The Autumn Leaf

by Brittany Tarkington

  “Maybe you aren’t so bad after all,” I said as I took the cup in my hand. I carefully tasted it this time. I didn’t need another episode of pouring coffee down my shirt and being felt up by my friend.

  “You aren’t so bad yourself, Mrs. Buchannan,” he said, smirking as he sipped his drink. I gawked, wide-eyed. There was no way he spent the weekend reading over course-required books.

  “Excuse me?” I wasn’t being rude, just genuinely surprised, and not completely sure I heard him right.

  “You pretend you’re happy. That you have everything you want, but one thing you genuinely want is right in front of you,” he said, all cocky. My lips pressed in a hard line.

  “You’re right. This coffee completed me,” I said, firing back at him. He laughed, a full belly laugh that I loved, and I joined him. There hadn’t been anyone that I loved to make laugh since my brother died. It feels nice.

  “Touché,” he said, looking smug. If I didn’t know any better, I would have thought he liked riling me up.

  “I’m impressed, though. I am assuming you read the book. You didn’t watch the movie, right?” I asked.

  “Fuck, there’s a movie?” he asked. He brought his face to his hands in an exasperated attempt at sarcasm. I rolled my eyes at him.

  “Everyone knows there’s a movie. Three to be exact.”

  “We should watch it. To get the full effect of the story,” he said, studying my reaction. If I didn’t know any better, I would say he looked hopeful. Did he set me up?

  “Nice try. Since you binge-read the book, I guess you’re ready to write your paper,” I stated, changing the subject quickly.

  He grunted. “I hate assignments like this one. I need one topic to follow…I’m not a pick your own thing to write about person.”

  “I kind of like it. It allows you to explain what you took away from the story,” I said, looking off into the distance, thinking about my answers. There was no right way to make someone understand literature.

  “Well, Ms. Philosopher, what are you writing about?” His voice was dangerously low. He leaned across the table, insisting that I look at him. That was one of the things I didn’t like about him. I didn’t like looking people in the eye. They could see through me.

  “I haven’t completely decided yet. I’ve been toying with the idea of greed,” I said.

  His brows shot up. He leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms behind his head. When he did this his shirt rose enough for me to see a stomach I’d never actually seen in real life. Everybody back home was either large or rail thin. His muscles were defined and well trained. I quickly looked away before he noticed.

  “Greed? Don’t you think that’s what everyone will write about?” he asked, amused by me.

  “Absolutely, because it’s easy, but I’m thinking about it from a new angle this time. When I first read Gatsby, I fell in love with him. Someone that could go to those lengths for the one they love. Can you imagine that?” I asked, and immediately regretted it. He was watching me so intently. I shook my head, demanding him to leave my thoughts, and continued my rant.

  “I’m exploring from the angle of “If you love something, let it go.” If Gatsby had lived his life and met another girl…got over his obsession with Daisy, he would still be alive. Greed got in the way of love. He couldn’t have loved her…He should have left her alone, and even if he did want to see her again, he should not have demanded she tell her husband those things or leave! She had a child, for God’s sake. On the outside, it’s a love story. When I dissect it it’s greedy, it’s ugly, and it’s just one big pissing contest between Tom and Jay!”

  “Have you thought about being an English major?” he asked. He wasn’t smiling; not even amused. He watched me curiously. I shook my head stubbornly. Stories were my escape, not my reality. My reality was getting kids the hell away from homes like I was raised in.

  “I’m going to into social work,” I said. Do not ask me why.

  “Any reason why?” he asked. Of course, he asked.

  “For the money, of course,” I said, grinning. “To help people.”

  “I finally saw inside that mysterious head of yours, Autumn,” he said. His grey eyes watched me from across the table. His face was unreadable.

  “And you want to run for the hills?” I joked nervously.

  His shook his head sternly. “I want more.”

  Thirteen

  More. I keep throwing that word around. It’s so general. It’s so stupid. So general and stupid, in fact, that I got up and ran off as soon as he said it. I told him I needed to get to my room, but I doubt he believed me. Now I was here, staring at my phone, confused.

