Love Me Madly

by Lidiya Foxglove

  Today, Alice had promised to take me out and tell me all about vampire life. I wanted her perspective. We were flying to Hawaii right after Halloween, and then to Belarus. If we succeeded in making the spell, the clan could turn me into a vampire.

  Rayner said it was my choice, but I knew that they all expected me to say yes.

  “You’re having a good time,” Alice said. “I know I said I was jealous, but you don’t have to hide it. I’m jealous of everyone who ever got married, but I want you to be happy.”

  “But won’t it change when I’m a vampire myself? When they can’t drink my blood anymore, but I need to drink someone else’s?”

  “Ah, now, they can still drink your blood. The venom still gives you that nice feeling. But it can’t feed you for long at all. You’ll just have whatever they’re having, which will be animal blood as often as anything. That’s where you need a good sire, I think. When you’re new you want human blood. Fresh as you can get it. You crave it badly. But those men of yours will take advantage of that feeling in the best kind of way…”

  “More than they already do?”

  “Oh, honey.” She gave my hand a little clutch.

  I flushed again.

  “I do love humans,” Alice said. “But it is hard to think of them as not being food at the same time. That’s my problem. I’m so hungry because I don’t get enough man.” She stopped and grabbed my arm again excitedly. “Do you want to meet my thrall here?”

  “Sure,” I said.

  I would never have agreed if I’d known Alice was going to shock the poor man, but I guess I shouldn’t have forgotten that vampires had a wicked streak.

  Anyway, I’m glad I agreed. Deep down I thought I could get used to being naughty.

  Alice didn’t just look young, she was also very small, I guess because people were smaller in 1910, but when she went out, she dressed sort of her age. That is, she put a scarf around her head and huge sunglasses, and a pink dress and matching coat with petite high heels. And, like Thom, she smoked. She must move around a lot, I thought, because there was no way she wouldn’t be noticed by everyone in the neighborhood, and humans would notice she never aged. The scarf and sunglasses hid her age a bit.

  “I have tested so many looks,” Alice said. “But it seems like the best way to get people to assume I’m a grown up little person is to dress like Grace Kelly.”

  “Who is that?”

  “I’m so old!” Alice wailed.

  “I grew up without a television or anything else,” I said. “You’ll have to tell me who everyone is.”

  “That’s right. You’re not likely to ever learn much about what’s new with this crowd! I can tell you about Grace Kelly and Vivien Leigh and Hedy Lamarr and Silvus can tell you about King Charles II.”

  Savannah was a beautiful place, heavily shaded with live oaks, and easy to walk between shops and restaurants from Ulf’s grand old house. Even though we were in the city, all the park squares and gardens made it seem lush and romantic and almost like a secret. Many of the house were generously sized and extravagant, especially in Ulf’s neighborhood. Everything was decorated for Halloween which was in just a few days.

  Alice heaved open the door of a bistro with a well-dressed and mostly older lunch crowd. I was glad I had nice clothes these days so I fit in.

  We were seated at a corner table and Alice asked to speak to the sommelier.

  “What is that?” I whispered. “A somme—“

  “He deals with the wine,” she said. “That’s why his blood tastes so good.”

  A thin older man with a pencil mustache stepped out as she tilted her sunglasses down. He stopped dead in his tracks. Then he stepped up to the table. “Alice…what are you doing here?”

  “Visiting you.” She beamed. “This is such a cute place. I just want you to recommend—“

  “I told you not to come here.”

  “I’m not here to embarrass you. Pretend you don’t know me. Bring me your best red.”

  “You don’t have any money.”

  “I have a little.”

  “This is not a place for you.”

  Her face turned from humiliation to fury. “Bring me a drink.”

  “Please…leave,” he said. “I know what you want.”

  “I just wanted to introduce you to my friend.”

  “We don’t have that sort of relationship.”

  “You should be afraid of me,” she hissed.

  Now his smile was a little gentler. “I know too much about you to be afraid of you.”

  “Anton, I—!”

  “Quiet,” he said, harshly, as one of the waiters looked at us. “I don’t have any good answers to questions about you. I—I mean, look at you, Alice! You know I don’t think of you any differently, but—“

  “That was the wrong thing to say to me,” she growled. “We are so done, Anton!”

  He looked horrified and practically ran to the back of the restaurant.

  She grabbed my hand and yanked me out of the bistro. Obviously, this wasn’t what she planned. She dragged me out of sight of the large windows, twisting my skin and wrenching my shoulder with her strength, and then she wiped away a few tears. “Well! That wasn’t the reaction I expected… He could have just played along! But oh no…”

  “It’s all right.” I felt protective of her. She was starting to feel older to me, but she also seemed like a fragile person. She made me feel stronger, the way my sisters did—and even my mom. I always had to be strong for them. “Maybe we should just get a cup of coffee. I’ll treat.” Rayner had given me some of my own money and I felt powerful being out in the world without any man around, with money in my pocket. Coffee seemed cheaper than wine, although I didn’t really know, since women in the Order didn’t drink. The only wine I’d ever bought was a nasty cooking wine. Still, whenever the men took me out I paid attention to everything and I was starting to piece together the bits of the real world like a quilt forming a pattern.

