“Falon!” Julie yelled, coming behind me. I couldn't watch her come up to the car, but I heard her, just as I heard her stop when she came close to me.
I knew she was standing there, watching me. I knew she was scared, and worried, but it didn't matter to me.
“Why did you have to do that?” I asked, spinning around on her. Her eyes were wide with hesitancy. She looked frightened, and I knew it was because of me.
“Do what? Kiss you? I thought-”
“You thought wrong,” I interrupted, knowing her words, because I knew they were true. She thought I had wanted to kiss her, and I had. She thought we were heading in that direction, and we were. But someone had to stop it, so I did.
She narrowed her eyes, and I saw her hands ball into fists. “No, I think I thought right. I think you're just playing chicken because you're worried over what everyone else thinks, and it doesn't matter what they think!” she yelled at me.
“It matters to me!” I yelled back, shaking my head.
She pushed me, and I hit the trunk of the car. I had nearly expected the reaction. I knew there was a fire that grew inside of her, and it would explode when she was angry.
I didn't touch her. I just stared at her, somewhere between disbelieving and fear. I'll also admit, I knew I felt like a martyr for being the one to nip this in the bud, but knew she viewed me as the villain.
“What is it, Falon? Is it about you or me this time? Are we going to talk about how you're a monster and people will never stop judging you, or is this about me and my childish look on everything? I'm just being naïve in thinking that something so disturbing could ever work,” she said, her voice spilling every bit of sarcasm she had into her words.
“You are!” I told her, pushing myself away from the car. “This isn't natural, Julie. You deserve someone that doesn't look like I do,” I told her. I knew I was right.
Julie didn't see it that way. “And what do you deserve? If I was burnt like you, or deformed, or sick, then I'd be bad enough for you? Is that it?” she said.
“That's not what I mean-”
“Of course it is. You think that since something bad happened to you, that everything else that seems good has to turn bad too, and if it doesn't happen naturally, then you'll ruin it before it has a chance,” she said.
I was silent.
She took that as a defense, and it was. I wanted to end this, clean and clear, but Julie wasn't done.
“I haven't hid the way I feel about you. I've treated you the way I would treat any guy I liked, and I've been patient, and compassionate, and I keep trying and trying to break through that stupid wall that you put up everytime something good happens. I've been open with you, and honest, and I confided in you. I told you things I haven't told anyone, and you just throw it all back in my face because I don't fit the image of the type of girl you need,” she told me.
I watched her go into her own shell. I watched as the barriers fell over her. I became Thad, and it didn't pass me. Liam had warned me not to string her along because of him, and that was exactly what I had been doing because I didn't want to lose her.
Ever since we had met, it had all been leading to this: one final blowout. For us to be split apart, because there wasn't any chance that we could just be friends.
Julie was breathing heavily, and I knew she was waiting for me to argue back, but I couldn't. I wasn't ready, and she knew it.
“Just take me home,” she muttered, moving her eyes away from me and walking around to the passenger door.
It killed me. It really sliced open an old wound as I watched her leave me.
The tears in her eyes would do that to anyone.
♥
The silence was unbearable, but her face was even more difficult to take. I made it my mission not to look at her, because I knew how it would sting and constrict my chest. Especially since I knew it was there because of me.
When I finally pulled up to the curb, I looked at her. She was unbuckling her seat belt, and not paying me any mind.
“Julie, I'm sorry,” I told her, swallowing back the lump in my throat.
She stopped, and for the first time since we had left the restaurant, she met my eyes. The green hues that usually held such vibrancy looked dim, and faded.
“Stop trying to be the hero, Falon,” she told me, opening her door. “You're not saving anyone.”
With that, she got out, slammed my door, and walked away from me.
♥
I went inside without stopping to say anything to Ava. She was in her room, so I hoped she was asleep.
The last thing I wanted was to have a conversation about everything that had happened tonight.
What had happened tonight, you ask?
Well, I won.
Basketball Lotto had said nothing would change. We wouldn't take a step further in our relationship.
We didn't.
So I won. And I lost.
♥
I didn't want to wake up when the sun came up. I wanted to stay in bed and mourn and mope. It felt as if all of the life had been drained from my body, and all that was left was a shell.
This was what I had been before I met her. Just a person with no purpose, no hope, just here. I couldn't even constitute my life as living, because I hadn't know what living was until I had met her and Liam.
Now, I had only myself to blame, and it was a fact that didn't go unnoticed by me.
I curled up on my bed, and clutched my blankets to my chin, and I felt lifeless. I hadn't felt a wave of depression hit me like this since the moths after my accident. When I was staring at pills and ropes like they were the answer.
They weren't then, and they weren't now. Julie had proven that to me.
It seemed like hours before my bedroom door finally opened, and Ava poked her head in. I didn't have to turn to know it was her. Your sister sneaking into your room was something all little brothers knew.
“Falon?”
“Yeah?”
“Are you going to get up today? It's already noon,” she asked, her voice low and soft.
I guess all sisters could tell when dates hadn't gone so well.
