A Reason To Be: Book 1

by Maria Xystra

  Being so mad at him I can’t really take any of his jokes, so I avoid answering again.

  I can sense his eyes studying me.

  “So, I’m here,” I finally turn to him. “What did you wanna talk about?”

  “Right.” He leans over the bar and pours himself a drink, too. “How was your date, last night?” No eye contact.

  “Are you serious?” I snap at him. “You called me here to talk about Alex? Besides, you were here! You know what happened!”

  “I just wanna-” he pauses and turns towards the office.

  Miss Perfect Tan comes out, fully dressed this time in a tank top and a tiny skirt accompanied by killer heels. She purposefully ignores me and goes straight to Cole. I take my drink and start making my way out from behind the bar.

  “This was fun, let’s do it again. Call me,” I hear her say as she slips a piece of paper in his hand.

  Cole doesn’t even bother to unfold it. “You see, Jasmine, me a-”

  “Janis!” she corrects him.

  “Yeah, me and my girlfriend,” he nods towards me, “just got back together, so I don’t think that this will happen again.”

  “What?” we both reply to his comment.

  “It’s OK baby,” he talks to me. “I don’t like the idea of an open relationship after all, so I’ll take you back.”

  I roll my eyes and choose not to take part in this act.

  “Whatever,” Miss Perfect Tan shrugs. She turns to me like she’s about to lock horns. “Don’t expect too much action. He’s been giving it to me all night.”

  OK, if I was Cole’s girlfriend I would punch her in the face and a cat fight would be on by now. But I’m not. However, my body doesn’t seem to realize that and I tense, ready to make a move towards her, as a response to her challenge.

  Cole seems to have noticed and I try to calm myself down by finishing my drink.

  Janis lingers and casting me a look, she clicks her tongue.

  “Tsk, really? Her? I don’t see why. Well, anyway, you can still call me whenever you feel like it,” she whispers in his ear as she drags a finger over his arm.

  I’m surprised to say that I kinda feel sorry for her. One-night stands are great, but the look on her face is evidence she was…hoping for something more?

  “I hate to crush your dreams,” I turn to her, “but he’ll never use your number. You had a wild night and now it’s done. Get over it and don’t expect to see him again. And do yourself a favor; walk away while you still have some self-respect left.”

  She locks my gaze, taking in what I just said, and exhaling loudly she grabs her stuff and stomps out the door.

  Cole and I follow her with our eyes until she’s no longer in sight, and then turn to each other.

  “Wow,” he says, “I couldn’t have done it any better.”

  “Couldn’t have done what? Dump a girl? Hurt her feelings?” I say as I grab his drink from him.

  “She’s not hurt. She already knew that it was just sex,” he defends himself.

  “Do you really think that all the women that have slept with you did it just for the sex? And for goodness’ sake put on a t-shirt!”

  Cole actually looks uncomfortable and slightly disturbed by my remark. He gets off his stool and heads to his office. As he comes out, he stands by the door and pulls his t-shirt on.

  “I’m always clear about what I want before anything happens. And it’s their choice whether to go ahead or not.”

  “Yeah, as if anyone is able to say no to you!”

  He lifts the corner of his mouth into a half-crooked smile. “I can think of one person,” he simply states.

  I choose not to respond to his comment.

  “Anyway, thanks for…helping me out,” he says as he takes the stool next to me.

  “Well, you know…you helped set me up with Alex, so it’s only fair I help you dump last night’s adventure,” my tone bordering ironic.

  At the sound of Alex’s name, he stiffens but remains silent.

  “So, anyway. Did you call me here to witness you having…” and I try to squeeze out the word but all that comes out is “zddmnngn?”

  “Sex, Lex. It’s called ‘sex’,” he cracks a smile.

  I form my lips and narrow my eyes into a quick, fake smile and he gets the point.

  “Right. So, the thing is,” he starts, “I don’t like him.”

  “You don’t like who?” I play dumb.

