Blending In

by RJ Blain

  “You’re the second person to tell me that today. Technically, it’s a tramp stamp because of its location, but unless you’re getting a piece of this, you’re not seeing it, so you’ll just have to wonder. When I get this tramp stamp properly verified, I’ll do the tramp part of it justice, just you wait and see.”

  Gavin chuckled. “You’d make a terrible tramp, Miriah. Anyway, this might make you feel better about things. It’s not a curse. It’s an insurance policy. Only a good man gets to call Caleb his son. And never fear. I’ll demand my visits as always.”

  Jerk divine. “You’re putting the cart before the horse again.”

  “I just refuse to underestimate you. You told me no.”

  “I enjoy it.”

  “Just don’t cry on your chicken when we leave.”

  Caleb barreled out of his room, paused long enough to kiss my cheek, and plowed into his father. “Hurry up. We need to get out of here before she changes her mind.”

  “I left your present in the kitchen, Miriah. We’ll see you Christmas morning, which will be no later than a minute before noon.”

  “Call me, Caleb,” I ordered.

  “Every night before bed,” he promised.

  I loved my little liar of a son. He might call me. Maybe. “No trouble, and no cops.”

  Gavin grinned. “I’ll try, but no promises.”

  I rolled my eyes and evicted the pair from my apartment. As I lived to defy the divine, I sat on my couch and cried while eating my favorite fried chicken.

  Chapter Three

  I dressed my best for my date with disaster, and the instant Tiana approached the office building where Chase worked, I transformed into a chameleon.

  “Your curse range is getting broader, I see. That’ll be trouble. At least the baby daddy has your kid until Christmas. You can get the real work done after Prince Charming leaves the office. He’s gotta be like Alex. He’s only around for half the day and doing whatever it is hotshot CEOs do when they’re not in the office. Fortunately, I’m well prepared. Alex gave me his parking pass for this joint until you’re done fixing your Prince Charming’s numbers. Don’t ask me why Alex has a parking pass. Alex glared at me when I asked. Obviously, it’s not to be discussed. Ever.”

  I thought it was odd Alex had a parking pass for the building, too. I added Tiana needing to have a parking pass for the building to Gavin’s list of sins. Without him, I’d be the one with the parking pass.

  “You’re totally jealous. You’ve turned green. I know you like Prince Charming, but it’s hopeless. You may as well just marry the damned god stalking you. He’s gotten better in the loyalty department.”

  I hissed at my friend and opened my mouth so she could see my teeny tiny teeth.

  “Or not. You wouldn’t be cursed any more. Give me a break, Miriah. He’d obviously remove the curse if he was the target of your affections. Probably. Then again, he was stupid enough to cheat on you in the first place.”

  While true, I couldn’t imagine myself loving Caleb’s father. I doubted I’d handle a cranky relationship with him well, but I’d try.

  To vent my general frustration with the situation, I crawled across the console and gnawed on Tiana’s seatbelt.

  “I should get mad at you, but I don’t want to be bitten. Maybe you’ll get lucky this time. Prince Charming hasn’t run off yet. That might count as a miracle.”

  Tiana pulled into an underground garage and parked in a reserved spot, hung a plastic tag from her mirror, and scooped me up, placing me on her shoulder. “Maybe if he kisses your scaly nose, he’ll break the curse.”

  While Gavin would do something like that, I had my doubts. A kiss seemed too easy.

  “Anyway, you’ll be fine. Alex will get cranky if Prince Charming hurts you, and while rivals, they’re also friends. In addition to this, the charity drive is important to both of them. Relax. Do your job. You’ll ace this and come back to work in no time.”

  Doing my work might distract me from the recent developments in my life. Caleb being with his father until Christmas unnerved me. On the bright side, I wouldn’t have to work hard to hide Caleb’s presents for a change. Even better, I’d have all the time in the world to plan the perfect Christmas.

  My life was a mess, but Christmas would be perfect.