  “Thank you,” Alice said a little miserably, and I wondered if she really didn’t have any money. I was used to Rayner and his clan who seemed very comfortable with money, but Alice didn’t have a clan. Her options had to be limited for picking up work in the human world.

  We got our coffee and she looked out the window for a long moment as we sat down. “I know he told me not to come see him at work…but I still thought he’d be happy to see me. I thought I’d tease him. Of course, we’re not lovers.”

  “Would that make a difference?”

  “Everyone else has a lover’s relationship with their thralls,” she said. “Even straight male vampires—they don’t always have sex, but they’re close. Real close. Drinking someone’s blood is very sensual, as you know.”

  “Yes.”

  “Well, it messes everything up for me. I can never figure out how I’m supposed to be. I don’t want to be anyone’s adoptive daughter. I’m older than them, and stronger than them. But the minute they have a whiff of interest in me, I feel used and I think they’re creepy so I boot them out the door. One time I found a little goth boy just a few years older than me and went out on some real dates and everyone thought we were so cute together, but just try enjoying hours with a fifteen year old boy when you’re a hundred years old. I didn’t know half of what he was talking about. Plus I started to think I was the creepy one. And Anton is right. I don’t have a dime to my name!” She slumped.

  “That is a hard spot to be in,” I said. “Aren’t there any other young vampires in the world?”

  “They’re not common and they die young,” she said. “I’m surprised I’ve lasted this long. I just keep poking along, day by day. I’m glad you saved me. I’m always glad…when the sun comes up again. It’s the nights that get long.”

  “Don’t die, Alice. I believe you can live happily ever after. At least…I’d like to know that someone can.”

  “I’m sure you can,” she said.

  “I hope so. I have a lot to figure out.”


  “You’ll figure it out,” she said. “You’re a fighter. But a calm one. I can tell. I’ve seen vampires come and go. I know the kind that survive. You’ve already survived a lot, haven’t you?”

  “I feel like I’ve just been hanging on. My parents just died…and I’m with these men who all see me as a different person…”

  “That’s what surviving is. Just hanging on. Like fingernails on a cliff’s edge, sometimes. At least you know where you’re going. You’ll save your sisters, and have your men.”

  “Sure. I just don’t know what I’ll do with my sisters. I’d have to bring them into this…vampire world. I don’t know if the guys wanted to raise a baby. And then I’d watch them age and die…”

  “I had a little brother,” Alice said. “He died in 1992. It hit me hard, though I hadn’t seen him in a long time. I used to go and spy on him now and then. He liked to golf on Saturdays when he was retired. I’d hide in a tree and watch him. By then he looked just like my grandaddy.” She laughed. “That sounds like the saddest vampire story ever. But…maybe it got a little easier after that. He was the last of my family.”

  “I imagine you really wanted a clan of your own after that,” I said. “At least, everyone needs a family.”

  “Yeah, they do,” Alice said. “I wish I knew how to get one.”

  I wanted to suggest she could join our clan, but it was true that I had no idea how she would fit in. All four men were so obviously devoted to me, and knit into pairs in my absence. Alice would just end up left out. She already said Ulf offered to live with him and I guessed that posed the same problem. I expected she wouldn’t fit in with Ulf and Lucas and the grown women who were their thralls.

  “Don’t you worry over me,” Alice said. “I’m supposed to be convincing you to become a vampire. I’m not doing a very good job. I’m a bad example. Long story short, as long as you have a good clan with money, it’s a glamorous life. The parties are good and I hear the sex is even better. And vampires take care of their own. Plus, no matter how much you look like a fragile little girl, you’re stronger than anybody. I hope I didn’t twist your arm back there.”

  “It’s fine,” I said, a slight lie. I hadn’t slid back my sleeve but I think she bruised me. “If I was strong enough to fight Father Joshua myself, I wouldn’t mind that at all.”

  “We’ll get you there, sweetie,” she said.

  Chapter Ten

  Rayner

  I was a little restless when Alissa went out with Alice, worrying over her, but one of Ulf’s witch friends had her bird familiar following them around. Alissa had spent her life so shackled. I wanted her to learn how to get around in the world without me.

  Still, it was hard to let her out of my sight. And I still had two more nights to wait before she was mine again. My entire body was screaming for her.

  Silvus lined up his shot on the billiards table in Ulf’s attic and, as usual, was in a fierce competition with Jie to win the game. All four of us were playing but when Silvus landed two balls in the pockets, he just looked at Jie.

  “Nice shot,” Jie said.

  “Indeed it was.”

  “I don’t know if I can beat that.”

  “Oh, please. You’re already ahead.”

  Jie shrugged and easily knocked one more ball out, keeping himself in the lead. He barely fussed over the shot. Jie always downplayed his own smarts but he was somehow good at everything. It drove Silvus insane. Silvus was certainly every bit as intelligent but he seemed to work harder too. Thom and I just enjoyed the show. Thom was hungover, anyway, and had zero points.

