by Norm Foster
Janine: Okay, now you’re just bragging, Mary Ellen.
Mary Ellen: Yeah, I am.
Rita: Bragging about what?
Janine: Apparently Kyle can’t keep his hands off of her these days.
Rita: Oh, so you’ve awakened the sleeping giant.
Mary Ellen: Well, I don’t know if I’d say “giant.” But then, I have nothing to compare it to. Kyle’s the only man I’ve been with.
Vi: It’s an expression, Mary Ellen. It’s not about . . . never mind.
Rita: Well, enjoy it while you can, Mary Ellen. God, I haven’t had a man since . . . Oh, no, it was last night. That’s right.
Janine: Oh cut it out!
Mary Ellen, Janine, and Rita laugh.
Mary Ellen: We were just telling Janine that she has our blessing where Sean is concerned.
Rita: Oh. Good.
Janine: You were in on the discussion too?
Rita: The three of us had a conference call last night. We were going to get together in person but Mary Ellen was tied up at home.
Mary Ellen: Yes. That’s another new wrinkle.
Janine: Well, thank you all for your concern, but I’m just going to take it slow right now.
Rita: Suit yourself. You know what’s best for you. We’re only saying this because we care about you.
Janine: And I appreciate that.
Vi: Listen, everybody. I . . . uh . . . I have something to tell you.
Rita: Well, that’s a mood changer. It sounds serious.
Vi: Well, it is kind of serious, yes.
Mary Ellen: Are you all right? It’s not something medical, is it?
Vi: No, it’s nothing like that. I’m fine.
Janine: What is it, Vi?
Vi: Well . . . Johnny applied for a lateral transfer a couple of weeks ago and it’s been approved.
Mary Ellen: Lateral transfer? What does that mean?
Vi: It means he’s going to be moving to Thunder Bay and joining the police force there.
Rita: What?!
Janine: Oh, Vi. No.
Vi: He thinks his daughter really needs him right now. He thinks he can help her by being closer. So, he’ll be moving there right away.
Rita: For how long?
Vi: Well, for . . . for as long as it takes, I guess. I’m not sure. Everything is so up in the air, you know?
Mary Ellen: I’m sorry to hear that, Vi. I know how much you love him.
Vi: Oh, Mary Ellen, I love him like crazy. Like I’ve never loved any man.
Mary Ellen: Oh, baby.
Mary Ellen hugs Vi.
We’ll get you through this. Don’t you worry.
Rita: And now there’ll be three of us without partners, so you’ll have lots of company. Janine, maybe you’ll want to give those pyjama parties some more thought.
Vi: I’m going with him.
Mary Ellen: You’re what?
Vi: I’m moving to Thunder Bay with him.
Janine: Vi, you’re moving?
Vi: I am. We talked it over and he wants me to come with him. And my skills are transferable, so I can set up shop anywhere. Hell, Thunder Bay is fifty times the population of Stewiacke. I’ll be turning business away. So, as soon as I tie up loose ends here I’ll be going out to join him. God, I can’t even think straight there’s so much to do.
Mary Ellen: I can’t believe you’re moving.
Vi: I know.
Rita: Is that why he asked you to marry him?
Vi: No, that’s not why.
Rita: Oh, I think it is, Vi.
Vi: No, he asked me before the transfer was even approved.
Janine: Are you going to marry him after all?
Vi: I don’t know. Maybe. Probably. I can’t say for sure.
Rita: Well, I don’t like it. I don’t like you picking up and moving to Thunder Bay. Thunder Bay? Where the hell is Thunder Bay?
Mary Ellen: Up on Lake Superior.
Rita: I know where Thunder Bay is! And I don’t like it! Following a man like a little puppy dog. That’s not like you, Vi. You’re better than that. You’re stronger than that.
Vi: I’m not following him like a little puppy dog, Rita. I love him. I’ve shared my life with him for nine years. We’re a team. And this is a decision we made together.
Rita: Well, I don’t like it!
Janine: Would you rather she stayed here, alone?
Rita: She wouldn’t be alone. She’s got us. You’ve got us, Vi. You wouldn’t have to worry about being alone.
Vi: I’m not worried about being alone. I’m worried about losing someone I love. You, of all people, should know why that scares me so much.
Rita: But what about the three of us? You love us.
Vi: I wouldn’t lose you, Rita. Or Janine or Mary Ellen. We’re best friends. You don’t lose best friends because you move away. We’ll always be best friends.
Rita: Well, I still don’t like it.
Vi: Well, I don’t like it either, okay? I don’t like it one bit. But that’s life sometimes. Sometimes life just pisses on your leg like a blind bulldog. Now, I have to go. I’m meeting Johnny. Anybody else coming?
Nobody moves.
We’ve only got a few of these Friday nights left, ladies. Mary Ellen? Are you coming or are you going home?
Mary Ellen: Oh God, I’m not going home. I’m getting too much attention at home.
Vi: Janine?
Janine: Yeah, I’ll be there as soon as I shut everything down here.
Vi: Rita?
