Choosing You

by Stacy Finz

  She could see him watching her in the moonlight, his eyes pools of desire. Having him look at her with such heat and arousal, took her higher. She arched her back and he took one breast and then the other in his mouth, sucking and laving them with attention.

  His hands had moved to her backside and he began easing her up and down. Faster, then harder. Building until heat coalesced in the pit of her stomach and her body began to seize with release.

  “Ethan, oh Ethan.”

  “I’ve got you, baby. Let it go. Let it go.”

  She felt herself clench and spasm as a torrent rolled through her.

  His strokes quickened, hard and strong. She held on with each powerful thrust. He grunted, threw his head back, and called out her name. Then they collapsed against each other, her head nestled against his chest.

  He wrapped his arms around her back and held her close. The windows were fogged from the inside but Brynn could tell that a thin layer of frost had begun to cover the glass on the outside. Ethan grabbed his jacket from the backseat and covered her with it. For a long time, they just snuggled together, oblivious to the cramped quarters.

  “You okay?”

  “Never better.” She burrowed deeper into his chest and could hear the beat of his heart.

  Ethan tried to stretch his legs but hit the dashboard with his knee. “Shit. I’m too old for truck sex.”

  She laughed. “I don’t know, you’re pretty good at it if you ask me. But we should get home. I don’t want to leave Henry too long.” Though it had been well worth it, she’d already been gone more time than she’d planned.

  Ethan righted his seat and she crawled out of his lap into the passenger seat, immediately missing the heat of his body and the safety of his arms. With the cold came the sharp slap of reality. She had not come here to fall hopelessly infatuated with a man. She’d come for the sake of her son and the possibility that he would one day walk again.

  And as soon as Henry was better she would be leaving to take the helm of her company, her legacy to her son.

  Chapter 18

  The days got longer, the grass grew taller, and the cacophony of cattle crying for their babies filled the air on the Circle D. According to Ethan, April was weaning season, when mamas were separated from their calves.

  Watching the babies and their dams stand on opposite sides of a fence broke Brynn’s heart.

  “It’s life on a working cattle ranch,” Ethan had told her. “A month from now we’ll send them to market.”

  The weeks had passed quickly in Nugget. Between working on Griffin’s campaign, spending time with the women in town and stealing away with Ethan in the evenings whenever they could, Brynn’s life was full to bursting.

  But she’d begun to worry that Henry’s legs weren’t healing the way they were supposed to. A physical therapist came twice a week but Henry still hadn’t graduated from the wheelchair to a walker. Every time she broached the subject with Ethan, he told her to be patient.

  Today, though, the X-rays would give them a clearer picture of his progress. The films would show whether new bone tissue had begun to form.

  And after their appointment, she and Henry were picking up Lexi at Reno-Tahoe International Airport.

  “Mom, do X-rays hurt?”

  She parked the car in the giant structure at Renown Children’s and turned to him. “No, baby. They’re just going to take a picture of your bones. Do you remember when Dr. Brunswick did it? It didn’t hurt then, now did it?”

  “I don’t remember.”

  She leaned over, took off his cowboy hat, and kissed the top of his sweaty head. “You want to leave this in the car or wear it in?”

  “Wear it.” He’d asked for boots too. Brynn suspected that he was trying to emulate Ethan, who he’d begun to idolize. He followed him everywhere. The cottage, the driveway, anywhere Henry’s wheelchair could go.

  Ethan had taken him and Roni fishing last Friday. Though Brynn wasn’t ready to let Henry go on outings—especially of the adventurous kind— without her, she’d relented. Only because it was Ethan. Henry caught two rainbow trout, which she suspected had been reeled in by Ethan. But the look on Henry’s face when they brought the fish home was priceless.

  Sometimes, at the height of her guilt, she wondered if it was a mistake letting her son get attached to a man they would leave ultimately. Henry had lost enough already. But if she banished Ethan from Henry’s private life, she would have to remove him from her own. And she couldn’t. This thing between them had become more than an obsession. Ethan Daniels had become her lifeline.