  “I’m just glad we get a break before we have to go flying off somewhere,” he said. “I sure hate those things. Remember when you could get on an airplane and you got a whole meal and room for your legs? What the hell happened?”

  At that very moment, Ulf came up the stairs with Mariah beside him. Mariah was the witch who had been tracking Alissa and the moment I saw the serious looks on their faces I was ready to run past them. I should never have let her go! I knew it. I shouldn’t have let her out of sight for one moment. She can learn independence when Johannes is dead!

  `“Rayner, relax,” Ulf said. “Alissa is fine.”

  “Then do not come upstairs with such expressions!” I said.

  I wasn’t the only one nervous. The game had stopped immediately.

  “Ulf told me you are looking for a witch named Eileen Bowen,” Mariah said. “I’ve been contacting a few friends who know everything about other witches, and this morning a friend of mine in New York said she knows Eileen, and in fact, lives about an hour away from her. She said Eileen has been hiding out and has no way of being contacted, nor does she trust strangers, so she went over there to tell her you were looking for her. She found that her house had just been ransacked. The Order has been there. I believe Alissa’s mother might be in danger.”

  “Shit,” I said. “We need to go right away, then. Can your familiar tell Alissa to come back?”

  “He already did.”

  “If we hurry, maybe we can find her before the trip,” Silvus said. “Ulf, can you watch Calrose?”

  “Of course,” Ulf said.

  “Let me give you all the information I have on her location,” Mariah said. Silvus followed her while Jie and Thom went to pack the car. Ulf gave me a look as if he had something else to say to me. When they were gone, he walked down the stairs and shut the attic door behind us.

  “Rayner…we’ve known each other so long. I owe it to you, although I’m not making things easy on myself. This was my last party, my friend. I’m ready to depart this life.”

  “You’re moving on? Right now? When I’m the middle of trying to deal with the Order? Ulf, you poxy bastard.”

  Ulf took my frustration in stride. “It’s my seven hundredth birthday on All Saints’ Day,” Ulf said. “I have long told myself that seven hundred is long enough. It’s hard to go. It will always be hard to go, I think. I just find that I have no reason to get out of bed anymore. I feel I have done everything a man can do.”

  “I understand…I do…,” I said. He knew I’d thought about it. As Lisbeth was taking longer and longer to come back to me, sometimes I wondered if it would be easier just to let her be. But every time I found her, I felt like a new man again. I felt alive as long as she was with me. That feeling kept me going. “But…damn it all, what do you plan to do with it all? Who will fill your shoes?”

  “I don’t know. You’re the oldest vampire now—well, except a few we won’t talk of.” We both nodded over the existence of a few recluses and odd characters. “That’s why I’m telling you.”

  “I have a lot going on right now,” I said.

  “I left the house to you. Keep it, rent it…if you sell it, profits will be split with Lucas and some portions left to the vampires I have tried to take care of over the years. But I don’t care. At some point, all this life…well…let me be dust.”

  “What about Lucas?”

  “I leave him money. He’s still young. He would like to travel. Savannah has gotten a bit sleepy.”

  Ulf was making this sound like a minor thing. It wasn’t. He was dumping a lot on me. Vampires all over America relied on him and this house for sanctuary. If it became just another private home, it would leave orphaned vampires like Alice no place to turn to. But right now I had no time to worry over it. It was a heavy decision for a vampire to take their own life, and we all had sort of a mutual pact not to argue against it once a vampire was five hundred years old—the age we became known as ‘ancients’.

  “It’s an honor to handle your estate.” I shook his hand.

  “Think about it,” Ulf said. “It isn’t just your age. Bertie and Li Mei made your houses a home. If you turn her, how will you keep her mind busy?”

  “We certainly have plenty to keep our minds busy right now,” I grumbled. “But I wish you well, old friend.”

  I would miss Ulf. We could easily go decades without seeing each ot
her, but he was like a father to all of us. As old as I was, there were moments when I wanted someone older still. He was right. I would now be the ancient vampire that all the others looked to for help, unless I slammed the door on them and made it clear that I was too busy with my own life.

  But what I mourned most of all was the loss of another person who had known Li Mei and Bertie. Everyone who met Lisbeth was already gone. The same with Marguerite.

  We all live only as long as someone remembers us.

  Chapter Eleven

  Councilwoman Paola

  This was the house of the werewolf who killed my sister, if I had followed the directions from Councilwoman de Georgel correctly.

  The quest had brought me to upstate New York, well off the highway through quiet forests, until I was driving on unmarked dirt roads. Eventually, I reached a village tucked in the trees with most of the houses left in ruin.

  I parked my car well back. The gun loaded with rose quartz bullets was in my hand. I couldn’t help looking around with some wonder, a chill running down my spine. The way these cottages were clustered together, and their small size, with an ancient wooden paddock fence framing the entire village, was a pattern of town building from pre-colonial days.

  This must be a very early witch colony, I thought. They would have escaped the witch burnings of the Old World for the wider space of the new, but they burned witches here too, so they would have been driven out into rugged country long before the human settlers. They would have encountered resistance from Native American magic practitioners and struggled to grow food in the wild land.