Rita: No, I’m not coming.
Vi: Oh you are so.
Rita: I am not.
Vi: Rita?
Rita: All right, yes I am, but I’m not sitting anywhere near Johnny.
Vi: Oh, you will so.
Rita: All right I will, but I’m not talking to him.
Vi: Oh you will too.
Rita: All right I will. But that’s all I’m doing. I’m going and I’m sitting near him and I’m talking to him, but that’s it!
Vi: And you’ll be friendly.
Rita: And I’ll be friendly, but that’s where it ends.
Vi: We’ll see you over there, Janine.
Mary Ellen: Oh my God. I just thought of something.
Vi: What?
Mary Ellen: My birthday wish won’t come true this year.
Vi, Mary Ellen, and Rita exit. Light down.
Scene Three
Time: Two weeks later. A Friday.
Place: the same.
Lights up. Janine is in the diner alone. She is sitting having a coffee. She looks at her watch. Mary Ellen enters.
Janine: Well, finally.
Mary Ellen: Hi, Janine.
Janine: Everybody’s late today. It’s almost five.
Mary Ellen: I know. I had a lot of errands to run and I wanted to get an early jump on them, but then Kyle came home and got an early jump on me.
Janine: Oh God, Mary Ellen. You’ve become awfully crude since this new and improved sex life began.
Mary Ellen: I have, haven’t I? It’s actually rather liberating.
Janine: So, it’s still going on?
Mary Ellen: Like clockwork.
Janine: It’s been over two weeks.
Mary Ellen: I know. And there is no let-up in sight.
Janine: And how do you feel about that?
Mary Ellen: Janine, I’m quite enjoying it.
Janine: Are you?
Mary Ellen: Oh my dear, let me tell you. At first it was exhausting because I wasn’t used to it. I wasn’t in condition. It’s like a marathon. You have to train for it. You can’t just go out and start running willy-nilly. But now that I’m in shape, well I can go the distance. And I’m not talking about a half marathon. No, girl, we’re going the full twenty-six miles every time out. And we’re both losing weight too because we’ve skipped so many lunches. No, love, there is no downside to this.
Janine: Well, I’m glad to hear that. You sure seem rejuvenated.
Mary Ellen: Oh, I am. I feel
like a new woman.
Janine: Would you like a coffee?
Mary Ellen: I’ll get it. You stay put. You’ve probably had a long day and you’re not nearly in the fine shape I’m in.
Mary Ellen goes behind the counter and pours herself a coffee.
Janine: It was a busier lunch crowd than usual today. They didn’t clear out of here until about two.
Mary Ellen: Well, it’s the long weekend. I imagine a lot of folks are taking today off too to stretch it into four days.
Janine: Probably.
Mary Ellen: And Johnny’s leaving today. That’s where Vi is. She drove him to the airport.
Janine: Does she know when she’s leaving yet?
Mary Ellen: If she does, she hasn’t told me.
Janine: Things are really changing around here, aren’t they?
Mary Ellen: They sure are. It makes me sad, I won’t lie to you. I mean, I have led an unspectacular life, Janine. In fact, some would say my life has been mundane. And I would be one of those who said it. I’ve lived here all of my life. I married the first man I ever dated. We raised two boys, never travelled much. Well, we went to Chicago once to see the boys play in a hockey tournament. We spent two days in a hockey rink. We might as well have been in Pugwash for all the sights we saw. My job at the preschool is nothing to write home about. It’s a job that a million other women could do, and I could be replaced in a day if I ever left. I’ll bet you had dreams when you were a little girl, right? Dreams of becoming someone noteworthy. Someone that did something in this life? Well, I never had those dreams. I was told early on that my future was pretty much set in stone. Finish high school, find a man, have a family. And that’s what I did. I didn’t become someone noteworthy. Until I started coming here, with you and Vi and Rita. Here, with you three, I feel special. I’m someone. And I’m afraid of losing that.
Janine: You won’t lose that, Mary Ellen. We’re always going to be friends. And you’re noteworthy on your own. You don’t need us to make you feel that way.
Mary Ellen: Thank you, love. But I do need you three to . . . Oh God, I’m going to start to get all weepy. You know me. Well, enough of that. I’ll save my tears for a hard rain. That way they won’t get noticed. So, what else is going on today?
Janine: Well, it’s the doctor’s last day.
Mary Ellen: Oh my God. So it is. Have you seen him at all?
Janine: We had dinner together Wednesday night at the Cavalier.
Mary Ellen: Yeah, I know you did.
Janine: Then why did you ask if I’d seen him?
Mary Ellen: I was being polite. I didn’t want you to think that everybody was talking about your business even though everybody is. So, how did that go?
Janine: It was fine. We had a nice conversation over dinner, went to Dugan’s for a nightcap, and then he walked me home. He didn’t even try and kiss me good night.
Mary Ellen: The worst date of your life.
Janine: No. It was the best. I like him, Mary Ellen. There’s something about him. I like him a lot.
Mary Ellen: Have you told him that?
