A Reason To Be: Book 1

by Maria Xystra

  I nod my head as he becomes visibly uncomfortable.

  “What about now? Do you still see me like that?”

  “I’m surprised you even have to ask, Lex…”

  “That doesn’t answer my question,” I stand firm.

  “OK, you’re an attractive woman, I’d still like to take you to bed,” I open my mouth, but he won’t let me interrupt, “but I’ve got to know you since then.” He gets up and walks towards me. “And you’re way much more than that. And you mean way much more than that to me.”

  I lower my gaze to the floor, not sure what to say.

  Cole stands right in front of me and reaches for my chin.

  “You know I want you, Lex…and I know you feel the same. I can feel it, I can sense it…” he lifts my head up to meet his gaze.

  I break out of his touch with an abrupt flip of my head. I allow myself a second to get really pissed off and I see red.

  “You know what? I’m so sick and tired of playing your game! Why can’t you just accept the fact that we can never be anything more than…than…”

  “Than friends? As you so adamantly keep saying?” he follows me with his gaze as I reach for my purse.

  “Well, yeah! And if that! We’re not functional together, can’t you see? We can barely have a normal conversation. Anything more than that…it just won’t work!” I get my keys and shove them in my purse.

  “We just spent four days living together! That worked pretty well!” he attempts to provide evidence.

  “Yeah, and now it’s over!” I try to convince myself by saying it out loud. “It was really nice but that’s that. Now we’re back to not standing each other!”

  “Bullshit!”

  I turn in place on my way to the door.

  “Excuse me?” I narrow my eyes at him, not sure if I wanna hear all the hopes I’ve been fostering, coming out of his lips.

  “You heard me! That’s bullshit! What the fuck are you so scared of?” he challenges me.

  I stare at him and refuse to grant him an answer.

  I eventually turn around and reach for the door handle, but the door barely opens an inch and it instantly closes. I can feel his muscular body towering over from behind me, keeping the door shut.

  “You’re not going anywhere! Not yet! You can’t keep running away from this! I gotta get some answers, Lex. I need to get answers.”

  I clench teeth and fists and remain silent.

  “I just need to know what’s holding you back,” he lowers his voice, now filled with agony.

  “Everything!” I abruptly turn and face him.

  Me, with my very complicated and ruined life. You, Cole, with your secretive dealings. My past, my present, my doomed future. How do I tell you about all this? About me? About the monster that lurks inside me craving for your blood? How can I expect you to understand what I’ve been through…what I’m going through… In what universe do I get to have a normal relationship? How do I tell you how much I want you, how much I need you, how much…

  “Don’t do this, Lex.” He cups my face with both his hands. “Every time things get…there, I can see the myriad of thoughts going through your head. You want to do it, but end up changing your mind…”

  “What do you want, Cole?” my voice cracks and I look away.

  “I wanna know what happened that changed your mind!”

  I refuse to answer and try to open the door behind me.

  “NO!” he slams his hand on the door and my ear rings from the thud. “You are not leaving again!”

  I swallow hard. I’m well aware how unfair this is to him but there’s really nothing I can do.

  He puts his hand on my neck and slowly leans towards me, resting his forehead against mine. “Don’t shut me off, Lex.”

  He moves his hand towards the back of my neck and as his fingers tangle in my hair, I feel the chill spreading over my sculp.

  His scent pulls me into a haze and I fear if I let my eyes drift, I won’t be able to open them again.

  He breathes deep and I feel like all the air has been sucked out of the room.

  I’m simply frozen in place, unable to think, unable to speak, unable to breathe.

  “Please, Lex… You’re driving me crazy… Stop fighting me… Stop fighting this.”

  I put a hand on his chest in an attempt to control what is happening, but I soon realize I’m failing.

  The heat of him against my palm sends a rush from the point of our contact to the rest of my body. I am vaguely aware I should be thinking about something, I should be arguing with myself right now, but all my thoughts are …blank.

