Reflection: Married couples, do you honor the role to which your spouse has been called? Do you show your belief that you are equal in Christ (Galatians 3:28) even though you have been given different assignments in the Body?
Thought for prayer: Thank the Lord for his willingness to lose his glory and become a servant. Ask him to help you in your heart resist the world’s teaching (Romans 12:2) that to give up power and to serve is always demeaning.
March 31
While Paul writes that the husband is “head” of his wife, it does not negate the fact he is also his wife’s Christian brother and bond-servant according to Galatians 5:13. Husbands and wives must serve each other, must “give themselves up” for one another. That does not destroy the exercise of authority within every human relationship, but it does radically transform it. (Hardcover, p. 54; paperback, pp. 51–52)
THE TRANSFORMATION OF AUTHORITY. The early Christians astonished the world by welcoming in people of all races, social classes, gender, and ethnicities. In the book of Philemon, Paul told a Christian how he had to treat his servant as an equal brother in Christ, even though his time of service was not yet finished. This was a radical thing to say in that highly stratified, hierarchical culture. Historians have noted how this gospel principle undermined the powerful institution of slavery in the Western world. The New Testament does not eliminate authority within human institutions and relationships. For example, churches are still to have elders, but not domineering ones (1 Peter 5:3). Authority wielded for selfish purposes is the opposite of love. But loving authority transforms the curse put on relationships and marriage at the entrance of sin into the world.
Reflection: Men and women, married or single, how do you serve one another as brothers and sisters? If your service requires plain speaking of the truth in love, are you able to do that from a loving motivation?
Thought for prayer: Virtually all of us exercise some authority over others in various ways. Ask God to enable you only to do so with love and humility.
April 1
Can a man scoop fire into his lap and his clothes not get burned? Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched? So is he who sleeps with another man’s wife; no one who touches her will go unpunished. (Proverbs 6:27–29)
DAMAGE. We have seen that adultery wrongs God, the spouse, and yourself. Here is why the damage is so extensive. Fire in the fireplace brought life through warmth and the cooking of food. But fire in the lap was death. Why? The fireplace is designed for fire, but the lap and clothes are not. So sex is designed for marriage—that is its fireplace—but outside of marriage it consumes and breaks things apart. God designed sex for marriage and outside of it you are going against the grain of the universe. Fire in the lap does not need to be punished—it is its own punishment. That’s why the last sentence is literally true. Even adultery that is not caught by others will still catch you.45
Reflection: Think of other things that are its own punishment. Do you do any of these things in your marriage?
Prayer: Lord, remind me that, when I am tempted to wrongdoing, that there is no escaping the consequences, that no one ever gets away with anything. But I thank you for your grace. Amen.
April 2
Now Joseph was well built and handsome, and after a while his master’s wife took notice of Joseph and said, “Come to bed with me!” . . . And though she spoke to Joseph day after day, he refused to go to bed with her or even be with her. One day he went into the house to attend to his duties, and none of the household servants was inside. She caught him by his cloak and said, “Come to bed with me!” But he left his cloak in her hand and ran out of the house. (Genesis 39:6–7, 10–12)
RESISTANCE TO TEMPTATION. The story of Joseph gives us insights into the Bible’s teaching on how to resist adultery. His master’s wife tries to wear him down, coming on to him “day after day” before she grabs him (verse 12). Temptation is ordinarily progressive. It seldom starts with someone just taking hold of us. It begins with attitudes of self-pity or resentment that speak to us, saying, “I deserve this; my life is full of stress.” Sometimes your conscience becomes numbed through secret fantasies, or emotional affairs, or the use of pornography, so that eventually you can tolerate larger sins and dishonesties without being bothered. The Tempter can work on us for years, softening us up, before he actually grabs us.
Reflection: Are there any ways that you have been “softened up” for bigger sexual sin? How can you guard against the progressiveness of temptation?
Prayer: Lord, like Job, I want to make a “covenant with my eyes” (Job 31:1) so that I do not gaze longingly at anyone but my spouse—and you. Amen.
April 3
Now Joseph was well built and handsome, and after a while his master’s wife took notice of Joseph and said, “Come to bed with me!” But he refused. “With me in charge,” he told her, “my master does not concern himself with anything in the house; everything he owns he has entrusted to my care. No one is greater in this house than I am. My master has withheld nothing from me except you, because you are his wife. How then could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?” (Genesis 39:6–9)
SELF-JUSTIFYING TALK. Joseph is a servant in the house of Potiphar and his master’s wife wants to have sex with him. Joseph chooses a way to think about the woman’s proposal that makes it easier to turn down. She calls it “come to bed” but he calls it a “wicked thing.” Others might have seen their record of service and their freedom within the house as a warrant for indulgence, but he makes his success a ground for gratitude and self-control (verse 9). What tempts you, then, are not the circumstances themselves, but the things you say to yourself about the circumstances.
