Egotistical Jerk: A Hero Club Novel

by A. K. MacBride

  I breathed her in, my arms tightly wound around her like she was the only thing grounding me, because she was. And for the first time in my life, I let go. I allowed the tears to fall freely. All because of this woman in my lap, this woman who had shown me it was okay to feel.

  We sat like that, mourning the loss of a wonderful woman together until we had no more tears to cry. I was more than a little grateful that there hadn't been so much as a tap against my door during the time Mia and I had been holed up in my office. Because somewhere along the way, Mia's eyes had closed while her breathing evened out.

  Still holding on to her, I slowly pushed to my feet before lowering her sleeping form to the couch. I crouched in front of her, my hand instinctively moving to brush the hair away from her face.

  Swallowing hard, I uttered the words I was only brave enough to say because she couldn't hear me. "I think I'm in love with you."

  No, I didn't think.

  I knew.

  Chapter 25

  MIA

  I woke to the sound of knocking. Not sure whether the pounding came from my head or somewhere else, I slowly cracked one eye open. The blurry silhouette of a desk filled my vision almost immediately.

  I shut my eye before gingerly prying both open this time. My surroundings still weren't in focus, but I figured it had to do with the fact that my eyeballs felt like sandpaper. Licking my dry lips, I pressed the heel of my palms against my eyes as the awful memories of the afternoon came rushing back.

  The ear-shattering alarm.

  Mrs. DuBois's lifeless body.

  Me doing CPR.

  Sebastian ordering Dr. Sandeep to call time of death.

  A sharp pain shot through my heart, so potent I had to touch the aching spot. I'd been there, seen it with my own eyes, and I still couldn't believe she was just gone. Sadness and guilt rushed through me. I couldn't help but feel like I should've done more, or at the very least been here.

  Was she in pain when it happened?

  Did she feel alone?

  In the distance, the sound of muffled voices broke through the questions floating around in my head. Closing my eyes again, I tilted my head to hear better.

  "Sebastian."

  I was almost positive the voice saying his name belonged to Dr. Sheppard.

  That was confirmed when I heard Sebastian's dry, "Diana."

  His voice sounded scratchy and rough. Almost immediately, the image of tears rolling down his face slammed into me and with it sent another stabbing ache through my heart.

  He lost her, too.

  His heart was broken, too.

  And yet, I had been his main concern.

  They were talking again, so that's where I shifted my attention. "I heard about your patient," Dr. Sheppard said. "It's never easy."

  "No, it's not," Sebastian agreed tersely. "Was there something you needed?"

  There was a very long pause before Dr. Sheppard spoke again. "Mmm, I can see you're quite busy. You do realize the cat's out of the bag now, don't you?"

  "Yes."

  Another long stretch of silence followed. As much as I wanted to lift my head to see what the heck was going on, I forced my body to stay completely still.

  "If that's all," Sebastian finally said. The iciness in his tone had my skin prickling with a deep sense of foreboding. Even my stomach felt hollow.

  "I received an interesting phone call from Victoria Shaw this morning. Newlife made an offer to your Dr. Phillips." I didn't like the way she'd said my name, as if it left a bad taste in her mouth. "Can I assume you've told her she was ineligible for the position?"

  What the hell is she talking about?

  This time when the words left Sebastian's mouth, he sounded furious. "I hadn't had the chance yet, not that it's any of your business."

  "I've told you before, Sebastian, you made it my business when you jumped into her bed and put this hospital's reputation on the line." There was a pause and for whatever reason, I imagined her thin lips curved into a derisive smile. "Not that it matters. If she takes the job, you don't have to tell her that you've lied to her, now do you?"

  My brain shut off after that. It was more concerned with trying to figure out what Dr. Sheppard could be talking about. Because Sebastian, the man who owned a very large piece of my heart, wouldn't lie to me about anything.

  Would he?

