BOMB

by Danielle James

  I’d dealt with way worse than him under the watch of my own mother. The way his eyes tracked my every breath made it harder to inhale and exhale at my leisure. It was like he was standing on my fucking chest.

  I felt the memories rushing me, tackling me to the ground with force until I was hurled backward in time.

  “Mommy, where are you going? It’s so late.” I rubbed my eyes and blinked slowly until my mother came into focus. I had no idea what time it was. I only knew that it was late and kids and mommies should have been in bed.

  “To the store. You need to sit up until I come back okay? If someone comes in, stay back here in your room.” Her eyes were almost all black. I hated when she looked like that. It meant she’d been using that stuff again.

  “Is one of your friends coming over?” I asked her.

  “Maybe. I don’t know. Stop asking so many fucking questions, Bellamy. Just sit here until I get back and don’t go into the living room if you hear someone. Okay?” She smoothed my messy hair down. It was supposed to be in a loving and kind way like I’d seen moms do on TV but instead, it was hard and made me flinch.

  When she closed the apartment door behind herself, I jumped. Silence crowded me and made me draw my knees into my chest. Ten minutes passed. I knew because I stared at the clock sitting on the on the floor.

  I wondered what store she was at and if I could get to her quickly if something was wrong. I started running through a list of things that could possibly go wrong. It was a long list because at six years old, lots of things could go wrong when your mommy wasn’t home.

  That’s when the front door thudded. I heard the creaking sound of it opening then the slam of it closing. Next, I heard shuffling in the front room. I wondered if it was Mommy.

  She told you not to leave, Bellamy.

  I swallowed back and decided not to leave my bedroom. Instead, I called out, “Mommy? You back?” The shuffling stopped and footsteps started toward my room. They were heavy and awkward. Not like Mommy’s.

  I dragged my eyes up to the doorway and saw a big, bulky figure. It was way too big to be Mommy. It had to have been her friend.

  I nibbled on the dry skin on my bottom lip and looked on as the figure move closer. I couldn’t see a face, just baggy clothes and a hat. When he got close enough, I could smell something sour on his breath. I turned my head and frowned.

  “Well, look at this. Crys didn’t tell me she was hiding the goods back here. What’s your name, pretty girl?” His finger was icy and rough as it slid up my thigh. I yanked my Dora the Explorer nightgown down and muttered my name quietly with my chin tucked to my chest.

  “I can’t hear you. Speak up.” His big hand snatched my hair back and my head snapped back along with it.

  “B-Bellamy!” I squeaked.

  “Mmm…Bellamy. So pretty. How old are you?” He asked. His fingers warmed the further up they moved.

  Tears flooded my cheeks. I didn’t even know I could cry that much. I cried until the collar of my nightgown was wet.

  “Six,” I sniffled.

  His fingers pushed something wrong and I cried out, slamming my legs shut but he was much bigger and stronger than me.

  “Too young to break in but not too young to train.” He squeezed my cheeks until my lips popped open. “Good little pretty girl.” His grin was horrifying.

  I squeezed my eyes shut in Pastor Wilson’s office and placed my palms flat on his desk. “If you touch me, I will cut your motherfucking balls off and mail them to your wife and kids. Got it?” He stood to his feet and stared me down like I was supposed to be intimidated.

  I wasn’t.

  I didn’t get scared easily.

  “You are clearly misunderstanding me.” His tone was so convincing but I knew what I knew and Pastor Wilson was a dirty old man. I sauntered around his desk to where he stood and placed my hand on his chest. He looked taken back but of course, he didn’t move. He was gross and any contact he had with me, he’d take it.

  I slid my hand down his round body and stopped at his erection. I knew it was there long before he stood up. I could see the lust in his beady eyes. “If I’m misunderstanding you, then why the fuck is your dick hard?” I guess he thought he could fool me since he was leaning over and had more than enough belly to hide his hard-on.

  Pastor Wilson backed away from me so fast his chair tipped over. It sounded like a thunderclap in the silent office. I smiled and moved away from him because I needed to either wash my hands in bleach or burn off the top layer of my skin.

