On a Roll

by Beth Bolden

  Why couldn’t he be more like Ash? Easy come and easy go? Never worried or anxious about how a relationship would turn out?

  He wanted to be that way. Specifically he wanted to be that way about Gabriel.

  “No, he’s not,” Sean said wretchedly.

  If he was insane, he would go over to where Ash was standing, with the new guy, and maybe keep throwing himself at people who didn’t want him. But he felt rooted in place. It was impossible to tell where Gabriel was going with his train of thought—he was unpredictable, even at the best of times—but Sean discovered he really didn’t care.

  In a minute, he’d go back to Jackson’s makeshift bar and tolerate how loved up he and his boyfriend were just so he could grab another shot of vodka. Maybe it would dull . . . everything.

  “Ren’s not stupid enough to fuck with you, because he knows I’d kill him. Slowly.”

  Sean glanced up, and realized that Gabriel had walked closer, and was only an arm’s length away. His jaw was clenched, his dark gaze intense.

  “Why would you even bother doing that?” Sean wondered.

  “You know why,” Gabriel said, his voice still annoyingly steady. “You weren’t even serious about hooking up with Ren; you just wanted to push my buttons.” He hesitated. Sean looked up at him, again. He couldn’t seem to tear his eyes away. A problem he’d never been able to solve, not in two long years of frustrated bickering. “Consider them pushed.”

  Before Sean could stop him, Gabriel plucked the empty plastic cup from his hand. “You won’t need this any more,” he said.

  “That’s mine,” Sean said. It wasn’t easy to make his voice hard and frosty—before, it had been so easy, as easy as breathing, but something had changed when they’d kissed. An inevitability, sliding right into its given place, and changing everything.

  “Do you really want to get drunk?” Gabriel asked, and suddenly he was even closer, and his voice was hushed and reverent.

  That was an easy enough question.

  There’d been a period right after Milo, when he’d used alcohol as a crutch. He’d been unable to face the reality of his new life, and it had been easier with the cushion of a shot of booze in his coffee every morning. Then it had been easier with a beer at lunch. And it had spiraled from there. With the help of his therapist, he’d pulled himself out of that spiral, but he’d been cautious around alcohol ever since.

  “No,” Sean said. And meant it.

  “Good. Because I try to avoid having sex with drunk people,” Gabriel said.

  “What?” Sean wasn’t sure he’d heard him correctly.

  Gabe sighed. “You want to do this, except it’s kind of a disaster waiting to happen. We have so much . . . crap . . . between us. But I can’t deny that this is probably inevitable.”

  “Are you saying that throwing a meatball at me was a kind of come-on?” Sean wondered.

  “I don’t know what it was,” Gabriel admitted. “But there’s a part of me that’s very glad I did it.”

  “Because it meant we spent the next two years fighting?” Sean asked. He could still feel the weight of it, as it had hit his chest. At the time, he’d thought that was the end of his new beginning. That he’d never make any friends because that guy that everyone already seemed to like had decided to hate him.

  But it hadn’t been the end at all.

  Maybe he wasn’t quite as mad about it as he had been, all those years ago.

  Because not only had Gabriel’s friends become his own friends—he’d gotten Gabriel.

  “No,” Gabe said. “Because it meant that someday, I was gonna get to do this.” He leaned in, and for a second, Sean tensed, remembering they were surrounded by those friends, and they were probably all watching. But then just because they’d agreed it would be a no-strings hookup didn’t mean they had to hide it, like they were ashamed of it, right?

  That would be silly.

  Sean didn’t want to keep any more secrets. Especially not from people he cared about.

  He reached up, tangling his fingers in the soft hair, right at the base of Gabriel’s neck. “I’m glad, too,” he said, and pressed his lips to Gabe’s.

  There was only the barest impression of a hot, needy mouth on his—the taste addicting and Sean wondered, briefly, if he would ever get enough of it—and then it was gone.

