On a Roll

by Beth Bolden

  “You should stay,” Sean said with finality. “If you want to, that is.”

  “I should stay?” Gabriel sounded very surprised. So surprised that Sean freaked out at the last moment, digging into his orgasm-fuzzy brain for a good excuse.

  “Yeah, well, I was going to make those nuts. You could help me,” he said. “And then, you know, we could do that again.”

  “That sounds like a really great plan,” Gabe said, putting an arm around Sean and tugging him even closer. He was quiet for a minute, and Sean couldn’t help but enjoy the closeness. It had been so long since he’d been able to just cuddle with someone. He hugged the other guys sometimes—sometimes when things went very right or sometimes when he was having a bad day and he needed one—but cuddling? That hadn’t happened in four years.

  Maybe he hadn’t just been sex-starved, he’d been touch-starved.

  “This is nice,” Sean said softly. He hadn’t moved yet, and he wasn’t sure he could.

  “Yeah, it is,” Gabriel agreed. He shifted around, until Sean was pressed up against his side. He was still partially dressed. Sean still had his socks on. He wiggled his toes inside of them, wondering if he should try to take them off without moving.

  Or, he could soak this up for a moment longer, and then slide out of bed and start the nuts. He thought he had everything in the kitchen that he needed.

  He was just running down a list of ingredients he’d need when he heard something next to him. A quiet, rumbling noise.

  Not obtrusive, but somehow, comforting.

  Sean opened his eyes and smiled as Gabriel slept away next to him.

  Maybe the nuts could wait for the next day. Tonight? He was going to get all the touch he needed.

  Chapter Ten

  “So you just . . . stayed . . .” Ren gaped at Gabriel as he poured coffee into his travel mug.

  “Yeah,” Gabriel said. “Is that a problem?”

  “Well, yeah,” Ren said as he grabbed his favorite jean jacket from the chair by the door. “I thought you were trying to follow the hookup guidelines I gave you.”

  “It was his idea,” Gabriel said, rolling his eyes. “Not even mine.”

  Technically, of course, Sean hadn’t suggested outright that he stay the night, but he’d kept him from leaving, and he’d hardly kicked him out of bed when he’d fallen asleep in it.

  “You are playing with fire,” Ren muttered darkly. “And it might not turn out very well.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Gabriel said, taking a big gulp of coffee. Except he totally did.

  Usually he slept like crap in beds that weren’t his own, but cuddled up next to Sean? He’d slept like a goddamned baby, and he wasn’t stupid enough to deny why that was.

  He had real feelings for Sean. Real, deepening feelings. Sometimes he still wanted to smack him, sometimes he still made him halfway to crazy with his deliberate obtuseness or his stubbornness, but the truth was, when it came down to it, none of that mattered.

  He might even love him.

  “Yes, you do,” Ren said as he closed and locked the door behind them. “You know exactly what I’m talking about. And it’s going to end up in a huge fucking mess. You thought the meatball missile was bad? The war to come is gonna make that look like child’s play.”

  “That’s your opinion,” Gabriel said as they took the stairs down to the ground floor.

  “No,” Ren said, “that’s my experience.”

  “It’s . . . he’s a little screwed up about relationships,” Gabe said. He pushed open the front door to their building. It was a gorgeous morning. A fucking amazing morning, no matter how much crap Ren kept giving him.

  “No, he told you that he didn’t want a relationship. That’s not being screwed up about relationships,” Ren said, like he knew exactly what Sean meant. He didn’t, because he didn’t know the whole story, but it did make Gabriel wonder what it was that happened to Ren to screw him up about relationships. He’d always assumed that Ren didn’t have some big sob story in his background, making him always stick to hookups, but just because he’d never heard about it didn’t mean it hadn’t happened.

  He knew Sean’s story, but he didn’t think that when Sean had told him, that it gave him permission to tell anyone else.

  Still, he could at least try, without any of the details, to explain to Ren why Sean was so certain that all they were doing was fucking.

