Fearless

by Tawdra Kandle

  If only I had the same faith in myself. After Michael dropped me at home on Friday, I spent hours in pre-dance prep. I bathed, washed my hair, deep conditioned it, gave myself a facial and painted my nails, both finger and toe. My dress hung on the outside of the closet, and as I lay in bed waiting for my nails to dry, I looked at it in wonder. Could it really be me going to a big formal dance, and not just with any boy—with the boy of my every dream?

  I closed my eyes and tried to calm my quivering nerves. Ironically enough, I was more nervous about the dance itself than about the possible trouble that Nell and Amber might get into tonight. The rest of the week had been quiet, even when I really focused on Nell or Amber and their thoughts. I had left Ms. Lacusta alone, deciding that one encounter with her mind was more than enough. Nell had been thinking mostly about dance details and her growing annoyance with Casey, who was apparently continuing to buck Nell’s leadership of their little group. Amber’s thoughts skittered about as usual, at some moments euphoric when she considered the dance—it was her first time to go to a formal, too—and at other times uneasy when Nell crossed her mind. But I hadn’t seen anything that gave me a hint as to the exact time, date or location of Nell’s plan.

  The shadows advanced across my room as I rested. I must have dozed off and on, because my dreams mixed with my drowsy thoughts, creating weird and disturbing images in my head. When my mom opened the door about an hour after I’d lain down, I shot to my feet in a panic.

  “Hey, calm down!” She smoothed my hair back from my face and peered at me anxiously.

  I was disoriented. The blinds were closed, but sunlight still peeked in the edges of the windows. I glanced at the clock and groaned; Michael would be coming to pick me up in two hours.

  “I was just coming in to see if you wanted to have a snack,” my mother explained. “I know they feed you there, but you probably won’t eat until later.”

  The way my stomach felt, eating later was a much better idea. I compromised with my mom and agreed to a cup of tea and some toast.

  “So, are you excited?” My mother’s eyes shone; there was no question that she was looking forward to the evening with anticipation. That made my stomach jump all over again.

  “I guess so.” I nibbled my toast. “I just don’t know what to expect. And I really don’t want to make a big deal about it, okay?”

  “Yes, Tas, we all understand that,” my mother replied dryly. “I feel badly that we didn’t invite Michael’s parents here to take pictures of the two of you, though. I hope they don’t think we’re rude.”

  “They don’t. I explained it to them last weekend, and we’re all cool,” I assured her. “They’ll see the pictures afterward.”

  “They sound like very nice people,” my mom commented. “I’m looking forward to meeting them. I’ve been tempted to just drop by the nursery on the pretext of buying plants, but I didn’t want to be a pushy mother.”

  “We’ll make sure you meet, don’t worry. At least one time before the wedding, anyway.” At the look of shock in my mother’s eyes, I made a face at her. “Kidding, Mom. Just kidding.”

  “Thanks. You must be feeling a little more relaxed if your sense of humor is back.”

  “I hope once I get there, I’ll be okay,” I worried. “I hope I don’t stick out and embarrass Michael.”

  “I think that’s one thing you don’t have to be anxious about. The way he looks at you—well, I think you could go in old jeans with your hair in curlers and Michael would really believe you were the most beautiful girl there.”

  I blushed. It was one thing to know that Michael loved me, and quite another for my mother to have noticed. I distracted both her and myself by announcing it was time to get ready.

  We spent the next two hours primping, curling my hair and making up my face. While I love to experiment with makeup, I don’t like to cake it on my face. I had picked up some new tricks from Anne the day before, and I was pleased with the results.

  When I put on my dress and shoes, I had to admit that the overall effect was attractive. The dark green material picked up the shade of my eyes and brought out the auburn highlights in my hair, which fell in loose waves around my shoulders. The length of the dress shimmered when I moved, and I loved the way it swirled around my legs. And my silver shoes made me feel like a true princess.

  “Very nice,” my dad approved from the door of my room, as I stood in front of my mirror, checking my reflection from every angle.

  I smiled at him. “Thanks. Maybe this won’t be so bad, after all.”

  He laughed. “You’ll have a wonderful time. I’m glad you’re finally getting the opportunity to do this, Tas.”

  I felt the sentimentality and regret he was experiencing, and I caught his eye in the mirror. “I never missed out on anything, Daddy. This was the way it was meant to be. Really. I never wanted to go to a dance until I knew Michael. Well, to be perfectly honest, I’m still not sure I want to go to a dance, but I want to make him happy. And maybe I am looking forward to it, just a little.”

  My little girl is all grown up and going out for her first real dance. She looks so lovely… I hope that dress isn’t cut too low. No, it’s very modest. He better take care of her…

  “Daddy!” I rolled my eyes and glared.

  “What?” He held up his hands in assumed innocence. “What did I do?”

  “It’s not what you’re doing, it’s what you’re thinking.”

  “And you know you’re not supposed to be listening.”

  “I’m nervous, so I can’t keep the guard up. Plus, admit it, you were thinking so loud you were practically shouting…”

  Before we could continue, the doorbell rang.