  “Hey,” Gabriel said, their breath still mingling together. His arm was a firm hot line against Sean’s back, and he felt something he hadn’t in so long. It was support, both physical and metaphysical. Maybe this was a terrible idea. Maybe he’d end up changing Milo’s name for their food truck, and he couldn’t help but feel a pang of hurt at that, but what would he gain, instead? Sean didn’t know. He felt the world opening up in a way that it hadn’t in a very long time.

  And god, more than that, he was feeling his blood heat up just from that brief kiss and from having Gabe touch him. “Hey,” Sean repeated with a grin, “we should get out of here.”

  “Nope,” Gabriel said firmly. “We made it six goddamn months here, and we deserve to celebrate.”

  “What’s a better celebration than getting naked?” Sean teased.

  “Oh, that’s happening, but just a little bit later,” Gabriel promised. He leaned down and kissed him again—another one of those all-too-brief moments where it ended practically before it began. Sean had been hungry for it before, but now he felt ravenous.

  “Haven’t we waited long enough?” Sean wondered.

  “Yeah,” Gabriel said. His arm slid down Sean’s back and rested right at the curve of it, right above his ass. The heat of it burned into his skin, through the thin cotton of his tank. “But I think we can wait a little longer.”

  “Can you though?” Sean trailed a finger down Gabriel’s bare arm. It seemed wild and impossible that they’d never touched like this before, because it felt like they’d been in each other’s space for so damn long, but he knew that this was all new because it felt new.

  He watched as Gabe swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “I guess we’ll see,” Gabriel admitted. “Trust me, there’s nothing I want to do more than drag you behind my truck and pin you down and make you scream. Give you everything you’ve wanted.” His tone was rough and strained, and the look in his eyes was so intense, Sean felt like he could fall in and be perfectly happy staying there.

  “Yes.” Sean didn’t even recognize his own voice. “Yes, let’s do that. Right now.”

  Gabriel threw his head back and laughed, deep and slow. “You could tempt a saint, you know?”

  “Good thing you’re not a saint,” Sean said.

  “Yeah, but I’m serious. Tony went to a lot of trouble for this party. He’d be disappointed if we ducked out early.”

  “You don’t think he’d be excited?”

  Gabriel laughed again, and his fingertips dug into Sean’s skin. His breath came a little harder. “Let’s grab another beer and make the necessary rounds, okay?”

  “Fine,” Sean said, trying not to sulk.

  He’d waited years, a few more hours shouldn’t be the end of the world. But it felt like it. Like he’d been strung too tight and he might just explode.

  Gabe nudged him. “Should I tell Ren that he should find another place to sleep tonight?”

  “Does he do that?” Sean wondered, which was really a stupid question—of course Ren did—but it felt like all his brain cells had been reduced to ash. What would he feel like after Gabriel took him apart and put him together again? Destroyed, probably, in the best possible way.

  Gabriel chuckled. “If I ask, I’m sure it won’t exactly be a hardship for him to figure it out.”

  “We could always go to my place.” Milo had never set foot in his townhouse, so it didn’t feel wrong to suggest that Gabriel come over.

  “You’re sure about that?” Gabriel asked.

  Sean hadn’t even noticed they were moving, but they’d ended up in front of the cooler. He’d been too absorbed in Gabriel, probably. He watched as G
abriel grabbed them two beers, taking the tops off with a quick flick of his wrist. He took the one Gabe handed him, taking a long sip. “I’m sure,” he said.

  Gabriel smiled again, deeper and sweeter. More private, like it was just for Sean. “Okay, that’s decided, then.”

  “I guess we really have to go socialize, don’t we?” Sean said. He glanced around. The number of people milling around the fire pit had grown. Tate’s sister had shown up, and his boyfriend, too, who’d brought along a few of his friends, all members of the Los Angeles Riptide.

  They weren’t the only professional athletes either—Ryan Flores, the co-owner of the lot, had invited some of his teammates, from the Dodgers organization.

  Sean saw Lennox, the gruff guy that Ash had invited over by the bar, chatting with Jackson and Alexis.

  “You know, this might be even better than the Funky Cup,” Gabriel said, his own gaze following Sean’s, as he took in the crowd that was slowly growing. So many people who’d been there for them during the last six months.

  “Don’t let Jackson hear you,” Sean said. “And you know what, it is better, because it’s ours.”