  She was assailed by the antiseptic smell of the hospital as soon as they passed through the double doors. The volunteer at the desk smiled at them. Brynn wasn’t sure if the elderly woman recognized her and Henry from past visits or if that’s how she greeted everyone.

  In the radiology waiting room, they fell into their usual pattern. Henry chose a comic book while Brynn scrolled through her phone, pretending not to be anxious. Twenty minutes later, they were led to a room and asked to remove Henry’s pants.

  It was cold from the air conditioner and she worried about Henry and his bare legs.

  The technician, who said Brynn could stay in the room with Henry while the X-rays were taken, fitted them both with lead aprons. The whole thing took less than fifteen minutes.

  The technician asked them to wait while the images were processed. “Just want to make sure we got what we need.”

  “We’re all good,” he said a few minutes later.

  “How soon until Dr. Daniels gets the results?” They could grab a bite to eat in the cafeteria while they waited.

  “One to two days.”

  Brynn jerked back, surprised. She’d just assumed they would get the results today. “Why so long?”

  The technician shrugged. “It’s how long it usually takes.”

  She helped Henry put his pants back on, disappointed. Today, she’d hoped to be reassured, told everything was healing just as it should.

  She didn’t like to take advantage of her relationship with Ethan but instead of going back to the car, she wheeled Henry to the Orthopedic Surgery Center.

  “Is Dr. Daniels in?”

  A receptionist who had seen them several times before typed something into her computer. “I don’t see you on the schedule, Mrs. Barnes. Did we make a mistake?”

  What she meant was did Brynn show up on the wrong day.

  “Henry had a radiology appointment today and I just wanted to ask Dr. Daniels a quick question about it.”

  “Let me check if he’s available.”

  Brynn waited, feeling foolish. For all she knew Ethan was with a patient and she was interrupting him.

  “Mom, can we go now?”

  “Soon, sweetheart. I just want to ask Eth . . . Dr. Daniels a question.”

  Ethan opened the door to the waiting room. Unlike at home, he was in full doctor attire. White lab coat, stethoscope stuck in his pocket, and a pair of dark colored slacks. At least he wasn’t in scrubs and she hadn’t pulled him out of a surgery. Not that he would leave in the middle of a surgery but . . . she felt pushy. And presumptuous.

  “Hey,” he said, smiling. “Come back to my office.”

  He ushered them through the door. Brynn noticed he was careful to keep his distance as they walked down the hall together, passing exam rooms on their way. He shut the door behind them and motioned for Brynn to have a seat.

  “I’m sorry to bug you like this.”

  “You’re not bugging me.” But he sounded harried as if she’d caught him in the midst of something. Or maybe it was just her imagination. But he was acting so stiff and professional. “Did everything go okay with the X-rays?”

  “Yes, but the technician said it’ll take one to two days to find out anything. I thought we’d know something today.”

/>   He nodded patiently. “It’s not my call, Brynn. It’s up to the radiologist. Two days is pretty standard unless it’s an emergency.”

  “This is an emergency.” Her son wasn’t getting better.

  He just gazed at her with the same patient expression he’d used before. “I’ll see what I can do, but it won’t be today.” He reached over and adjusted Henry’s hat. “Nothing’s going to change between now and then, anyway.”

  She wanted to scream at his blasé attitude but held herself in check. It wouldn’t do to make a scene.

  “Brynn,” Ethan’s eyes darted to the closed door and then to Henry, “It’ll be okay.”

  Then why wasn’t there any improvement?

  “I’m sorry to have bothered you.” She got to her feet and grabbed the handles on Henry’s chair.

  “You didn’t bother me,” he said but didn’t reach out to console or stop her from leaving.

  She made it all the way to the airport before calming down. It was early. Lexi’s flight didn’t get in until one. They probably should’ve grabbed a bite but she’d been too upset to think straight.

  “Are you mad at Dr. Ethan?”

  “No, of course not. I was just frustrated is all.” And on edge. And probably overbearing. She didn’t know what she’d expected of Ethan. Was he supposed to drop everything and demand that the radiologist read Henry’s X-rays?