  “That’s Michael!” I darted around the bed to the door of my room, and my father stopped me.

  “No, you wait here. It’s a father’s prerogative to answer the door. Plus, you want to make an entrance. Trust me.”

  So I stood in my room, my knees shaking, and listened to my parents greet Michael and exclaim over how handsome he looked. Finally I couldn’t stand it any longer, and I moved out into the living room.

  Conversation ceased as Michael spotted me and stopped in mid-sentence. His eyes grew large and his mouth dropped. I hoped this was a good reaction.

  “Well, what do you think?” I asked, timidly.

  “Tasmyn… wow,” he breathed. “You’re gorgeous. You’re always beautiful—but you’re incredible. Wow.”

  “I think that’s a positive response,” my mother laughed.

  Michael’s eyes met mine and he smiled. Suddenly the Harvest Moon Dance didn’t seem like such a bad idea.

  My parents, under strict orders not to fuss, did insist on taking several pictures. First, Michael had to take one of both of them with me, then they took turns posing with Michael and me, and then there were the couple only shots. Finally I threw up my hands.

  “Enough!” I proclaimed. “That’s it. We need to go, or you’ll be snapping pictures all night. We’re not going to be able to see for hours as it, with all those flashes in our eyes.”

  Michael laughed at me. “Just one more. I nearly forgot, in the excitement, but I bought you flowers.”

  They were tiny pink roses, surrounded by a spray of baby’s breath. I oohed in spite of myself, and Michael slipped it onto my wrist. I permitted one more picture with flowers, and then I gathered my wrap and my purse.

  “Have a wonderful time—be safe—remember, your curfew is 1 AM. Plenty of time to enjoy the dance, have a little snack out afterward, and be home by then.”

  “I’ll have her back in plenty of time,” Michael assured my parents. I kissed them each on the cheek and we were off.

  Michael had the top up on the car in deference to the formality of the evening. Carefully he helped me into my seat and moved around to join me. Before he started up the car, he turned to face me.

  “Seriously, you look incredible. I know you don’t want to make a big deal out of tonight, but I just
wanted you to know that.” He leaned closer, gently and deliberately moved my hair over my shoulder and touched my lips softly with his own. I sensed the depth of his feelings and heard the quiet murmurs of his thoughts, echoing what he had just said. My heart melted.

  We drove through the waning light toward King Hall, the building used for all official gatherings in town. Since the Harvest Moon Dance was given for the high school students by the town itself, it was held in what everyone referred to simply as the Hall. Outside, the palm trees were draped with small white lights, and people were walking along the sidewalk toward the front door.

  “Are Anne and the others here yet?” I wondered aloud.

  Michael turned into the already-crowded lot and looked for a spot. “I don’t know. I called Anne this afternoon, and she was acting really weird.”

  I turned my face away so that he couldn’t see me smiling. “Really? That’s funny. Weird how?”

  He parked the car and turned it off. “Weird in a girl way. Jumpy and kind of flustered. And you know exactly why. I can tell by the tone in your voice.”

  I looked at him with eyebrows raised and as genuine a look of innocence as I could muster. “Me? Why would you say that?”

  “Come on. ‘Fess up. I’ll find out sooner or later.”

  I gave in quite easily. “I think Anne and Jim have feelings for each other, and I think tonight might be the time they finally admit it.”

  “Are you serious?Jim and Anne?”

  “I can’t believe you haven’t noticed.”

  I could tell he was considering the whole idea for a minute. “He got really mad last year, during the whole time Anne was with Nick. He said it was just because he knew she was going to get hurt, and it turned out he was right. But you’re saying he was interested in her that whole time?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know about then, but he’s been looking at her with what my mom calls puppy dog eyes since I got here.”

  Michael finally got out of the car and came around to open my door. “And Anne feels the same way?”

  “I think she always liked Jim more than she realized, and now that she knows how he feels… it’ll all work out.” I held Michael’s hand as we walked toward the Hall.

  “So just what part did you play in this whole situation?” I noted the suspicion in his voice.

  “Not what you think. I didn’t invade anyone’s private thoughts at all. I just noticed how Jim looks at Anne. I admit I picked up some feelings, but I didn’t tell Anne that. I merely pointed out what anyone else might have. I used my observation skills, nothing else.”

  “Hmph.” I don’t know what else Michael would have said, but we were in the doorway and heading into the main part of the building.

  The decorating committee had done an admirable job of transforming what must have been a relatively non-descript hall into an autumnal scene. Faux trees lined the walls and brightly colored silk leaves were scattered on the floor here and there. The light was dim, and a large, yellow circle was hung on the far wall and spotlighted. I assumed that was supposed to be the titular harvest moon.

  The music was loud and thumping. It pounded in my ears and heart and made me feel slightly dizzy as my eyes adjusted to the lack of light. At a table just ahead of us, I saw my English teacher, Mrs. Cook. She was collecting tickets and directing people to seats.

  “Hello, hello, you two!” she exclaimed merrily, raising her voice over the level of the music. “Find a table here anywhere. The buffet is set up there on the far end of the dance floor—” she gestured with her arm, “—so help yourself. Drinks are in the corner on that end. Have a lovely time!”

