Fearless

by Tawdra Kandle

  My first month at King High School passed much less eventfully than my first week. I fell into an easy rhythm of classes, homework—and Michael. My friendship with Anne continued to blossom, too, which I think made my parents feel slightly better about the amount of time I spent with Michael, either at home, at school or out at the nursery.

  It was a new way of life for all of us, as I watched—and felt—my parents adjust to the reality of me having a boyfriend. That Michael continued to be respectful and responsible seemed to ease their minds. And Anne, who often spent afternoons at our house when Michael was working and I was free, spoke of him with such obvious affection that my parents couldn’t help but be impressed. She shared the stories that Michael never would have; tales of his kindness to her and to others over their years in school, how hard-working he was, and that he had already been offered several scholarships and early acceptance to two colleges.

  The idea of college and Michael going was something that hadn’t really occurred to me until Anne had mentioned it. The thought of him leaving King—and me—caused such a choking panic in my heart that I could hardly breathe.

  For the most part, though, I was more relaxed and happy than I had ever been. What surprised and somewhat dismayed me was that the more comfortable and settled I became in my new life, the harder it was to keep up my mental wall. It seemed that it was impossible to relax one part of me without letting down all my guards. It was frustrating to hear so much more than I wanted to know, not to mention the constant base of chatter that filled my head whenever I was in school.

  On the bright side, Nell’s open enmity toward me seemed to have settled into a seething hate. For the most part, she ignored me completely, as did the rest of her crowd. Occasionally she would throw a stinging barb my way, but if I failed to rise to the bait, she let it go at that. More troubling was that my lowered mental block meant that I could hear and feel even more of Nell’s dark feelings. I concentrated harder on maintaining that wall in Chemistry class than at any other time; no one besides Ms. Lacusta talked to me in that class anyway, so I wasn’t missing anything by keeping my head down and my mind closed.

  It was difficult to keep Nell out during History, since I really liked that class and its teacher, Mr. Frame. Most of the time she kept her thoughts down to a low roar, but because the subject matter obviously bored her—unlike Chemistry, I guessed—her mind was prone to wander more in this class. I did my best to stay out of its way as it did so.

  English class was usually the high point of my academic day. Well, what wasn’t to like: there was assigned reading, which was cool, and the only numbers were on the pages of the books. I enjoyed Mrs. Cook, the English teacher. She was interesting and fair-minded. But on this particular day, English was slowly killing me through monotony.

  We were reading Shakespeare, which is a totally worthwhile pursuit. But when you’ve read all the major plays on your own and done a lot of research on the meanings and nuances, class kind of drags as the teacher tries to explain these things to a roomful of students who couldn’t really care less.

  The bright spot on the day’s horizon was a pop-quiz. That would take up at least fifteen minutes. As Mrs. Cook passed out the papers, Amber Cole slid breathlessly into the seat in front of me. She was flushed and nearly late, and not a little flustered. I empathized, because I hated to come into class late myself. But it seemed more than tardiness that was upsetting Amber. Her hands were shaking slightly, and waves of intense emotion were breaking off her and overwhelming me. I automatically took the quiz paper from Mrs. Cook and tried to block Amber. But she was emanating terror, and as I looked down at my paper, I heard her as clearly as if she were shouting: What have I gotten into? What am I going to do? She says it’ll be all right… but… what do they want from me? I don’t know… should I go with them? Trust them? All these years of her torturing me… why should I believe her now? But she changed… she said she changed… I’m so scared.

  I glanced at Amber as subtly as I could. She was bent over her own page, nervously drumming the eraser of her pencil on the desk. Her body language bore out what I was hearing. And what I felt from her was nearly suffocating me.

  I redoubled my efforts to tune her out and focus on the quiz. Thank heavens Julius Caesar was a play I knew so well. Mrs. Cook’s quizzes were simple and predictable: ten short answer content questions and one brief essay question to test our ability to interpret the work. I flew through the first ten, wrote a fairly long paragraph for the last question and turned in my paper up front. Mrs. Cook smiled appreciatively at me and glanced at the clock.

  “Five minutes, everyone,” she announced. There were some muffled groans and muttered curses. I took my seat and tried not to stare at Amber for the rest of the class. At least it distracted me from the boredom that was English class right now.

