“Gabby, take me home.”
“I got you, babe,” she said, linking my arm with hers. She mouthed something to Tyler before helping me down the hallway.
Liam was hot on my tail. “I swear, Autumn. I did not do this. I’ll find out how this happened…”
I ignored him, stunned. I just wanted to make it to the door and away from the audience. Once outside I ran to the passenger seat of her car, tearing open the door, but Liam kept me from shutting it.
“You have to believe me. I’ll do anything, Autumn. You just have to believe I wouldn’t do this to you.”
“And why would I, Liam? A girl doesn’t just act like that because she’s mad you turned her down… Something was happening. Why would I believe otherwise?”
“BECAUSE I LOVE YOU! I’m in fucking love with you, Autumn.” He stared at me, willing me to give in. It felt like an eternity. Gabby was in the driver’s seat, waiting for the word. Tyler stood behind Liam, watching in horror.
“I don’t believe you. Drive, Gabby.”
“Autumn…”
“Let her go, dude. We’re all drunk. Talk tomorrow,” Tyler stopped him midsentence as he closed the door. Liam collapsed on the grass, resting his knees on his forehead. I tore my eyes from him. I couldn’t go back there. Not again.
“For what it’s worth I don’t think it was him, Autumn. That boy is in love with you…”
“Not now, Gabby. I need a friend on my side.”
“I’ll always be on your side. Let’s figure it out tomorrow, okay?”
I nodded my head in agreement. The neighborhood streaked by, and I realized this would be the last time I ever came here again. It was over. My entire life had proved to me I should be cautious. But I couldn’t run this time. I had a feeling this heartbreak would follow me for the rest of my life.
“Will I ever be okay again?” I asked.
“I’ll make sure of it.”
Thirty-Two
The sky was crying with me. Or, to be less poetic, it was pissing my mascara off. The steady mist was hitting my face as I walked to my dreaded English class. Just a few more weeks, I reminded myself with each step.
It was easy to forget over Thanksgiving break. I put my phone on Do Not Disturb and binged New Girl. To my surprise, Josie didn’t come to gloat. I was alone with my thoughts. Well, and Jessica Day and her many heartbreaks on my new favorite show.
Now, as I toyed with the straps on my backpack, standing outside the door, reality was about to hit me like a Mack truck. Unless he’s not there. Or I could skip. Sighing, I walked in, looking toward my usual spot. Gabby was there; her face lit up when I walked in. I did a quick scan, noting his absence.
“You made it,” Gabby said. Standing, she wrapped me in a quick hug.
“I’m not letting a little family drama and a breakup keep me from the most boring hour of my life.”
She grinned, but she knew I was putting on a front. The truth was, I’d ignored her when she knocked on the door and had dodged her phone calls. I knew she understood but was concerned.
“Let me take you for coffee after class?” she asked.
“I’d like that. I need to get out,” I said, shrugging my shoulders. Her eyes stared behind me and my heart stopped. I turned, and there he was. Standing at the bottom of the lecture hall, staring at me, judging my reaction.
Smoothing my features, I sat down and began taking my things out. When I looked up, I found him sitting in the front row. That stung a little, but maybe he was moving on. I couldn’t blame him. He had shown up every day, left little notes, texted, called. He’d done it all. I wasn’t ready to hear him out. I needed time alone to figure things out before I confronted my problems head-on. Maybe I was too late.
I shoved that thought to the back of my mind when the professor walked in. I could feel Gabby’s stare, but I looked forward, writing every word, closing the world off.
As promised, after class Gabby reminded me about the coffee shop. Again, I agreed. I knew I needed to get out, but I really didn’t want to. To my surprise, Liam was lingering at the door when I walked out. He stared at me, a million words in his gray eyes. My God, I wanted to believe him.
“Hi,” I said as Gabby and I walked by.
“Autumn, wait,” he said, jogging up to me. Gabby practically held me in place, her eyes pleading with me. “Can we go somewhere and talk?”