  On second thought, I needed to throw both my hands away. Just trash them both and start off with new hands.

  “Bellamy, don’t mention this to your grandmother or anyone else at this church. We both know your body is tempting and the sass doesn’t help matters. I am a man of flesh first.” I ignored all of his excuses and asked how to register for the youth group.

  Come to find out, all I needed to do was write down my name, phone number, and email address. The pastor got me out of that office quick once he realized I wasn’t the one to be played with. I’d dealt with too many bad men to be taken advantage of again.

  ***

  Cyrus

  “Mrs. Harrison’s granddaughter is in need of some help, Pastor Cyrus. I went ahead and signed her up for your youth group. I hope that’s okay.” I looked at Pastor Wilson after Sunday service and nodded. I hadn’t seen any new registration forms on my desk but maybe I missed hers.

  “Bellamy, right?” I asked just to make sure we were on the same page. Even saying her name shoved the most sinful thoughts into my mind.

  “Yeah, that’s her. The damn devil incarnate,” he grimaced. His heavy brow fell low creating a shelf over his eyes.

  “Wow, what did she do?” I laughed thinking he was joking at least a little but there was no hint of a joke on his face. His second chin trembled with frustration. His nostrils flared as he looked at Bellamy from the stage. She was standing in front of the church next to her grandmother.

  Even though she wore a modest white dress with pleats that stopped at her knees, she couldn’t hide her curves and she definitely couldn’t hide that ass. I was going straight to hell for having thoughts like that on Sunday in church.

  “She groped me in my office. She’s wild, Cyrus. She needs prayer. Be careful around her because until she’s saved and reborn she is as sinful as the apple Eve dangled in front of Adam.”

  My head spun at his words.

  “Wait, wait, wait,” I pinched the bridge of my nose and watched the congregation talk amongst themselves creating a hum in the church. “She did what?” He had to have been mistaken. Pastor Wilson didn’t look at all like Bellamy’s type. If anything, he looked like he could have easily been her father or even her grandfather.

  “You heard me, Cyrus. Watch yourself around that one.” As he spoke, one of my youth group kids made his way over to Bellamy and smiled in her face. He had a bad habit of thinking every girl in a twenty-mile radius wanted him.

  He must have thought Bellamy wanted him too because he flashed her a smile and motioned to the double doors leading out of the church. She looked at him with daggers in her eyes and flipped him off.

  For some reason, I was highly amused and so was another one of my youth group kids. She stared at Bellamy like she could have hung the moon and the stars. She was star-struck.

  “You see at the way everyone is staring at her? It’s like the world can see she’s a temptress. It’s dangerous and I don’t know if I like it in my church.” Pastor Wilson seemed to be staring at her the hardest and that made the hairs on the back of my neck stand straight up until they felt like needles scraping against my skin.

  “I’ll work with her, Pastor Wilson.” I patted him on the shoulder and moved away before I said something I couldn’t take back. I didn’t know Bellamy at all beyond our couple of run-ins but she didn’t seem like the type to throw herself at a pastor.

  “What’s up, Bellamy? I hear you’re joining the Cros
s Point family.” I left the stage and approached her with a smile. She was fighting her grin so hard the corners of her mouth twitched. I tipped my head to the side just to watch the spectacle.

  It was cute.

  “Against my will,” she remarked, finding the resolve to turn her face into stone. She was a tough one.

  “Well, either way, it’s nice to have you. The youth group meets for Bible study every Wednesday in meeting room A.”

  “Nice to know, I guess.” She rolled those deep brown eyes and folded her arms. She was always so guarded. I still wanted to know what she was hiding. I refused to push her though.

  I’d seen kids like her before that had a chip on their shoulder, determined to be mean to the world until you backed off and let them come to you. I’d let her come to me if she wanted. Besides, I couldn’t be around her too much. She was trouble and I had no idea if that was a good or a bad thing.

  “Well, I guess I’ll see you there then.” I walked off and I heard her heels clicking behind me two seconds later. I slowed in my stride and looked over my shoulder. I was met with a pair of gorgeous slanted eyes.

