“And how do you feel about me, Cade?” He kisses me and steals my breath. His hands are in my hair as he cradles me close and kisses me like his life depends on it. But it’s not hard or rushed. It’s soft, teasing, but devouring. He pulls back, and I finally see the man I loved for years when I was younger looking back at me, telling me everything I used to want to hear.
“I can’t do this without you Emilia, we’ve already been apart for so long, but you make me want to be better. If it’s my decision to make, then I pick you. I want you to be my wife, to lead at my side and be my queen.” My stomach drops, and I catch my breath. I feel the exact moment I fall in head over heels in love, deeper down the rabbit hole than I ever thought I could go, with Cade Vasara, and the exact moment my heart breaks because I know I can’t marry him not when I’m the reason his father is dead.
“I can’t.” I run from the room and hit a wall of muscle.
“I’m so sorry. I wasn’t looking. . .”
“Emilia, thank god you’re okay!”
“Erion? Is that . . . is that really you?”
Chapter Fourteen
“Is that really you?” I ask. I reach forward to touch him and wonder if I’m losing my mind.
“Hello, baby sister,” he says softly before wrapping me up in a giant bear hug. “You’re looking better today.”
“I’m . . . You’re . . . I’m so confused. How are you here?” I can’t believe he’s really here, that he’s real. It feels like forever since I saw him, and I feel tears fill my eyes.
“How about we go somewhere a bit more private than this? We have a lot to catch up on.” He gestures to the hall around us, and all of the Fae watching us. I nod and grab his hand, pulling him through the corridors to my room.
Once I close the door, I hug him again, just to make sure he’s real. My emotions are already running high, but seeing him, it breaks the dam inside me, and I start to cry. “I’m so glad you’re really here.”
“You’re okay, Em. I’m here now.”
“How are you here?” I pull back from him and let him lead me to the chairs by the windows.
“I got a letter from Cade yesterday telling me to go home, along with a royal pardon from any more time in the services. I was pissed at first and confused as hell, but I took it for the pardon it was and got the hell outta dodge except I walked out of one warzone into another. I was on the main road to get home when I found you. I thought you were dead, Em. I’ve never felt so much panic in my entire life. I had no idea what to do, but then I saw Cade’s horse, he’s had Shadowind forever, and so I brought you here. I still have no idea why you’re here, but when I arrived with you in my arms this morning, even with the devastation, people jumped to get you and make you better. I’ve missed a lot, huh?” I laugh and wipe the tears that continue to run down my face.
“You could say that, but you’re here now, and that’s what is important. I am so, so happy you’re here. I thought you were lost to us, but you still seem like you.”
“I’m changed, but I’m still the brother you remember Em. I’ve just managed to work through a lot of the pain and anger I had when I signed up. War will do that to a guy. And look at you now, all grown up. You’re beautiful Em. I wish Edimere were still here too, so we could’ve seen the man he would’ve become.”
“Me too,” I say, the lump in my throat thick. “It’s been so hard sometimes, Erion. I’ve wished you’d come home a thousand times over. I even tried to come find you once, but no one would help me. I’ve been so lost, and I missed my big brother. You always knew just what to say or what to do, and I was just floundering out here on my own. I’m just so glad you’re here now.”
“I can’t change any of it, Em, but I wished I was home a thousand times too. Seeing the things I saw, some of them I will never be able to forget. And I’m sorry I left you. Now, why don’t you tell me why you’re here instead of home, not gonna lie, my mind was completely boggled when I saw you with that damn horse.”
“Oh, Erion, I don’t even know where to start. So much happened after you left . . .” I slowly fill him on how things changed with our parents after he left, about wanting to run away, about Oberon, and about father’s threats that led me to be living in the Winter Palace. I tell him about finding forgiveness, in finding the friendships I thought were lost to me forever, about letting go of all of the pain that weighed me down, and finally starting to fall for Cade again.
