“Why would I do that? The timing was right and…”
“And you have no way of knowing if she’s telling the truth unless you establish paternity, Cyrus. I know you’re trusting and sweet and all that shit but you need to get the court involved.” My jaw tightened at her tone. She left no room for debate and I had no good reason to tell her she was insane.
She uncovered a huge flaw that I’d overlooked because all I could see was that little girl. All I could hear was that I’d be a daddy. Now, I was sitting there with my heart in my mouth, beating its sad fucking song against my lips.
“Cyrus,” Bellamy sat in my lap and held my face. The heartbreak must have been evident.
“I never thought I’d need to establish paternity,” I said, my voice void of emotion. I was spent. I didn’t have another ounce of feelings to dole out.
“It should have been the first thing you did. Women can say anything they want but just because they say it doesn’t make it true. I’ve seen way too many men trapped like that.” My mind was reeling after coming face to face with my own ignorance.
“I need to think, Bellamy.” I stood up and went to the kitchen. Bellamy followed me with trepidation.
“So you need time alone?” She asked softly. I could hear her feelings bruising with each second that passed.
“Yeah, I do.” I never saw her leave but when I looked up she wasn’t standing there anymore. I felt like shit but I didn’t have the time or capacity to soothe Bellamy right then.
I wrestled with what she said all night. I thought about the fact that Brianna didn’t look anything like me. I thought about the fact that Kim did everything in her power to keep what was supposed to be my child away from me. I thought about how she begged for me not to involve the court every time I threatened her with it.
As much as it ripped me apart to admit, I had to petition the court for a paternity test. The realization soured my mood for days. I barely spoke to Bellamy and I did what came naturally: I threw myself into work and church.
Church didn’t feel the same though. I got dirty looks from Wilson that could have killed on the spot if looks were lethal, and Mrs. Harrison constantly gossiped about me to her circle of hens as Bellamy called them.
At home, I slept on the bottom bunk in Brianna’s room and Bellamy and I moved around each other like ghosts. It was the longest three days ever. I didn’t even know if she’d show for the last youth group meeting before the Christmas program.
My heart beat a little faster when Wednesday came and I saw her sitting beside Crimson, smiling and talking. At least my bad mood wasn’t contagious.
Bellamy looked like something out of a fashion magazine in a houndstooth skirt and red turtleneck. The way her skirt rode up those thighs planted nasty thoughts in my head that I couldn’t shake.
Damn, I missed that smile of hers.
She looked up when I walked in and our eyes locked. Her grin widened a little when she glanced my way. The heat from our gaze melted everything else in the room. The low chatter of all the other people in there became an inaudible murmur.
“Hi, Pastor Cyrus,” Bellamy said softly. The light hit the gloss on her lips making them sparkle like diamond dust.
“Hey, Bellamy.” I brought the rest of the room back into focus with a blink and rubbed my eyes. “Can I uh…talk to you in my office for a second?” I asked.
“Sure,” she nodded then told Crimson she’d be right back.
Standing mere feet away from Bellamy after not touching her or talking to her for days made my stomach tight and my hands hot. I was tired of fighting what I knew was an inevitability. I’d have to get a paternity test for Brianna.
“I’m sorry,” I said, holding Bellamy’s hands in mine. “I shouldn’t be punishing you for a mistake I made that you pointed out. If anything, I should be thanking you.” Bellamy pulled her hands away from me so she could fold her arms. The guard was back and it was standing tall.
“Do you know how fucking awkward it was walking around the house and not speaking to you? How awful that shit felt at work, Cyrus? I didn’t realize that I hate sleeping alone now until you withdrew like an asshole.” The hurt swimming in her eyes crushed me.
“I’m sorry, Bellamy.”
“You said you wouldn’t leave me or walk out on me and you didn’t but I had no idea you could disappear emotionally and have the same effect.” Her lips trembled and my heart broke. “I was only trying to help you out, Cyrus. I saw how hurt you were and it mattered to me.”
