See You Smile

by Dawn Sister

  "Ask away!" he tells me,

  "Are you deaf by any chance?" his face pales, his breathing quickens, and his eyes flicker past me to the quickest escape route,

  "Er, yeah!" he replies breathlessly, "Is that a problem?" I am slightly taken aback by his sudden defensiveness, since why would it ever be a problem?

  "No!" I frown, then realise he is still looking past me to his exit. I reach out and touch his arm again and meet his gaze, "No problem at all, Cal, honestly, truly, no problem."

  He looks as if he's about to burst into tears he's so relieved, although part of him doesn't believe me, I can see. Why would he react like this? Why would he want to hide it?

  Because he does hide it, that's why he wears the headphones so he can pretend he didn't hear someone because he was listening to music.

  "Cal, why do you think it would be a problem me knowing you're deaf?" I ask, and he relaxes a little as he shrugs, looking away, possibly to hide the fact that his eyes have actually filled with tears,

  "Some people have a problem with it." He tells me, "They think because I can't hear I can't look after myself. People treat me differently when they know." He turns back to me, with a fierce, determined look on his face, "But I don't need special treatment." He snaps, "I can look after myself. I can live on my own. I don't need any help. I don't need anybody." He stands and stretches out his shoulders looking quite embarrassed by his sudden outburst, "I'm sorry!" he apologises, but before I can accept the apology and tell him not to worry about it he has turned away, "Surf's up." He muses, in a sudden change of subject, "I just got a new board and I want to try it out before the tide turns." He turns back to face me, "Thanks for the coffee, and everything else, Jake." He gives me a soft smile, then he's gone, down the steps and across the drive to his own house before I can even call after him. Not that calling after him will do any good, because he won't hear it. I do anyway,

  "You're welcome, Cal!" I call, "Come back anytime." Because I'll take whatever time I can get.

  I sit back in my lounger with a heavy, contented sigh. Well, I met him. I now know his name, and have solved some of the mystery that is Cal. There are still things to discover about this guy though. With every question answered a million more take their place. I have no idea how old he is, or why he's here alone, or why he is so defensive about it. He seemed friendly enough, but I have no idea if he wants to be friends or just friendly neighbours. From what I've seen so far, I would take anything he has to give, because he's just lovely.

  Chapter Five: A Ride Into Town

  It's been almost a week since I finally managed to introduce myself to Cal, however embarrassing the circumstances, and he seems to have settled back into his routine with the exception that, if he sees me out on my deck or at my kitchen window, or anywhere, he waves, and smiles a shy little half smile which is completely adorable but leaves me wanting more.

  I mean I want more of a smile, not more of him, although I would settle for more of his company which would give me the opportunity to try to broaden that smile into something that actually looks genuine and not strained.

  He's too young to not be smiling and laughing and having fun but he doesn't appear to do any of those things.

  He surfs every day if the waves are good. He runs every morning. The rest of the day, as far as I can see he sits inside and reads, although I have seen him out on his deck more since we met properly. He interacts with Jezzie who seems to be our go between at the minute.

  I asked him for coffee a few more times but he refused stating he had other things to do, although I know he doesn't do anything else. We never get passed "hello, nice day!" and then he disappears again.

  By the time Sunday comes around again, though, I feel that we have enough of a passing acquaintance for the offer of a ride into town for his weekly shopping trip to not seem too creepy,

  "Can I give you a ride into town tomorrow?" I ask him when I see him that evening as he runs back up the beach with his surf board under his arm, "I mean I'm going too, so it's no trouble, and it's quicker than taking the bus."

  "I don't mind taking the bus." Cal tells me, his defiant, defensive expression firmly in place,

  "I'm sure you don't, but I do." I tell him and he frowns. I lean closer, "I hate taking the bus, Cal, it's full of sweaty bodies with smoker's breath and people spreading flu germs and I'm driving into town to get groceries for myself, I would feel bad if I didn't offer you a ride." He regards me with narrowed eyes,

  "So you're offering me a ride to save yourself from feeling bad?" he asks, and I nod, smiling, because I think he is just about to accept, "So if I accept then I'll be doing you a favour?" I nod again, a little more enthusiastically this time. I feel like a puppy about to get a treat. I close my mouth to prevent my tongue lolling out,

  "So what do you say?" I ask, "Should I pick you up at nine?" He purses his perfect lips and I fight the urge to groan,

  "Okay!" he answers with a little half smile, "I'll see you then." And he disappears before I can say anything else.

  It's like that every time. I try to strike up a conversation with him and he just cuts it short; not in a rude way, he just makes it clear the conversation is over by turning away so I can't carry on speaking to him.