“I know it’s probably not what you wanted to hear, but I do love him. Except just before you found me, he asked me to marry him, and I said no. He doesn’t know about why I came here, and I just know it’s going to ruin everything, Erion. And now his father is dead.” Erion stands and pulls me close, hugging me again, a tear running down his face that he swipes away.
“I am so sorry I left, Emilia. I’m sorry that I left you to deal with all of this alone. I didn’t consider that you’d be losing us all when we lost Edimere. I was so angry and so full of pain I just wanted to escape. I hope you can forgive me one day too.”
“Oh, Erion, I never faulted or blamed you for leaving. I knew you were dealing the only way you could, I just missed you so, so much!” A knock sounds, and my door opens, and a bashful Rowan enters before I can say anything.
“Hey, you guys. I figured I’d find you in here.”
“Rowan? Look at you all grown up,” Erion says, and I can’t hear any trace of anger or blame in his voice, and I relax even further.
“I could say the same about you. Welcome home, I’m glad you made it back safe, and thank you for bringing Emilia back to us.”
“Thank you for fixing her up. Get in here, man.” Erion walks to the door and hugs Rowan, who looks like he just got his long-lost brother back. “I’m sorry about your old man too,” Erion says, hugging him just a bit tighter before stepping back.
“Thanks, I’m not sure it has sunk in yet. There’s just so much, and Mother has had to be sedated again. I’m sure it’ll hit me soon enough.”
“I’m so sorry, Rowan.” I fling myself at him and squeeze him tight, and I think he knows I’m apologizing for more than just Earon being gone. “It’s all my fault, and then I left . . .”
“I don’t blame you, Em. You’re in a situation of your father’s making. I’ve been there. I don’t hold any grudges against you.”
“He knows?” Erion asks, and I nod. “Well then, I guess I owe you extra thanks, but you know your brother is going to be pissed when he finds out, right?”
“When I find out what?” Cade walks through the door, with little Erion and my eyes go wide.
“Cade, I don’t know if now is the right time . . .”
“There’s not going to be a better one, Emilia,” he says before he whispers to little Erion. Cade kneels and puts little Erion on the floor while looking up at my brother. “It has been a long time, old friend.”
“That it has,” Erion says and holds out his hand, while eyeing up the child beside Cade. “And who is this little guy?”
“My name is Erion,” he says, “and I’m four!”
My brother looks around the room at each of us, confused. “That’s a cool name, buddy. It’s mine too!”
“Really? My daddy has our name too. He’s a hero, fighting the bad guys and keeping us all safe. Isn’t that right Uncle Cade?”
“That’s right, Erion.” Cade’s voice cracks as he watches my brother’s face come to recognition.
“Is he . . .?” My brother looks from Cade to Rowan to me, and I nod. I kneel down to little Erion and take his hand.
“Do you remember me saying my brother’s name was the same as your daddy’s?” He nods at me slowly, not quite understanding what’s going on. “Well, this Erion is my big brother, but he’s also your daddy.”
I watch as his eyes light up, his confusion gone. “Daddy?” He rushes to my brother and jumps into his arms. “I’ve missed you so much!”
Tears fall down my face as I watch my shell-shocked brother crumple.
> “I missed you too. I’m so sorry I wasn’t here before now.” His voice cracks as he goes to his knees.
“That’s okay, Daddy, Uncle Cade and Uncle Rowan kept me safe and taught me all sorts of cool stuff when Mummy was busy or at work or poorly.”
“Thank you,” he says to Rowan and Cade. “I can’t even . . . Thank you.”
“Why don’t we go find your mama, Erion?” Rowan suggests, and little Erion jumps up.
“Okay. Don’t go away again, please, Daddy. I missed you too much.”
“I’m not going anywhere, son,” he tells him, letting him go slowly and he watches until they leave the room, and Rowan shuts the door.
“I have a son,” he says, falling back and sitting on the floor. “This has been the fucking most insane twenty-four hours ever.”
