Starry Skies Over the Chocolate Pot Cafe

by Jessica Redland

  ‘How are your girls settling in? They’ll have been too young to remember living here before, won’t they?’

  ‘They were two and four when we emigrated but they love it here. Lucy’s started at the TEC, studying art, and she’s already made lots of friends. Erin’s studying fine art at Newcastle University. She’s settled in really well and even has a boyfriend.’

  ‘So they’ve both taken after you with the passion for art?’

  ‘Looks like it, much to their mother’s disgust. She absolutely hated me doing anything artistic. Always said there was no future in it. Even when my work started taking off, she was adamant it was a waste of time and not a real career. The day the Aus gallery opened, she refused to come. Told me I was making a fool of myself and nobody in their right mind would want to buy my “pathetic little kiddie cartoons” and she wasn’t going to hang around while they all laughed at me.’

  ‘Oh my God, Jed. That’s awful and so very wrong. Why would she say something like that?’

  He released a long, slow sigh. ‘Because, unfortunately, that’s the type of woman I was married to and I must have had some really thick blinkers on because I never even realised it until then.’

  We turned the corner and headed up the hill, our pace slowing slightly.

  ‘Is that when you split up?’ I asked.

  ‘No. I probably should have had the guts to end it then but I was the walking cliché of sticking together for the sake of the kids. The three of them were my world.’

  ‘Three? I thought you only had Erin and Lucy.’

  Jed sighed. ‘I do but, for six years, Ingrid let me believe that her son, Aaron, was mine too.’

  I stopped walking and grabbed his arm. ‘You’re kidding me.’

  He shook his head and, under the gentle yellow glow of the streetlight, I could see the pain etched across his face. ‘I wish. Apparently Ingrid was still in love with her first boyfriend, Declan. They split up when his family emigrated to Aus but I later discovered they’d stayed in touch the whole time Ingrid and I were together. Our move to Aus was nothing to do with her hating the UK weather. It was all about her being with him. He never wanted the marriage and kids thing so she kept that going with muggins here and spent all her spare time with Declan. When she fell pregnant with Aaron, she knew he couldn’t be mine because of the dates but decided to pretend rather than risk Declan running a mile from the responsibility.’

  My heart broke for him. ‘How did you find out?’

  ‘When he was six, Aaron suddenly fell ill. Ingrid was supposedly away with friends which later turned out to mean she was staying over at Declan’s. I rushed Aaron to hospital and was told he needed blood so, naturally, I offered mine. They did a test and the doctor said, “Unfortunately you’re not a match, but with you not being the biological father, it was a long shot”. The bottom fell out my world. I’ll never forget the look on the doctor’s face. She completely drained of colour, obviously realising her huge faux pas. I begged her to explain but she said she couldn’t discuss it any further. It didn’t take much Googling of our blood types to discover that, biologically, it was impossible for me to be Aaron’s dad.’

  So that was the information Joyce had been about to give me when Peter stopped her. How horrendous. I could tell from the tone of Jed’s voice that it was still raw and I wanted to hold him tightly and never let go.

  ‘What happened after you found out?’ I asked, thrusting my hands into my pockets.

  Jed shivered and indicated we should set off walking again. ‘My priority was for Aaron to get better. Blood-relation or not, I still loved him. Thankfully, he recovered with no lasting health issues, but Ingrid and I were through. I filed for a divorce on the day Aaron returned to school. Ingrid took the kids and moved in with Declan. Mr “I-don’t-want-marriage-and-kids” was suddenly stoked to discover that he was a dad. A week after our divorce came through, they married. He point-blank refused to let me see Aaron and my solicitor told me I didn’t have a legal leg to stand on. I begged Declan to let me be part of Aaron’s life but he wouldn’t budge on access. He said it was too confusing for Aaron and, as long as I was around, it would be impossible for him to bond with his son which, ultimately, was the best thing for Aaron. I could understand his logic and would probably have felt the same way in his position, although I’d like to think I wouldn’t have been quite so brutal in severing ties right from the start. It was so unfair on Aaron to completely cut me out of his life just like that.’