  “You know who I’m talking about.”

  “Of course I do. And I care why…?” I challenge him.

  I lift my eyes to meet his and I instantly register his serious expression. He repeats, “I don’t like him.”

  “Well, good thing you’re not the one dating him then!”

  “I’m serious. Don’t you… you know that feeling when you see someone and you know you don’t like them?”

  I raise my eyebrows at him indicating that I know that feeling perfectly well.

  He gets my point and makes a grimace.

  “I’m not talking about me.”

  “Yeah, I know. But I don’t see why we’re talking about Alex.”

  “You practically know nothing about him!” he flips.

  “Do you know something about him that I should know?” I ask him turning on the offensive.

  He slightly hesitates.

  “It’s not about what I know or don’t know,” he starts while I take notice of his comment practically admitting he does know something. “Just trust that my instincts tell me to stay clear of him.”

  “What were your instincts telling you when you were giving him my number?” I accuse him.

  He drops his head.

  “That was a bad call,” he murmurs under his breath.

  “And what has changed since then?” I pressure for an answer.

  “He’s…there’s something off about him.”

  “We met him like, once!” I hurry to defend Alex. “What exactly happened last night that changed your mind?” I quickly reach that conclusion.

  “Nothing happened! Can’t you just trust me when I tell-”

  “No! You’re not giving me any substantial reasons why I should stay away from him!” I raise my voice.

  Cole shakes his head and takes a deep breath.

  “I knew that this wouldn’t be easy with you,” he admits.

  “Did you expect me to just sit here and nod while you’re trying to mess with my life?” I ask him in disbelief.

  “All I’m asking is that you think this through, and be careful.”

  “You talk as if you already know something about Alex.” I start to feel the blood racing to my head.

  At this point, Cole snaps. “I know nothing about him.”

  “Then, don’t you think you’re kinda overreacting?” I point out, well aware this matter has been taken a bit too far.

  He draws a deep breath again and lets it go with a sigh.

  “Just promise me you’ll be cautious and maybe a bit suspicious,” he tries to reason with me.

  “I’m always cautious.” I get off my stool and start gathering my stuff one by one as I make it clear: “And I’m always suspicious. And make sure you understand that I make my own choices and fight my own battles.”

  “Well, sometimes, sometimes it’s good to know that someone has your back,” he adds.

  “I don’t need anyone having my back. I’d rather trust my choices and get into trouble than depend on someone else,” I declare and turn to leave.

  “Where are you going?” Cole asks alert.

  “Look, Cole. I don’t wanna fight. Let’s just leave it at that.”

  I head for the door and his words hit me like bullets:

  “Who did this to you, Lex?”

  Stunned by how quickly he came to that conclusion I turn to face him. I’m sure that the look on my face validates his observation. I choose not to answer and walk out the door.

  Marcus. Marcus did this to me. And my father. Who just woke up one day and figu
red it was OK for them to make all the decisions concerning me and my life and my future. And they fucked it up. Spectacularly. And that, for me, is unforgivable.

  While I’m fighting with my stuff in my purse in the pursuit of my keys, I step into the street and a car swooshes by me, inches from my feet startling me.

  Instinctively, I turn to face Cole who’s standing inside the bar, wide-eyed, shock drawn all over his face, staring back at me.

  I quickly get into my car, half expecting him to jump at me and start shouting. Instead he calls me on my cell phone.

  “Yes?”

  “Is this your idea of convincing me that you can take care of yourself, Tipsy?” Instantly, after hearing him calling me ‘tipsy’, I relax.

  “Fuck off,” I smile and hang up.

  CHAPTER 16

  “And then what?” Sam asks me as she makes a left turn.

  “And then his phone rung and he had to take it.”

  “Wow! Saved by the bell!”

  “Exactly!” I agree with her after a detailed description of Alex’s grilling.

  “And what did you find out about him?” she asks.

  “Nothing. He had to leave after that.”

  “So basically, he asked you all these questions about your life and he said nothing about himself?”