  The loud bang of the door being slammed shut jolted me back to the present. Angry footsteps came in my direction before I felt his presence in front of me. Completely opposite to the chaos rioting inside me, I slowly parted my lids to find Sebastian crouching in front of the couch.

  His beautiful face the picture of concern. Deep lines marred the skin above the low dipping eyebrows while a storm brewed in those dark eyes of his. Sebastian carefully took me in, and I had to wonder if it was to check if I was all right or if I overheard his conversation with Dr. Sheppard.

  "Hey."

  His voice was barely above a whisper.

  My gaze roamed over his face and the uncertainty I saw fueled my need to know. I pushed into a seated position and huddled at the end of the couch, the spot furthest away from him. I licked my lips once.

  "What was she talking about?"

  He reeled back as if I had slapped him, and I swear I felt the effect of it in my own gut. Like a giant fist ramming into my chest, knocking the air from my lungs.

  "H-how much did you hear?" Jumping to his feet, he started pacing.

  "Enough to know that you've been keeping something from me."

  Sebastian stopped walking and faced me, his long fingers speared through his hair. He closed his eyes and pulled in a deep breath. When his lids parted to reveal those dark irises again, I knew whatever he was about to say was going to change things.

  "Diana came to me a while ago…" His Adam's apple bobbed a few times "Said she'd heard a rumor that I was seeing someone on my team and then informed that if it was the truth that person wouldn't be able to stay on in diagnostics."

  My stomach churned violently. "Why?"

  Sebastian's cheeks turned pink as he shook his head. "She believes it will send a bad message. That future doctors will think they can…" He averted his gaze and mumbled, "Sleep their way to a better position."

  I jumped up and planted my hands on my hips. "No! I meant why didn't you tell me?"

  "Mia." Sebastian took a step toward me, but I shook my head. His long, defeated sigh filled the space between us. "I wanted to… I just—"

  I felt sick. So, so sick. "You knew this the entire time we were together, and you never said a word."

  He took another step, this time completely ignoring my shaking head, then another and another until I was standing with my back against the wall with his large frame towering over me.

  "I didn't know the entire time. Memorial doesn't have a no fraternization policy."

  "How long?"

  He knew exactly what I was asking. Screwing his eyes shut, he begged, "Mia."

  "How long, Sebastian?"

  I saw and heard him work down a swallow before he looked at me again. "Almost two weeks."

  My stomach dropped like a big sinking rock in the middle of the ocean.

  "How could you? You knew how I felt about being a diagnostician. You knew! I had a right to know, especially since it was my career being toyed with."

  The muscle in Sebastian's jaw started ticking at an alarming pace. "Considering everything that happened today, I'd say our emotions are running too high to have this conversation now. We've both lost someone who meant a lot to us, and we're not thinking or acting rationally right now."

  "Really?" I seethed. "Would you like to see me act irrationally?" He opened his mouth to say something, but I shut him up by pushing past him and stomping toward the door. With my fingers curled around the cool metal of the handle, I glared at him over my shoulder. "I quit."

  Chapter 26

  SEBASTIAN

  "Shit!" One angry swipe of my arm was all it took to send the it
ems on my desk crashing to the floor. Dropping my hands to my hips, I threw my head back and glared at the ceiling as if it was to blame for everything wrong in my life.

  I should have known the truth would find a way to come out and that it wouldn't be pretty when it did. It'd been colossally stupid to think I could keep something so potentially life-changing to myself without any repercussions.

  And now, because of that stupidity, I'd lost Mia. The look in her eyes right before she stormed out of my office was something I had hoped to never see. A mixture of hurt, disdain, and betrayal. If she'd taken a knife and plunged it into my heart herself, it would have hurt less than that look.

  The worst part was knowing I damn well deserved it. That was also the reason I let her go when what I really wanted to do was rush after her and pull her into my arms. More harsh curses tore from my lungs or perhaps it came from the big, dark hole inside my chest.

  The sound of my door opening had me whirling around like a fool and hoping to hell it was Mia coming back. Although I knew it couldn't possibly be her—she'd been too angry, too hurt—it didn't stop the disappointment from spreading through my veins at the sight of Simon filling the doorframe.