  Maybe there'll be more opportunity to talk tomorrow.

  Of course, I never really thought about how difficult it would be to have a conversation with someone who is deaf whilst I'm driving. We exchange greetings but then the rest of the journey we do in silence. I feel awkward, but is it just me that feels that way? He is used to silence so probably doesn't feel the need to fill it with words.

  Filling a silence with words just means you're kind of saying something for the sake of saying something. I guess on a car journey it's just not necessary to make small talk. Except I do want to speak to him. I want to know more about him. I can't ask him in the car though,

  "Come for a coffee before we start shopping?" I suggest. Cal regards me with wide eyes that search my face as if he's looking for signs that my offer isn't genuine. Why wouldn’t it be genuine? "This is a really great coffee shop." I lean closer to him, "I actually have to say that because it's owned by a friend." I add as an aside. He chuckles silently,

  "Okay!" it's the first word he's spoken since he got in the car.

  At least he isn't wearing those damn headphones, but, wait, no such luck, because as soon as we cross the threshold of the coffee shop he takes them out of his messenger bag and places them over his ears. Now I know for a fact they are not attached to anything, because, without wanting to sound too politically incorrect about this, what would be the point?

  He indicates that he will sit by the window and I nod, then pull him back as I don't know what he wants to drink,

  "What do want?" I ask him and his eyes flicker up to the menu board above the counter. He shrugs,

  "Just a coffee will be fine thanks." He reaches into his wallet. I stop him,

  "I'll get these." I turn before he can refuse.

  I feel him still standing there staring at me for a few seconds before he huffs slightly and goes to find a seat.

  I can't help smirking, because it feels like I've just won an argument. The quietest fucking argument I've ever had in my life, but it was still there, the defiance in his eyes, as if he was afraid by accepting a drink from me it would seem he couldn't do it himself. I never thought for one minute he couldn't, but someone, somewhere down the line obviously has.

  At the counter I meet Lawrence, the owner of the shop and an old friend,

  "Hey, Jake, long time no see." He greets me. I chuckle,

  "Yeah, I haven't seen you since, ooh, at least last Monday." He chuckles back as I make my order,

  "A lot can happen in a week." He muses and I am thinking the same as I glance over at Cal who is obliviously staring out of the window, his headphones firmly in place over his ears, "You here with that kid?" Lawrence asks, shaking me out of my reverie. I nod. Lawrence continues, "Yeah, bit of a str
ange one that one. Seen him around town a few times, always wearing those headphones. Kids these days, always listening to music and staring at their phone screens."

  Cal doesn't appear to have a phone though. I wonder about that as Lawrence continues his semi rant. He isn't a grumpy old man, he just has a lot to say about everything,

  "So who is he anyway?" Lawrence asks me,

  "His name is Cal, and he's my next door neighbour." I tell him and Lawrence's eyebrows rise into his hair line,

  "The Steele place?" he asks, "I heard that was standing empty."

  "It did last year, but I guess he's renting it now." Lawrence shakes his head and beckons me closer as he places two coffee cups on the counter,

  "He ain't renting it." He tells me conspiratorially. I frown,

  "What do you mean?"

  "I mean, it ain't rented." Lawrence begins to pour the steamed milk expertly into one cup as he continues, "My Lou, she knows someone who works for the Rental Agency that took care of the Steele place, she says it was taken off the rental market earlier this year." I raise my eyebrows and purse my lips,

  "Interesting!" I frown, "So maybe he's renting it long term?" Lawrence shakes his head,

  "Nope, Lou Anne's friend said the agency took care of a ton of properties that belonged to the Steele family and a ton of them have been sold recently." My eyes widen more, "He's either bought the place or had it bought for him." Lawrence speculates.

  I turn my head to regard Cal who is still staring out of the window. He doesn't have the air of someone who has just had a property this expensive bought for him. If he has parents who are so generous why haven't they been round every five minutes checking he was settling in?

  When Josh and I got our first place we never had a moment to ourselves, both sets of parents checking we were eating, cleaning, sleeping. My Mom even walked in on us having sex once. I don't know who was more embarrassed. Cal has had no visitors in the entire month he's been here.

  "He can't have bought the place though, he's just a kid." I say out loud. Lawrence huffs as he puts the finishing touches to the second coffee. They are a work of art; as usual he's drawn two beautiful feathered patterns with the steamed milk, "Larry, they look too good to drink." I take out my phone and take a photo of them, "Perfect!"

  He smirks, "You've been saying that every time you came in here since you first started coming in here." He tells me, "You weren't much older than that kid there when you got your house."