  Cole’s lips meet mine in a passionate kiss. Wild, luscious, consuming. His hand fists around my hair just as mine fists around his t-shirt. Right here, right now, engulfed in the overwhelming presence of this man, nothing else matters. Disarmed by his desire and my own lust, I willingly surrender myself to him.

  I pull him closer clenching onto his t-shirt and his masculine growl echoes though me as our tongues intertwine. The shivers down my spine are forceful and I can’t stop myself from thinking how much I crave for his touch.

  My knees become weak, my core is beyond stimulation; my body seems to have awakened from a deep sleep. He wraps one arm around my waist like he knows he needs to support me somehow otherwise I’ll collapse onto the floor.

  I move my hands over his broad shoulders and encircle his neck drawing him closer to me – if that’s even possible.

  His thirst for me is the exact reflection of my own.

  We slowly move further into his apartment in a solid embrace. I trip on my purse – which is now on the floor, apparently. I feel the back of the couch behind me. Cole tightens his grip on my nape and my head leans back obeying his command. He starts tracing kisses along my jaw, moving towards my neck.

  “God…” I didn’t mean to say that out loud, but – God! I feel him smiling against my skin, as he continues his quest. My hands find his arms and squeeze around his biceps.

  Slowly and methodically, he moves his hands down my waist and over my thighs. He gently lifts my dress upwards, one side at a time. When his fingers touch the bare skin of my legs, I feel like I’m about to burst into flames at any moment now. His circular strokes seem to be sizzling hot, making me wonder if they’ll leave burn marks on me.

  Before I get the chance to get used to his touch, he grabs my behind and lifts me up against him. I can feel his desire as his erection pushes against my groin. I get lost in his deep kiss, letting him lead me into this erotic dance.

  He positions me on the edge of the pool table and settles between my thighs. His eyes rest on my face and I realize he silently asks me if I’m sure about this. I answer him by slowly pulling his t-shirt off him. I use my fingers to trace his ribcage, over his tattoos and along his abdomen, until I reach his almost healed wound. With my lips I plant a trail of kisses over his chest. I feel him tense under my touch and try to repress my smile. When his breathing becomes uneven, I can’t resist and steal a glance though my lashes. He gazes down at me and we grin at each other.

  He leans to my ear. A few strands that have fallen from his knot brush over my shoulder and I shiver. His tongue darts out methodically and leaves a wet passage across my neck, while his breathing cools my skin at the spot. Merely thinking about having this man so close to me, after all this time, knowing he wants this, just as much as I do…my nipples harden against my bra.

  “God, Lex,” he whispers, “you have no idea what you’re doing to me,” he finds the hem of my dress and fists his hands over it.

  “Oh, I think I do,” I lock the hooks of his jeans in my fingers pulling him until his pelvis is flashed against mine.

  He growls deep in his throat and stiffens. In less than a second, he grabs my dress and yanks it off of me. His lips collide with mine in a hungry kiss. He lays me back over the pool table and places both hands on each side of me. He leans slightly back breaking our kiss and takes his time to travel up and down my body
with his eyes. The moment he returns his gaze to my face, I become instantly aware of the ravenous glint of desire in his eyes.

  He tucks some locks of my hair behind my ear and using the same hand, he draws his index finger over my lips, slightly parting them. He wets his lips with the tip of his tongue while he moves his hand to outline my collarbone. He dips the tip of his finger in my bra and drags it gently, slowly and torturously along the upper curve of my breast. My nipples tighten and strain against the fabric.

  Cole lowers his head over my chest and necks his way down, from the middle of my breasts to my navel. I prop myself on my elbows, watching his descent. The palm of his hand brushes over my sternum and as he lays kisses on my belly, he squeezes one of my breasts. I feel every inch of my body responding to his touch and it is no longer under my command. It’s under his.

  He licks across the brim of my panties and I can practically feel my blood gathering to my core, pulsating vigorously in anticipation of any sort of contact.

  “Cole…” I manage to mutter in my haze. He lifts his gaze to me, continuing his task uninterrupted. “I…” the words try to come out, but my breath gets caught in my throat as he skims his thumb over my slit. My body surprises me with an abrupt contraction and we both know by now that I’m totally ready for him. “I need you,” I blurt out urgently.