  ‘Oh, Jed. That’s horrendous.’

  ‘It was. Still is. So, while Declan and Aaron built their relationship, the one Ingrid had with our girls rapidly deteriorated. They said she always put Declan and Aaron ahead of them and that Declan barely acknowledged their existence. They’d always been really close to Aaron but started to resent him for being the clear favourite and they hated being away from me. Ingrid wouldn’t let them move in with me, though. It was a fraught couple of years but then she fell pregnant again. Suddenly it was okay for Erin and Lucy to stay at mine more and more often. She gave birth to twin girls and, within a month of their arrival, decided the house was overcrowded so, if the girls wanted to move in with me permanently, that was fine by her. I was heartbroken for them. It felt like a two in, two out policy, but the girls were ecstatic to be living with me so I embraced it. They barely saw Ingrid after that which makes me sad but Ingrid did that to herself by choosing Declan and her new family and being so distant towards our beautiful girls.’

  ‘It never ceases to amaze me how cruel some people can be. You must have been devastated, especially about Aaron.’

  ‘I still think about him every single day. You know I told you that the inspiration for my drawings came from the kids? Well, it was predominantly from Aaron. He used to draw animals all the time and they were usually big and round with huge smiles on their faces. I miss him and it still hurts, but I’ll always be glad he came into my life because I found my artistic style thanks to him and, for six amazing years, I had him as my son.’

  My heart raced. He’d just played ‘the glad game’.

  Jed paused and took a few deep breaths. ‘I’d forgotten how steep this hill is. Here was me thinking I was fit.’

  ‘It’s because you’ve been talking and because you’re full of lager.’

  He pointed to a pub a few doors ahead of us. ‘I know you’re tired so feel free to say no, but do you fancy warming up and having one for the road?’

  ‘I think the cold air has revitalised me so one for the road sounds perfect.’

  We took a seat close to the log fire and sipped on spirits.

  ‘Do you ever hear from Aaron?’ I asked.

  Jed shook his head. ‘No, but I never expected to. He was only six when it happened and he probably doesn’t even remember me now so I’ve had to let that one go and do my best to come to terms with it. I feel sorry for the girls, though. They adored their little brother but the two years or so with Ingrid and Declan destroyed that friendship which is so sad.’

  ‘Are the girls in touch with their mum?’

  ‘As Lucy would say, they “exchange unpleasantries” a few times a year and I can even see that petering out now that we’ve settled here. They’ve got a good relationship with Ingrid’s parents, though. Billy and Pam are good people. They were devastated when it all kicked off and went out of the way to show their support for me and the girls. We’ve seen quite a bit of them since moving back.’

  ‘The girls weren’t bothered about leaving Aus, then?’

  ‘They loved Aus but they were so hurt by what Ingrid did that they’d have been happy to move to England right after the twins were born. I seriously considered it but decided it was better for them to finish school rather than have that disruption too.’

  ‘You must be so proud of them for following in your footsteps.’

  He smiled, his eyes twinkling with obvious pride. ‘They’re amazing kids. I’d have been proud of them whatever they decided to do, but I have to
admit that the shared passion for art is a bit of a bonus. They have very different styles to me and to each other, though. Lucy is into big dramatic landscapes and loves using acrylics. Erin loves delicate watercolours and pencils. Very much a match for their personalities.’ Jed took a sip of his drink and smiled. ‘I think I may have had an attack of the verbals, so it’s my turn to shut up and let you talk. Any cheating ex-partners or fake children in your past?’

  That plane swooped and looped in my stomach again. I heard Carly’s words in my ear once more: A few minutes of courage might change your life. He’d just presented me the perfect opportunity and, unless I wanted to dance round it forever and close down whatever it was building between us, I was going to have to just come out with it. ‘Hell, yeah. Cheating deviant ex-husband who only married me for his public image, hiding the fact that he and my foster sister hosted orgies in his Surrey mansion every weekend.’ I marvelled that I managed to sound so flippant about it.

  Jed started to laugh, then stopped and leaned forward, the smile slipping from his face. ‘You’re not joking, are you?’