  “Mom . . . was the accident Dad’s fault?”

  “What?” Although she prepared for this question—a cadre of medical experts said it would come—she hadn’t expected Henry to raise it while sitting in a cell phone lot at the airport.

  Momentarily thrown, she caught herself and recited the answer she had rehearsed for months. “Of course not. It was an accident, baby.” Yet, resentment for Mason festered in her like a disease.

  Be careful, she told herself. Children had an uncanny way of sensing a parent’s anger.

  “Was it my fault?” he asked, his blue eyes, so much like hers, watched for her reaction. It was as if he was waiting for her to lie.

  “Absolutely not. What would even make you think that?” She turned in her seat and brushed his cheek with her thumb.

  He hitched his slender shoulders. “I don’t know. But why did I have to be in an accident, Mom? Why did Dad have to die?”

  “Oh, Henry, I wish I had an answer for you. Sometimes, bad things just happen, even when it’s no one’s fault. Daddy loved you so much. You were his pride and joy. You know that, right?”

  He nodded and sniffled, wiping his nose with the back of his hand. She searched her purse for tissues and wiped his eyes.

  “Do you know how we keep Daddy alive in our hearts?” She touched her chest with the flat of her hand.

  “How?” His bottom lip trembled.

  “We live a happy life for him. Can you remember that?”

  “Yes,” he said, trying to hide his tears.

  “Come here.” She pulled him into her arms. “I love you, Henry. You’re everything to me.”

  * * * *

  “How many more miles?”

  “What are you, twelve?” Brynn poked her best friend in the arm.

  “I have to pee. I drank four cups of coffee and a can of ginger ale on the plane. You didn’t tell me there was nothing between Reno and Nugget but desert.”

  “And forest. Oh, Lexi, wait until you see the trees. Pines as tall as a high rise.”

  “And the horses, Aunt Lexi. You’ll love the horses.”

  Lexi turned to the backseat. “What about cowboys? Are there any of those?”

  Brynn elbowed her in the arm and rolled her eyes.

  “Dr. Ethan is a cowboy. There are lots of ‘em in Nugget.”

  “Oh yeah?” She raised her brows. “Well get me to Nugget. Stat!”

  “You’re a nut.” Brynn shook her head. “Have I told you how happy I am that you’re here?”

  “About a hundred times. And I’ve got presents,” Lexi said in her best Oprah singsongy voice.

  Henry leaned into the front passenger seat. “What did you bring me, Aunt Lexi?”

  “It’s a surprise.”

  The landscape turned from scrub to dense thickets of trees as they climbed into the mountains.

  “See that?” Brynn pointed. “It’s the Feather River. It flows right by the cottage.”

  Lexi gazed out the window. “Good job. Now I’m going to pee my pants.”

  “We’re almost there, you can hold it. Later, we’ll go to town and eat dinner at the Ponderosa. It’s Henry’s and my new home away from home. Isn’t it, Henry?” Brynn looked at Henry in her rearview mirror.

  “And the Bun Boy,” Henry said.

  “Afterward we can check you in at the Lumber Baron.”

  Lexi was only staying three days but Brynn planned to make the most of every second. She needed her best friend now more than ever.

  “How did the X-rays go?” Lexi slid Brynn a glance. Brynn confided that Henry was taking longer than anticipated to heal, which was a bad sign.

  “We didn’t get the results yet. It’ll take another day or two.” She tried to sound optimistic for Henry’s sake. But Brynn heard the despair in her own voice.

  Lexi reached over and squeezed her hand.

  When they got to the cottage Lexi declared it adorable. “It’s like a storybook house in the woods.”

  “I want to show Aunt Lexi the barn,” Henry said.

  “In a little while, baby. Let’s let Lexi settle in first. She’s been traveling since early this morning.” Brynn pulled a cheese platter she’d prepared earlier from the fridge and opened a bottle of wine to let it breathe while Lexi used the restroom.