“I actually have plans with Gabby.”
“It can wait,” Gabby said. Her eyes darted toward us. He looked at me, hopeful.
“I don’t think you want to hear what I have to say right now, Liam.”
He ran his hand down his face, frustrated. His eyes drooped with exhaustion. While I hated knowing I was the cause of that, I hated that I was the one put in this situation.
“Anything. You just ran out on me. Are we…Are you done?”
I shook my head, clearing my thoughts. “I don’t know. I just need to figure some things out.” I started walking away, but he was persistent.
“Then let me figure it out with you. I’ll find out about Josie. I’ll help you find out about your brother…just please don’t shut me out anymore.”
I couldn’t leave him hanging anymore. “I’m still not sure you didn’t tell her. Like I said, Liam, I have plans with Gabby.”
I kept walking, but much faster than before. Gabby caught up to me, looking at me with concern. I knew what she was thinking, but I didn’t want to hear it. If I gave in now, I would never forgive myself. I would never fully trust him. I would never know.
“I’m not giving up, Autumn!” he shouted. I didn’t turn around. I could only imagine his distraught face, onlookers, and me in the center of the drama.
Gabby ordered our mochas while I sat inside at a table near a window. The mist made it hard to focus on the people passing, but I had to make sure I knew if Liam was busting in at any time.
She handed me my cup. Blowing on the lid, I kept watching out the window.
“Are you hoping he shows up or stays away?” Gabby asked. I thought about that for a moment.
“All of the above.”
“He didn’t do it, Autumn. I want you to know that as your friend…”
“Then how did she find out, Gabby? That’s what’s bothering me. I have to know, or else I just won’t be able to let this go. It’ll always nag me.”
“I can’t answer that, but we’ll figure it out, okay?” She gave me a sympathetic look before taking a sip. “Is it true?”
I toyed with my cup, sliding it between my hands. I was naïve to think I could keep this to myself. She wouldn’t push me, but she deserved to know, and deep down I knew I needed people who knew my story and supported me.
I leaned over my coffee. “My dad was abusive. In more ways the one. To all of us.” I spilled my entire life story to Gabby. The abuse, high school, working jobs to get out of there, my brother’s depression, the wreck, the insurance money I took without telling before I split. She tried to remain neutral, but her jaw fell a few times.
“I knew you were fucked up, Autumn, but damn.” I shrugged, falling back in my chair. “But you’re the strongest person I know.”
“Thanks,” I murmured. There was that sympathy I’d always dreaded. Everyone meant well, but a damaged person wants to be normal. A whole piece.
“I’ll help you figure it out. There’re always a bunch of people at the house. Tyler hears so much gossip. It’ll all come out.”
“I hope so.”
“But Autumn, in the meantime, don’t shut everyone out. I’m not the people from your past. No one here is. Well, maybe Josie.”
“You’re right. I’ll work on that.” The mention of her name made my blood boil and go numb at the same time. She was every bully I had ever encountered, wrapped into one evil, and unfortunately, gorgeous package.
When I got back to my room, I was alone again. I was starting to wonder if Josie had left with my dad, becoming his new victim. I shook those mean thoughts from my head before p
ulling my safe from under my bed. I was running a little low on cash after being off all week.
My blood ran cold. Ten thousand dollars was gone. I grabbed a Benjamin, shoving the safe back under my bed. It was my own stupidity. I should have put it all in the bank, but I was scared. I never wanted a paper trail. What did it matter now? My dad knew where I was. They all knew everything. I was no longer the reinvented Autumn Miller. I was the girl from the trailer park, running from demons she would never escape.
Still, I could be mad, and no one could tell me any different. Screaming, I faced Josie’s side of the room.
“YOU RUINED MY FUCKING LIFE!” I screamed to no one.
I grabbed the pretty pink comforter on her bed, ripping it to shreds and throwing it on the floor. One by one, I knocked the pictures off her desk. I smashed perfume. I dumped out her makeup, but none of it stopped the tears.