“I know. I know. I’m a piece of shit for giving you the cold shoulder like that. I was in a confused place, Bellamy.”
“I had some time to think since we weren’t talking,” she said. I saw struggle written all over her smooth chocolate face and I prayed that I hadn’t fucked things up too badly with her. She was quickly becoming someone I didn’t ever want to be without.
“I figured that even good guys have bad days sometimes, right? I want to think you’re not going to leave me and crush the rest of the hope I have left inside my heart but…it’s tough. Just promise me that you won’t lock me out like that anymore. I’m too fractured to withstand one more blow.” I thought her guard was back up and standing tall but she was more vulnerable than ever.
“I won’t fuck up again. Not like that, Bellamy. Come here,” I pulled her against my chest and she let her tears out. She thought they were silent but I heard every shoulder-rattling sob.
When we came together in a soft, heated kiss, I tasted the salt from her tears and cursed myself out for making her hurt like that. To anyone else, it would have seemed like such a small thing. Who cares if you don’t speak to someone for a few days? But I knew to Bellamy it was everything. I knew to her it meant the difference between trusting the right person and trusting someone who’d walk away from her.
My hands found their way down her body, committing every curve to memory and worshipping them. I missed her more than I realized. “I need to be inside of you. Now.” I picked her up and flattened her back against the wall. That skirt was dangerous and she wore the hell out of it. I was ready for it to lay at my feet in shreds though. I slid the tiny zipper down and she whined against my mouth.
“Cyrus, don’t rip my skirt please.” It was like she could sense the hunger inside of me twisting and growing, spreading outward like gnarled tree roots. I was going to impale her.
With a frustrated grunt, I shoved the sexy skirt around her waist and let my palms slide up her warm thighs, gliding over the lace of her thigh-high stockings. Bellamy was so damn hot that everything holy in that church should have been reduced to cinders.
Right before I scooped her up, she reached down and freed my erection. Once her legs were wrapped around me, I was pressed against her wetness and I realized how badly I’d missed her. It hit me in waves as I thrust into her.
I reached between us and stroked her clit, sliding my fingers over her piercing until she shook and squeezed my dick with her cunt.
“You are so fucking wet. Did I make your pussy wet like this when I walked in the room?” I asked in her ear as my strokes drove deeper and harder inside of her.
“Yes, Cyrus!” She whined. The sound of her body on mine was electric. Every time I slid in and out of her I raced closer to my climax. Our tongues tangled together in a kiss and she tasted my mouth like she’d been starving.
“I missed this dick,” she told me while staring straight into my eyes. I grabbed a handful of her perfect ass and dug deeper.
“I can tell. Fuck me like you missed me, Bellamy.” Our bodies thudded against the wall as I choked her just the way she liked it.
“I’m gonna cum, Cyrus!” She whispered in my ear. It was so breathy and erotic that I had to fight off my own orgasm.
“Cum all over this dick, baby.” Silky honey rolled down my shaft and her eyes snapped shut while she enjoyed the pleasure I pushed into her with every thrust. I couldn’t hold on while I watched that gorgeous face contort and while I felt her p
ussy throb and pulse.
I came involuntarily. I filled her pussy up with my seed and she seemed to moan at the feel of it. When we came to our senses, everything seemed clearer. I had no idea I’d been viewing the world through a haze until I connected with Bellamy again.
Damn, she had her hooks in me deep.
“I thought you said you couldn’t cum in me?” Bellamy smirked as she straightened her skirt and pulled her silky panties up. I watched her and my ego sprouted glorious wings and flew sky high knowing we’d be sitting in the group meeting while she was full of my cum.
It was almost enough to make me fuck her all over again.
“I couldn’t help myself. You can’t have pussy that good and not expect me to sign my name on the walls.” I kissed her forehead while she laughed hysterically. It felt good to see her light up like that again. It felt even better knowing I was the one who caused it.