  “It’s not that he doesn’t want a relationship,” Gabe said carefully as they walked down the street. It was really a gorgeous day—sunny and not too hot yet, with the most beautiful cloud-free blue sky overhead—and he couldn’t even attribute any of that to the fact that he’d spent the last night in Sean’s bed. “He got out of a really serious relationship a few years back, and I think he expects to feel a certain way when he’s romantically interested in someone, because of that relationship.”

  Ren frowned. “It must have been pretty serious.”

  Sean and Milo had been married. At a fairly young age. There was no way it had not been extremely, life-changingly serious.

  “Yeah, I think so,” Gabriel said. “So that’s why he thinks we’re just going to hook up.”

  “He really believes that he just wants you?” Ren sounded skeptical. And frankly the same skepticism was echoed in Gabriel’s own mind. He knew that what they were sharing wasn’t just sex. The only difficulty was continuing to have that really good sex, while also carefully cluing Sean in to the fact that they weren’t just friends with fucking awesome benefits.

  “Yeah, it’s complicated,” Gabriel admitted.

  “Complicated is trying to decide whose house you’re going to hook up at. Or whether you’re going to give a blowjob or a handjob, or whether you’re going to get serious enough to actually fuck,” Ren said. “This isn’t just complicated. And it will blow up in your face.”

  Gabriel didn’t want to believe Ren was right, especially when it had been going pretty good so far. They’d even made it mostly past Tony’s speed bump without it derailing them. In fact, Gabe thought the necessity of working together had actually made Sean want him more.

  Not that he was going to inform Tony of this fact; he was insufferable enough as it was.

  “Maybe I can get him to fall in love with me back, before it does,” Gabriel said optimistically.

  Ren stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. “Back? Back? Back?” He sounded horrified. “Please do not mean what I think you mean.”

  The more he did think about it, the more right Gabriel thought it felt. Of course he loved Sean. He’d probably loved him for a long time. Maybe he didn’t have a wealth of experience in this area, but he had been in love before, and while this didn’t feel exactly the same as that, there was no denying that it felt deeper and stronger and the tug towards Sean so inevitable that it was amazing he hadn’t realized it before now.

  “I think I do,” Gabriel said. “And it’s not like you didn’t know this was coming. You did. I did, now that I think about it. I never wanted it to be about just sex, and you said, hook up with him, because it’s hard to make it just sex. Well, you were right.”

  Ren threw up his hands. “Officially, I give up on you.”

  “I kind of thought you gave up on me ages ago,” Gabriel said with a laugh, because even though his cousin was seriously overdramatic, even Ren’s fit couldn’t ruin this day. The sun was shining and he hadn’t just spent the night with Sean, he fucking adored him.

  “That was on you ever having the capacity for being cool,” Ren said. “But this is worse.”

  “Just because you don’t have the capacity for it doesn’t mean the rest of us don’t want to fall in love,” Gabriel said, and that was perfectly reasonable, right? He wasn’t saying Ren had to fall in love—even if he even could, at this point—Gabriel just wanted to enjoy it.

  “I have the capacity,” Ren said in a clipped voice as they neared the lot. “I just choose not to.”

  “Yeah, that’s al
l fine and good,” Gabriel said with hesitation, “but sometimes I’m not sure you get a choice.”

  “You always have a choice,” Ren said with steel in his tone.

  Gabriel thought Ren was fucking crazy, but what else was new?

  He pulled his keys out and went to unlock the door, but to his surprise, there were scratches on the stainless steel panel of the door—the panel that held the lock. Alexis’ truck had had very similar ones, only a few weeks back.

  “Shit,” Gabriel said.

  “What is it?” Ren asked, coming closer. “Did you decide you were being stupid?”

  “No,” Gabriel said, pointing to the scratches. “I think someone tried to break into our truck last night.”

  But Ren was already not paying attention—he was craning his head around the edge of the truck, clearly distracted by something else he’d seen.

  Gabriel looked too, because anything that had given Ren that look on his face was something worth paying attention to.

