“I don’t have any friends,” she told me.
“Well, come to the youth group on Wednesday and we’ll change that. Oh,” I paused before walking out. My gaze snared her easily. “And if I wanted to fuck you…you’d know, trust me, sweetheart.”
***
Bellamy
Three fucking days.
In three days I applied everywhere for a job, ignored Leonard’s calls and texts and got into ten arguments with Joan. I also thought about Cyrus one million times.
How the fuck did he trap my mind that way? Being in his office on Sunday made me swear to go with Joan to church all the damn time. That man was so fine it was bordering on disrespectful. All I wanted to do was focus on making money of my own so I could get an apartment. I didn’t want to drown in a sea of fantasies about the fucking youth pastor at church.
He was gorgeous though.
Once Wednesday arrived, I couldn’t wait to get to Cross Point’s youth group meeting. When I walked in early, Jennifer, the secretary showed me where the meeting room was. This was after she sized me up a few times when she thought I wasn’t paying attention.
When Jennifer finally left and stopped staring at me like I was trying to take her man, I stood in the doorway of the meeting room for a few moments staring at Cyrus. His head was down while he looked at a Bible. Holy mother of God he looked good enough to eat…or swallow. I slid my fingers along my collarbones and tucked my bottom lip between my teeth.
His strong shoulders were so broad I couldn’t help imagining my legs on them. Wedges of muscle moved beneath his crisp cotton shirt as he took notes and highlighted passages with a bright yellow marker. It was enough to make my damn mouth water. Maybe it was the lighting, but I swear his honey skin glowed.
I knocked a couple times, making his head jerk up. When he looked at me, my heartbeat slowed to a melodic thump. “What’s up, Bellamy? I didn’t think you’d show.” How the hell could I not show? Cyrus wielded some sort of power that made me want to be near him. I wasn’t used to that. It intrigued me.
I wanted to be wherever he was even though I didn’t understand why.
“Well, I’m here,” I sighed as if his presence didn’t make me want to strip down to my lacy pink panties. He nodded and handed me the Bible he’d been highlighting. “What the fuck is this?” I frowned.
“Pretty sure you can’t say fuck while you’re holding a bible.”
“I think I just proved you wrong,” I smirked. He laughed a little and my heart slammed against my breastbone. Why was he standing so close to me? It was driving me nuts.
“I got you a Bible because I figured you didn’t have one.”
I closed the thick book and looked over it like an explanation to all my problems would show themselves. That’s when I noticed the flowers decorating the cover.
“Cyrus, this is beautiful. I love flowers.”
“You like flowers?” He sounded shocked by the fact.
“Yeah. They’re my weakness,” I confessed with a shrug.
“Someone as tough as you likes something as delicate as flowers? Says a lot.” He moved away from me and toward the whiteboard at the front of the room. It was a meeting room unlike anything I’d ever seen. There was no big round table in the middle of the room with chairs. I looked around again and realized there were no chairs. Only three brown leather couches forming a blocky U shape with a small coffee table in the center.
The walls were a warm orange color and the words You Belong Here were scrawled across the wall in pretty black script. I never belonged anywhere though and I damn sure didn’t belong in a youth group at church so the entire thing made me snicker to myself.
I spotted a small crystal vase of daisies on the coffee table and my nose went to the petals immediately. I heard Cyrus chuckle softly behind me and I spun around. “Why is it so amusing to you that I like flowers?” I asked, my head tipped to one side.
“Because you’re so guarded and tough or at least you pretend to be. People with attitudes like yours don’t tend to like frilly things like flowers.”
“You’re analyzing me, aren’t you?” I glowered at him and he laughed again. It made my insides feel so warm. Too damn warm. I had to look away from him.
“Maybe. Does that make you uncomfortable?” Cyrus moved with such certainty. It was different from every other guy I’d dealt with. He moved like he knew who he was and what he wanted and nobody could take that from him. I watched him write on the whiteboard with such a strong posture. Everything he did was relaxed but purposeful and it hypnotized me.
