Choosing You

by Stacy Finz

  “Mason used to talk about it. But . . . well, you know how it is.”

  He nodded politely. “I’m sorry for your loss.” He bent his leg at the knee and pressed his boot against the barn siding.

  “Thank you.” Brynn hadn’t fully mourned her husband’s death. With Henry’s injuries there hadn’t been time. So, for the last eight months she’d been stuck in the anger stage of grieving. “Is it unhealthy to be furious at a dead man? For dying. For causing the accident that killed him,” she blurted and just as quickly wished she could take back her words. She’d never voiced her rage at Mason for the crash before, not even to Lexi. Maybe it was because Ethan was a doctor, a healer, that she’d been so blunt, so personal. But now she felt awful for having said it.

  “Nope, it’s pretty natural. I see it frequently.” His hazel eyes held hers for the longest time and the knot around her chest began to loosen.

  “How do you do that?”

  “What?”

  “Always make me feel like things are going to be okay . . . That I’m okay.”

  “You are okay, Brynn. You’re brave and Henry is lucky to have a mother like you.”

  Her eyes watered and she turned to where Henry and Roni were still sitting on the fence. “Look at him. Look how happy he is.”

  Ethan reached out and took her hand. A shot of heat slid up her spine. As if sensing the weird connection, he quickly took his hand away. “I’ll do everything I can for Henry. You have my word.”

  “I know,” she said, letting several seconds of silence pass.

  The kids continued to chatter away and though she worried about Henry being out too long in the cold, she hated to interrupt the nice time he was having.

  “Shall we go?” she asked, seeing her breath turn white in the air. “It’s getting cold.”

  Ethan gathered the kids and they drove the short distance up the hill.

  “Would you like to come in for a cup of coffee or tea?”

  “Thank you but Roni and I need to get home.” He hooked his arm around Veronica’s waist and swung her onto his shoulders.

  “Bye, Henry,” she called. “See you tomorrow.”

  Henry waved, his face chapped red from the cold. Brynn bustled him inside and shut the door.

  * * * *

  Ethan locked himself in his office for a couple of hours while Alma and Veronica made cookies. The smell of sugar and cinnamon wafted under his door.

  He shouldn’t have said anything to Brynn about his and Joey’s divorce. It wasn’t wise getting too personal with a patient’s mother and one as attractive and single as Brynn Barnes, especially when she was living next door.

  Well, he couldn’t undo what was already done. Nor could he erase the feel of her soft hand.

  But he tried by busying himself returning emails. As usual his inbox was full. He skipped the usual junk mail and opened a message from the executive director of the Bentley Foundation.

  “We just received a two-million-dollar donation from a Brynn Barnes. Do you know anything about this?”

  He took a deep breath. Two million was a lot of cash and a big surprise. He and Brynn had never spoken about a contribution. The Bentley Foundation was always looking for wealthy benefactors but Ethan had no part in fundraising. He left that to others on the foundation’s staff.

  Brynn must have done a little background check on her own. The donation was beyond generous.

  He sent a brief response to the executive director: “Yes, I know the donor but am not at liberty to discuss details. Don’t spend it all in one place.”

  His phone chimed with a text. He wasn’t on call today but when the emergency room was inundated with broken bones it was all hands on deck. The text wasn’t from the hospital, though, it was from Joey.

  “Thanks for giving me the run of the ranch with Roni. It was a really good day. Our girl is growing so fast. I swear it feels like yesterday that we brought her home for the first time. Our little bundle of joy. I miss those days. Anyway, I wanted you to know how much I appreciate you making things feel normal. You look good, Ethan. Really good. Love, Joey.”

  He slid the phone across the desk. Joey looked good too, like the nurse he first met eight years ago, doing rounds at the hospital. Even back then she’d been a party girl. Truth be told it was one of the things that had attracted him to her. He’d worked so hard to get through med school, his residency, and then as Bentley’s protégé that he’d felt like an old man at thirty-two. But along came Joey to teach him how to be young again.

  The sex had been great. And more than that they seemed to have so much in common. Their jobs, their goals, their backgrounds—both grew up in the country outside Reno. Joey loved horses and Ethan’s family owned a ranch. It should’ve been a match made in heaven.

  But over time it was hell.

  Even before Joey became addicted to painkillers, there were cracks in their marriage. A year after giving birth to Roni, he caught her posting on an online dating site. She swore she’d never be unfaithful that she’d only done it to see if men still found her attractive. He told himself that it was postpartum depression and blamed himself for working too many hours.

  But things got worse when Joey slipped on a wet floor in the orthopedic ward and threw out her back. For months she lived with chronic pain and by the time she healed, she was popping opioid analgesics like they were breath mints and injecting herself with the narcotic waste she was supposed to be dumping at the end of her nursing shift.

  She stole from him, jeopardizing his career. And she stole from the hospital. When he and hospital staff got wise, she turned to street dealers for her oxycodone. Ethan had begged her to check into a residential facility. He and her friends had even staged an intervention. She promised she’d quit on her own.