“Last night sucked,” I replied, but didn't turn around. I couldn't bear to see her face. I knew she knew it was my fault. It wasn't rocket science to figure that out.
“I figured. Just hold on, and pray about it. You'll find your answer,” she told me.
I hoped she was right. I really did.
♥
I eventually got out of bed, and slowly, I rejoined the world of the living. It didn't feel the same, and I knew that was because of Julie. Everything in my life, good or bad, was because of Julie nowadays.
Once, I nearly called her. I thought she might answer, just to hear what I had to say. Maybe to tell me that even though she hated my guts, that didn't mean I couldn't go to the hospital.
Or, she could ignore my phone calls, and pretend I never existed.
I hadn't had the guts to go to the hospital. I couldn't. I couldn't do that to Julie, and put her through pain again.
The damage was done. I was alone, and so was she. All ties were cut, and I had to move on.
I made it three days.
Ava was cooking dinner, which was rarely done in our house. I sat at our table and watched her cook spaghetti, and I laughed each time the sauce would pop, and she would jump back on instinct.
She was being nice to me, and I knew it was because she knew I was hurting. She was being my big sister, rather than the mom figure she always tried to be.
When there was a knock at the door, we were both expecting Dr. Marstens. He was suppose to be on his way with bread.
“I've got it,” I told her, standing up. I went to the door with a smile, expecting to tell the good doctor that he was late, but instead, I got a full view of Liam's face.
He was grinning, leaning against the doorway with his arms crossed. “He lives!” he exclaimed, as if he were staring at Frankenstein's monster. “Are you g
oing to let me in?” he asked.
“Are you going to hurt me?” I asked, and it was a perfectly logical question.
Liam laughed and pushed me aside to come in by himself. “Not here for a fight, Falon. Cooking dinner for me, Ava?” he called to the kitchen.
Ava came around the corner with her spoon and glared at Liam. “You're here?” she asked, but we all knew she was only playing mad. She liked Liam just like the next person.
“Actually, I was wondering if I could steal the moron,” he said, motioning toward me. I would have called him something, but he wouldn't have heard me.
Ava smiled and pressed her hands together in a praying gesture. “Please do. I'm tired of seeing him mope around here for one lifetime,” she replied.
“I have not been moping!” I protested.
“Yes, you have. Go on and hang out with Liam. There will be plenty of food when you get back,” she said, and disappeared into the kitchen as I glared at her.
Liam turned around. “Moping?” he asked with a grin.
“I have not been moping,” I told him.
Liam smiled and shrugged as he headed toward the door. “Sure you haven't. You just look like a big old bundle of joy,” he replied.
Once again, a comeback wouldn’t be heard.
I followed him, though I knew I didn't have to. It would probably be better if I didn't. I knew there was a good chance that Liam would lay into me about Julie and me.
He got into the car, and I followed. I buckled up as Liam got out of our driveway and sped away. I was literally holding to my door handle. Liam preferred speed.
I tapped him on the arm. When he looked at me, I asked, “Where are we going?”
“Don't worry, I'm not taking you to Julie so she can kill you,” he told me, flashing his signature grin. “Hilary is out of the hospital, and since you decided not to talk to me, I figured I'd kidnap you. I wanted you to meet her,” he replied.
I raised a brow, but didn't say anything. I didn't understand how he could still want to be around me. I knew Julie had told him about everything that had happened. Liam had said before that he and Julie didn't keep secrets form each other.
If Dr. Marstens had treated my sister the way I had done to Julie, I wouldn't have picked him up to meet my new girlfriend. Then again, Liam was my polar opposite.
“You don't mind going to her house, right?” he asked me, glancing my way.
“I don't mind.”
He nodded, and five minutes later, we were pulling into a modest home. Middle class, nicer condition than mine and Ava's. Nothing like Liam and Julie's.
Maybe they liked the under-privileged kids.
That wasn't true though. I had been there when Liam had fallen in love. All we had known about Hilary was that she was young, beautiful, and heading in for surgery.
We got out of the car and headed up for the door. Liam knocked, and then looked to me. “Ignore her mom. She's a snob, but her dad is really laid back. He's nice,” Liam whispered, just as the door opened.
The man I had seen before opened the door. I assumed he was her dad, and I was proven right when Liam shook hands with him and called him Mr. Turner.
“She's in the living room,” he said, smiling. He then looked to me. “You must be Falon,” he said, and extended his hand. I shook it.
“Yes sir,” I replied.
He moved out of our way. “There's some meatloaf in the kitchen if you boys are hungry,” he told us.
“They didn't come to eat, dad. They came to see me,” she said, emphasizing the last word.
Liam moved quicker than I did, leaving me and her dad behind a few feet. He got on the floor beside Hilary, and reached forward and touched her face.
She jumped, and then I watched her land a punch between his chest and arm. “Stop doing that! Make sound. It's not like I can see you,” she argued.
“And it's not like I can hear if I make a sound or not,” he told her. She broke out into a laugh, and felt his chest with her hands. Then she brought herself closer to him and rested her head on his shoulders.