  "You all right, man?"

  "No," I answered honestly. "I'm definitely not all right."

  Simon stepped forward, weary eyes scanning the mess on the floor before they rose to meet mine. "You wanna talk about it?" he asked as he slowly shut the door behind him and approached me like I was a bomb ready to go off.

  Which I probably was.

  "Everything has gone to hell," I blurted out when he lowered himself onto the couch. The same couch where I had consoled Mia, and she had comforted me. I had to close my eyes again. How the hell had this day turned into such a damn shitshow?

  Desperately needing some sense of calm to return to my body, I drew in a few ragged breaths. When I opened my eyes, I found Simon leaning forward, elbows perched on his thighs, clasped hands dangling between his spread legs. The expression on his face told me he had all the patience in the world.

  After another deep drag of air, I leaned back against my desk and told him everything. The more I listened to the words coming out of my mouth though, the worse I felt. How the hell did I not realize that it would end badly? I was so damn scared of losing the one woman I actually saw some kind of future with that I didn't even care how my actions would affect her.

  Yeah, I wasn't feeling too good about myself right then.

  "Not gonna lie," Simon finally said after he quietly listened to me talk. "This isn't good. Keeping things, important things, from your partner never ends well."

  Dragging my palm over the back of my neck, I hummed in agreement. "I know."

  My friend studied me for a long moment before he fell back against the plush cushioning. He tucked his laced fingers behind his head and nodded sharply as if he had come to a conclusion.

  "You can't leave things like this," he announced. "Not with Mia."

  I scratched my chin and then folded my arms in front of me. Getting through to Mia wasn't going to be easy. "She's beyond pissed, Simon. You didn't see the look she gave me before she walked out."

  He dropped his hands and sat up straight again. "So you're just going to let her go because she's pissed off?" I didn't like the way he narrowed his eyes. "If you feel as strongly about her as you claim you do, you'll fight for her. Even if she tells you to bugger off a million times, you'll still go back, you'll still try to convince her to forgive you."

  He was right, of course. Sitting here cussing at the universe wasn't going to do me any good. It sure as hell wasn't going to make things right between Mia and me.

  And just like that, I knew exactly what I needed to do.

  Chapter 27

  MIA

  The instant the door flew open, I launched myself at the woman standing on the other side. Aunt Vera caught me easily. Her arms wrapped around me, offering me the comfort I needed so badly.

  I took one breath and then lost it completely. The tears and hurt I'd so carefully kept inside on the drive there finally pushed out of my body in big, ugly sobs. Burying my face in the crook of my aunt's neck, I curled my fingers into the material of her shirt and bawled my eyes out.

  "Mimi, what's wrong?" Her hand gently stroked up and down my back, but it was the slight wobble in her voice that gave away her concern.

  "Everything." My one-word confession came out with a crack and a sniffle.

  I hated it. Hated that I had turned into such an emotional mess. I'd always been strong; I'd promised my dad I would be. But right there, sobbing in my aunt's arms, I felt like the weakest person.

  "Come on."

  Somehow Aunt Vera managed to usher me inside the house and close the door behind us without letting go of me. Holding me tight, she walked us to the kitchen and motioned for me to take a seat.

  "I know you're more of a coffee girl," she said as she moved around the cozy space. "But nothing soothes better than a cup of chamomile."

  With a quick reassuring squeeze to my shoulder, she set a box of tissues—that she produced from who knew where—in front of me before proceeding with her tea preparation.

  Keeping my gaze on her, I pulled a tissue from the box and tried my best to wipe the wetness from my face. The more I swiped, the faster my tears fell. With a shaky sigh, I dropped my head into my hands and berated myself.

  A touch to my arm brought my attention to my aunt's worried face as she set the steaming cup of tea in front of me. Eyes searching mine, she claimed the chair next to me and then gently pleaded, "Will you tell me why you are so upset?"