  Tiana locked her car and carried me into the building. The security guards in the lobby stared at us until Tiana waved an orange pass at them. Without caring if they scrutinized her, she strolled down a hallway lined with elevators. “This building has a fancy elevator. You need this pass to go to the top floor. There’s a secret staircase, too. The pass will let you access it.”

  My friend swiped the card against a silvery panel which summoned the elevator. Inside, bright, spotless mirrors reflected our image, and I camouflaged and hid beneath Tiana’s hair.

  “You’re a goof, Miriah. They’re mirrors. They’re not going to hurt you. And no matter what you think, you’re pretty for a lizard. It could be worse.”

  Sure. I could’ve transformed into a slug.

  The elevator zipped to the top floor and opened to a reception, the marble floors polished to a blinding shine. Tiana marched to the oversized mahogany desk and engaged the pretty blonde behind it in a staring contest.

  Tiana must have been to Chase’s office before, because the two women glared with far more heat than strangers meeting for the first time.

  Tiana won; the receptionist sighed and asked, “How can I help you?”

  “Tiana Harting to see Mr. Butler, please. He’s expecting me.”

  The receptionist’s scowl deepened at the mention of Chase expecting Tiana, which likely cut off her easy way of being a jerk. No matter how many times I witnessed Tiana facing off against executives, their haughty receptionists, and society in general, it never failed to make me uneasy.

  When human, I could stand firm with my long-time friend.

  I ignored my urge to hiss at the receptionist. If Tiana wanted my help, she’d ask for it. Until she asked for it, all interfering would do was annoy her.

  The staring contest resumed, but after an uncomfortable wait, the receptionist managed to smother her scowl and forced a smile. She rose from her seat and gestured to a door behind her desk. “This way, please.”

  The receptionist led us through a maze of cubicles and hallways to a pair of wooden doors. After knocking twice, she entered. “Mr. Butler, Miss Harting is here to see you.”

  “Thank you, Denise. Please let her in. Until she leaves, I’m not to be disturbed.”

  “Yes, sir.” The receptionist fled, which intrigued me.

  Chase waited for the woman to leave before striding over and closing the door behind her. He rolled his eyes so hard I worried he’d faint or hurt himself. “I apologize, Miss Harting. Can I call you Tiana? Please call me Chase. I’ve got enough boot lickers around here.”

  Tiana laughed. “You must’ve told Miriah to call you Chase; she’s the only one in our office who does. I’d been wondering about that.”

  “Well, the few times I’ve met with her while she’s been human, yes. Of course.” Chase returned to his desk, trailing his hand along the polished surface. “I opened an office for Miss Cox on this floor. I suspect the person sabotaging my data is working within my marketing department, although there are some other potential candidates. Poor work performance is grounds for firing here, but it takes a lot for me to fire someone, even accounting for poor work performance. I give everyone a chance to improve. Corporate sabotage is an instant firing offense without warning or notice. As such, putting Miss Cox on this floor will give her an opportunity to observe the potential culprits with ease.”

  “She likes being called Miriah,” Tiana announced.

  Sometimes, I hated my friend. Other times, I adored her.

  Chase’s chuckle captured my attention. “I’m aware, but I’m trying to be polite, especially as it seems she’s hiding in your hair.”

  “She has a mirror complex. Karma chameleons
are easily startled. Also, don’t even think about biting me, Miriah.”

  I tucked my tail close so I wouldn’t lose it.

  “Anyway, until the culprits are identified and I have proof of wrongdoing, pretend everyone is guilty. Several employees across multiple departments have access to the data. My primary systems administrator is creating a database from the unaltered server logs; it should be pristine, original data untouched by anyone. I’ve been told I should have it by the end of the day if nothing goes wrong. Unfortunately, we’ll need to manually retrieve some of the data from outside sources. I should have that data in raw form tomorrow.”

  Tiana frowned and rested her hands on her hips. “How are you getting the raw data?”

  “The companies send us statistics. I either have the login information or the original files from the mail server.”