Hilary was wearing dark glasses, the kind that were round, and nearly the size of her face, but completely black. She looked more like a movie star than a blind girl.
“I brought Falon, just like you asked,” Liam replied.
Hilary lifted her head and reached out to touch Liam's face. She squeezed his nose and then smiled. “Where is he? I want to touch him,” she said immediately.
I widened my eyes at Liam and mouthed 'Touch me?'. He grinned and gestured for me to come closer. I did, hesitantly, and sat down on the other side of her.
“He's right in front of you,” Liam told her.
Hilary turned, and she reached out her hands. She touched my arms, and then she started to move up. I sat stiffly as her hands moved up my neck, and then touching my face.
I was taken back to my night with Julie, when she had held my face. When she had looked into my eyes and told me that it was just us on the dance floor. No one else.
Just us.
And then I ruined it.
Hilary spread her fingers across my face, over each scar and deformity, until every inch of my face had been surveyed. When she pulled away, she was smiling, and she turned her head in the direction of Liam.
“And you said he was ugly,” she told him.
Liam grinned and started to laugh, running his hand through her hair. “That's my girl,” he told her, kissing her forehead.
“One of these days, someone is going to punch you in the face,” I told him with a glare.
Liam grinned. “Want first whack at it?”
“You can let me for a birthday present,” I told him, smiling in return.
“Birthday? Did I miss your birthday?” Hilary asked quickly.
“No. You've got another month,” I assured her.
“Julie will force you to have a party. She'll-” Hilary started, and then Liam pinched her arm. “Ow! What was that fo- Oh. Sorry,” she said.
Maybe she didn't see my face pale, but Liam did. He saw that look of pain that her name brought along with it, and he rescued me. I'd have to rethink that 'punch him in the face' idea.
“So, um, I hear you're the one that tracked me down,” she said, her voice unsure. She wanted to quickly ease the tension.
“Yeah. Strike of luck, I guess,” I said.
She scoffed. “There's no such thing as luck. Only fate. If God hadn't placed you there at the right time, we wouldn't have met,” she replied, touching Liam's face the entire time.
“I guess you should be glad that kid threw up everywhere. Otherwise, you may have never been blessed by my presence,” Liam told her, and Hilary laughed at him.
“I can't see it, but it feels like your head is getting bigger from that ego of yours,” she told him.
Liam smiled, and I watched how the blind girl, and deaf boy were able to make this work.
There was something surreal about their relationship, a kind of simplicity in something so complicated. What one couldn't give, the other could. She would never see his face, and he would never hear her voice, two things that were usually needed in couples.
They didn't need it. For the next few hours, most of our conversations were spent with them facing each other, Liam watching her mouth, ignoring half of what I said, and Hilary holding his face, smiling at the feel.
I wasn't sure what Liam was trying to pull by bringing me here, but I had a feeling he was trying to arouse those feelings I was desperately trying to push down.
By showing me how their relationship worked, and how smoothly it could just roll by, Julie and I had no problems.
Reverse psychology. I could punch Liam.
♥
It wasn't until Liam parked in my front yard that I said anything to him. When I asked him 'why' Liam merely smiled his signature grin and shrugged.
“Because it works out for guys like us. You just have to take the risk,” he told me.
“It's not that easy,�
� I said. “Julie already went through a disastrous relationship. I don't want to put her through another one.”
“You don't have much say in the matter,” Liam replied. “Julie can decide if she wants to risk it. She's earned the right to say what she will or won't risk her life for.”
I rubbed my hands over my eyes, and growled under my breath. “I just didn't want to mess up what we had,” I said.
“Great job,” he congratulated. “Looks like you're doing a great job at not ruining things.”
“Sarcasm doesn't look good on you.”
“Your bad habits are rubbing off.”
I laughed, and leaned back. I sighed, because I knew he was telling the truth. About me and Julie. Not the sarcasm.
“Look, Falon. Hilary will never see my face. She'll never know when I'm looking at her, and she'll never be able to just stare into my eyes and know everything is okay. I will never be able to hear her voice, or drown in it's sound. If I'm not looking at her, I'll never know when she's trying to catch my attention,” he said, and then sighed as he looked down. “But none of that matters, because when I look at her, everything is okay. When she hears my voice, everything is okay. I know I'm falling in love with this girl, and it scares me to death, but in a good way. And I know the risks of our relationship. I know how strange it must look from the outside, and I know people will doubt that it will work, but it will. I'll be her eyes, and she'll be my ears. Together, we're one, and apart, we're nothing. Isn't that what every relationship is? Finding the other half and all that jazz?” he asked, looking up.
It was. I really thought it was. I believed in that.
“And I think you're a fool for letting my sister get away like she did,” Liam then said. “I think what you and Julie have between you is important, and worth the risk. I think that she can help you just as much as you can help her. But, I'm not telling you to give up whatever it is holding you back, and I'm not telling you to date my sister. You have to make your own decision. I'm just saying, you might want to weigh those risks in your head before you lose something wonderful.”
Lovely Monster Page 14