  “Yeah,” Gabe said, and Sean could feel his gaze on him, hot and possessive, and his hand settled again on his back, the heat of it soaking through his shirt. Sean thought for the fiftieth time in the last ten minutes, why were they waiting? They could leave right now.

  Nobody would even notice if they left.

  The only person he needed to convince was someone who was beyond stubborn; who wouldn’t leave just because he’d decided they shouldn’t.

  But really, it wouldn’t be that hard to convince him. All Sean had to do was tap into that dark, hot, passionate streak that he knew Gabriel had. He was all fire and heat and impulsiveness.

  Sean tipped his head up towards Gabe. “Hey,” he said quietly, “I need to grab something from my truck. You wanna come with me?”

  “What a stupid question,” Gabe said. “I’m not letting you out of my sight.”

  They were halfway across the lot, when they were stopped by Tony.

  His eyes were glued to where Gabe had a hand on Sean’s back still. “Hey, guys,” he said, his casual tone nothing like the intense interest in his expression. “What’s going on? You bugging out already?”

  “Nope,” Sean said. “I’m just grabbing something from my truck.” Gabe’s dick, that’s what I’m gonna be grabbing, and it’s gonna be good, so you’d better leave us alone. Same way we left you alone when you and Lucas were all up in each other’s business.

  “Oh, good,” Tony said. He clearly was dying to ask what was going on. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other once, and then again. “You still know that you’ve got to figure out the name change thing, right? That,” he said, gesturing to where Gabe’s hand was settled on Sean’s back, “doesn’t change anything.”

  “We know,” Gabe said, the edge of his voice distinctly annoyed. “We got the memo, okay?”

  “Okay,” Tony said awkwardly. “Well, I’ll let you get to . . . whatever you need to do in your truck . . . when we’re closed . . .”

  He took off, heading towards the fire pit, and Gabe and Sean both burst into laughter. “Oh, god,” Gabe gasped, between deep gales of laughter, “I thought his head was gonna explode.”

  “It might still,” Sean said. “Look at him, he’s telling Lucas all about it.”

  And yeah, he was. The way Tony’s hands were gesturing in their direction as he relayed what had just happened to his boyfriend were unmistakable.

  “I really was worried for a second,” Gabe confessed as they walked the last few feet to Sean’s truck. “Tony brought up the name, and I thought, this is it. This is the cold water I’ve been dreading.”

  “Cold water?” Sean questioned as he made a big show of digging in his pocket for his keys. Though he had no intention of actually unlocking anything. He’d just wanted to get Gabe alone, and behind the truck, where nobody could see them.

  “Yeah, make you decide that this was all a bad idea,” Gabe said with a self-conscious shrug. “Change your mind, or something.”

  Sean stared at him intently, at the concern shadowing his handsome face. At the need in his dark eyes. “I’m not going to change my mind,” he said. Didn’t Gabriel understand what he was going through? It felt like he was waking up after being numb for almost five years. Every inch of his skin felt like he was on fire, burning for the man in front of him. He’d never felt desire that threatened to bring him to his knees, metaphorically and literally, but he was feeling it now. He’d never expected to feel it for Gabriel, but it was undeniable and once he’d stopped fighting it, he’d realized just how impossible it was to resist.

  “Oh good.” Gabriel not only sounded embarrassed, he looked embarrassed.

  Sean might not be as big or as broad as Gabriel, but he didn’t fight when Sean took his arm and pushed him up against the side of the truck. “I want you,” he said, their lips nearly brushing. He could feel Gabriel’s whole body tense against his, and Sean pressed into him even more forcefully. “I want you so bad. I’m not going to change my mind about that. I don’t think I could, even if I wanted to.”

  “I think . . .” Gabriel cleared his throat, his arms sliding around Sean’s back, tugging him in even closer. “I think you really mean that.”

  Sean didn’t even bother answering, he reached up and kissed Gabriel. Each and every time they kissed, it felt more natural, more right, like instead of spending the last two years fighting with their words, they should’ve been using their mouths for a very different purpose.