  “Not yet,” he states and steps away from me. He grabs me by the wrist and leads me towards the stairs with determination.

  I follow him to the bedroom with a silly giggle.

  He turns unexpectedly and locks me in his arms. He assaults my lips with another forceful kiss. As our tongues devour each other, I try to relieve him from the straining of his hardness, tight in his jeans. Undoing his buttons, the back of my hand brushes over his shaft and he inhales sharply. I push the jeans to the floor and he steps out of them. Before he gets the chance to pull me under his spell again, I decide to take my time and play with him.

  I break our kiss and push him slightly, guiding him to sit on the bed. I can see from the look on his face that he didn’t expect this. The eagerness is clearly drawn across his features and I give him a wicked grin, promising naughty things are to follow.

  He strains to keep his composure, as his manhood strains in his boxers. I position myself in front of him and slowly kneel. He follows my every move without saying a word.

  I start planting kisses across his sternum while my fingers skim the sides of his torso. I reach the rim of his boxers and slowly draw my hands towards his middle. I take his rock-hard muscle into my hands and he tenses, as if it takes quite an effort to swallow.

  I stroke him once or twice and he lets his head drop back, bracing the edge of the bed with his fists. I cast my full attention to his pleasure point. I entwine my fingers together around him and place my thumbs, one right above the other. I massage his length with slow, rhythmic movements. I alternate between that motion and applying minimum pressure around the rim of the head.

  As the first, tiniest bead of precum appears, I automatically lick it and caress the tip of his shaft with wet, suckling kisses. I catch his hand fisting over the sheets with the corner of my eye, while his other hand finds my head and pulls me upwards. I know he can’t take much more of my teasing, so I let him lead me in a kiss, while I straddle him.

  The friction of his manhood against my opening causes us both to moan with built up pleasure. Without stopping his kissing, he lowers the straps of my bra and eventually disposes off it. A sudden maneuver finds me laying with my back on the bed and him right on top of me. His hand travels to my center, and underneath my panties. As he slides a finger inside me to get me ready, I lock his lower lip between my teeth and groan. When he pulls his finger back and pushes two this time, I let go of his lip and arch my back, realizing I’m only moments from the edge. He hovers over my chest and takes a nipple in his mouth. I fight for words. “Cole…wait…”

  “Come for me, Lex,” he commands me as he keeps penetrating me with his fingers. He rubs my clit and I nearly give in.

  “I want you inside me,” I manage to utter as I tangle my hands in his hair.

  He gets rid of the last pieces of clothing between us in a flash and locking my eyes with his, he slowly enters me. I inhale sharply, while his head digs into my slickness. When he feels my muscles adjusting to his width, he pushes himself deeper. We both moan in coordination and with a final shove, his length is completely covered within me.

  As he starts pushing inside me, I bite hard down my lip to keep my screams from escaping. He sets the pace and it won’t take long now. I trace my hands over his shoulders and pull him closer. I squeeze my eyes shut and let him drag me into a deep abyss of emotion, a deep, drowning ocean of crimson red. It doesn’t even go away when I force my eyes wide open. His breathing becomes uneven while I put my legs around him and lock my ankles. We’re both lost in a trance and when he reaches between our bodies and strokes my clit, a forceful wave of orgasm crushes over me. My body is ablaze with the continuous spasms of the pleasure he’s given me. I dig my nails in his back and drag them slowly across his shoulder blades. His cock contracts within me as his release spills from him. He pounds against me a couple more times, prolonging my orgasm while he reaches his. The aftershocks of my bliss milk around him. He stays engulfed in my heat while he ultimately collapses on top of me.

  It takes us both a long moment to recover and bring our heavy breathing back to its normal pace. He rolls to his side while he slowly slides out of me. He uses his arm to pull me close to his chest and I fit with ease into his embrace. I smile hearing the beating of his heart still racing in the aftermath of what just happened…oh, my God, what did just happen? I breathe deep so that I don’t start panicking. My sense of reason went MIA from the moment we kissed – well, from the moment I met him actually, but I thought I was handling it pretty well so far. Bullshit. Anyways, now is definitely not the time for that to return and haunt me.