  I remembered Amber’s reaction to me during my first few days at King. She wasn’t exactly friendly. I hadn’t thought too much of it at the time, absorbed as I was in getting to know Michael. But now I considered her. We only had the one class together, but I saw her here and there throughout the day. I tried to remember if I ever saw her with other girls, with a special boy, but nothing came to mind. I knew that Anne had mentioned Nell’s long-time abuse of Amber in earlier days, and I wondered if that had anything to do with whatever was going on today.

  I was glad when the bell rang, meaning it was lunchtime for me. Michael and I had fallen into a routine: he always made it to the cafeteria ahead of me because he had a free period for independent study preceding lunch. He chose our food, and I struggled to eat even a portion of what he got. Usually we sat at the table inside with his friends, which I enjoyed, since it gave me a chance to visit with Anne. But sometimes, on particularly pretty days, he would find a table outside for just the two of us.

  Today seemed to be one of the outside days. I scanned the lunchroom for Michael, giving a brief wave to our normal lunch table. I didn’t see Michael, but I did see Amber. She had beaten me to the lunchroom and was sitting with Nell Massler and her group.

  I tried not to gape at that sight as I pushed out through the swinging door. Michael was sitting at our usual outdoor table with two trays. Most of the other tables were empty.

  “Is this seat taken?” I asked as I swung my leg over the bench. His smile was slow but sweet.

  “I was saving it just for you. As you can see, I had to fight off the throngs.”

  “Yeah, it’s pretty exclusive out here, isn’t it?”

  He grabbed a crouton off the salad on one of the trays and crunched on it. “Do you mind eating out here? It’s quieter. But I guess it’s kind of hot, too, so if you’d rather be inside…”

  I shook my head. “No. Quiet is good. I wanted to talk about something kind of private anyway.”

  Michael raised his eyebrows and looked at me speculatively. “Good private or bad private?”

  I gave him a light punch on the shoulder, and he caught my hand and held it. Happiness flooded my heart. I’d have to eat one-handed, but I was willing to make that sacrifice.

  “I just have some questions for you. And I want to tell you something.”

  “Okay, fire away.”

  “How well do you know Amber Cole?”

  Michael was quiet for moment, thinking. “I don’t know her really well, but we’ve gone to school together all the way through. She’s a year behind me, but I remember a little. She’s always been pretty quiet. I think she had a few friends when we were in elementary school, but mostly they drifted into other groups when we hit junior high. I think she’s alone a lot. Seems like a nice girl. No boyfriend I know about. Not one of the high achievers or a loser either. Just in the middle.”

  “Hmm,” I responded. “So would it be kind of odd that she’s sitting with Nell and her crew today?”

  Michael made a face. “Yeah, that whole thing is odd. I told you before Nell wasn’t the nicest kid when we were in grade school. Amber was one of her targets. She used to
bait her, tease her. But I’ve seen Amber hanging out with Nell this year. It would be pretty out of character for Nell to change her mind about someone, but I guess it happens.”

  I thought about that for a bit. “Anne told me before that Nell used to pick on Amber. She—Amber, that is—came into English today late and scared out of her mind. We were having a pop quiz on Caesar—”

  “That would be enough to scare me out of my mind.”

  I rolled my eyes. “It wasn’t test terror. That’s different. That’s like—‘oh, darn, I didn’t read the assignment, I’m going to fail this, my mom’s gonna kill me’—more like dread or anxiety. This was real fear.” I hesitated. Trust was something I was still learning, even when it came to Michael. “I also heard something.”

  “Oh, yeah?” He was nearly finished his own lunch of pizza and fries and was eyeing the roll that came with my salad. I handed it to him without a word. “Thanks. Growing boy and all that. How did you know I wanted it? Did you hear me?”

  “There are some things you just don’t have to have special gifts to know,” I informed him. “And besides, I never listen to you without asking first.”

  “Never?” He brushed my cheek with his free hand and tucked my hair behind my ear. My face heated.

  “You’re getting off-topic.”

  “What? Oh, yeah, right, Amber and Nell and you hearing stuff. So what did you hear?”

  “It was like she’s gotten involved in something bad, or something she’s afraid about. People she’s afraid of, maybe. And she’s second-guessing it. Maybe something that’s going to happen. Add that to her new togetherness with Nell, and to me it’s weird. And I didn’t mean to listen to her, by the way, but it was so loud I couldn’t miss it.”

