Caught by the Cowboy Dad

by Melinda Curtis

  Holden gave Bernadette a superior grin.

  “Burn a marshmallow?” Bernadette was offended. “They’re best browned lightly.”

  “The Monroes are a family of marshmallow burners.” Holden pierced a marshmallow with a fork.

  Bernadette scoffed. “Half the marshmallows people burn drop into the fire. It’s a well-known fact.”

  “You have to know the trick to the burn,” Holden said cryptically.

  “There’s no trick.” Bernadette ate a marshmallow raw. The fluff wasn’t as satisfying as when combined with a piece of chocolate and graham cracker. She opened the package of graham crackers before reading the label. “Hey, these are chocolate graham crackers, not regular.”

  “Does it matter?” Devin asked with a half smile.

  Bernadette held up a chocolate graham cracker. “It’s the taste of the brown-sugar graham cracker that makes a s’more so special.”

  Holden tsked. “I guess you don’t need to eat one.”

  She jerked sideways in her chair, giving Holden a horrified look. He could be the most insufferable man. “I won’t eat one. But Baby would like two. She’s young and therefore not picky.”

  “He, you mean.” Holden quirked his eyebrows. “I’m challenging you because I’m assuming you don’t know the baby’s gender yet, and I produce boys.”

  Devin rolled his eyes. “That’s not how science works, Dad.”

  “But Baby feels like a she.” Bernadette patted her stomach.

  Devin groaned. “Has anyone ever told you two that you shouldn’t talk like that in front of the child?”

  “Surely you don’t mean you?” Holden’s fork dipped in the flames as he glanced up at his son. It caught fire. “You’re practically old enough to vote.”

  “And he’s a man of science,” Bernadette added, enjoying teasing the teen immensely.

  “I’m a minor. A child in the eyes of the law.” Devin pointed at himself. He’d taken a few squares of graham cracker and chocolate bar while Holden and Bernadette had been bantering and held them out for his blackened marshmallow.

  “Hey, you burned it, but it didn’t fall into the fire.” Bernadette narrowed her eyes. Maybe there was a trick. “What’s your secret?”

  “Don’t let it catch fire.” Holden grinned. “Or at least, not for long.”

  “Thanks, Dad.” Devin took his s’more and returned to the motor home.

  As soon as they were alone again, the mood changed. The stars were beginning to come out, and there was no one else in the campground. The fire smelled like childhood and innocence. The river gurgled past soothingly. And the man Bernadette had thought she loved sat close enough that she could reach out and touch him if she dared risk her heart a second time.

  She kept her hands on the graham cracker box. “He’s serious about his studies.”

  “He would have preferred to go to summer school.”

  “As all nerds do.” Bernadette nodded.

  Holden frowned. “He’s not a nerd. Monroes aren’t nerds.”

  And wasn’t that one of the reasons they weren’t together? She was a nerd, not one of those pretty New York women who wore contacts, bought expensive hair products and knew how to match their lipstick to their wardrobe.

  “I’m the pot calling the kettle black.” Bernadette pushed up her nerd glasses. “Devin is a nerd and okay with that. But if labels annoy your manly Monroe sensibilities, I’d say he’s serious about his studies. Academic minded. And whatever he is now, in ten years he’ll be a hot doctor.”

  “Nice save.” Holden was browning a marshmallow. Browning, not burning. She set the box of graham crackers by his feet.

  She’d never have suspected Mr. Wall Street had skills outdoors, especially not when he drove a motor home with all the comforts of home. “Did you do a lot of camping as a kid?”

  “Only with my grandfather. He’d load all twelve grandkids in his RV and cart us across the country.”

  “Brave man.”

  Holden nodded. “He wanted us to see life without a silver spoon, which was noble.”

  “I sense a but.”

  “But as the oldest, for me, it was often like herding cats. Get your crackers and chocolate ready,” he said, all business. “I like to talk baby terms over dessert.”