  Gabe’s hands slid up his body and cupped his head, tilting it so he could delve deeper into Sean’s mouth. Maybe Sean had started the kiss, but Gabe clearly intended to finish it. And that, Sean thought with satisfaction, was exactly what he’d hoped. He’d wanted Gabe to quit holding back. To forget entirely about the leash he’d put them on.

  All he’d need was a little extra encouragement, Sean knew, and he’d give in. He slid a thigh in between Gabe’s, panting into his mouth as they kissed and kissed, his hardening cock rubbing against Gabe’s. He’d just decided that it would be okay to reach down, to feel Gabriel’s huge hard-on for himself, when a voice interrupted them.

  “Well, this isn’t what I expected to find back here.”

  Gabe tore his mouth from Sean’s, and they sprang apart.

  It wasn’t Tony. Or Lucas. Or Tate. Or even Ash.

  It was that guy that Ash had invited; the one who’d been hanging around the lot so much in the last month.

  The one who wore that hard, unrelenting expression most of the time.

  Lennox, Tony had said his name was. But nobody knew if that was his first name or his last name, or anything else about the guy. He wouldn’t share any other tidbits about himself.

  And now he’d just discovered them practically dry humping against Sean’s food truck.

  Sean sold this guy a chicken caesar salad wrap at least once a week. His face flared with the bright red of embarrassment. They might be more casual about things than most restaurants, but they were still supposed to be professionals.

  “Uh,” Sean said, “I’m sorry. I . . . we . . .”

  “Were obviously preoccupied,” Lennox said in that stiff voice of his. Sean didn’t think he’d ever seen him relax. Not once.

  “A little,” Gabriel said apologetically. “Sorry about that.”

  Lennox didn’t acknowledge the apology. His expression didn’t soften even a fraction. It was still as stiff as the leather jacket he was wearing. A leather jacket in summer in Los Angeles. Sean wasn’t sure he understood what the fuck the guy’s problem was. But even if he was cute, he wasn’t sure Ash knew quite what he was getting into.

  “I’d heard things were wild down here after hours,” Lennox finally said. Still refusing to crack a smile. “I guess some rumors are true.”

  “We . . . uh . . .” Gabe shrugged uncomfortably. “It’s not always like this.
”

  Except, it kind of was. There was Tony and Lucas, who had never met a vertical or horizontal surface they didn’t want to fuck against, and then there was Tate and Chase, who were always looking for some kind of dark corner. And Sean wasn’t even counting the single guys, specifically Ren.

  They were kind of a hotbed of gay sex, now that Sean thought about it.

  Maybe . . . what if this guy was a homophobe? Surely, he’d figured out that everyone here was queer in some way, shape, or form, but maybe he hadn’t? Maybe he was just discovering this now.

  Sean tensed, but all Lennox said next was, “Tony asked me to check the lighting, to make sure things were bright enough. I guess we’ve found a spot where the lighting could be improved.”

  “Tony asked you to do that tonight?” Gabe sounded surprised, and Sean was too. It was a party; didn’t Lennox know how to party? But then, considering the tense way he was always holding himself, maybe he didn’t. Maybe he’d never had a chance.

  Well, if he kept hanging around here, he’d have to figure it out.

  “No,” Lennox said. “But he mentioned it the other day, and I was here and . . .”

  “I’m pretty sure Tony didn’t mean tonight,” Gabe said, reaching out and patting him awkwardly on the shoulder. “Come on, let’s go back to the party.”

  “I don’t know. I’m here now,” Lennox said, and Sean looked closer and realized that he wasn’t just tense—he was awkward. He really didn’t know what to do with them, living in all their queer messiness.

  “Seriously,” Sean said. “This is a party. Not a security check.” He reached out and didn’t miss how Lennox’s face flinched at the casual contact when Sean wrapped a loose hand around his forearm. “And if you want to take that hot jacket off, we can always stow it in my truck,” he added.

  “No, thanks,” Lennox said. “I’m good.”

  “Alright, well, it’s your loss, ’cause there’s gonna be dancing later, and you’re gonna be boiling in all that leather,” Sean said, and Gabriel nodded with him.