  There were wooden picnic tables scattered across the courtyard between all the different trucks. And on the very central one, someone had painted a message. Ren and Gabriel walked closer, his heart in his throat. Was this what Tony had been worried about the whole time? Thefts and vandalism?

  It was worse than that. “Suck a dick,” was the message, scrawled in bright purple paint, across the entire tabletop.

  “Shit is right,” Gabriel said with an unsteady exhale. “What the fuck is this?”

  “I don’t even want to suck a dick now,” Ren said, his own voice not precisely steady, “and I always want to suck a dick.”

  “We’re gonna have to clean this up.” Gabriel pulled out his phone after glancing around and realizing they were the first owners here. This was their prep day, and he and Ren often were here by themselves for at least the first hour.

  Tony needed to see this.

  ———

  Tony just stood there and stared at the message.

  His brother, Wyatt, stood next to him, a frown on his face, and the rest of the owners clustered a little ways back. Everyone’s expressions were grim, but there was a healthy amount of disbelief thrown in. Gabriel knew how they felt. He’d felt safe here too, protected with their community, with the cushion of so many queer food truck owners gathered together. He’d always believed that they were stronger together than they were apart, and he knew Tony had believed in that idea too.

  “Well,” Ash said under his breath, coming up to stand next to Gabriel, “I guess I was wrong about needing security.”

  The semi-playful argument they’d had during last week’s staff meeting felt a lot stupider with those words emblazoned across one of their picnic tables.

  “I guess we were all wrong,” Gabriel admitted.

  “But how do we know,” Ash continued, “that someone like Lennox isn’t behind this shit? He didn’t really seem all that comfortable with us . . . what did he call it? Fucking around all the time?”

  “He might not be comfortable, but the guy wasn’t homophobic. You know that, Ash.”

  Ash was still frowning though, like he didn’t quite believe it. “I wish Tony would find someone else.”

  “Tony isn’t going to find someone else,” Gabriel said. “He said it at the staff meeting: the guy knows us, knows our trucks, knows the lot. Maybe he’s a little uncomfortable with so many queer couples, but that shouldn’t stop him from keeping us safe.”

  “Do you trust him?” Ash asked him, point-blank.

  Gabriel wished that this day hadn’t been totally derailed; he wished that Ash was actually asking him about Sean, not about Lennox. He wished they didn’t even have to talk about this. But that option had come and gone.

  “I don’t know him, but I trust that he’s going to do his job,” Gabriel finally said.

  Just then, the man in question arrived, wearing a sharp black suit, with a white shirt and a narrow black tie that he hadn’t quite finished tying yet. Lennox was walking fast, but silent, people parting and letting him through, until he came to a stop right in front of the table.

  “Glad you got here so quick,” Tony said, extending a hand, which Lennox took quickly and efficiently.

  He was putting on a brave face, Gabriel realized, but Tony was shaken, some of his confidence leeched away.

  Gabriel had never understood it. So what if some of them did like to suck dick? Did that make them lesser people? Anger was pointless, because it did nothing, but it surged through him anyway.

  “Oh great, our knight in shining armor is here to save us,” Ash said, not even bothering to lower his voice.

  “Ash,” Gabriel warned, “this isn’t . . . just don’t, okay?”

  Ash shot him a venomous look and stormed off.

  A second later, Sean took his place.

  Gabriel had wondered, before this clusterfuck had hit their lot, what it would feel like to see Sean for the first time since he’d left his house, early this morning.

  What it would feel like to see him for the first time, knowing that he loved him.

  These circumstances were definitely not fucking ideal, but Gabe still felt the same surge of love and affection and caring that he knew couldn’t be mistaken for anything else. He wanted to comfort Sean when he felt sad, he wanted Sean’s comfort in return.

  In fact, he really wanted it right fucking now.

  “Hey,” Sean said softly, his eyes distressed. “Hey, Alexis told me that you found it. You okay?”

  “Ren and I did, yeah,” Gabriel said. He reached for Sean’s hand, and to his surprise, Sean met him halfway, giving his fingers a reassuring squeeze.