When we went back to the group meeting, everyone was in their own little groups, talking and sharing what they planned to do for the Christmas program. Everyone stopped to look at Bellamy and me though. Crimson’s eyes were on us the longest like she could see the sex smeared all over our bodies.
I smiled at her and took a seat in the chair at the front of the room. All eyes were on me but the only pair I could focus on was the almond-shaped ones that were as deep brown as coffee. I smiled but it was truly meant for Bellamy.
Lately, everything had been for her. It was a trend that I didn’t mind at all.
***
Bellamy
Cyrus was so fucking cute running around getting everything ready for the Christmas program at Cross Point. He was a ball of nerves as he went over everyone’s placement. I wasn’t doing anything spectacular. Shit, at first I didn’t want to do anything but Cyrus promised me a surprise if I cooperated without being a brat, so I obliged. I wrote a poem and tried my best not to call out Joan or Pastor Wilson in the process. It was tough, to say the least.
On the night of the performance, Pastor Wilson kept staring at me like he could see right through my clothes. His wife and kids were there too but none of that mattered. For some reason, he locked on to me and refused to let me walk by without gripping my arm in his grasp.
I snatched away and took a few giant steps backward to put distance between us. The oily feel of his presence was sickening. My stomach roiled just being in the same vicinity as him.
“You look like an angel but we all know the truth, right, Bellamy?” Since we were in the main church area with high, vaulted ceilings and tons of people carrying on conversations, nobody cared that he was spewing toxicities all over my white dress. I rolled my eyes at him and folded my arms tight. There was no way I was going to let him break through the barrier of happiness I’d spent weeks building up.
“I see you have Pastor Cyrus fooled but not me. I know what kind of slut you are.” Fury raced up my spine and engulfed my body in flames.
“Excuse me? I’m a slut but you’re dying to fuck me?”
“You keep putting up a fight like you have modesty to protect. Meet me in my office. Now. That dress is a damn sin.” He shook his head but I didn’t budge. I refused to go anywhere with him. It didn’t matter if I was alone or had a pack of other people with me.
“Can you follow directions, little girl?” He spat.
“Nope.”
“Well, luckily for you I know how to make girls like you follow directions. I had to do the same thing to your mother and boy did she put up a fight. She let me in though.” A disgustingly smug grin curled his lips up. “She had so much fire in her before she let the drugs take over. I still have eyes on her though. Now, she doesn’t even put up a fight. As long as I can get her what she wants she opens right up. If you want to know where she is all you have to do is be a little nicer and open up too.”
“Fuck you!” I exploded in a church full of people who were all there to celebrate the birth of Jesus. My hands shook with rage that I had nowhere to put. It took a moment to process everything he said but once it sank into the crevices of my brain, I felt sick to my stomach.
I didn’t care that everyone—including my grandmother—was staring at me like I was Satan himself. I never cared what anyone thought about me or my blowups. When I needed to get shit out, I got it out.
Wilson shook his head and laughed off the scene. It sent Cyrus rushing to my side though. He moved me out of the way and stood toe to toe with Wilson like the man didn’t have one hundred pounds on him. To be fair though, Wilson’s hundred pounds came from decades of beer, burgers, and fries. Cyrus was thick muscle with cuts in all the right places.
“I told you to stay away from Bellamy, Wilson. What part of that don’t you understand?” He glared.
Wait…
He told Wilson to stay away from me? When the hell did that happen?
I tried to see around Cyrus but he towered over me and I had on heels. I had a perfect view of his back. Even through the gray blazer he had on, I could see wedges of muscle, tense and moving beneath the fabric.
“You’re standing here protecting her like she’s your wife or something, Cyrus. Let the little girl fight her own battles.” Before Cyrus could respond, Joan brought her overbearing ass to the conversation like she really had something of value to add.
She ushered us out of the church and into the hallway where it was empty. “We don’t have time for you three to do this right now. The program is getting ready to start and everyone is in their seats. Now, all they’re doing is talking about what’s going on.” She turned to look at me, her silver bob swishing with the movement. “Do you know how to do anything besides cause trouble everywhere you go?”