  Ethan should’ve known that her words were empty, a junkie’s unfulfilled promise. But he wanted so much to believe that she’d get clean for the sake of their daughter. And the idea of deserting her was out of the question. He’d signed on for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, and held those vows sacred.

  But when she endangered their daughter while looking for her next fix he couldn’t do it anymore. He left her, took Roni with him, and filed for divorce. That was eighteen months ago. It took six more months before she hit rock bottom and entered a six-month program. The last six months she’d been living with her parents and from all outward appearances was clean and sober.

  He was beyond proud of her. And as soon she proved herself to the judge and Roni’s legal advocate, his ex would get joint custody. Ethan knew that. All Joey had to do was stay clean. In the long run it would be best for Roni. She’d missed her mother desperately and Ethan had suffered terrible guilt for separating them and breaking up their family.

  But joint custody would be a logistical nightmare. And the damned truth of the matter was losing Roni, even for only half the week, was going to kill him. His daughter was his life and the idea of them missing holidays together and only seeing each other every other weekend made him sick to his stomach.

  Still, it was inevitable. He’d have to suck it up but it didn’t mean he’d have to like it.

  “Ethan.” Alma tapped on the door and let herself into his office. “How were the horses?” She sat in the big chair by the fireplace. Simba, their Australian shepherd, moved out from under his desk and laid at Alma’s feet. Who said dog was man’s best friend?

  “The horses were good.” Alma’s interest wasn’t in the horses but Ethan planned to make her work for it.

  “And Henry? How is he?”

  “As well as can be expected. Brynn thanked you for the enchiladas, by the way.”

  “And how is she?” Alma’s mouth curved up in a teasing smile.

  “Fine. Of course, you could always walk down there and ask her yourself. What did you think of Joey today?”

 
Alma let out a huff. “What can I say, Ethan? She seems sober. She seems like a doting mother. She seems like a woman who isn’t done with you yet.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “It means that she wants you back. She wants this big house and everything that goes along with it.”

  “Nah, it’s not like that, Alma. We weren’t good even before the pills.”

  She arched a brow. “La cabra siempre tira al monte. A leopard does not change its spots. She wants what she wants and she will pull out all the stops until she gets it.”

  “I don’t understand why you never liked her. Before the pills she was a great nurse, a wonderful mother, and a good human being.”

  “But a terrible wife. No hay peor sordo que el que no quiere oír. You made yourself blind to it. But it was there. I saw it, your father saw it, your sister saw it.”

  There was truth in what she said. But he shouldered much of the blame. “How do you say in Spanish that a husband’s no good if he’s never around?”

  “Bah, you were around plenty. And when you weren’t you were doing important work.”

  “Spoken with the bias of a mother.” He loved her for that but a man faced his foibles. And Ethan had plenty.

  “Don’t believe me.” She shrugged. “You’ll see. She’s starting her campaign.” Alma got to her feet and headed for the door. “We’re having milk and cookies in twenty minutes. Then it’s Roni’s bath and bedtime. She wants you to read to her.”

  “What’s your plans tomorrow?” If she didn’t have any Ethan wanted to take her and Roni on a drive to Glory Junction to have lunch at their favorite Indian restaurant. The ski town was only thirty minutes away and Alma enjoyed the shops.

  “I’m going to Reno to lunch with my old colleagues and gossip about the Ken doll, then catch a show at the Events Center with an old friend. You and Veronica are on your own. Don’t burn the house down.”

  “I’ll try not to.” He wondered if that old friend was male. It had been three years since his father died. It was time for Alma to start dating. She was only fifty-nine and still caught plenty of men’s attention. He would hate to think she wasn’t moving on because of him and Roni.

  Alma left, shutting the door behind her. Simba let out a whine.

  “Traitor,” he told the dog and opened the French door to give her a bathroom break. “Go on out, girl.”

  Simba got up on shaky legs, stretched and took her sweet-ass time going outside, letting the cold in. Ethan followed her, walked to the end of the yard, and gazed down the hill. There was smoke coming from the cottage’s chimney.

  He lingered there for a few minutes, then went back inside.

  Chapter 6

  Monday came fast. Brynn spent much of Sunday putting out fires at the Barnes Group. At the last minute, a client wanted to change his ad strategy. The creators of the campaign had to come in over the weekend, tear up their entire pitch and start from scratch. But nothing was working.

  Desperate, they called Brynn. She spent much of the day video conferencing with the team and reworking the message and graphics. In the end, she thought the campaign turned out better than the original. Henry kept busy with Veronica, who showed up at the door at eleven, asking if he could play with her.

  At five this morning, Brynn was up to do it all over again. It was difficult running the agency from the opposite coast but what choice did she have?

  Mason was the agency’s rainmaker, splitting his time between schmoozing new clients and working on the biggest campaigns, including Super Bowl and Black Friday ad strategies. Until she left to be a full-time mom, they shared those duties.

  Now, it was Rich and Layla, who needed her help. The four of them had started the Barnes Group after leaving the Omnicom Group. She’d met Mason her first year working at the mega global marketing firm. Fresh out of school, they were ready to take the advertising world by storm. And they had.