  Liam: Do you want to go to a party with me this weekend?

  “You look like you saw a ghost,” Gabby said.

  Gabby invited me over after my shift today. She lived off-campus in a nice neighborhood. Her apartment was large and newly updated; she assured me it was paid for by a sum of money left by her grandparents, but her BMW was all on her dad. I was amazed by her. She was so quiet and humble, but she had everything a college girl could dream of.

  “Oh, I just got a text about that party,” I said nonchalantly. Her brow furrowed as her eyes darted around behind her large rims. Her eyes were as dark as night, but warm and inviting.

  “From whom? I swear you’ve been here one week, and you’re Miss Popularity,” she said, smiling.

  “Liam. He’s probably trying to sucker me into tutoring him in another class…or write a paper for him.” I laughed once and stopped.

  “That boy is oddly into you.”

  “Gee, thanks,” I said, pretending not to be hurt by that.

  She slapped my shoulder playfully, then sat on her oversized white sectional. She brought her knees to her chest. I took a place next to her.

  “I mean…” She stared off into the distance. “He’s so hard to explain. It’s not you by any means. It’s him. He’s the odd one.”

  “He was an athlete, he’s hot, I told him no. He’s shattered. That’s the whole story.”

  “Oh my God, you just said he’s hot. You are so into him,” she said.

  “I said he’s hot, Gabby. I have eyes. I also have a brain,” I said, rolling my eyes. She made a sound with her mouth, blowing me off. “Can we talk about anything other than Liam Shafer?” I groaned.

  “One last thing?” she asked, eyeing me.

  “Sure.”

  “Give him a chance. He’s really not that bad…anymore,” she said, shrugging her shoulders.

  “I’m literally quoting you right now: ‘He became a man whore after he got hurt’,” I said in my best Gabby impersonation. She smiled but smacked me with a sparkly throw pillow. It left glitter on me. My clothes looked like they survived an eight-year-old’s party.

  “Don’t get me wrong, he was, but something changed. He doesn’t really drink anymore or spend his nights with different girls. He seems focused now…a little broken, too.”

  “Aren’t we all,” I said. It was always the wrong thing to say to people; people always asked questions. Gabby’s face lit up although the expression stayed the same.

  “Is that why you moved?”

  I nodded. “Everyone hated me there anyway. I didn’t have any friends. I didn’t have anyone left,” I said.

  “And your family?”

  “Most of them are dead. The rest of them are shitty.”

  “I’m so sorry, Autumn. I didn’t know,” she said, and she genuinely was.

  “My brother and mom died in a wreck last year. My brother lost control and ran off a bridge. I’m not close to my dad. I don’t really talk about them.”

  Even as I said it, I didn’t believe it. I saw the note. I saw the clues. It never occurred to me that it would ever actually happen. There are some things I would take to the grave. I would always keep his secret. I might never know why or how it happened that way. Gabby sensed my souring mood, and she perked up beside me.

  “So, how’s roomin
g with Josie going? And your new job?” she asked, clearly happy about changing the conversation.

  “Josie…hmm.” I had to think about that one. “I’ve decided that you have to accept people for who they are. Josie is who she is, and I must deal with her for a while, so I’m making the best of it. Her BFF gets on my damns nerves, though.”

  Gabby scrunched her nose. “Is she still hanging out with Sara?”

  “That’s the one,” I said, grumbling. Just thinking about her gave me a bad taste in my mouth.

  “Be careful with them. They were awful in high school. I feel like Josie isn’t that bad, but Sara is Satan himself. She kind of drags Josie in her shit. The two of them together, though. They’ve ruined a few lives,” she said, clenching her teeth.

  “Get this, I’m pretty sure Sara threatened me,” I said, thinking back to our last conversation about Liam.

  “Wait, what?” she asked, eyes wide.