  Michael finished off my roll and gazed at me thoughtfully. “I know you didn’t listen on purpose. You don’t have to be defensive about that with me. I’ll always give you the benefit of the doubt.”

  “Thanks. I appreciate that. I guess I am a little paranoid about it, especially now that I’m hearing so much more than I’d like.”

  “I don’t know what’s going on with Amber. It seems really out of character, both her actions and her thoughts. You really think it has something to do with Nell?”

  I considered briefly and nodded.

  “Then maybe you’d get more info if you listened in on Nell, if it’s something to do with her that’s spooking Amber.”

  I shuddered slightly. “Nell’s mind is not a nice place. I’ve picked up some vibes from her, and I don’t like them. She radiates darkness.”

  He shrugged. “Just a thought. No pun intended.” He smirked.

  I sighed. “Yeah, you’re a hoot. And you’re also right. If I want to know what’s eating Amber, I should at least check out Nell.” Glumly I poked at my salad. “She’s in my History class next period. Perfect opportunity.”

  “Hey, don’t do anything that’s going to freak you out. I get that you’re worried about Amber, but I’m sure it’s nothing big.”

  I didn’t answer Michael right away. I was thinking uneasily about my first day of King, my first day in Chemistry, when I heard someone thinking about a blood sacrifice. At the time, it had freaked me out, but then I’d had to deal with Nell, and then there had been Michael. . .

  “Are you really that worried?” Michael’s question snapped me out of my reverie. I noticed that people were straggling out of the cafeteria and looked at my watch. Lunchtime was nearly over. I stood and pulled my hand from Michael’s grip so that I could pick up my tray. He grabbed it from the table, stacked it onto his own and took my hand again, giving me that same sweet smile. As usual, my heart fluttered, and I squeezed his hand in appreciation.

  “I’m thinking… maybe it is a big deal. Maybe Nell is involved in… something even more nasty than we might think.”

  Michael shrugged, but I saw something flash through his eyes and detected a skip in his thoughts. In answer to my inquiring eyes, he shot me a quick smile. “I don’t think we should jump to conclusions about Nell. Yeah, she’s not a very nice person, but still…”

  “What if I told you that on my first day of school, I heard someone in Chemistry class thinking about a blood sacrifice?” I kept my voice low, as there were still some people lingering in the cafeteria as we wandered through.

  I couldn’t quite describe the expression on Michael’s face. I might have said he was stricken, but it passed so quickly that I wasn’t sure. “I guess I would have to ask you, are you sure? And if you are, then do you know it was Nell thinking it?”

  “I’m sure that I heard it,” I said without hesitation. “I don’t know who said it, but she seems the likeliest candidate.” We turned in the direction of his locker first.

  “Sure it wasn’t the teacher?” It was no secret that Michael found Ms. Lacusta unsettling and creepy.

  “No. That I know. I can’t hear her mind. When I’m near her, I just get this weird kind of… static.”

  Michael snorted and spun the combination on his lock. “And that’s not suspicious?”

  “Well, it is, but I mean that I’ve never picked up any of her thoughts. And having heard Nell’s mind since then, I am pretty sure it was her. What if she’s pressuring Amber into something really bad? And what if that’s one of the reasons for my talent—to help people like Amber?”

  “Ah, so now you’re a superhero?”

  I knew he was teasing me, but I wanted to be serious. “No. But if someone is given a gift, aren’t they meant to use it for good?”

  Michael considered that as we left his locker. “I guess I can see that. But I don’t want you to make yourself crazy over this, whatever it is.”

  “I won’t. I’ll just take a little glance at Nell’s mind this afternoon—” I made a face, “—and see if I can figure anything out. I don’t like doing that on purpose, but I call these extenuating circumstances.”

  “The ends justify the means?”

  “Not exactly, but I just want to make sure Amber isn’t getting herself into something really dangerous.”

  We were in the thick of the crowd by now, and Michael leaned over to speak softly in my ear. “I really don’t think Nell is into anything dangerous. Mean, maybe. Cruel. That’s her thing.”

  I shrugged. “We’ll see.” We had reached my classroom, and I turned to face Michael. “Wish me luck.”

  He leaned into me again, brushing my cheek with his lips. “Good luck. See you at my car?”

  I nodded with a smile and gave him a quick wave as I went into History.