  She complied, almost resentful that the marshmallow hadn’t taken longer so that Holden would keep talking. Bernadette took a bite. It was so darn good. And he was her hero for making sure they had s’mores. “Baby terms? We’ve already finished. You offered child support, and I said no.”

  The marshmallow he was roasting caught fire and fell into the coals. He turned to stare at her. “You can’t deny me parental rights.”

  “I’m going to be a small-town doctor, on call 24/7. That means I won’t be able to fly my baby to New York on a Friday for you to visit with her for a few hours on Saturday and Sunday.”

  “I can fly out here.” Oh, he was ruffled. His nostrils flared.

  “Four times a year? The way you do for Devin? No thank you.”

  He blew out a puff of air. “Do you need to hear about logistics? I’d give you keys to a second residence on the East Coast. I’d give you a credit card. Say the word, and I’ll make everything easier.”

  “Easier for your conscience, you mean.” She had her own money and a budget she planned to follow once her practice sold.

  Holden frowned. “If you can’t have it my way and I can’t have it your way, what do you want me to say?”

  Say something that makes me fall back in love with you.

  Bernadette swallowed thickly. Thoughts like that were dangerous.

  Holden didn’t say a thing. But he stared at her. And while he stared, his gaze softened. And it was in that softening that Bernadette felt her resolve weaken.

  “Monroes always take care of their own,” he said.

  She shored up her defenses and used her physician’s voice. “Don’t pull the legacy card. That always feels like a defense only a man can pull. Maybe I want this baby to carry on my legacy.” Such as it was. She scuffed one red boot in the dirt.

  “Such brutal honesty.” He shrugged. “I always liked that about you.”

  They both fell silent at the use of the weaker L word. The fire crackled. The motor home creaked. And Bernadette felt like tossing up her hands because she was a Like, not a Love.

  And then Holden tossed his hands for her. “Why did you agree to go out with me if you knew I was reluctant to have a long-distance romance?”

  “Why does anyone ever date anyone else?” Bernadette shrugged. “Because they think they might find their soul mate.” She’d been so certain she’d found hers.

  He tsked. “You’re a hopeless romantic.”

  “And you don’t love me.” She hadn’t meant to say that, but his assessment of her was demoralizing.

  Holden opened his mouth and then closed it again.

  She gladly filled the silence. “I’d given up on love and marriage until you came along. I’d given up on the dream of having children. I told myself bringing babies into the world for others would have to do. But there was a hole in my heart all the same. Growing up, I wasn’t quite as bookish as Devin. But I wasn’t one of the pretty, popular girls. I seldom dated. I’d never had a chance at love until you witnessed me taking a swipe at Shane with my purse. Since becoming a doctor, I’ve been working hard to save my corner of the world. And for what? To retire one day alone? Looking back, that seems so sad.”

  He stared into the fire. “I’m sorry if I gave you the impression that I was...”

  She finished for him. “Serious about me? Don’t apologize. And don’t worry. I don’t need you to raise this baby,” Bernadette said stiffly, targeting each barb. “And you don’t need to be an obligation dad, the way you are with Devin, trying to create memories four times a year so t
hat you can sleep at night.”

  She wasn’t just being honest. She was bare-knuckling him with truths.

  “I love my son.” If her words had been stiff, his words were blocks of ice. “And I will love this child. And since when is it wrong to fulfill an obligation?”

  “Kids need love, not obligations.” Bernadette got out of her chair, grabbing the box of chocolate graham crackers. “I don’t need your financial support. I feel like I’ve waited all my life for this chance at motherhood. I’m going to love this baby daily, Holden. I’m going to love it enough for both of us.”

  * * *

  HOLDEN SAT STARING up at the stars, breathing in deeply and trying not to replay his argument with Bernadette in his head. She was implying he was extraneous to their child and that his love had limits.

  Devin sat in the chair Bernadette had vacated. “Myrna wasn’t kidding about the bats.”

  It was fully dark now. The sky was illuminated by a full moon that was peeking through gathering storm clouds. They watched small winged creatures fly out of the bat houses and along the river.