  “Well, … yes,” I confirm.

  “After you left, Cole was very…quiet! And I’m not sure if I should tell you this, but he started making phone call after phone call, trying to find out stuff about Alex. He was restless and he kept saying he doesn’t like him.”

  “Well, he made that pretty clear today. He called me this morning and said he wanted to talk to me.”

  “Did you two meet up?”

  “Yeah. I went to ‘Nirvana’ and after finding him on top of a woman, he talked to me about Alex.”

  “Woah! Go back! You caught him having sex?” Sam says as a grin settles on her lips; for an unusually long period of time. I scowl at her.

  “Yes, but that’s not-”

  “Did you get a good glimpse?” she asks eagerly.

  “No, Sam! Ew!” The image of Cole leaning on his desk, with all his muscles bulging and all his tattoos shimmering beneath a coat of sweat, flashes in front of my eyes. I shake it away before I start feeling that unwelcome throbbing between my thighs. God, this man is driving me crazy!

  Sam slowly turns her head to me and lifts an eyebrow.

  “That’s not the point, Sam! And please, keep your eyes on the road! I didn’t spend all that time making myself look like this,” and I point from my face down to my heels, “to get into a car crash!”

  “So, what was the point of your meeting?”

  “He said he doesn’t like Alex, and he was trying to talk me out of dating him. Or at least that’s the feeling I got from what he was saying.”

  “Uh-oh!” Sam starts. “Honey, I know you don’t like people telling you what to do with your life, but you do realize that Cole wasn’t making any decisions for you, right? He was probably just trying to give you some advice.”

  “Well, he should stay out of it,” I declare, and I stare out of the window from the passenger’s seat. In reality, I know Sam is right.

  “Truth be told, Cole’s instincts are rarely wrong. Besides, I doubt that’s the only reason he’s doing this,” she lifts her brows suggestively.

  “Whatever. Oh, and by the way, weren’t you the one telling me the other night to leave the past behind and move on? That I deserve to be happy and all that shit? That I should give it a shot?”

  “I was talking about Cole, you stupid, blind whore!” she yells exasperated as if stating the obvious.

  Looking forward to this conversation ending as soon as possible, I simply say: “Are we there yet?”

  Sam however is not ready to drop the subject just yet. “And FYI, he’s proven to be correct for not liking Alex, since he basically turned your date into an interrogation last night.”

  Yeah, that actually bugged me a bit, but I’ll be damned if I admit that to her.

  “Look,” Sam continues, “we all have secrets, but he seemed a bit too interested in your past. Makes you wonder what he has in mind. I mean, it’s like he cornered you in a way.”

  And that’s exactly how I felt last night. Cornered. And then I remembered my dream.

  Sam parked the car in a spot opposite the club.

  “I had a dream last night.”

  She switched off the engine and turned to me – head and body – giving me her undivided attention. “What kind of dream?”

  “I was walking to my car with Alex, and when I tried to open the door, Alex’s figure turned to Cole’s and he said ‘are you sure about this?’ and then my phone rang and it was Cole asking me to meet him.”

  Sam listened carefully and after a brief moment of silence, she said: “What more proof do you want?”

  “Oh, right, how could I not consider my dream reason enough to doubt Alex?” I mock her comment emphatically.

  She slaps the air in front of me.

  “…I don’t know Sam. Look, this day has been tiring enough, let’s just go inside and have some fun. Please,” I add as she gives me a comforting look.

  *****

  We enter the club. This one is called ‘Sleepless’. My guess, it stays open until late – hence the name.

  Sam skips the long queue and walks straight to a girl standing right in front of the entrance with a clipboard – the hostess apparently – and says: “We have a reservation under the name Samantha Dannel.”

  “Oh, you’re Cole’s friends?” she asks excitedly. Sam nods and smiles. “Right this way!” she says and leaves the clipboard on a stand causing the queuing crowd to explode in complaints and groans. “Cole has arranged for you to get one of the VIP tables on the stage.”