  My shoulders sagged as I slowly shook my head. ‘Gosh, Jed, I wish I was.’

  ‘What happened?’

  ‘Get me another one of these,’ I said, picking up my vodka and Coke and necking it, ‘and I’ll tell you the whole sorry tale.’

  Telling my story for the second time hadn’t been quite as emotional as it had been when opening up for the first time to Carly. The pain wasn’t quite so raw. The embarrassment wasn’t quite so excruciating. And I didn’t have that traumatic shock of actually saying it aloud for the first time ever. The alcohol certainly helped and I’d even been able to joke about some of the sights I’d seen in Garth’s ‘dungeon’.

  Huddled over our drinks in front of the fire, we talked about the struggle to come to terms with what had happened to us both and how it still affected us. I told him more about The Best Day Ever and how I missed both sets of parents every day, and he talked about the impact of life without Aaron on him and his daughters.

  The more we talked, the closer I felt to him, feeling his pain, understanding it. The scenarios were completely different but the outcome was the same – Jed and I had both been broken. The only difference was that he’d managed to heal. His daughters and his passion for his art had given him strength, courage and purpose every day. Might I have healed sooner if I hadn’t tried to be a lone wolf?

  It was way past midnight when we stepped outside the pub and made our way slowly up the incline towards town.

  ‘I certainly wasn’t expecting to share that with you tonight,’ I said. ‘Thank you for making it easy to tell you. I’ve kept it hidden for fourteen and a half years. I only told Carly the full story recently and you’ve both been amazing.’

  ‘Can I ask why you kept it secret for so long?’

  ‘So many reasons. Shame, embarrassment, feeling stupid for being so naïve. And, of course, if nobody knew, I could pretend it had never happened. Almost.’ I shook my head and sighed. ‘It seems silly saying that now.’

  ‘It’s not silly at all. I completely understand all those reasons because it’s exactly how I felt too. Guess how long it took me to tell my parents I’d split up with Ingrid and that Aaron wasn’t my son.’

  ‘A few weeks?’

  ‘Try a few months.’

  I turned to him, eyes wide. ‘Really? You’re not just saying that to be nice?’

  ‘Really. I just couldn’t bring myself to tell them. They’d Skype every week on a day I had the girls. They kept asking to speak to Aaron too and I’d have an excuse every time as to why he wasn’t there. Even got the girls to cover it up. Little did I know they were planning a Christmas visit. Turned up outside the house in a taxi on 23rd December saying “surprise”. I had a few surprises of my own in store.’

  ‘Awkward.’

  ‘It was the second most awkward moment of my life after the accidental reveal from the doctor.’

  We reached the pedestrianised area at the bottom of town. Five more minutes and we’d be at Castle Street.

  ‘Can I ask you a question, Jed? It’s a personal one but I figured that, as we’re sharing…’

  He laughed. ‘Fire away.’

  ‘Has there been anyone since Ingrid?’

  ‘After a year or so, I went on a couple of dates but nothing serious. About three years ago, I had an on-off relationship which lasted a couple of years, although it was more off than on. I liked her and I enjoyed our time together but I always felt like there was something missing. Deep down, I’m afraid I didn’t trust her and it wasn’t just because of what happened with Ingrid. She travelled a lot with her job and it felt too possible for her to have a fling if she wanted. Turns out I was right to be suspicious. She also had an on-off thing going with a work colleague. She told me she only ever hooked up with him when we were on a break but I realised that, even if she’d been seeing him when she was seeing me, I actually didn’t care that much. So I ended it for good and there’s been nobody since. Just my girls. Besides, it wouldn’t have been fair to start a relationship when we knew we were moving back to the UK. What about you?’

  ‘Nobody at all since Garth.’

  ‘Not even a date?’ It wasn’t said judgementally.

  ‘Not even a sniff of a date. Just me and Hercules.’

  ‘Hercules?’

  ‘My giant house rabbit.’

  ‘You’ve got a giant house rabbit? Wait till I tell Lucy. She’s obsessed with rabbits, especially giant ones.’