  “That should work.” Tiana plucked me off her shoulder and placed me on Chase’s desk. “Feeding her lunch is your responsibility. She’ll eat just about anything, but karma chameleons aren’t restricted to natural chameleon diets. If you try to feed her insects, she will bite you. She’ll try to claw you, too. She gets downright vicious if an insect is brought anywhere near her. Her favorite food is fried chicken, but she won’t say no to salad and healthier foods. It’s unlikely she’ll return to human during daylight hours. This time of year is the worst for her.”

  Chase held most of the responsibility for my inability to return to human, although I assigned myself some blame for mouthing off to Gavin in the first place. To reclaim my humanity, I’d need to find Chase’s fatal flaw, roll around in my misery for a while, and accept he was like every other attractive man who’d crossed my path.

  “What can you tell me about this divine?”

  Tiana snorted, shook her head, and perched on the edge of Chase’s desk. “He’s protective, jealous, and a bed hopper. She’s loyal to her man of the hour, hates cheaters, and has one focus in her life: her son. Frankly, I’m amazed she let Caleb go with Gavin. I suppose she wanted him to have the best Christmas possible, and he doesn’t get a lot of time with his father because he’s not usually around. Anyway, Miriah refuses to marry him, and he doesn’t think any other man is worthy of her. Whenever the human species gets lovey-dovey, she sprouts scales. Christmas and Valentine’s are the bad ones.”

  “How charming of him.”

  “For a one-time fling, sure. Husband material, however, he is not.” Tiana waved her hand. “In that department, he’s junk, and my girl here has her head on straight. That’s what got her cursed, actually. She told him he was shitty husband material to his face.”

  “Very gutsy of you, Miriah. I’ll endeavor to make your time here as pleasant as possible. I’ve had the temperature in your office raised to seventy-eight degrees. There’s also a heated blanket set to eighty-five available if you get chilly. I also took the liberty of installing a jam so your door can’t fully close until you’ve finished your work here. That’ll make sure you don’t get stuck.”

  Tiana reached over and poked me. “Wasn’t that nice of Chase? He made you a special chameleon-friendly office. If you don’t need anything else from me, I’ll be back at five to pick you up.”

  “I can handle things from here, Tiana. Thank you.” Chase reached across his desk to shake hands with my friend. “I appreciate you bringing her here this morning.”

  “Glad to help. Call me if you need anything or have any questions.”

  “Will do.” Chase waited until Tiana bounced out of his office to chuckle. “Your friend is quite enthusiastic.”

  That she was.

  “Before I take you to your office, I want to give you a virtual introduction to the individuals behind the falsified data.” Chase settled in his high-backed leather chair and pulled a tablet from a locked drawer. I skittered across the polished wood to peek at the screen.

  The faces of seven women and nine men greeted me. With sixteen candidates to deal with, I needed to keep a close eye on everything I did. If I became human in his office, I’d have to pay attention to my every word. I pointed at the first in the lineup, an older woman with dark eyes and a weary smile.

  “Miss Hefner is the company’s Event Coordinator. She’s been with us for three years. The issues seem to have started in January following the charity drive last Christmas.”

  I found that odd. Why would someone start sabotaging the company after the charity drive rather than during it? Then again, when I’d been hired by Alex, I’d spent the first month of my employment evaluating the company’s charity drive performances in preparation for future events.

  After evaluating the charity drives, I had worked on evaluating general campaigns to get a feel for how special drives should perform.

  Why would the culprit wait until after the easiest opportunity to cause Chase’s company trouble?

  One by one, Chase described his suspected employees, offering his opinions on why each might adjust performance numbers. Two candidates worked in technical fields, which caught my attention, especially when he revealed their personal relationships with women in the marketing department.

  Using a text editor, I asked about his company’s upper management; beyond his Event Coordinator, none of the upper management had made his list.

  “That’s a tough question. It’s not outside the realm of the impossible, but I don’t understand what their motives might be. Most of them have been employed since my father was in charge of the company. My CFO might have motive, but like the others, he worked for my father and has been with the company for over forty years. He’ll retire soon. Screwing up the financial numbers doesn’t help him. He’d lose a lot sabotaging us.”