“It’s annoying as fuck when I don’t know what you’re thinking,” I told him. He paused in writing and looked over at me.
“I’m thinking that you aren’t what you portray yourself to be.”
“What exactly do I portray myself to be?” I took a step closer to him because being far away seemed odd. It felt like I needed his proximity in order to quiet the rushing in my ears that always seemed to be there in the background. The closer I got to Cyrus, the quieter the rushing became.
“Hard and aloof.” When he stopped writing on the board I saw that he’d written my name and the word Welcome in big bold letters. Beside my name, he drew a little flower doodle and I thought my heart would jump out of my body to lay at his feet.
God, how easy was I to win over?
“You like hurting people before you get hurt, am I right?” He leaned against the wall in that easy and relaxed fashion and I took another step toward him.
“I don’t hurt people. I keep my distance,” I told him.
“You don’t let anyone in, you’re rude as hell, you’re quick to point out other people’s shortcomings, and you hide the real you behind all that. Must be heavy,” He looked at me and I couldn’t move. He had me under some kind of spell.
Usually, I was the person to break down someone’s façade. Here I was standing in front of this goddamn youth pastor with amazing eyes getting broken down like a card table at the end of a spades game.
I wanted to be angry with him but I couldn’t. He hadn’t given me a reason to be.
“What must be heavy?” I asked him, scrunching my face up into a swirl of confusion.
“Carrying around the entire world on your shoulders and dragging that wall along with you. I’m always here to talk if you need someone to listen, Bellamy.”
“Sure you are,” I sighed, rolling my eyes. I had to deflect in some way because if I didn’t, I’d slip and fall into his eyes. I’d drown to death without a fucking reason. “How old are the kids in this group? If they’re thirteen count me the fuck out.”
“They’re between sixteen and nineteen like yourself. They’re pretty cool.”
“Uh huh, like the asshole that was smiling in my face on Sunday?”
“He’s harmless. He’s a little arrogant though,” Cyrus laughed.
“Oh, like a certain pastor I know?” I lifted an eyebrow and he shrugged.
“I don’t know why people think I’m arrogant. I never bother anyone. I mind my business,” he sat on a couch and like a goddamn magnet, I moved to his side.
“You ooze arrogance but it’s not over the top. There’s something about you that says you’ll get what you want no matter what.”
“Well, that’s true. I always get what I want.” Words fell to silence between us. I felt heat crowding me. It snaked up my neck from the base of my spine. “So um, before the group gets here can I ask you a question?” He said, switching gears.
Please ask me to ride your beard.
“Sure.” I smiled and when I did he stared at me for a few beats too long. I couldn’t read him and it drove me insane. In the bar, I had no doubt that the attraction was mutual but it seemed like once he found out I was eighteen and Joan’s troubled granddaughter, he backed off. How the fuck could he change up like that?
I still wanted to lick him from his lips to the tip of his dick though. I wondered if he could read it all over me? I shifted in my spot and crossed my l
egs, smoothing a hand down my thigh.
Composure, Bellamy.
“Why were you in The Baccarat bar alone at eighteen-years-old?” I pressed my lips together tightly because the truth threatened to fly out without my permission. Every word in my mind wanted to be free so Cyrus could hear them and analyze them.
“Why were you there, Pastor?”
“Why are you answering my question with another question? A simple answer is all I’m looking for, Bellamy.”
“I needed a drink,” I shrugged. “Eighteen-year-olds don’t deserve a drink?”
“I never said that but the law did.” I watched him rest his ankle on his knee and then I stared at the door. Damn, how early did I get there?
“Oh god, spare me that bullshit. If we’re old enough to drive, vote, and go to war then we should be old enough to drink for fuck’s sake.”
“You need to watch your little dirty mouth. You’re in church.” Did he have to focus on my mouth when he said that? My tongue darted out to lick my lips as if I could taste him in the air.
“Can’t. I have a dirty mouth and always have. There’s nothing you can do about it, Pastor.” I smirked and pressed my thighs together. I needed to feel pressure on my clit immediately or I’d die. Cyrus had my head fucked up.