  Between Mason’s brilliance tracking trends and her creativity, they quickly moved up the ranks, working on some of the agency’s largest accounts. And somewhere along the way, they fell in love. But when the thrill of building their own agency and competing against their former employer for the biggest jobs in the business was gone, so was their desire for each other.

  “You almost ready, baby?” she called to Henry in the other room.

  They were stuck wearing the same clothes they’d worn to their first appointment until their things came. But Brynn took special care with her hair and makeup, telling herself that it was for Henry. She was putting on her best face for what would probably be a trying day.

  He came into her bedroom in the new sweatshirt she bought him, wearing the cowboy hat.

  “Looking good, buddy. Oatmeal or eggs?” She wanted him to have a good breakfast before they left. There was no telling whether there would be time at the hospital to have lunch.

  He scowled. “Can’t I just have cereal?”

  “Yes, if you promise to eat it all.”

  They went to the kitchen where she pulled out the box of Cheerios she’d gotten at the Nugget Market and fixed him a bowl. While he ate, she made herself a cup of coffee. They had ninety minutes to get to the hospital and Brynn was a little nervous about finding her way. That was what the GPS was for, she reminded herself.

  She checked twice to make sure she had the house key before they were on their way. The drive didn’t seem as complicated—or as long—as it had the first time. She found the highway with ease and from there it was a straight shot to the Nevada state line.

  “Mom, will it hurt?”

  “Today? Or the stem cell procedure?”

  “Today.”

  “I don’t think so. It’s just tests to make sure you’re healthy enough to be treated. But we’ll ask Dr. Daniels just to be sure.”

  She found parking easily enough in the hospital structure. And even though they’d been there last week, she needed directions to the orthopedic surgery center again. Though modern and quite nice, the hospital reminded her of an antiseptic maze.

  They sat in the waiting room as they had the first time. The sound of trickling water from a table fountain on the reception counter was supposed to be soothing, she presumed. Instead, it increased her need to use the restroom. Too much coffee.

  She leafed through a parenting magazine and tried to focus on the eighteen fast and fun breakfasts that children were guaranteed to love. But her gaze kept skipping to the window behind the reception desk, hoping to catch a glimpse of Ethan.

  He called Sunday but only to ask her to send Roni home. Otherwise, she hadn’t seen him. She knew she was being silly. He was a busy man, after all. And Henry’s doctor, not a friend. But Saturday at the horse barn he’d been such a comfort.

  For the first time, she hadn’t felt like the responsibility of Henry’s care was hers and hers alone. Her parents and Lexi had been enormously supportive during the ordeal. But she hadn’t been able to confide in them what she had in Ethan. Maybe it was easier because Ethan was a stranger and hadn’t known and loved Mason. He wasn’t judging.

  In fact, he even validated—or at least normalized—her resentment toward Mason for the accident. So many nights Brynn went to bed chastising herself for being a terrible person. Her husband paid the ultimate price for his irresponsibility. Yet Brynn still couldn’t help blaming him—who careens down a mountainside on a three-wheeler with a child? Because of Mason’s recklessness, Henry might never have full use of his legs again.

  “Ms. Barnes, Dr. Daniels will see you and Henry now.”

  Brynn and Henry followed the nurse through the doorway to the exam rooms. They wound up in the same room they’d been in the first time they came.

  “Dr. Daniels will be right with you.” The nurse left and shut the door behind her.

  Brynn helped Henry up onto the table and tucked his wheelchair out of
the way. “You want to take off your hat. I can hold it for you.”

  “Uh-uh.” Henry shook his head. “I want Dr. Daniels to see it.”

  The door swung open and Ethan came in. He smiled and she felt her pulse quicken. Suddenly everything seemed okay, like he had this and she could breathe again.

  “Ms. Barnes.” He nodded.

  It did not escape Brynn that he’d reverted to using her surname, a signal that he wanted to keep things formal at the hospital. “Dr. Daniels.”

  He turned his attention to Henry. “The hat looks good, partner. How we doing today?”

  “Good. Is it going to hurt?”

  Ethan winked. “Just a little pinch when we take blood. You’ve had that done before, right? The rest of it is easy peasy. Did the nurse take a urine sample?” He addressed the question to Brynn.

  “No. Would you like for us to do that?”

  “Yep. You want Mom to help you, Henry, or you think you can do it by yourself?”

  “Myself.” Henry started to get down from the table and Ethan lent him a hand.

  Brynn got up to go to him but Ethan gestured for her to remain in her chair.

  “Let me show you where the bathroom is.” Ethan got Henry his wheelchair and pointed him in the direction of the men’s room.

  “He might have trouble standing by himself.” She worried about him holding himself up while trying to collect a sample at the same time.

  “Then he’ll sit. It’s good to let him do things for himself.”

  He hadn’t said it to chide her, but Brynn still felt as if her mothering was being called into question. Her first inclination was to let him know that how she chose to handle her son’s needs was her business. What did he know about having a disabled child anyway?

  He gently touched her elbow as if he could feel her hostility emanating across the room and just as gently said, “It’s important for Henry to be and feel self-sufficient.”

  There was something about his touch and the empathetic way he spoke that made her anger melt away.