Janine: No. You see the problem is he likes me because he’s on the rebound from his fiancée and now maybe I like him because I’m on the rebound from Bradley. That’s way too much rebounding going on.
Mary Ellen: Maybe you just like each other because you like each other.
Janine: It can’t be that easy, can it?
Mary Ellen: Sometimes it is.
Janine: Well, today’s his last day so it doesn’t really matter, does it?
Mary Ellen: I don’t know. You can get a lot done in one day. Just ask Kyle.
Janine: You’re bragging again.
Mary Ellen: I most certainly am.
Vi enters.
Vi: Well, he’s gone. I drove him to the airport, kissed him goodbye, cried a little bit, told him I loved him, cried a little bit more, and put him on the plane.
Mary Ellen: Who are we talking about, dear?
Vi: You know, I don’t think Johnny and I have been apart more for more than a couple of days the whole time we’ve been together. This is going to be hard.
Mary Ellen: You’ll see him again soon.
Vi: I know. But I swear I miss him already.
Janine: All right, that’s enough talk about men leaving.
Vi: Men? What other man is leaving?
Mary Ellen: Her doctor friend.
Vi: Oh Sean, right. Have you seen him lately?
Janine: We had dinner Wednesday.
Vi: I know you did. And how was that?
Mary Ellen: It was wonderful.
Vi: Really?
Mary Ellen: Oh, Vi, it was the best date of her life.
Vi: (to Janine) Well good for you. Do you think you’ll see him before he goes?
Mary Ellen: She’s afraid to see him.
Vi: Why?
Mary Ellen: Well, he’s on the rebound. She’s on the rebound.
Vi: Who cares about that?
(to Janine) Do you like the guy?
Mary Ellen: She does. She likes him a lot.
Vi: Then that’s all that matters.
Mary Ellen: I told her that.
Vi: And?
Mary Ellen: She thinks it’s too late.
Vi: It’s not too late. He’s still here, isn’t he?
Mary Ellen: That’s what I said.
Vi: And?
Mary Ellen: She still won’t do anything.
Vi: Well, if you’re not willing to make a move then stop your whining. I’m sick of hearing you go on about it. Where’s Rita?
Mary Ellen: Don’t know.
Vi: Well, that’s odd. Rita’s usually the first one here.
Janine: You know, she’s really not taking well to the idea of you moving away, Vi.
Vi: I know.
Janine: And you’re not showing her much compassion either.
Vi: What do you mean?
Janine: Well, I think Rita feels especially close to you. You’re very like-minded, you two. For her, it’s like losing a sister.
Mary Ellen: For all of us it’s like losing a sister.
Janine: And I think Rita’s really hurt.
Vi: You’re right. I guess I haven’t been as thoughtful as I should be, given the circumstances.
Janine: No, you haven’t.
Vi: All right. I’ll try and be a little more understanding with her from now on.
Rita enters carrying a shopping bag.
Rita: Hi.
Vi: Where the hell have you been?!
Rita: What’s wrong?
Vi: We haven’t got too many of these days left, Rita. These visits we have every afternoon. You’re stealing time from us by being late.
Rita: I’m sorry.
Vi: Come here.
Rita: What?
Vi: Give me a hug.
Vi hugs Rita, crushing the shopping bag.
Oh, I love you.
Rita: Yeah, I love you too.
Vi doesn’t let go.
Okay, that’s good, Vi. Vi. That’s good.
They break the hug.
Vi: So, where have you been?
Rita: I had an errand to run.
Mary Ellen: Boy, I had errands to run today too, and I wanted to get an early jump on them, but . . .
Janine: All right, Mary Ellen. Thank you. Coffee, Rita?
Rita: Please, Janine.
Janine pours Rita a coffee.
Vi: Okay, so now that you’re all here, before you all start asking, I finally have the date that I’m going to be leaving town.
Rita: I wasn’t going to ask.
Mary Ellen: Doesn’t matter to me.
Janine: I couldn’t care less.
Mary Ellen: So, Rita, Janine had dinner with Sean on Wednesday.
Rita: Oh, I know. How was it?
Janine: It was fine.
Mary Ellen: It was boring.
Vi: All right, all right. Very funny. Anyway, I’ll be leaving two weeks tomorrow. So, there it is.<
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Rita: Two weeks?
Vi: That’s right.
Mary Ellen: That’s awfully soon, Vi.
Vi: Well, I’ll have all the loose ends tied up by then. I’ll have everything packed and ready to go, so . . . And I don’t want you throwing me a big going-away party or anything, because if you throw me a party then I’ll have to make a goodbye speech in front of everybody and I wouldn’t make it through it without crying, and I’ve cried enough these last few days and I expect I’ll be doing even more crying in the next two weeks, so no party, all right?
Rita: All right.
Janine: Fine.
Mary Ellen: Agreed.
Vi: Good . . . Really?
Mary Ellen: Really what?
Vi: I’m not getting a party?
Rita: You just said you didn’t want one.
Vi: Never mind what I just said. I do want a party. I want a big party. A tearful send-off. I want speeches and lots of weeping.