“I didn’t know how to tell you,” I tell him softly.
“Who is his mother?” he asks nobody in particular.
“The redhead from the dance team who came to visit the soldiers about four years ago?”
“You mean Sarah? Oh, my fucking god. Why did nobody tell me?” he shouts.
“We tried,” Cade tells him. “And when we got nothing back, we tried your parents, and when that failed, I took him under my wing. You were like a brother to me once upon a time; it seemed only right.”
“Thank you, Cade. I know we probably need to talk, but I can’t thank you enough. If I’d have known . . .”
“I know, but honestly, I was happy to. He kept a little piece of me alive when the rest of me turned cold. He’s probably done more for me than I have for him. It was an honor. But I’m not here with entirely happy news.”
“What happened?”
“The attack on the Summer Court . . . I’m sorry, Emilia, but I just got news that Lily was caught up in it. She was found this morning, and it was too late to help her.”
“I know, I was there. They made me watch.” I crumble, and Erion catches me. The tears come again, refreshed. I’m not sure how many more people I can survive losing. He holds me while Cade crouches down in front of us.
“Emilia, I know you’re angry, and you’re sad, and you have every right to be, god knows I am, but we have things to do before we can grieve properly. And Erion, I know you’ve only just returned from one war, but we could really use your input on defense systems, tactics—you know the deal. We lost a lot of people last night pushing the Hunters back. The rest of the troops on both sides have called a cease-fire and are heading home.”
“Do you mind?” he says to Erion, who shakes his head.
“I won’t be far if you need me, Em. I’m going to find Rowan, and my . . . my son.” He gulps, and I stand with the help of Cade. Erion hugs us both again quickly before leaving us alone again.
“I think we need to talk, Emilia.” I nod and sit back down on the floor. Maybe down here it won’t hurt so much when he leaves me on the floor crying because I don’t see this conversation going any other way.
“What was it that was going to make me pissed?” I look up at him, his pain apparent in his every movement, every word, every sigh, and I know I can’t lie to him anymore.
“I am here because of my father. He has imprisoned the man I loved, and his offer was that I come here and do my duty, and that man I loved would go free.” I feel his pain as I say the words, and I know I’ve broken his heart all over again. “I regret it, all of it. Choosing the life of one over many, but I know that the attack would’ve happened regardless, because either way, my father either captured a Hunter or killed one. They were going to come for us, and I didn’t see it coming. I wish I had, I wish I could change all of this, but this is where we are.”
“You never really forgave me, did you? Forgive any of us? This has all been one big lie. It’s nothing more than a game for you, is it?” he roars, and I don’t think he even notices the tears on his cheeks.
“That’s why I came here, Cade. It’s not why I stayed. I was free, the palace was under siege, and I escaped. I could’ve stayed gone, been a victim of it all, lost to the battle, but I didn’t. I came back!”
“You were rescued, how am I meant to know that you stayed for me, and not because you had no other choice? You left here for that monster, and now my father is dead, your friend is dead, because of his kind. You abandoned us for him. How am I meant to trust anything you say? That you’re not here to spy for him.”
“If you think that, you’re an even bigger idiot than I ever thought you could be! Erion bought me back here, and I’ve not seen him since the day after Edimere died. Even with your grief, surely you see it. You feel it? I am so sorry about your father, Cade. Truly I am, and if I could change it and take away your pain, I would, but please don’t doubt how I feel. You can read my emotions, we both know that you can, so read the truth of my words. Do it. Feel it. Stop locking yourself away from me, stop shutting me out and just let me in.” I reach forward and pull him towards me, his forehead against mine, and I make him see, really see the truth inside of me.