Sobbing, I slid down to the floor. I had never felt completely alone. I wanted nothing more than Liam to bust through the door and comfort me, but there I sat, bawling, and wondering, if he caused this all, why was he even worth it?
I had two options. I could let Autumn go or I could fight. I also had two problems. I could never let her go, and the second option might involve a felony. I couldn’t get the image of her out of my head today. She walked away. She wouldn’t talk. Her wall was back up, but for good reason.
I lifted the whiskey bottle to my mouth, spilling half of it down my shirt. I laughed to no one in particular. There were twenty people around me, but I felt alone. Tyler came bursting through the door, Gabby in tow, and I rolled my eyes so hard they could have come out of the sockets.
“The fucking cavalry is here to save me.”
“Gabby meet the real Liam,” Tyler said, disgust written all over his face.
“What did you say to me?” I asked. Standing up, I stumbled.
“You heard me. Every time you go through something, you act like a toddler. You’re getting drunk instead of going after Autumn.”
“I’ve gone after her! She doesn’t want me!”
“She’s scared you had something to do with her dad finding her, Liam. You know she has trust issues. Figure out what happened, and we can fix this,” Gabby said.
“She’s already made up her mind.” I stressed every word through my hazy mind.
“Get off your drunk ass, sober up, and change her mind. I swear to God you do this every time something goes wrong. You quit baseball, you drink and party, Autumn, the wreck…”
I held my finger up, stepping closer to him. “If you have something to say to me, now would be a good time.”
“I just did,” he said, taking another step toward me. “They weren’t just your friends, dude. You quit on everyone.”
“Tyler,” Gabby warned him.
“Were you in the fucking truck with them for hours while they were dead?”
“You can’t keep using these things as an excuse to fall back into your toxic behavior.”
“I’ll be fine. I’m just going to do this for a while, and if anyone has a problem with that…” I said, looking around the room. My eyes landed on Tyler.
His jaw was clenched. “I do.”
My fist connected with his face before he could say another word. Gabby stepped between us, pushing him out of the way. “You’re both out of line! Liam, go upstairs and sober the hell up! Tyler, come with me!”
I had a pang of instant regret as I looked at Tyler’s bloody nose. I shook my fist, knowing I would regret it in the morning. Using the wall to hold me up I took the stairs slowly, stumbling until I got to my bed.
I hated being here. It was the most disgusting reminder of the girl who used to stay with me most nights. I grabbed her pillow, hugging it tight. I kept fucking up. I kept fucking up everything.
I grabbed my phone and texted Autumn, telling her I loved her, and I swore I did not do it. I fell asleep with no response.
Thirty-Three
I locked the door behind me, closing the bookstore alone for the first time. I tied my black parka around me, shielding myself from the cool breeze that blew through the campus. My stomach was in knots and I tried to chalk it up to finals next week, but I could only lie to so many people. I knew the truth. I was living my worst nightmare.
I walked the lit path to the dorm, shivering as I approached the spot without trees and buildings to shield the cold air.
“Autumn!”
I turned finding Gabby running toward me. Out of breath, she tried to calm down before talking to me.
“Do you mind if we take this to my room? I’m freezing.”
“Yeah, of course.” She nodded, following behind me.
Again, I was greeted with an empty room. Josie’s side was torn apart. I could only hope she came back to see what I had left for her. Moral of the story? She might be used to mind games, but in Texas we get our hands dirty.
“What happened here?” she asked, eyes wide.
“Adults can have temper tantrums, too.”
“Remind me not to piss you off.”
“What’s going on, Gabby?” She tore her jacket off and sat on the edge of my bed.
“It’s Liam. He’s drinking a lot and he punched Tyler.” Her face was hurt. I admit, a pang of guilt ran through my body.
“And that’s my problem how? A grown man shouldn’t need me to make sure he doesn’t self-destruct.”