“Yeah…okay.” He chuckled in such an arrogant way that I wanted to curse him out but I couldn’t though. The first person arrived for youth group.
“Hi, Pastor Cyrus,” she smiled and set her bag down on the floor beside one of the empty couched. “Hey, you were in church Sunday, right?” She asked, aiming a slender finger at me. She was adorable and short with long hair that swept her waist. She held her hand out to me and I looked at it like a foreign object.
I didn’t make friends. Especially female friends. Girls always hated me so I learned to steer clear.
Cyrus elbowed me in the side so that only I knew he’d done it. Reluctantly, I shook the girl’s hand. She beamed even brighter.
“This is our new group member, Bellamy.” Cyrus stood to his feet and I missed his warmth beside me. The air was cold in his absence.
“Oh wow, that’s such a pretty name. I’m Crimson,” she said, gesturing to herself like there was anyone else in the room for her to introduce.
“Crimson?” I asked, raising an eyebrow at her.
“My mom was high out of her mind when she gave birth to me so…yeah. Crimson. I don’t mind though. It’s unique like your name.”
“Nice to meet you I guess.” I reached out and grabbed the bible Cyrus gave me from the table. I’d never cared about a damn Bible before, but he gave it to me so suddenly I cared. Go figure.
“What’s up, Pastor, Cy?” The boy who couldn’t stop grinning in my face walked in and tossed his book bag on the couch where Crimson was sitting. It bounced up a bit and hit her arm and she didn’t say a damn thing. Her cinnamon brown cheeks glowed like her namesake and she looked down at her hands.
Oh…that wasn’t going to fucking fly.
“You can’t watch where you throw your shit? You hit her with your bag and didn’t say sorry.” I spat out my words, standing to my feet. I was no stranger to fighting guys. I wasn’t scared. If anything, it helped me relieve pressure and get rid of headaches.
“You’re the girl from Sunday. What’s your name?” He grinned.
“Apologize to her, fuckboy.” My feet were squared with my shoulders as I waited for his apology.
“It’s okay, Bellamy. That’s just how he is. He didn’t mean any harm.” Crimson held out her hands in surrender and I ignored the fuck out of her. It was the principle at that point. Either he was going to apologize or I was going to drive his dental bill sky high.
“Sorry, Crimson. Now, what’s your name?” He barely glanced over his shoulder at Crimson who was turning into a beet on the couch.
“Fuck you,” I snapped.
“Bellamy. Hallway. Now.” Cyrus’ voice boomed like thunder. It sent a chill racing across my shoulders as if the sound waves skimmed me while they floated through the air.
In a huff, I stalked out of the meeting room and pressed my back against the wall. In seconds, Cyrus was in front of me. I could smell his cologne and it made me want to lick him.
“What the hell is your problem?” He quizzed, his thick dark brows furrowing.
“That asshole in there is my problem. He’s rude and out of line. Don’t lecture me if you’re not going to lecture him too. Fuck that.” I tipped my head up to look into his eyes. I felt the familiar throbbing of a migraine and I rubbed my temples.
“You okay?” Cyrus frowned. I nodded and tucked my chin into my chest to block out the light shining in my eyes. “Hey, Bellamy…” He cupped my face in his hands and the warmth from his smooth palms eviscerated my migraine in seconds.
What the fuck was that?
How did he do that?
“Look at me, sweetheart.” Even though I felt better, I didn’t want to open my eyes and look at him because I was terrified that he’d be wielding a magic wand or something. There was no other explanation for the way he cured me in no time flat. I’d been battling headaches and migraines ever since I was little and nothing made them go away that quickly.
He had to be magic.
“Please?” Cyrus asked calmly. His voice was smooth and deep like chocolate and butterscotch. My eyes fluttered open and I looked at him. I felt helpless.
“I’m okay, Cyrus. Sometimes I get bad headaches when I get too angry too fast,” I explained. His thumb skimmed my cheek and he nodded his understanding. He could have let my face go. He could have backed up once he realized I was okay but he didn’t.