  “I saw you talking to Pastor Wilson,” she said.

  “Yeah. He told me that he signed you up for the youth group.”

  “Did he tell you anything else?” When she put her hands on her hips I swore I heard bombs going off. I shook the fog of lust from my head and put my hands in my pockets. I needed something to do with myself.

  “That you need…guidance.” I tried to phrase it in a non-offensive way. I was already familiar with Bellamy’s outbursts and I didn’t want to provoke one.

  “Guidance?” She tipped her head back and laughed. I stole a few seconds to look at her dainty neck.

  Focus, Cyrus.

  “Did he tell you how he’d guide me if he had his way?” She asked with sarcasm dripping from her words. My eyes darted across the room to Pastor Wilson and I narrowed my gaze.

  “Did he do anything to you?” I asked, a flare of anger heating my face.

  “No…” Bellamy shook her head quickly. “Why do you care though? He’s like every other man. He pulled me into his office and…” She shrugged her shoulders like the weight of her encounter with him was heavy on her. I wanted to sink my fist into Pastor Wilson’s flabby face repeatedly. I flexed my fingers and sighed heavily.

  Instead of punching the pastor like I wanted, I took hold of Bellamy’s hand and pulled her away from the nave of the church to my office in the back. I was sure Mrs. Harrison wouldn’t miss her. She seemed involved in her own conversation.

  Once we were behind closed doors, I looked at Bellamy and tried to convey how serious I was. “You need to tell me if he touched you or did anything inappropriate because that’s the vibe I’m getting from you, Bellamy.”

  Her back was flat against the door and her chest seemed to rise and fall rapidly the closer I got to her. I felt helpless as a moth. I had an entire office to occupy and yet the space closest to her was most comfortable.

  “Like I said he’s a man who took me to his office. A lot like what you’re doing now, Pastor.” When I took a step back, her breathing returned to normal.

  “Bellamy, I’m not trying to be inappropriate but I’m concerned,” I told her truthfully. She inched closer to me like she needed to close the gap between us but I needed the gap to stay present. I didn’t know what would happen if it closed so I widened it.

  “I handled it. I’m a big girl. Nothing Wilson says or does can shake me.”

  “What did he say to you?”

  “Why? Are you going to go out there and confront him? Is he going to stop working here or preaching here? No. So it doesn’t matter what he said or did to me. It won’t change anything.” She folded her arms again as if it were her only form of protection. I sat on the edge of my desk in silence and looked at her.

  “I can’t help if you don’t say anything, Bellamy,” I said. She looked at the floor and let a dry laugh roll off her lips.

  “You can’t help me, Pastor.”

  “Call me Cyrus, please.” When I took her hand in mine, electricity shot up my wrist and seized my arm. Bellamy’s chocolate eyes jerked to mine as if she felt the same spark.

  “You can’t help me, Cyrus.” The way she said my name made every cell in my body buzz. I let her hand go and she went right back to folding her arms. “I’m not here to rock the boat. I’m here because Joan is making me come. The sooner I do what she asks, the sooner I can make money and get the fuck out of here.”

  “Is that your ultimate goal? To get out of this city?” I asked. Bellamy gave me a nod. “Where do you work?”

  “Nowhere right now. I told Joan I didn’t need your help finding a job so don’t offer me one. I’ll find one by myself. I don’t need any fucking help.” A surge of anger stiffened her neck and she drew her brows together like she was in pain.

  “Why do you blow up so easily and out of nowhere like that? I just asked you a simple question,” I pointed out. Moments like this, I could handle with my eyes closed. I knew how to talk to people. I knew how to get them to open up. It was a knack I had.

  “Because I can feel you getting ready to be preachy and I don’t want that shit. Don’t offer me your help. Just do your little Bible study and don’t try to take me on as a charity case.”

  “I don’t take anyone on as a charity case, so I’m not sure where you’re getting that. I do want to help however I can though.”

  “You. Can’t.” She clapped her hands for emphasis and I felt myself running into her brick wall. She’d built it thick and tall. I wasn’t going to attempt to break through in a day.