  We stopped outside The Chocolate Pot. I took my keys out my pocket but didn’t place them in the lock. ‘Then you’ll have to both come round at some point and meet him,’ I said, scarcely able to believe the words coming out of my mouth. I’d only just opened up my home to Carly. Had I really just invited Jed and his daughter to visit?

  ‘Only if you want to,’ I hastily added.

  He smiled. ‘No, I’d like that. We’d like that. Thank you.’

  We both stood there for a moment, grinning at each other. What happened next? I had no prior experience of this situation. Was I meant to invite him in for coffee? Was he meant to ask me on a proper date? Were we meant to kiss? Shake hands? Say good night and go our separate ways? Had I completely misread the sparks between us? Was it completely one-sided and, as far as he was concerned, we were business neighbours who were simply building a friendship and being empathetic over our disastrous pasts?

  ‘I’ve got something for you,’ Jed said. ‘Wait here and I’ll get it.’ He laughed. ‘Not right here on this very spot because it’s freezing. You’re very welcome to go inside. I’ll be a few minutes.’

  He ran across the street and let himself into his gallery. I unlocked the door, put the lights on and reached for my yellow mug. I placed it on the coffee machine then hesitated. What sort of signal would making us both drinks send and was that what I wanted? I replaced the mug on the shelf.

  Jed reappeared at the door holding a large bubble-wrapped package.

  ‘What’s this?’ I asked, opening the door to him.

  ‘Open it and you’ll find out.’

  I rested the package on one of the tables by the window and gently removed the tape from the back. My heart started racing. It felt like a canvas, but surely it couldn’t be…?

  Peeling off the bubble wrap, I turned it round to face me and gasped. ‘It’s the lighthouse picture. Jed! I can’t believe it! I came across to buy it this morning and it had disappeared. I thought you must have sold it.’

  ‘No. Just put it aside for you.’

  My heart raced faster. ‘But how did you know? I never even said I liked it.’

  ‘I’ve worked in this business long enough to notice when one of my paintings speaks to someone and I could tell immediately that something about that one called to you so I put it out the back. I wasn’t sure when I was going to give you it but, after seeing you looking at the lighthouse earlier and hearing your connection to it, I knew it had to be t
onight. I hope I did the right thing.’

  I couldn’t speak. Tears filled my eyes and my throat tightened as I stared at the incredible artwork. Taking a few deep breaths to compose myself, I rested the picture against the window and smiled at Jed. ‘You did the right thing. This image and these words mean so much to me and now you know why. I can’t thank you enough for saving it for me. How much do I owe you?’

  He shook his head vigorously. ‘You don’t.’

  ‘Jed…’

  ‘You wouldn’t accept my cheque so you have to accept this painting. I’ll be seriously offended if you don’t.’

  I could tell from his stern expression that he meant it. ‘Okay. Thank you so much. It’s going to have pride of place upstairs. Oh my God, Jed. I absolutely love it.’

  ‘I’ll look forward to seeing it when we meet Hercules,’ he said, smiling.

  Silence.

  ‘So… er… I guess I’d better say goodnight and let you get some sleep.’ Jed ran his hand through his hair. ‘I enjoyed tonight.’

  ‘So did I. They’re a good crowd, aren’t they?’

  He nodded. ‘Yeah. Now that they’re not baying for my blood. I have a confession to make.’

  ‘Oh yeah?’

  'My favourite part of the night was the walk home and the slight detour, though.’ He took a step closer to me.

  ‘Mine too,’ I whispered, taking a step towards him.

  ‘Goodnight, then.’ Jed closed the gap even more.

  ‘Goodnight.’ We were so close we were almost touching and every single nerve ending felt like it was on fire. Please kiss me!

  And he did. He leaned forward and gave me a gentle kiss on the lips. My heart raced and I felt light-headed as he stepped away.

  ‘Goodnight, Tara,’ he said again.

  ‘Goodnight. And thank you. For the painting, for listening, for everything.’

  ‘Same to you. Not for the painting, obviously, because you haven’t given me a painting but… I need to quit while I’m ahead. See you real soon.’