Reflection: How has your own experience confirmed this particular way that Joseph resists temptation? What can you personally learn from this way?
Prayer: Lord Jesus, you resisted temptation in the garden of Gethsemane, keeping your promise and being faithful to us. Now strengthen me to keep all my promises, and especially my promise to my spouse. Amen.
April 4
“How then could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?” (Genesis 39:9)
GOD-CENTEREDNESS. Joseph finally says this sin would be “against God” (verse 9). He didn’t think of sin as only breaking the law but also dishonoring God. Had he thought, “Well, if I do this, I might get caught,” he would never have resisted. But instead he said, “This would be trampling on my Lord’s glory and heart.” That was a whole different way to think. Sin will always present itself to your mind under a false guise. You will have to unmask it for what it is. Joseph rooted his loyalty to his master down into his love and debt to God. That anchored it deep enough to survive this blast of temptation.
Reflection: How has your own experience confirmed this particular way that Joseph resists temptation? What can you personally learn from this way?
Prayer: Lord, sin does not want to admit that it is a stab at your very heart. Help me always see it for what it is when I’m tempted, so that I can resist it for your sake. Amen.
April 5
And though she spoke to Joseph day after day, he refused to go to bed with her or even be with her. One day he went into the house to attend to his duties, and none of the household servants was inside. She caught him by his cloak and said, “Come to bed with me!” But he left his cloak in her hand and ran out of the house. (Genesis 39:10–12)
CONTROL THE ENVIRONMENT. We have seen how Joseph controls his thoughts in order to overcome temptation. But when his master’s wife tries to badger and wear him down, we are told, “he refused to . . . even be with her” (verse 10). Since she talked to him every day it meant he could not avoid her completely, but he tried to avoid being alone with her. So Joseph did not rely simply on his inner self-control. He avoided outward settings that he knew might be tempting. This is simply being humble and realistic. Working on changing
one’s outward environment is as necessary as working to unmask the sin and change one’s inner thinking. We need to do both.
Reflection: How has your own experience confirmed this particular way that Joseph resists temptation? What can you personally learn from this way?
Prayer: Lord, how easy it is for me to take temptation lightly, to say, “I can handle this.” But without you, I can do nothing. Help me to acknowledge my need and depend entirely on you. Amen.
April 6
One day he went into the house to attend to his duties, and none of the household servants was inside. She caught him by his cloak and said, “Come to bed with me!” But he left his cloak in her hand and ran out of the house. (Genesis 39:11–12)
FLEE TEMPTATION. Sometimes temptation comes upon us with a powerful frontal attack. When that happened to Joseph, he fled. (cf. 2 Timothy 2:22; 2 Peter 1:4). He doesn’t remain and try to reason with temptation. He doesn’t, like Eve, consider how nice the fruit looks (Genesis 3:6; cf. Joshua 7:21). Martin Luther supposedly said, “You can’t stop birds from flying over your head, but you can stop them from making nests in your hair.” In other words, you can’t prevent a temptation from being proposed to you, but you can refuse to have any dialogue with it at all. Don’t think: “Should I do this or not? What are the pros and cons?” No. In the iconic words of Doctor Who: “Run!”
Reflection: How has your own experience confirmed this particular way that Joseph resists temptation? What can you personally learn from this way?
Prayer: Lord, we are saved by grace and you love us despite our sin, but that does not mean that our sin does not grieve you deeply. Help me to have nothing to do with it. Amen.
April 7
Take care, brothers, lest there be in any of you an evil, unbelieving heart, leading you to fall away from the living God. But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. (Hebrews 3:12–13)46
FIND ACCOUNTABILITY. One of the main ways to guard against sexual temptation is through Christian community. There are three ways this can be done practically. First, deliberately cultivate a small number of one-on-one Christian relationships deep enough for speaking about personal matters. We need to keep each other accountable in our relationships, our use of money and time, our sexuality, and so on. Second, commit to being in a good small group that discusses and wrestles with the practical outworking of the Christian life. Third, regularly attend worship as a member of a congregation, even if the church is not perfectly to your taste. Each of these practices adds a level of accountability that the others do not.
Reflection: Do you already have these kinds of relationships? If so, be thankful! If you do not, do you have any candidates? What can you do to move forward?
Prayer: Lord, I ask you for encouragement and strengthening but so often you answer that prayer through other Christians. Help me to strengthen my relationships and friendships so that I can grow in grace and Christlikeness. Amen.
