by Norm Foster
Mary Ellen: I’ll be weeping.
Vi: I know you will, dear. We can always count on you for a good cry.
Mary Ellen: I’m going to miss you, Vi.
Vi: And I’m going to miss you too, but let’s get back to the party. I want one, all right? Understood?
Janine: Understood.
Rita: With gifts?
Vi: Yes, with gifts. Going-away gifts. How can you send someone off without a gift? I want gifts.
Rita: All right, I’ll get you a gift!
Vi: You’re damn right you will. Mary Ellen, Janine? You too. With gifts. What in the name of God were you thinking, Rita?
Rita: I’m getting you one!
Vi: Well, I should hope so. Now, Janine, where the hell is my coffee? What kind of server are you, anyway? My Lord.
Sean enters the diner.
Sean: Good afternoon, everyone.
Mary Ellen: Sean!
Vi: Well, if it isn’t the town’s favourite gynecologist.
Sean: I’m not a gynecologist.
Vi: Oh? That’s not what Rita said.
Rita: No, I said I wished he was.
Mary Ellen: So, you’re finished, Sean. Your tenure in Stewiacke is completed.
Sean: It is. And I am sorry to see my time here come to an end. As you know, when I came here I was at a low point in my life.
Rita: You were a pitiful sight.
Vi: Oh, my boy, you were draggin’ ass.
Sean: Yes. But thanks in no small part to you four ladies, I am charting my way out of that morbid abyss.
Mary Ellen: I love the way he talks.
Sean: So, I want to thank you. In fact, I want to show you how much improvement I’ve made since coming here. Rita, did you get what I asked you to get?
Rita: I sure did.
Rita reaches into her shopping bag and takes out a music player and sets it on the counter.
Vi: What’s going on?
Sean: For the last ten days Rita and I have been meeting secretly.
Mary Ellen: Really?!
Sean: No, it’s nothing like that.
Rita: Not for a lack of trying on my part.
Vi: You do go the extra mile.
Rita: I told him that. His answer was still no.
Sean: Anyway, as I was saying, Rita has been giving me dancing lessons.
Janine: What?!
Sean: That’s right.
Mary Ellen: Well, hello for goin’.
Sean: Yes. Well, I don’t know what that means, but apparently women like a man who can dance. At least, that’s what I’m told.
Janine: (to Rita) You didn’t tell me you were giving him dancing lessons.
Rita: He asked me to keep it a secret.
Sean: (to Janine) You see? It’s that easy. And so, if you will permit me. Rita?
Rita turns on the music player. We hear a song, possibly “Woodstock” by Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young.
Sean holds out his hand to Janine.
Janine? May I have this dance?
Mary Ellen and Vi ooooh and ahhh. Janine steps forward and takes Sean’s hand. They begin to dance to the song.
Rita: Head up, Sean. Keep that back straight.
After a moment of dancing, he yells above the music.
Sean: How am I doing?!
Janine: I’m very impressed!
They continue dancing. After a moment or two Mary Ellen, Vi, and Rita join in dancing as well. After a little more of the dancing, Sean goes to the music player and turns it off.
Vi: Hey!
Rita: What are you doing?
Janine: Is that it?
Mary Ellen: I was just getting revved up.
Sean: Always leave them wanting more, right?
Janine: Well, I do want more.
Sean: You do?
Janine: I do, sir.
Sean: Then come to Halifax with me this weekend.
Janine: What?
Sean: Come to Halifax with me and we’ll dance.
Janine: I thought you were going home.
Sean: There’s nothing for me at home. Why should I be in a rush to get back there? There’s a lot more for me right here.
Janine: Like what?
Sean: You.
Mary Ellen, Rita, and Vi ooooh!
And don’t tell me I’m on the rebound again because I’m not. I realize now that having my engagement broken off was a good thing. Rebecca wasn’t the woman for me. It was wrong from the start. I know that now. And I know that because of meeting you and seeing the kind of woman you are. I like who you are, Janine. Hell, I think you’re bloody spectacular. I like the way you make me feel. I like the way my stomach jumps when I know I’m going to see you. I like thinking about what it would be like to hold your hand. To put my arm around your waist. To get lost in those eyes. To kiss those lips. And even if those events never come to pass—if that good fortune never smiles on me—the mere thought of them will have been pleasure enough.
