29

  Rory

  “Hey girl!” Jane waves to me from behind the desk in the nurses’ station. “How was Florida? Did you have fun? You look tan. Ugh. I hate you.”

  I take a big drink of my coffee—which is cold by now—before I can answer. “It was a lot of fun.” My mind goes to Dean, and I get confused all over again.

  One moment he’s the same player he was the night he took Blaire home from the bar. Then another he’s the real Dean, joking and laughing along with letting me see past his walls. And then he’s back to giving me mixed signals.

  It’s infuriating, really, and I stewed it over the whole plane ride home. I like him, but I’m not going to sit around waiting for him to get his head out of his ass and leave his baggage at the claim. He was hurt before, and I can’t even imagine the pain and humiliation that would come with walking in on your spouse in bed with someone else.