  “Yeah, she questioned me about Liam. When I said I was just tutoring him she said good, because she wouldn’t want me getting hurt.”

  “I don’t have a good feeling about this,” Gabby said. She grabbed a bottle of water from the table in front of us, taking a sip. She looked concerned, which did nothing for my anxiety. The last thing I needed was a couple of mean girls trying to take me down. I thought I’d left high school. Man, was I wrong?

  “Why?” I asked nervously. I wanted to know everything. I needed to be prepared.

  “They have this odd claim over the hot guys. It started in high school. They are the type that don’t want them, but don’t want anyone else to have them. They like guys to fawn over them. And now the unattainable one is fawning over you,” she said, pointedly

  “He is not, Gabby!”

  “I’m not the one you have to convince,” she said, shrugging her shoulders. She might have been on to something. I grabbed my phone and pulled up Liam’s number.

  Me: Sorry, I have plans with Gabby

  Liam: All weekend?

  Me: yes

  He was silent after that, but I dreaded going to class tomorrow. I knew he would bring it up. He did his dirty work in person when I was caught off guard. I was more of a keyboard warrior, and Liam Shafer was not.

  “I wasn’t sure if you’d show.”

  His voice was always the first thing that got your attention. It was confident, authoritative, yet smooth like butter. Then it was his eyes; you wanted him to look at you, to really see you. His smile was the ribbon on the package; you wanted him to approve of you. I got it; trust me, I understood what attractive was, but I didn’t want it. I sure as hell didn’t want to fight over it.

  “We tutor every Monday and Wednesday, right?” I asked, hoping he would avoid it altogether, but I knew he wouldn’t. He wanted to know why, and he would demand it.

  “Yeah, but that was before you shot me down.” I swear his voice got louder when he wanted to embarrass me.

  “I didn’t shoot you down. I’m just busy.”

  “Yeah? Every day for the rest of your life?” he asked, eyes gleaming. He leaned over the table, resting on his elbow.

  “Something like that,” I said, opening my notebook. The barista called his name and he popped up, returning with a coffee for each of us. I looked at mine, noticing it said ‘Daisy’ on the side.

  “What’s that face for?” He laughed, and I rolled my eyes. They were going to stay like this if I continued hanging out with him.

  “Nothing at all. So, have you decided what your paper will be about? I think you should get a game plan and begin outlining. It’s due in two weeks and we have a test before that.”

  He nodded. “I’ve decided to write about indecisive women, and how harmful they can be to society.”

  “I don’t think anyone at this table is indecisive.” I gave him a pointed look, warning him to keep this about school and nothing else.

  “Just when I think we can be friends, you blow me off,” he said, looking at me like this was my fault. I was caught off guard, and I hated him for it.

  “You don’t have to hang out every weekend to be friends with someone. You’re the most dramatic person I know,” I fired back.

  “You have to at least be nice to them.”

  “Not me. I prefer sarcasm and insults,” I said, and he howled with laughter. And dammit if I didn’t want to join him. He shook his head, taking a sip of coffee.

  “You’ll cave one day, Daisy.”

  “Maybe you should read Pride and Prejudice. Like now, so I can call you Darcy, because that is honestly who you act like. You’re hot and cold, and you give me whiplash.”

  “Fair enough. I’ll tone it down. What gives, though? I heard you and Gabby were going to that party. What’s the harm with me inviting you?”

  “Your little friends Josie and Sara wouldn’t like it too much, and I’m not doing drama. I moved all the way here to avoid it!”

  He looked confused, as if I had grown a second head. “What the hell do they have to do with it?”

  I rolled my eyes at their antics and the fact that I was even bringing this up. I felt like I was tattling, but I also felt like I wasn’t going to let anyone push me around.

  “Let’s see… I’m not your type, you want to bang me and drop me, I need to stay away so I don’t get hurt. The usual with them,” I said.

  “I’ll take care of it,” he said. His voice had changed. It went from playful to shit-my-pants scared.

  “I actually don’t want you to say anything. I’m just explaining that I won’t get caught up in drama.”