  She looked so much like my dad—another reminder of what I'd lost—and in the vulnerable state I was, it was too much to take in. Tearing my gaze from her, I focused on the hot liquid in front of me. I had half a mind to simply swallow it all down if only to stall spilling my guts for a few minutes longer.

  But somehow, I knew Aunt Vera would patiently wait until I was ready to talk. She wouldn't prod and push. She'd just wait. The thought was confirmed when I glanced her way and saw her carefully spooning sugar into her tea.

  "I lost a patient today," I admitted softly, and it hurt.

  Not just emotionally, physically too. My throat felt thick and scratchy. As if my aunt knew this, she wordlessly tilted her chin toward the tea sitting in front of me.

  Nodding, I pulled it closer and after breathing in deep I brought the cup to my lips for a small sip. The hot liquid soothed my throat and settled somewhere inside me like a hug. Wanting more of that comfort, I cradled the cup between my palms and focused on the table.

  "She wasn't just a patient; she was my friend."

  A fresh stab of pain shot through me and I closed my eyes, but when the only thing I saw was Mrs. DuBois's lifeless body, I quickly opened them again.

  "Sebastian was right," I said dryly. "I should've spent more time being her doctor, maybe then I would've seen the signs clearer."

  Aunt Vera's incredulous snort filled the room, my attention immediately snapped to her. Brows furrowed, mouth agape, I just stared at her. She twisted in her seat, angling her body toward me and shook her head.

  "You can't think like that, Mimi."

  She saw my protest coming and held up her hand to keep it from spilling out. "Being a doctor is about so much more than just treating people." My aunt pinned me with a hard stare. "Weren't you the one who told me that?" I nodded, and she went on. "From the bits you've told me about her, I know she was lonely and by being her friend you took that away."

  Aunt Vera reached across the table to wrap her fingers around my wrist. "Every time you spent an extra five minutes with her, you were busy treating her heart. Death is a sad fact of life none of us can escape. You and I know that very well. But going to the beyond and not knowing whether you were loved or if you'll be missed, that must be what hell looks like. You saved Mrs. DuBois from that."

  The stupid tears were back with a vengeance, falling faster than they had before.
Trust my aunt to seek out the good in anything tragic. I loved her for it. So freaking much. The hand still holding onto my wrist gave it another squeeze.

  "Is that all that's bothering you?"

  I shook my head. The need to purge myself of all these feelings was suddenly too much. Licking my lips, I opened my mouth and told my aunt about the interview. About Sebastian, what I felt for him, what he kept from me. Everything.

  Aunt Vera patiently listened. She nodded and shook her head at times, but she didn't interrupt. Not once. That should have been warning enough that I wouldn't like the words coming out of her mouth when she eventually spoke.

  "All right," she said carefully. A little too carefully. "I understand why you are upset, but you also said that you received another job offer. So, unless I'm mistaken, you'll still be a practicing diagnostician?"

  I narrowed my scratchy eyes. "Yes. But he lied to me, and if Newlife hadn't offered me this position, I probably would have ended up working in the ER."

  Aunt Vera's head was shaking before I was done speaking. Pulling her hand away, she traced the rim of her cup with her forefinger.

  "Shoulda, woulda, coulda. Focusing on the past isn't going to change the present." Her eyes found mine again. "Sure, he made a mistake. One that could have had horrible consequences. I get that. Just as I understand why you are feeling hurt and betrayed. But Mimi, wouldn't you have quit to take this new job, anyway?"

  Blinking, I opened my mouth before closing it and opening it again. "Yes."

  "So, the fact that you can't work at Memorial's diagnostic department is irrelevant?"

  I frowned. "Yes."

  Aunt Vera nodded sharply. "It's obvious that you care for this man a great deal… I don't want you to miss out on something wonderful because of one silly misunderstanding." I gave her a look that said nothing about this was silly. She just laughed. "Trust me there will come a day when you'll look back on this and think exactly that."