  Holden sighed. “I suppose I owe Bernadette an apology for saying they were creepy.” There was something playful about the lilting way the bats took to the air, as if they were new to flying. And he had yet to see a mosquito.

  “Dad, I...I just wanted to say I’m sorry about inviting Dr. Carlisle along.” Devin squirmed. “I didn’t know you guys hated each other.”

  So, he’d heard their argument.

  “We don’t hate each other.” Holden debated how much he should say to his son. He supposed he needed to say a lot. “Relationships... Feelings... Love...” Why was this conversation so hard? “You can’t always manage your personal life like you do your college schedule or your professional career.”

  “Then...you love her.” Not a question.

  “Honestly?” Sometimes, back when they’d been dating, he’d felt he could find love with her someday. But now... What did he feel for her? “My feelings for Bernadette are complicated.”

  “By what?”

  “The fact that we live several thousand miles away from each other. The fact that we’re both professionals who care about our careers. The fact that she’s going to be living and working in Second Chance and I want to sell the town.” Lock, stock and barrel. Not that his wishes were going to be honored.

  Darn that Shane. He’d mounted one heck of a defense.

  Dev threw another log on the fire. “I thought love wasn’t about facts.”

  “Have you ever been in love, son?” It was galling to realize he didn’t know.

  “Girls are...scary.” Devin blew out a breath. “They talk about things I have no interest in. It’s like they don’t realize we’re here on this planet for a short time and they shouldn’t waste it focusing on nail-polish colors and posts on social media.”

  His son was the exact opposite of Holden at that age. Holden had loved women and all their polished, lipsticked glory.

  “Dad, I want to find a cure for cancer. I can’t spend two date nights a week at the movies and two nights a week chilling out—” he made air quotes “—with mutual friends.” He ran both his hands through his hair. “Why can’t girls be more like...me?”

  Holden couldn’t suppress wry laughter. “I’m sure you’ll find plenty of girls at MIT who are just as driven as you are. And if you inherited any of my bad luck in romance, you’re going to fall hard for a woman who is more dedicated than you are to a career.”

  “I hope not.” Devin poked at the logs with a stick. “Dad...don’t take this wrong, but I don’t want my little brother or sister to grow up the way I did.”

  Not only were the elephants back to sitting on Holden’s chest but they’d brought friends. He sucked in air. “I’m not sure I follow.”

  “I mean, like Bernadette said. You shouldn’t consider her baby an obligation.”

  Our baby. Holden bit back the urge to correct Dev. “You’re more than an obligation to me, son.” The words felt thick, but not as hard to push out as the three words that needed airing. “I...I...I love you.”

  “I know. I love you, too.” Devin laid it out easier than Holden had, but he didn’t look at him. “You have to understand, though. You were never there for things.”

  With a deep breath, Holden shoved the proverbial pachyderms off his chest. With another, he gathered his indignation. “I was there for your graduation. And for your confirmation. And for your...” He couldn’t think of another milestone he’d been there for.

  “Dad.” Devin looked at Holden the way Bernadette had—with raw honesty and regret. “You weren’t there on the daily. You didn’t teach me how to ride a bike or drive a car. You weren’t there when I won the state science fair. Or when my computer crashed the night before my senior paper was due.”

  “I get it.” There was no need to go on. “I wasn’t there when you needed me.”

  “When I needed someone, there was Mom,” Dev said simply.

  The words cut through Holden’s chest, bowing his shoulders. My son doesn’t need me.

  “Four times a year, Dad.” Devin got up, heading toward the campground restrooms. “That’s how often you saw me since you and Mom split up.”

  And that’s what he’d been thinking of offering Bernadette. But four visits a year wasn’t enough. Not in Devin’s eyes. And not, Holden realized, in his mind. He was a different man today than he’d been seventeen years ago. He wanted different things, didn’t he?