  Lexi joined them in the kitchen and rooted through her purse. “Voila, a gift for Monsieur Henry.”

  Henry tore through the wrapping. It was the most enthusiastic Brynn had seen him in days. The truth was, her worries about his legs had begun to rub off on him. She’d seen it in subtle ways, including making excuses not to play with Roni on the afternoons she came knocking on their door.

  She needed to stop wearing her every emotion on her sleeve. It wasn’t good for her son. It wasn’t good for anyone.

  Going off on Ethan earlier had not only been petulant, but it had put him in an awkward position. She’d acted entitled, an attitude she abhorred in the Upper East Side set with whom she socialized.

  “Lexi!” Brynn shot her friend a look as Henry exclaimed over his new smart watch. “A little extravagant, don’t you think?”

  “That’s what aunties are for.” She helped Henry put it on and kissed him on the cheek. “Go set it up and give your mom and me some alone time.”

  When Henry dutifully left for his bedroom, Lexi flashed a smug smile as if to say, See, I’m keeping him busy so we can talk.

  No, it wasn’t easy gaining privacy in the small cottage. In the last weeks, Brynn and Ethan had been extremely inventive to meet the challenge.

  “You look miserable.” Lexi got two wine goblets down from the cupboard and brought the bottle to the coffee table, where she poured them each a healthy glass. “What’s going on?”

  I had my first fight with the man I’m crazy about. She could still see his face as she’d walked out of his office. His expression was a mixture of anger and pity.

  “I’m disappointed that I couldn’t get Henry’s X-ray results today. If it’s not working . . .” Brynn’s eyes welled. “I just had so much faith in this, Lex.”

  “It may simply be that Henry is a slow healer. Did you ever think about that? What does the doctor say?”

  “That Henry may be a slow healer.” Brynn tried to laugh but it came out more as a sob.

  “Ah, Brynn.” Lexi wrapped her in a hug. “I can’t believe you’re doing this all on your own.”

  Not alone, she had Ethan. But afte
r today who knew. Perhaps he’d want no part of her after she’d thrown her little spoiled stunt in his office.

  Brynn got up and went to the bathroom to blow her nose. On her way back, she grabbed the cheese platter. She thought about making a fire to give Lexi the full Nugget winter wonderland experience. But it was in the high sixties, hardly fireplace weather.

  Her phone rang and she jumped up, hoping it was Ethan. But it was her mother, who plied her with questions about Henry’s X-rays, Lexi’s flight and whether she and Brynn’s father should book a flight in the next week or so.

  “Why don’t you wait, Mom? I don’t know what our schedule is yet.”

  For the next ten minutes, her mother talked about everyone and everything in New York, including news about Brynn’s father’s latest performance. Brynn mouthed “help” to Lexi, who mouthed back, “You’re on your own.”

  There was a knock on the door. “Mom, someone’s here. I have to go.”

  Lexi followed her as if she was Brynn’s second line of defense in case they had to take down an intruder. She wanted to tell her that they were no longer in Manhattan.

  It was Roni. School had gotten out about an hour ago.

  “Henry,” Brynn called. “Veronica is here. Why don’t you guys play outside for a little while?” She wanted Henry to get fresh air.

  To her surprise, Henry acquiesced. She was sure it was the new smart watch that did it. He wanted to show it off.

  “She’s darling,” Lexi said when Henry and Roni were out of hearing distance. “She’s younger than Henry, isn’t she?”

  “She’s six. But the nearest kid for miles. Henry’s very sweet with her and she’s very patient with him. I think it’s because both her parents are in the medical profession.”

  “Her mom’s a doctor, too?”

  “No, an orthopedic nurse. But they’re divorced. She sees her daughter on weekends.”

  “The doc got custody. That’s unusual, isn’t it?”

  “She had an addiction problem. Opioids.” Brynn felt like she was betraying a confidence. But this was Lexi, her best friend. Besides, by Thursday, Lexi would be on the other side of the country and Ethan and Joey would remain mere strangers. No one for Lexi to gossip about with their New York friends.