“You need to watch how you talk to her. She hasn’t done anything to you for you to speak to her that way. Do you know how to do anything besides fail at being a mother?” Cyrus’ sharp tongue took me by surprise.
It turned me on too…not gonna lie.
Joan drew her head back in shock and literally clutched her pearls. I bit my lip to keep the snicker inside.
Yeah, Joan…Cyrus makes me clutch my pearls like that too but for totally different reasons.
“Pastor, you are way out of line!” Wilson boomed.
“Whatever. Being out of line is the last thing I care about when there are two adults out here jumping all over an eighteen-year-old for no reason.”
“Did you not hear the way Bellamy spoke to me? And in a church full of people no less. Little disrespectful…”
Before Wilson could finish that insult and before I could threaten the life of his dick, Cyrus stared him down and with gritted teeth said, “Finish that statement and I will lose every ounce of respect and holiness and fuck you up.”
“Pastor,” Joan gasped.
“Stop the bullshit, Joan,” I frowned. “You’re a horrible fucking person and so is this perverted walrus of a pastor. Do you know what he did to my mother? Do you know what he still does to her?” A massive wall of sympathy crashed against me when everything clicked into place.
Pastor Wilson was probably the reason my mother ran away from home in the first place. For all I knew, he was the reason she put that first needle in her arm.
Rage vibrated through me like the rush of a violent current. I couldn’t hold it back. My head would burst if I even tried. Spikes of pain tore through me, serrating all the past judgment I held against my mother.
I lunged at Wilson and swung my fist wildly until it connected with something bony that hurt my knuckles. Wilson cried out in pain, clutching his face and Cyrus yanked me backward, shielding me with his body.
“You okay?” He asked over his shoulder.
“I’m fine.” I shook my aching hand out and looked over at Joan who had her phone in her hand, calling someone. Cyrus must have noticed at the same time as me because he reached over and snagged her phone with a glare cold enough to freeze Joan to her spot.
“What the fuck is going on? What did he do to your mother?” Cyrus asked me.
“He tried to help her!” Joan shouted. Her face shook with conviction but what she was saying was pure bullshit. “I brought Crystal to Pastor Wilson the second I noticed she was fast and disrespectful. I brought her to him before the drugs. She started using even though she was getting regular help from Pastor Wilson. She was just as damned as you are.”
I couldn’t take it anymore. The longer I stood there, the worse my head hurt. “I gotta go, Cyrus,” I said with a wobble to my voice that threatened to let the tears free.
Joan had the nerve to say, “You’ll miss the program.”
“Fuck that program!” I growled.
“Go home, Bellamy. I’ll be there in a little while. Here’s your phone Mrs. Harrison. Go back to the church.” I watched as Joan took the phone from Cyrus timidly before disappearing. “Go, Bellamy.” His voice was stronger that time. He handed me his car keys and I stumbled toward the side exit of the building. The last thing I heard before I walked out was a sickening crack like rock splitting flesh.
I pulled my shoulders around my ears and raced to Cyrus’ car.
***
I thought I’d be waiting up until after the Christmas program was done to see Cyrus but he walked through the door after only thirty minutes, fuming with a scratch on his knuckles. I rushed to his side and held his hand in mine so I could kiss it. I’d never kissed anyone’s fucking hand before but it felt like the right thing to do.
Plus, Cyrus made me soft. He made me feel warm inside like I could do good things and control myself when I was around him. He turned me into a different Bellamy.
We sat at the kitchen table and I asked, “What the fuck happened?” Even though he was changing me, I’d never stop dropping F-bombs.
“I punched Wilson in his fucking mouth and went on to direct the open mic portion of the Christmas program. Then caught the train and came the fuck home.” I sat there blinking repeatedly trying to understand this new version of Cyrus. He had an edge that came out of nowhere but I liked it. If it meant he’d protect me without a single question asked then I liked it a hell of a lot.
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