  Maybe Shane was right. Maybe he needed to talk to someone about what he felt, where his life was going and how he wanted to do things differently this time.

  And maybe that someone he needed to talk to was Bernadette. Or maybe they didn’t need to talk. He smiled.

  After all, actions spoke louder than words.

  * * *

  “HEY, YOU.”

  The whispered greeting had Devin jumping nearly out of his skin. He bumped into the restroom wall.

  A small hand reached out from the darkness and grabbed his arm.

  A scream caught in Devin’s throat behind a gulp of air. The hand that had Dev in his clutches pivoted and clamped over his mouth, muffling sound.

  Frankie stepped into the light. It was her hand that had reached for Devin. Her hand that was currently pressing against his mouth.

  She’s touching me.

  His eyes widened. Really, his eyelids were the only thing that could move.

  I might faint.

  “Come on,” she whispered, keeping her hand over his mouth. “Let’s get into some trouble.”

  Trouble? Kids who graduated a year early and got accepted into MIT didn’t get into trouble.

  Devin nodded anyway.

  Her hand fell away, and she gave him a looking-for-trouble grin.

  Blood rushed in his ears.

  Girls didn’t smile at Devin like that. They blushed at him and sometimes lost the ability to speak, like Gabby this morning. Or they eyeballed him when they wanted a safe date to prom, which he politely declined. He was the worst in social situations with kids his own age, a fact that didn’t bode well for this encounter with Frankie.

  “Come on.” Frankie didn’t wait for his answer. She turned and walked away, expecting him to follow.

  Devin sucked in a lungful of cold air, trying to dispel the adrenaline in his veins. When that didn’t work, he punched the air repeatedly, as if he was a boxer doing a feedbag drill, dropping his arms when Frankie’s voice drifted back to him.

  “Nerd Boy. Are you coming?”

  He hurried after her.

  She led him down to the river and then along a path that led to the barn while thunder rolled overhead. She dragged him inside, closing the door behind them before turning on a light. She gestured toward a closed door and the muted sound of an appliance running full speed. “I’v
e got the dehumidifier running in the tack room, trying to dry out Shortcake’s saddle. No thanks to your dad for creating extra work for me. I kept giving you the high sign to step in and control him. What’s wrong with you?”

  Despite her negative slant on the day’s events, Frankie dropped down onto a hay bale and patted the empty spot next to her, inviting Devin to sit. “You’re the first kid my age to stay at the campground since my parents dumped me here.”

  “Oh.” Devin tried to sound cool, as if motorcycle-driving girls with purple hair invited him out to secluded barns all the time. He sat down on the far end of the hay bale, knees together and hands rubbing his thighs as if he was cold, not cool.

  He forced himself to sit still. But that was a tactical error because he was facing Shortcake’s stall, and even if he angled his gaze to the left, he couldn’t see Frankie.

  The first raindrops hit the barn roof. Devin took that for a cue that he should move. He turned his head slowly, just far enough over that he could see Frankie without staring at her directly.

  “There’s nobody around to hang with.” Frankie had a blue saddle blanket in her lap and was stitching a tear closed. It was wet and looked like the one that had been under Shortcake’s saddle. “I mean, my gran is cool, but she’s in bed watching TV by seven, snoring by seven thirty. I don’t have a phone anymore, and her computer is off-limits, so I can’t watch anything.”

  “You could read a book.” Reflexively, Devin’s shoulders hunched. Had he really said that out loud?

  “Books? Who reads books anymore?” Frankie stopped mending to frown at him. “This just goes to prove that if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, it is a duck.”

  Devin frowned. “Ducks quack.”

  “Oh.” Frankie scoffed. “You’re one of those.”

  Devin had no idea what she was talking about.

  “You’re not just a nerd. You’re nerd royalty.” She shook her head. “In my metaphor, you were the duck. You look like a nerd. You talk like a nerd. But you didn’t even get my metaphor. Therefore...” She elbowed him, followed by a smile that softened the blow of her teasing. “You’re the top one percent of nerds.”