  After he finished giving me the breakdown of his company and the potential culprits, I thought about it. Personal grudges happened, but I wasn’t quite ready to suggest that as a motive. Sometime after solving Chase’s data mystery with my analytical skills, I needed to tell my boss I sucked at catching people red-handed. My son served as living proof of my failings as a culprit catcher.

  Damn it. I still needed to decorate the tree. If I screwed up any of the measurements, I’d be the one to blame for ruining Christmas entirely.

  Remembering my promise to give Caleb the perfect Christmas, I forced my attention back to my task, determined to find the culprit so I could return to my real job—and my human form.

  My office was located three doors down from Chase’s, and a chameleon paradise waited for me. A smaller keyboard with separated numeric pad would make typing easier, and I’d do my work from a heated nest. The small display amused me, but I appreciated it, too. Larger screens made my head hurt.

  Obviously, I needed to work at Chase’s company when stuck as a chameleon for the rest of my life.

  On second thought, I needed to hurry up and find Chase’s dark, dirty secret so I could get on with life—as a human. One day, maybe, I’d stop falling for men utterly out of my league.

  With my crap luck, Chase was married with children.

  Chase brought me a tablet, a key card small enough I could use it if I could reach the pads, and a two-way pager. With a few button presses, I could reach him if needed.

  I made it my mission to not need a single damned thing until I figured out what was going on at Chase’s company and why. As little exposure to him as possible might help.

  Damn Gavin and his stupid curse. I hoped Caleb pulled out all the stops and drove his father crazy until Christmas. Then we’d both enjoy having plummeted right off into the deep end in equal measure.

  I began with an audit of the incorrect spreadsheets to familiarize myself with their system and numbers. A horror show of calculations promised migraines in my future, and the jerk responsible for the formulas deserved a trip to hell without the benefit of a hand basket.

  If it turned out poorly written formulas held the blame, I’d karma chameleon some marketer’s ass for overcomplicating my life. At the rate I was going, Gavin would need to bail me out of prison.

/>   Prison seemed preferable to correcting blatant incompetence.

  As I refused to be defeated by a damned spreadsheet, I went to work. Within ten minutes, I gave in to the inevitable: I needed to rebuild the damned spreadsheet from scratch. Within an hour, I caved to reality.

  The next few weeks of my life would suck even worse than Gavin’s curse.

  It would take a lot of work to locate the silver lining in my cloud, but I’d do my best.

  Chapter Four

  Someone wanted to kill me, and a glass of ice water almost accomplished the deed. Frigid liquid tossed onto a chameleon needed to be made illegal. The glass cracked into me, smacked me into the monitor, and knocked my lizard lights out.

  Torpor sucked as did the unpleasant process of emerging from it. Concussion-induced headaches came a close second. Until I warmed, I tended to function on auto-pilot while seeking the nearest warmest object.

  The object proved to be Chase Butler, and the warmth was his naked chest, as he’d decided to stuff me into his shirt.

  Merry Christmas to me. I forgave the glass-lobbing asshole on grounds of having a once-in-a-lifetime chance to snuggle with one of my crushes.

  He smelled like vanilla.

  “Do you think this will actually work?”

  Chase peeked into his shirt, and he startled a hiss out of me.

  “I take that back. Never mind. She’s hissing at me. What do I do now?”

  Tiana’s giggle from somewhere nearby promised I’d never live down the day someone had chucked a glass at me. “Wait until she comes out on her own. She’s bitchy during torpor. She’s usually gentle, but her nips can hurt. You said you found her with a broken glass?”

  “And ice. She was cold when I got to her.”

  “Torpor. She can’t warm herself up. But ice? That means someone did it on purpose. When she wants water, I give it to her in a shallow bowl or saucer. She’ll email or text me and hiss until someone figures out she needs help. She likes her water warm when she’s a lounge lizard. Was she cut?”