  OK, so many things to react to: Cole? He knows we’re here? VIP table? What do you mean on the stage? As we make our way to the table, following the girl, I scout around to see if he’s here. No, no, please no. OK, the coast is clear.

  Sam thanks the girl and as soon as she takes a seat, she starts texting.

  “Who do you keep texting?” I notice as I take the seat across from her. “Please tell me Eric is not coming.”

  She lifts her eyes from the screen of her cell.

  “Oh, come on, Sam! It’s ladies’ night out! Just you, me and Layla!” I start whining.

  Layla, I can handle: she’s a friend of Sam’s, a model, quite alright, just a bit overexcited about…pretty much everything. It’s other people I can’t handle.

  “I thought you liked Eric!” Sam says slightly offended.

  “I do. It’s the other one I don’t like!”

  “The other one?” she asks and smiles, already familiar with the answer.

  “Yes, the other one that always comes with him.”

  “Oh, come on… Cole is adorable,” she says grinning from ear to ear.

  “Ador-pfffhhahaha. Just say he’s not coming.”

  “He’s not coming?” she says apologetically.

  “Are you asking me? Oh, my God, Sam!” I accuse her.

  “OK, OK! He’s not coming,” she hurriedly adds. Before I even finish my sigh of relief, she takes the same apologetic look and says: “He’s already here?”

  I turn around and see Cole and Eric at the nearest bar, greeting people and ordering drinks. I turn to Sam to give her one of my malicious stares but she’s texting again.

  “Sam!” I try to get her attention. She puts her phone away and smiles. Suspiciously. Oh, dear. She’s up to something.

  “What’s going on?” I try to get a clue from her.

  Still smiling, she points out: “Would you just chillax?”

  “I will. Once you tell me what you’re up to!”

  She ignores me and orders drinks for us.

  “Hey, Layla,” I greet as the tall, blonde model with the neon pink super-mini skirt and the black bustier sits next to Sam. Before she has the chance to greet me back
, I feel someone poking my left shoulder and asking:

  “Is this seat taken?” I turn around to see the woman this familiar voice belongs to and come face to face with…

  “Parishaaaa!!!” I scream and shoot off my stool to throw both arms around her, suffocating her in the tightest embrace.

  “Oh, my God! What are you doing here?” I shout at her a bit louder than intended.

  Parisha is one of Sam and Layla’s friends, also a top model, but when we first met at college it was like something clicked. Unlike Layla, Parisha always seemed to get me, and that’s why Sam and I were comfortable making her part of our every adventure – even sharing my secret with her. Now, she’s travelling around Europe, working with famous designers, posing for successful commercials, and of course, making a fortune.

  She leans back to make eye contact for a second and then she tugs me close to land a kiss on my lips.

  That’s the way it’s always been with us. She is so free and lighthearted, never caring about what others might think of her. And that’s one of the reasons she makes so many friends anywhere she goes. And so many lovers. Male and female. Part of the reason she always kisses me on the lips is to make a point of having no issue concerning her sexual preferences.

  After our kiss I hear Layla singing “Incominggg!” and Parisha gives me one genuine smile, emphasizing the contrast of her white teeth and her chocolate skin color. If I was into women, I would definitely be all over her by now.

  “I’m in town for a few days and Sam wanted to surprise you. So here I am! Ta-daah-awwoooow!” she finishes her explanation with a howl when her attention is drawn somewhere behind me.

  Combining Layla’s ‘incoming’ and Parisha’s ‘awow’, I turn to find Cole making his way towards us. With the corner of my eye I notice Layla smoothing out her clothes, making sure her cleavage is quite revealing and with the corner formed on my upper lip I show my displeasure for our incoming company.

  Parisha gets a glimpse of my expression while I turn to her. “What? We don’t like him?” she hurries to get some input from me. I love the fact that she is ready to adopt any opinion I have of people, without needing to get to know them herself.