She cocked her head at me. “And you aren’t? You’re just doing it in different ways.”
“Gabby, I know you mean well, but I need this behind me. Can we stop talking about it every five seconds?”
“Look, I think Josie’s friend Sara helped her. Check there. She works in the records office. All I know is Liam didn’t do this.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’ll talk to him.”
She wrapped her tiny arms around me. “Thank you. No matter what, I support you. I just can’t stand seeing everyone I care about this messed up. There’s more to it, Autumn. You and Liam are endgame.”
“I said I would talk to him, Gabby. Hold off on planning the wedding.”
She smiled at me, waving once before leaving me alone with my thoughts. I hated being in my mind these days. Years of being cautious and suspicious had kept me on edge. I knew myself, and I knew I couldn’t accept pretty words wrapped in a shiny bow. I needed the truth, no matter how ugly it was. The truth would heal me.
Can we talk?
The steady thump in my head was the only reason I knew I wasn’t dreaming. She’d texted me. She wanted to talk. That was either a good or bad thing. I eyed the half-empty whiskey bottle by my bed. Slowly rising, I grabbed it and poured it down the drain before I had anymore dumb ideas.
I would like that. Just say when.
Coffee shop. After the final today, she replied almost instantly.
See you then.
My reflection was everything I was feeling. Pale, with black circles under my eyes, frazzled hair, and busted knuckles. I hopped into the shower, hoping I could undo the last week with a simple stream of hot water coursing over me.
If she saw me like this, there would be nothing to talk about. She would believe all the bad about me. There was a small part of me that wanted her to see this, though. Maybe she should run, far in the other direction. My dad, Josie, all my shit would just drag her down in the end. She didn’t need the extra load. I toweled off, throwing on the first pair of jeans and a tee I could find before heading downstairs.
Tyler was on the couch. His eyes were glued to me like a parent disappointed in their teen for missing curfew. He had a cut on his nose and a faint bruise below his right eye. Sighing, I sat on the opposite side.
“Look, I’m sorry, dude,” I started.
“I was out of line,” he stated, cutting me off. “I just didn’t want to see you go down that path again. You scared the shit out of me after the accident.”
I shook my head. “I’m not. I just needed a few dumb nights.”
“Just like I needed a bla
ck eye,” he said, giving me a pointed look.
“It won’t happen again. I’m done with the shit,” I said, standing up. I walked to the door, hoping to make it to class a few minutes early to judge Autumn’s reaction before the test.
“Something else that Gabby mentioned.” I stopped, letting out a frustrated sigh. “I’d see if Josie’s friend had something to do with digging into Autumn at the record office.”
“Fuck, you’re right. I have to go, dude.”
‘Good luck.”
I sped the short way to campus, focused on one thing only. Finding out what the hell happened. When I pulled into campus, I emailed the teacher, saying I had a virus. Regardless of taking the final or not, I would still pass, but that was the last thing on my mind right now.
I stormed into the administration building, following the arrows leading me to the record office. When I finally found it, I was so worked up I had to take a breath to settle down before I caused a scene. There she was. It was amazing how much she and Josie looked alike. It was like they were trying to be the same evil person wrapped into one.
“Liam.” She didn’t look surprised or bothered by my presence.
“What did you do?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” she said, smirking.
“I swear to God, Sara, I don’t have time for your shit. I’m sure your boss would be happy to look into it for me. I’m sure looking into students’ records isn’t legal.”
“You wouldn’t dare.” She laughed once, but I had her attention now. She stepped away from her computer, inches away from me. Her arms were crossed at her chest. Her black-lined eyes were slits, staring into my soul.
“I’m not fucking around. What Josie did to Autumn was awful. You’re going to tell me everything right now.”
She rolled her eyes, huffing at me. She looked around before pulling me to a back office. “Fine, but you didn’t hear it from me.”
“I don’t care about that. Just tell me,” I demanded.
The Autumn Leaf Page 17