  "Yeah, but we were mortgaged up to our eyes and both working every hour God sent, plus, Josh had a really good job. Cal, as far as I can see, just surfs. Besides our parents helped us with a deposit when we decided to live together."

  "Oh yeah." Lawrence says, "I forgot you were a queer." I give him a narrow eyed look and we both laugh,

  "And I forgot you were an asshole. Give me my coffees." I take them from the counter and turn away,

  "Lou wants to know when you're coming back over for dinner because we never see you." He calls, because we are good friends and the queer/asshole thing is a long running joke between us. I shrug,

  "I have a deadline." I inform him regretfully and he purses his lips,

  "Get you!" he exclaims, "Big famous writer, too busy to spend time with his friends." I make a face at him, because he knows none of that is true, "You have time for coffee with a new neighbour but no time for socialising?" I shrug again and give him a sheepish look,

  "I'm building bridges, Larry." I explain. He shakes his head as if he thinks I am a hopeless case.

  Maybe I am. Am I making a fool of myself taking the time to get to know this kid? Are people going to see me spending time with him and automatically think I am chasing after him in some sort of mid life crisis? I don't even know if the guy is gay. Am I interested? I know I've been watching him with my tongue hanging out for the last month, and I do still think he's beautiful, but there's no way the interest would ever be returned.

  "We're having a party on Saturday, Jake." Lawrence tells me, "It's Lou Anne's birthday. Come over and bring your new neighbour." I give Lawrence a look that could probably curdle milk,

  "Lawrence, I'm not going to ask him to a party like some kind of date. I didn't mean those kind of bridges." Lawrence shrugs,

  "Whatever, bring him anyway. George is home for Spring break, he can hang out with the cool kids while us oldies sit on the deck and grouch about old folk stuff." I laugh at this,

  "Speak for yourself." I say as I walk back to Cal with our coffees, "I'll think about it." I call back over my shoulder.

  "You'll think about what?" Cal asks me as I sit and I wonder how much of that conversation he actually saw.

  I place the coffees on the bench in front of us and hitch up onto the high stool beside his, as he pulls off his head phones just as if he'd been using them properly rather than hiding behind them. I ignore the action since I think asking him about it this early on in a developing friendship might put a dampener on things, especially when he gets so defensive when I just offer him a lift or a coffee.

  "Lawrence, who owns the coffee shop…" I point over to the guy who is now serving someone else, "He and I are good friends. It's his wife's birthday on Saturday and he invited us to the party."

  "Us?" Cal splutters, almost choking into his drink, "What do you mean us?" I see a hint of panic in Cal's eyes and I groan inwardly because is he thinking the same thing that I thought? That asking him to a party sounds like I'm asking him on a date?

  "I mean, that he's invited me, and he knows you're new and his son is home from college so there'll be some people your age, he just thought…" I hope I've backtracked my way out of that.

  Cal sighs and looks away,

  "I don't like parties." He says, and not in a rude, dismissive way, it's almost wistful, "Too many people, too much noise." I cock my head to one side and regard him dubiously,

  "You know that doesn't actually make any sense." I smile as I try to meet his eye and he smirks, not because he saw my words but because he reads my quizzical, confused expression,

  "I don't mean noise, as in hearing noise I mean too much everything." He tries to explain, "There's always just too much going on for me to be able to focus on anything. I can't follow all the conversations. When my parents threw parties I usually just hid away in my room or stayed over at a friend's."

  So he has parents and he has friends. Where are they now though? He just seems so sad and lonely.

  I shrug and try to look nonchalant. I can't force him to go to a party where he won't know anyone but me and me only fleetingly. I also don't think Lawrence and Lou's party will be a raucous drinking binge with disco balls and loud music either. It will be a couple of friends and Lawrence's son, who I think is twenty now, will be there with a few of his friends: perfect for Cal to meet some of the people that live here.

  "I guess, if you're not staying here long though." I watch his reaction carefully, "If you're just here for a couple of months for the surfing, there's no point in getting too friendly with the natives." I make it a passing comment, as if I'm throwing away the words as I sip my coffee.

  Cal regards me with narrow eyes as if he knows that I'm fishing for more information. He drains his coffee and stands,

  "Thanks for the coffee, Jake and for the ride," he turns to go and I have to pull him back again because he's about to leave without arranging the time for going back,

  "Do you want to meet for lunch?" I try not to sound to eager or desperate but I don't want him to just walk away again. He shakes his head, "What about a ride home? I'll be leaving about fourish." He shakes his head again,

  "That's okay, thanks, I'll just get the bus." He tells me then really does leave so I can't call him back to change his mind and I can't chase after him because what would that look like?