  He laughed once, but I didn’t detect any humor in it. “You think I’m involved in drama?”

  “Appears that way.”

  “Those girls are the sweethearts at our fraternity. They all think they have some weird claim over all of us. Ignore them…everyone else does,” he said, shrugging his shoulders.

  “Fine, but that stays between us. Okay?”

  “Sure thing,” he said, and I wanted to believe him.

  The drama was done for the day, and we went back to studying. I even helped him pick a serious topic for his paper. He made me laugh; he made me feel like I was important. I missed those feelings. When our study session was over, my heart sank.

  We stood at the same time, reluctant. Both of us waited for the other to say something. He tucked his pen into his low-hanging jeans and held his notebook under his arm.

  “I’ll see you around,” I said with a smile. I turned and walked away, leaving him there.

  “Autumn?” I stopped and faced him. “I’ll see you Saturday.”

  “Definitely,” I said. A smile that would dim the sun was thrown at me. I waved once and walked back to my dorm, my face on fire.

  Fourteen

  “You made it!” Liam yelled from across the room.

  He jogged over, stopping short of me. Two guys lingered beside him, watching us with curiosity. Both had a red cup in their hand, both had dark hair, handsome faces, and wore amused grins. One was the guy Josie was hanging all over when I came here for the first time. I narrowed my eyes at him.

  “Why are you always surprised when I do what I say I’m going to do?” I asked pointedly. With a smile he pulled me in his arms. As hard as he appeared, he was comfortable. I had never felt more at home in my existence. He smelled of cologne and hint of smoke from their unruly guests. He released me too soon. I kept my face neutral, but his grin was as wide as Texas.

  I tore my eyes from him, looking between the two guys who were watching us. Gabby stood behind me quietly.

  “I’m Gabby,” she said, sticking her hand out.

  “My bad. This is Tyler and Brandon,” he said while Gabby shook hands with them, but his eyes were focused on me. “And this is Autumn.”

  I offered a small wave. “The girl he won’t shut up about,” Brandon said, chuckling. If looks could kill, he would be dead by Liam. Brandon was a head taller than Tyler; his arms were bigger around than my thighs, and his ego was the size of Texas. I
shot him one more glare before answering.

  “What can I say? I’m a good tutor,” I said awkwardly. Nobody corrected me.

  “Where are you from?” Tyler asked.

  He had dark brown hair combed to the side, expressive brown eyes, and a soft smile. His eyes were bright as he regarded me, and if he were not standing so close to Liam, I would say he was attractive. I frowned at Liam; he shouldn’t have that effect on me. He was just my friend.

  “Texas. And a small town, so don’t ask,” I said, and he grinned.

  “I’m from here. You two are on the baseball team, right?” Gabby piped in.

  “We are,” Tyler said, smiling.

  “What do you play?” she asked, intrigued. It was apparent that I was going to be ditched again tonight.

  “I took Liam’s place,” Brandon piped in. My eyes moved to Liam, studying him. His lips were pressed together, but he didn’t say anything to correct Brandon, and I wondered if it was a touchy subject. Gabby mentioned that he didn’t play anymore because he was hurt, but I didn’t ask for more details. A person should have their own secrets, and they could share them when they were ready.

  “I’m on third,” Tyler said, ignoring Brandon altogether. Obviously, that was what everyone did with him.

  “Liam, are you still on the team?” Gabby asked. I wanted to elbow her. I stood, eyes wide, waiting for him to respond to her intrusive question. She was kind and quiet, but she was also fierce and curious.

  “I guess you could say that,” he answered honestly. The mood instantly soured. Everyone with cups took a drink, looking away.

  Not intentionally, Gabby and Tyler stepped into their own conversation, leaving us out. “Want a drink?” Tyler asked her.

  “I would love one,” she gushed. I watched her walk off, brow cocked. I didn’t know her well, but she didn’t strike me as the type to gush over guys. I hoped this dude was nice to her.