  I smiled at Mrs. Cook’s uncharacteristic giddiness. Michael led me toward a table where I spotted Dan, Cara and Craig. They greeted us effusively and Cara exclaimed over my dress. I returned the compliment. She was wearing a short, ruffled satin dress in a deep royal blue. It suited her, and I didn’t think that had escaped Dan’s notice.

  “Where’s everyone else?” Michael asked when there was a pause in the music.

  “Brea was out dancing with that junior who moons around her all the time. He finally got up the guts to ask her to dance. I don’t know where they are now.” Dan craned his neck to look around. “Jim is getting something to drink and Anne isn’t here yet.”

  I frowned. “I thought she was driving over with Brea.”

  “I guess she got held up, so her mom is dropping her off, then she’ll get a ride home with someone.”

  “Oh…”

  Michael lightly elbowed me in the ribs. “Look who’s at the next table. That’s convenient.”

  I turned, trying to look as though I were simply admiring the decorations. A flash of bright red caught my eye, and I saw that it was Nell, wearing a skin-tight scarlet dress that stopped just short of her knees. Her dark hair was swept up and away from her face, and the effect was very striking. Amber and the rest of her friends were sitting at the table, too. Amber wore a rather modest dress in tawny shade, and she actually looked quite pretty, despite her evident uneasiness sitting among the most popular girls in the school at her first major dance.

  I leaned toward Michael and murmured, “That’s good. We can keep our eye on them all night.”

  He smiled. “That’s not going to give you an excuse to avoid dancing, you know.”

  I shook my head. “That shows what you know. I actually love dancing. It was just the possibility of a fuss over it being my first big event that I didn’t want. I intend to dance and have fun all night.”

  He laughed. “Okay, big talker, how about a dance right now?”

  I was telling the truth, I did love to dance, but I really wasn’t ready to join the throng on the dance floor just yet. Before I could think of a good excuse, one walked right in the door. Anne, looking lovely in her strapless deep purple dress, hesitated a moment, looking around the room. At that very second, as though it had been perfectly orchestrated by the powers that be, Jim returned from the buffet and set his plate down. He followed my gaze and spotted Anne. I saw his mouth drop open, and he stood completely still for the span of several minutes.

  Anne found us and began walking across the room, giving me a little wave and smile. Her steps only faltered when she saw Jim staring at her.

  By now everyone at our table was watching this drama unfold. Anne seemed to have to force her legs forward until she was at our table. She tore her eyes from Jim’s and smiled just a bit too brightly at all of us.

  “Hi, everyone! Sorry I’m late. Hair trouble, can you believe it? With my mother?”

  Brea, followed by her dancing partner, returned just then and greeted Anne. “About time. But you look great, so it was worth it, I guess! Do you all know Alex?” She indicated the boy behind her, whom I recognized vaguely from my Trig class. We all nodded and mumbled greetings, and they both took seats. Everyone was sitting except for Anne and Jim, and I noted with satisfaction that the only two empty seats were next to each other. Anne took one, and Jim finally seemed to come out of his thrall and sit down next to her.

  He ate silently and steadily, not taking part in any of the conversation that flew about the table over the music. Anne was flushed and animated, and she cast me an amused look when I caught her eye. I tried to send mental encouragement her way, wishing again that someone else could hear my thoughts.

  Finally the music changed from the up-tempo fast songs to an older slow song that I recognized. I saw Anne lick her lips, take a deep breath, and turn to Jim.

  “Would you like to dance?” she asked.

  He gazed at her as though she had spoken a foreign language. “Me?” he said, incredulously. When she nodded, he looked stunned and then gestured to his plate. “But-but I’m eating.”

  I thought for the space of a heartbeat that she was going to shrug and turn away from him. But instead she smiled at Jim, a full and understanding smile I’d rarely seen on her face.

  “Jim,” she murmured, “I would really, really like it if you cou
ld dance with me now. Please?”

  I had to smother a laugh at the expression on Jim’s face. He was a goner. She could have led him through fire at this point, and he would have followed without complaint. Slowly he rose and offered her his hand. They moved onto the dance floor, and I turned to Michael, beaming in triumph.

  “See! I told you!”

  “And about time, too,” Brea leaned over Alex to address me. “I don’t know how it happened, but I’m glad they finally both realize it. The two of them were really starting to bug me.”

  “Then why didn’t you say something?” I asked her in surprise.

  Brea lifted a shoulder. “Not my business. I might have had to, if Jim hadn’t made a move soon. Now I don’t have to worry. Come on, Alex, let’s dance.”

  As they left the table, Michael rose, too. “Are you ready to eat?” I asked, looking up at him inquiringly.

  He gave me an intimate smile that robbed me of my breath every time. “No, I’m ready to dance. Let’s get out there so I can show off the most gorgeous girl here.”

  I made a face at him, but I got to my feet and took his hand. This part was nothing I had been dreading. Dancing in the arms of the most wonderful, handsome boy in town, if not in the world? I had no complaints.