  “Okay, Bellamy. My door is always open if you need to talk. Please let me know if Pastor Wilson says or does anything inappropriate. You might not think it matters if he did or not but trust me…it does.” I patted her shoulder and left her alone in my office. It was a sign of trust and I wanted to see what she’d do with it.

  “Oh, Pastor Cyrus, were you speaking with Bellamy?” Mrs. Harrison met me in the hallway.

  “Yes, I was. She’s a very stubborn girl,” I remarked with a nod.

  “She is. She’s also troubled. The other day she got this headache or something and it looked like she was about to pass out. It happened after she got smart with me so I’m guessing it’s the Lord teaching her a lesson about respect but still…it scared me. She needs your help for those demons she has in her. They probably carried over from her mother.”

  My interest was piqued when Mrs. Harrison mentioned Bellamy’s mother but I didn’t want to pry. Besides, I wanted Bellamy to tell me herself.

  “I’ll work with her as much as I can but she’s pretty closed up,” I explained.

  “If anyone can get through to her, you can. I’ve seen the gift God gave you from breaking down barriers. Just help her. She needs to be reformed and I can’t do it alone.”

  “With all due respect, Mrs. Harrison, I think Bellamy is fine. She just needs someone to listen and care.”

  “She needs help from God. That’s the only reason I’m letting her stay with me. God put it on my heart. Otherwise, she’d be out on the street. She’s a heathen.” My chest ached for Bellamy after hearing her grandmother’s words. Grandmas were supposed to be kind and gentle, not judgmental and bitter.

  I nodded my head and smiled politely at Mrs. Harrison. There was no sense in arguing with people like her. There wasn’t a damn thing wrong with Bellamy though. She was guarded and she was steeped in pain so deeply that I didn’t even know how she was able to walk and breathe without crumbling.

  I made up a story about needing to grab something from my office so I could get away from Mrs. Harrison. I slipped back inside to find Bellamy sitting in the chair across from my office. She looked up when I entered the room.

  “You don’t think there’s anything wrong with me?” She quizzed. I opened my mouth and closed it, trying to find the right words to say.

  “No, there’s nothing wrong with you, Be
llamy. You’re angry but that just means your sensitive as hell.” I found my place on the edge of my desk again and stared at her. For a moment I saw a piece of her guard slip and she was absolutely beautiful behind it all.

  “Pastors can’t say hell,” she informed me.

  “I think I just proved you wrong,” I laughed. Her eyes hovered over my mouth then she yanked them back to my eyes.

  “I knew Joan was only letting me stay with her to feel like she was doing the right thing. She doesn’t really care. The minute I break one of her fifty rules she’s going to put my ass out.” She rubbed the back of her neck and nibbled on her bottom lip anxiously.

  “You don’t have anywhere to go if she puts you out…do you?”

  “No.” She played with the short smooth hair framing her face and I moved her hand away.

  “Stop fidgeting. It’s how you push away emotions that need to come out. I learned that a long time ago when I used to fidget with my ear. Once I stopped fidgeting, the emotions tried to run out and I let them.”

  “Well, I don’t do emotions, so let me fidget.” She was back to folding her arms.

  “Okay, when you’re ready to stop fidgeting, let me know.”

  “By the way, Cyrus, I’m not fucking sensitive and you’re not always right about everything.”

  “Didn’t claim to be, but I’m right about you.” I held her hands in mine to stop her from messing with her hair and she rolled her bottom lip between her teeth. God, why did she have to do that? Her lips were impossibly full and I wanted to bite them too. “If Mrs. Harrison ever puts you out come find me. You can have the bedroom and I’ll sleep on the couch.”

  “I’m not fucking you, Cyrus. Stop trying so hard.” Her words made everything grind to a screeching halt.

  “You think I want to fuck you?” I laughed and let her hands go. I was having some unholy thoughts about her but I wasn’t actively trying to screw her. I had to set things straight.

  “You do,” she quipped.

  “Nah, I don’t. You don’t know what it looks like to have a man be nice without trying to fuck you? That’s sad. You need better friends,” I said before opening my office door.