Vi: Oh, girls, did you hear that?
Mary Ellen: That’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard any man say.
Rita: I don’t mind telling you, I am more than just a little aroused.
Sean: Come with me, Janine. You don’t want me wandering the streets of Halifax alone, do you? All hangdog. All woebegone. And if I don’t go with you, who else am I going to go with?
Rita raises her hand.
Rita: Uh. I . . . could . . .
Vi pulls Rita’s hand down.
Sean: What do you say, Janine?
She doesn’t answer.
Come on. Don’t tell me those dancing lessons were for nothing.
Janine: All right, I’ll go to Halifax with you, Doctor Merrit.
Vi, Mary Ellen, and Rita applaud and shout “Yay!”
But, just as your tour guide.
Sean: Agreed.
Janine: We’ll see the sights, have dinner, go to the theatre, go dancing, sleep together, and come straight home.
Sean: Really?
Janine: All right, we don’t have to go to the theatre.
Sean: What?
Janine: I’m kidding. I love the theatre.
Sean: Okay, then. So, I’ll pick you up when? About an hour?
Janine: No. We’ll leave tomorrow morning. Friday nights are for me and my girlfriends. And we don’t have too many Fridays left. Right, girls?
Vi: That’s right.
Mary Ellen: No, we don’t.
Rita: Nope.
Sean: I understand completely. We’ll leave first thing tomorrow morning then.
Janine: I look forward to it. Oh, and, Sean? I was kidding about sleeping together.
Sean: Of course you were.
Janine: We’ll need separate rooms.
Sean: I knew that.
Janine: Did you?
Sean: Absolutely. I mean, agreeing to have sexual relations in advance like that would make the intimacy too casual. Meaningless. Who would do that?
Rita raises her hand. Vi pulls Rita’s hand down.
All right, ladies. I hope you have a wonderful evening.
Vi: We will.
Rita: We always do.
Sean: Thanks for everything, Rita.
Rita: You’re welcome.
Rita gives Sean a hug.
Vi: Save some of that lovin’ for me, mister. Come on.
Sean gives Vi a hug.
There you go.
Sean gives Mary Ellen a hug.
Mary Ellen: Sean? You’ve performed a minor miracle here. You know that?
Sean: How so?
Mary Ellen: You’ve made us believe that folks from Toronto aren’t so bad after all.
Sean: Thank you, Mary Ellen. Oh, your niece Martine was at the clinic today. She has an ear infection.
Mary Ellen: Your stethoscope??
Sean: A photo of my ex-fiancée.
Mary Ellen: I’ll tell her to bring it back.
Sean: No. Tell her she can keep it.
Sean exits.
Mary Ellen:
I’m going to miss him.
Vi: Oh, something tells me we haven’t seen the last of Doctor Sean Merrit. Right, Janine?
Janine: You never know.
Vi: All right, come on. That beer at Dugan’s isn’t going to drink itself.
Rita: Wait. Can I say something?
Vi: Can it wait until we get to the bar?
Rita: No, I want to say it now with just the four of us here. It’s about the changes we’re all going through. I mean, Janine will be off to Halifax tomorrow with a new man; Vi, you’re moving thousands of miles away to start a new life; Mary Ellen is a sexual revolution in sensible shoes. I just want you to know that I’m happy for the three of you. I’m genuinely happy.
Vi: . . . That’s it?
Rita: That’s it.
Vi: Well, we know you’re happy for us, Rita. You’re our friend. Of course you’re happy for us.
Rita: I just wanted to say it.
Janine: Thank you, Rita.
Vi: All right, let’s go.
Mary Ellen: Wait.
Vi: Oh, what now?
Mary Ellen: Just a little more.
Janine: A little more what?
Mary Ellen turns the music on again. Vi, Rita, Janine, and Mary Ellen dance.
Lights down.
End.
Norm Foster has been the most produced playwright in Canada every year for the past twenty years. His plays receive an average of one hundred and fifty productions annually. Norm has over sixty plays to his credit, including The Foursome, On a First Name Basis, and Hilda’s Yard. He is the recipient of the Los Angeles Drama-Logue Award for his play The Melville Boys and is an Officer of the Order of Canada. He lives in Fredericton.