  “Lennox is gonna make sure this never happens again,” Sean said.

  “Don’t tell Ash that,” Gabriel warned. “He’s really upset that Lennox is the guy Tony is hiring to take care of it.”

  They watched as Lennox looked over the scene, carefully touching the still-wet paint with the pad of his finger. His expression was normally difficult to read, but today, it was an impenetrable mask.

  “You really think so?”

  “Yes,” Sean said with quiet confidence. “Yes, he is.”

  Gabriel searched for something he could say to distract from his own distress. Not let it leak over to Sean. “You think if Tony hires Lennox, he’ll be able to find out if Lennox is his first name or his last?”

  Sean chuckled under his breath. “Oh, I bet he will.”

  “Ugh, of course.” It was stupid to be disgruntled about that, when their safe space had been invaded.

  “Or maybe not,” Sean said thoughtfully. “Lennox is practically a mystery in human form. You think he’d give the goods up that quickly? That easily?”

  “Maybe you’re right.” Gabriel shot him a quick grin. “I bet it’ll drive Tony crazy if he doesn’t find out.”

  “That’ll be fun to watch,” Sean said. He hesitated. Squeezed Gabriel’s hand again. “It was nice to wake up next to you this morning.”

  “It was nice you didn’t kick me out. Sorry I fell asleep on you.” He’d apologized for falling asleep so early this morning, but he did it again, because he did feel a little guilty about that.

  “We were both tired,” Sean said, dismissing the apology with a casual wave of his hand. “Maybe a repeat tonight?” He sounded so hopeful that Gabriel’s heart leapt. He wanted, more than anything, for Ren to be wrong. This wasn’t going to be a disaster; it was going to be the best thing that ever happened to him.

  ———

  Gabriel wasn’t all that surprised that the next evening, the normal Saturday night event at the lot, turned into something a lot bigger. A lot of the owners must have told their friends and invited them to come out for the band that was playing—and they must have invited their friends too.

  It was packed, and there was a supportive smile wherever he looked.

  The tables were all occupied, more people spilling into the grassy area between the seating area and the semi-circle of food trucks. There was even a
crowd towards the front, by the stage Tony had had built for the bands that played weekly.

  But the one table that wasn’t occupied was the one that had been vandalized. Instead of cleaning it off, Lucas had taken one look at the still-drying paint and had said only three words: “Could’ve used glitter.”

  Tony had stared at him, and Lucas had shrugged. “We all enjoy sucking dick, don’t we?” he’d asked, like it wasn’t intended to be an insult, scrawled across their property. “I don’t intend to pretend otherwise.”

  “Do you really . . .” Tony’s voice had dropped low, so low that Gabriel, setting out his bins of plasticware and napkins for the day, had barely been able to hear him. “Do you really think we should keep it? I was going to clean it, and if that didn’t work, throw it away. We don’t need a constant reminder that someone invaded our safe space.”

  “But it happened,” Lucas said firmly. “We can’t pretend it didn’t. We should own it.”

  Gabriel had turned away, uncomfortable by the intimacy in the gaze shared by his two friends as they embraced.

  He was also not surprised when the next time he saw the table, the words hadn’t been scrubbed off, but were permanently adhered with a thick layer of glitter, with a few bright rainbows up and down the legs. Rainbows that matched the style of the ones that Lucas liked to doodle on the blank toes of his Converse.

  “Looks good.”

  Gabriel glanced up and Sean was standing there, his eyes glued to the table and its subtle sheen in the firelight, sitting in its place of honor.

  “I was surprised, I guess,” Gabriel said, “but it makes sense.”

  Sean shrugged. “I was lucky enough that when I came out, my mom didn’t care. I think she even knew before I did that I was gay.”

  “I wasn’t even the first person in my family to come out,” Gabriel said. “My brother, Luca, did first. Shocked the hell out of Nonna, but she recovered. Thank God, too, because then I did, and then Marco, our youngest brother.”