  He inhales sharply and pushes his hands through his hair forcefully, as if he just remembered something.

  “What?” I raise my head to meet his eyes.

  “Shit, Lex! I’m sorry- I didn’t mean to…” he starts with his palms covering his face. Is he already regretting it? My blood turns cold at the thought of it. “I always use protection,” he states and I’m instantly relieved.

  I punch him in the ribs and he squeals as he lets out a choked breath.

  “You never, ever, start with ‘I’m sorry’ after you just had sex with someone! You prick! You scared me!”

  He chuckles and draws his hand through my hair comfortingly.

  “Don’t worry, I’m on the pill.”

  He exhales relieved.

  “I intended to,” he says, still feeling the need to explain, “but I got carried away. You’ve swept away every trace of rationality in me…”

  “Oh, now somehow it’s all my fault?” I tease him.

  “Here we go again… I’m not winning, am I?”

  I shake my head in response.

  “Aaaand that was it, folks. For a moment there I thought I had the upper hand but…as it turned out…it was too good to be true!” he jokes.

  I grab a pillow and throw it at him while climbing out of bed.

  My feet find the floor and as I turn, the whole room swirls around me. Realizing that it’s probably because I haven’t had blood for a while, I steady myself against the edge of the bed and just like that, the dizziness is gone.

  Cole groans into the pillow and I take advantage of the moment to head downstairs for some water.

  I pick up his t-shirt from the floor on my way to the kitchen and put it on. I pick up a glass, and as I hear Cole coming down the stairs, I pick up another one. I fill them both with water and reach for my phone.

  Gulping down water, I check my missed calls and texts. Sam and… Alex? I open the message to read:

  Hey gorgeous. Back in town, can’t wait to c u. Call me.

  Back huh? I mumble to myself as I shove the d
evice back into my purse.

  “What?” Cole asks as he finds his glass.

  “Sam’s been calling me,” I reply, not willing to bring Alex into this moment, knowing too well where that will lead.

  He approaches me in predatory strides and locking his gaze with mine, he takes the purse from my hands and places it blindingly on the kitchen island. I giggle uncontrollably as I take a few cautious steps backwards. He reaches for me and I turn away, but he grabs my wrist and pulls me close. He locks my arms in front of me, my backside flash against his front. He buries his head in my neck and my eyes drift close. I snap them wide open when his cock hardens against my lower back.

  “Woah! Hello there! Talk about a rapid comeback!”

  “Well, what can I say?” he mumbles over my skin. “This is entirely your fault!”

  “Well, I don’t mind taking the blame for that!” I chuckle.

  He traces my thigh with his hand, getting closer to my center.

  “So, you admit you’re the one to blame?” he teases me.

  “Only this once…” I take his wrist and stop his intent. “Your phone’s ringing.”

  He follows the sound and finds it on the kitchen counter. He dismisses the call and comes towards me again. The phone starts ringing once more and letting out a frustrated grunt he picks it up.

  “What is it?” he verbally attacks the speaker at the other end of the line.

  I give him a moment, knowing his calls are usually – if not always – important.

  “Yeah, make it tomorrow at 6. Is that all?” he hurries to hang up as I make my way seductively up the stairs. “Bye, Ty,” he tosses the phone and starts following me.

  I run for the last few steps, surprising myself for not tripping and landing on my face, and head straight for the bathroom.

  I try to slam the door but he’s already behind it and he pushes it open. Giggling, I take a step back. His lips slowly wind into a grin while his eyes fill with hunger. He closes the distance between us and drowns the lump in my throat with a kiss. He leads me into the shower and before I get the chance to register it, he turns the shower head on. The ice-cold water is like a slap across my skin and I break our kiss to stare at him in bewilderment. I watch as the water snakes over his naked body, all the droplets travelling down to his center. I feel goosebumps over my skin as my nipples respond to the sight and -trust me- it has nothing to do with the cold water. He seems to have found his way to focus on my chest and now, his body responds to mine.