April 8
If two spouses are spending a day together, the question of who gets their pleasure and who gives in can present itself every few minutes. And when it does there are three possibilities: you can offer to serve the other with joy, you can make the offer with coldness or resentment, or you can selfishly insist on your own way. Only when both partners are most regularly responding to one another in the first way can the marriage thrive. But how hard that is! (Hardcover, p. 54; paperback, p. 52)
MY LIFE FOR YOU. As Luther said, we are “curved in upon ourselves”; we are self-absorbed, selfish, obsessed with our own needs and desires. Every day you face situations in which you can respond with the motivation of hell (“your life to serve mine”) or of heaven (“my life to serve yours.”) Each time you make your choice you form your soul, in a small but significant way, either outward or inward. Any step away from self-absorption entails a form of suffering, a putting to death of self in favor of the Other. Done habitually, it can transform a life, a marriage, a friendship, and a culture.
Reflection: Have you ever made an effort to step away from your own desires in order to give to another? Over time, does this balance out in your marriage, or does one (or both!) of you feel that you are always the one who makes the sacrifice? Discuss this honestly with your spouse.
Thought for prayer: Meditate on Philippians 2:5–11 and especially verse 5, “in your relationships with each other have the same mindset as Christ Jesus.” Then ask God for it.
April 9
I didn’t want to be served. I didn’t want to be in a position where I had to ask for something and receive it as a gift. . . . I wanted to serve, yes, because that made me feel in control. Then I would always have the high moral ground. But that kind of “service” isn’t service at all, only manipulation. But by not giving Kathy an opportunity to serve me, I had failed to serve her. And the reason underneath it all was my pride. (Hardcover, p. 55; paperback, p. 53)
PRIDE. Once while we were on vacation, Kathy encouraged me to go with our friend David to visit a theological bookstore, leaving her to handle our three energetic young boys alone for several hours. I knew it was a sacrifice for her, but I refused under the excuse that I didn’t want her to be “put out.” Later I realized I liked being in the position of having made the most sacrifices. My pride had prevented me from receiving the gift and also kept her from the joy of giving it. How can we untangle our selfish motives even for kindnesses? Repentance is the key to all of life, and nowhere more so than in marriage. Joyful repentance, even accompanied by “there I go again” laughter, is the mark of a mature and wise marriage.
Reflection: Consider ways in which selfish motives can be behind unselfish-looking behavior. Can you think of examples in your marriage?
Thought for prayer: Meditate on Psalm 139:23–24. Then ask God to help you know your own heart better, for his sake and your spouse’s.
April 10
My reluctance to let Kathy serve me was, in the end, a refusal to live my life on the basis of grace. I wanted to earn everything. . . . I wanted to give undeserved gifts to others—so I could have satisfaction of thinking of myself as a magnanimous person—but I did not want to receive someone else’s service. My heart still operated like this even though my head had accepted the basic gospel thesis that through faith in Christ we live by God’s grace alone. (Hardcover, p. 56; paperback, p. 54)
SPIRITUAL SMELLING SALTS. Living a life based on the knowledge that we are justified by faith in Christ and not our own works takes constant effort. It said that the trouble with a living sacrifice (Romans 12:1–2) is that it keeps getting up off the altar! We must daily sacrifice our pride, our need to prove ourselves, our desire to find our identity in anything other than Christ. A marriage is a perfect vehicle to have your sins exposed, because your flaws cause friction between you and your spouse. That forces you to focus on them even though you would rather ignore them. Instead of silently complaining about the conflicts, give thanks for them because they can be like spiritual smelling salts. Repent and resolve to change as often as something comes to your attention.
Reflection: Married couples, you should each make a list of the top five ways in which your sinful heart works to defeat the grace shed abroad in your life by Christ. Ask your spouse for gentle, loving help in recognizing and eradicating these patterns. This will take courage and humility.
Thought for prayer: Meditate on friends “sharpening” each other in Proverbs 27:17. Then ask God to give you whatever it takes for clashes with your spouse to sharpen you spiritually rather than discouraging or embittering you.
April 11
That gospel message . . . teaches us that we are indeed self-centered sinners . . . [b]ut the gospel also fills us with more love and affirmation than we could ever imagine. It means we don’t need to earn our self-worth through incessant service and work. It means also that we d
on’t mind so much when we are deprived of some comfort, compliment, or reward. We aren’t keeping records and accounts anymore. We can freely give and freely receive. (Hardcover, p. 56; paperback, p. 54)
PAST, PRESENT, FUTURE. Salvation by grace is instantaneous. We are justified and pardoned the moment we transfer our trust from our own works to Jesus for our standing before God. But living into the healing of that salvation is the work of a lifetime. We have been saved from the penalty of sin; we are being saved from the power of sin; and in heaven we will be saved from the presence of sin. Meanwhile, choose a spouse with whom you are willing to confront the continued power of sin in your life, postsalvation and preglorification. A pretty face or potential high earning power will be of no help at all in facing the indwelling sin in your own heart. Choose someone who can see who you are meant to become, and who loves you enough to be part of the process of getting you there.
The Meaning of Marriage: A Couple's Devotional Page 9