Instead, he smoothed my hair and curled his fingers around the back of my neck. The bottom dropped out of my stomach.
“Do you need some water?” He asked me.
“No, I’m good.” I was lying though. I was flying and I didn’t know how to land. I needed help finding the ground again.
“Okay.” He still had his warm fingers pressed against my skin. My entire body started to heat from the inside out. Soon, I’d break out in a full sweat. “Listen, I know Declan is a pain in the ass. I’ll talk to him too but you have to control your anger, especially when we’re in church. Some people actually think of this place as sacred,” he winked.
He fucking winked.
My panties were soaked after that.
“You love flowers but you’re like a walking talking bomb ready to go off at any time. You’re a web of contradiction.”
“Well, what can I say?” I smiled a little and so did Cyrus. “So when I’m in the group, do I have to call you Pastor Cyrus like everyone else? You told me to call you Cyrus.” Once again, I needed to deflect before I floated away and turned to stardust in the atmosphere.
“In the group call me Pastor Cyrus.” He pulled his fingers away from the back of my neck and I felt his fingerprints soaking into my soul.
“But outside of the group?” My words were hopeful.
“Call me Cyrus. Always.” His stare, like everything else he did, was intense and full of purpose. It made me tingle. I was overdosing on fucking tingles right then.
“Does everyone else call you Cyrus outside of the group?”
“No.” With that he walked into the meeting room and ever so kindly ripped Declan a new asshole for being a dick.
It made me smile for the rest of the meeting.
***
Cyrus
“Okay, so what the fuck is up, Cy? You talked to Kim yet?” Pax crashed on my couch and popped a piece of candy in his mouth. He didn’t need to tell me it was weed. I already knew.
When was Pax ever sober?
I kicked his feet off my coffee table and sat in the recliner closest to the fireplace. My house wasn’t glamorous but it was nice and I loved the fireplace, especially in the winter.
“No. I can’t reach her. I’m still blocked.” I’d been suffering without hearing from Brianna. She was on my mind every night before I went to bed. Wel
l, her and Bellamy. I couldn’t shake her no matter how hard I tried.
“Yo, she can’t do that shit. She has to let you see your kid or at least talk to her.” Pax offered me a piece of candy and I declined.
“Without going through the system, my hands are tied until she stops being childish.”
Pax blinked at me in disbelief. “Why are you being nice to her again?”
“Because I refuse to drag Kim through the system when we should be able to work things out like adults.” The last thing I needed was to spend countless time and money going back and forth to court when all I wanted was to forge a deeper relationship with my daughter.
“The key word is should. You can’t work things out like adults with someone that’s not behaving like a fucking adult, Cy. You’re so hardheaded, yo.”
“Yeah. Maybe. I’m going to do everything I can to avoid dragging this to court,” I told him.
“Well…you let me know how that shit goes. I’m not going to bitch at you about it anymore.” He made a hand washing motion then popped another candy in his mouth. His eyes were already glassy and red.
“I’ll handle it,” I said.
“Uh huh. Hey, how’s Halle Berry?” Now, that made him smile. It made me smile too.
“She’s good. Still mean as hell.”
“She is mean. I like that shit though. With all that ass she could be mean as she wanted to me,” Pax laughed.
“Look, I’m just helping her out. She’s young. I told you, I’m staying away from her. She’s cool though.”
“Who the fuck are you lying to, Cy? She brings out the savage in you.”
“Nah,” I shook my head and ran a hand over my beard. I could picture Bellamy’s sexy ass clear as day in front of me. I blinked a few times to rinse her face from my mind. Besides the fact that she was the most beautiful work of art I’d ever seen, she was guarded and broken and it made me ache in places I didn’t know existed.
“Yeah. She does. Watch the next time you’re around her how you start forgetting about your halo and start acting like the old you. Pastor Cyrus turns into Savage Cyrus real quick. That’s why I like her so much. She makes your curse.”
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