“Oberon and my father might be the reasons I ended up here, Cade, but you and Rowan were the reasons I stayed. I see you, the you that you keep locked away. The you your father taught you to be isn’t who you really are. The man I knew back then was kind, he was forgiving, and he’d protect those he loved fiercely. That’s the man I fell in love with all those years ago, that’s the man I catch glimpses of, and that’s why I stayed, why I tried to get back to you even while I was dying on the ground, taking the worst beating I’ve ever known. It gave me hope, knowing that the man I used to know was still here. I thought what you did, when you killed him, that you’d disappeared alongside Edimere, but now I see you’re right here, even though you’re hiding under your grief and your anger. I’m not afraid to fight for you. I would take on the world for the man that I know you are. It may have taken us a lot to get here, but we are here, and now we have the opportunity to change everything. We can be those people we wanted to be, as long as we do it together. Don’t you see? But I don’t want what’s happened to change all of this. Everything we’ve been heading towards.”
“Do you really believe that?” I look at him properly, and that’s when I see it. The fear. The grief. The confusion.
“What I’ve learnt is that people will do outrageously stupid things for the people we love. You lost a lot that day too; I can see that now. Who knows what might have happened one day if Edimere were still here? But what I said, I believe it with everything I am, Cade. But I need you to forgive me too. We can’t do any of this, with our pasts hanging over us. Both of our fathers put us in situations out of our control, and the repercussions are devastating.”
“So why did you say nothing when I asked you to be my queen? To be my wife. You had the chance to tell me then, to explain.”
“I was scared, and I was punishing myself. I said no for this exact reason, Cade, this is what I feared. There were still too many secrets between us, there still is, and I don’t want either of us to regret this. Do I wish I could change things? Take them back and redo them? Of course, I do, I’d give anything to give you your father back. I know that pain, and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. But I also don’t because we found a way back to each other Cade, and that means more to me than you can imagine. That we’re here, that we might even have this chance to explore what we could be, even shrouded in as much tragedy as it is. Rowan wants this for us, and he knows. He knows everything, and he still loves me and wants this for us. He is our biggest champion. Please don’t let this break us apart when we worked so hard to reach this point. I can’t lose you too.”
“I don’t want this to break us apart either, Emilia. I love you more than I ever thought it possible to love another person.” He sweeps me into his arms and kisses me like his life depends on it, like my kiss is his oxygen, and I kiss him back because he is my life, my heart, the reason for me to keep fighting for our tomorrows.
“You will be my wife, Emilia. I’m not asking you again now, not un
til it’s right. But it’s going to happen. It is going to feel right. Like it was always fated to be. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but one day soon it will hit you, exactly how it hit me. You’ll see.”
Chapter Fifteen
Two days have passed since I saw Cade, and I still have no idea what is going on because people are treating me as if I don’t exist, as if I can’t help and it’s driving me fucking insane, so today, I’m determined to put a stop to it, and I’m going to be useful. I pull on my cloak over my jeans and jumper and secure it tight before sneaking through the corridors of the palace until I reach fresh air.
Winter is officially here, and the powdery snow covers every surface. I walk in the quiet stillness, a contrast to inside the palace as they prepare for Cade’s coronation, and what I can only imagine is another war. As I reach the stables, I hear Shadowind whine.
“Oh, hey boy,” I murmur as I stroke his strong neck. “You fancy playing hooky with me again?” He whines again, and I take that as his approval. I untie the rope on the stable door and grab his reins, walking him outside. I mount him quickly, and we gallop away, trying to escape before someone stops us. It doesn’t take long to reach my destination, but the devastation I find down in the main city is horrific. So many people are still crying in the street, trying to rebuild after the devastation the Hunters left in their wake. There are still bodies waiting to be collected; there are pyre wagons lining the street, with bodies waiting for a funeral, line with flowers and personal touches. My heart aches for all of the lives lost, and this is just the main city, I just hope the havoc hasn’t reached farther towns. I climb off of Shadowind and secure his reins in the fence of a nearby garden before exploring further into the town.
The sadness and sorrow linger in the air, so bitter I can almost taste it, so thick it almost chokes me. I walk through the streets, keeping the hood on my cloak up, taking in the devastation from my decisions.
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