I pulled away from him and took his hand. ‘Let me make you a drink then we’ll go upstairs.’
He nodded. ‘I’m really—’
‘Wait till we’re upstairs and we can talk properly.’
‘We can do apologies later,’ I said, settling down onto the sofa beside Jed. ‘Tell me what happened with Aaron first. Did you find him?’
Jed smiled weakly. ‘Thank you. Yes. He’d got lost and must have doubled back on himself because he pretty much ran into me. He stopped, probably shocked to see me there, so I took my chance and asked if we could talk. He was adamant that he didn’t want to talk to me but it was obvious from the way that his eyes were darting about that he was scared about being lost. He might have sounded all mature and full of attitude in Le Bistro but the poor kid’s only twelve.’ He shook his head. ‘I said I’d give him some money and point him towards the nearest taxi rank but I wanted him to answer some questions first. He reluctantly agreed and I asked what made him think I hadn’t wanted him. I knew what the answer would be, of course, but I wanted to hear it from him.’
‘Ingrid and Declan?’
Jed nodded. ‘Right from the start, apparently. They told him Ingrid had never tried to deceive anyone and had always believed he was my son, which is absolute crap because Ingrid admitted to me that she’d known from the start that he was Declan’s. They also told Aaron that, as soon as I discovered he wasn’t mine, I wanted nothing to do with him.’
‘What a horrible thing to say to him. He must have felt so rejected.’
‘Tell me about it. It was so unnecessary and clearly it’s messed him up.’
I lightly squeezed his arm. ‘What else did you ask?’
‘Whether he’d missed me.’
‘Oh, Jed. Of course he did. What did he say?’
‘I thought he was going to give me a load of attitude about not giving a toss about me but he looked up and there were tears in his eyes. He mumbled, “maybe before I knew the truth”, then he must have been annoyed with himself for a moment of weakness because he shoved his hand out and demanded money and directions. It broke my heart to see him running off again but I couldn’t make him stay.’ He ran his hands down his face and exhaled loudly. ‘What a mess.’
‘But not your mess. You didn’t do any of that. Ingrid and Declan did. You can’t blame yourself for any of it. You didn’t walk away from him. You begged them to let you see Aaron and you went down the legal route when they wouldn’t let you.’
He looked at me, tears brimming in his eyes. ‘I still think of him as my son.’
‘I know you do. Hey, come here.’ I held him tightly as his body shook with deep sobs. ‘I’m here for you. Let it out.’
‘Oh, God, I’m sorry,’ he said, pulling away from me some time later and wiping his damp cheeks. ‘I don’t know where all that came from.’
‘I’d imagine you’ve hidden the hurt and grief away and seeing him again tonight has brought it all back.’
‘He looked so grown up yet I could see a frightened little boy in there. I’m so angry with them for putting him through that. They could have scarred him for life.’
‘What happens next?’
‘The girls tell me they’re in touch with him and they’re going to do their best to smooth things over. I’d like to see him and explain but I don’t want to confuse him further. Much as I want him to be, he’s not my son and I can’t play a part in turning him against his real parents, no matter how much they deserve it.’
‘You’ll just have to give it time. Let him make his own mind up while he’s here or perhaps when he’s back in Aus. If you push too hard, it might push him away altogether.’
‘I know. It’s such a fine line. And speaking of pushing people away, I’m so—’
I placed my finger against his lips. ‘There’s nothing to be sorry about. You were hurting about Aaron and you thought I’d let you down and you now know the truth.’
‘The girls were so shocked to see him. They had no idea he was here.’
‘I think your parents were pretty shocked too.’
‘And the rest of the diners.’ He rolled his eyes at me. ‘Not quite the birthday celebration we had planned.’
I stood up and pulled him to his feet. ‘I think you need to go home and smooth things over with your family.’
‘What about you?’
‘I’m fine. Bit gutted I didn’t get any birthday cake, but I’m honestly okay with this, Jed. I really do understand. I think your girls need their dad, though, and plenty of reassurances that you’re not mad at them for keeping secrets. Plus your poor parents saw their long-lost grandson tonight and, if I’m not mistaken, that’s the first time they’ve ever seen him in person.’
He nodded. ‘It was. They’ve only ever seen him on Skype before.’
‘Then they’ve got to be hurting too.’
‘I can’t go unless I know I haven’t lost you.’
‘Do you have a “dungeon” hidden below the gallery and a whole secret life I know nothing about?’
He smiled weakly. ‘That would be a resounding no.’
‘Then we’re all good and you’re not going to lose me. Although there’s something I do want from you before you leave.’ I stepped closer to him and tilted my head.
Jed cupped my face in his hands and his lips lightly touched mine sending a zip of energy racing round my body. I slipped my arms round his neck and pulled him closer, kissing him with more fervour. I’d been worried that I was leaning on Jed but tonight’s shock encounter had shown that, early days or not, our relationship really was a partnership. I needed Jed but he also needed me. Now, I could fully let him in.
43
The following morning, Jed knocked on the door before Maria arrived and handed me a plastic tub containing a few slices of birthday cake. ‘Couldn’t have you missing out,’ he said. ‘Mum and Dad send their love and wanted to make sure you’re okay.’
‘That’s very kind of them. Tell them I’m fine.’
‘Can I see you tonight?’
I gave him a gentle smile. ‘I think you should spend tonight with your family. Aaron was an important part of everyone’s lives for so long and then he was taken from them. You’ve got so much to discuss about where you go from here.’
He nodded and drew me into a hug. ‘Thanks for understanding.’
With the evening free, I went to Pilates then soaked in the bath before having an early night and a much-needed sleep.
On Wednesday, my parents stopped by for lunch in the café then relaxed in the flat with Hercules until I finished work. Jed joined us for a takeaway then stayed back for a couple of hours after they’d gone. He talked about Aaron and all the memories from his childhood that had resurfaced since seeing him again. Ingrid had taken a lot of the photos of Aaron with her but hadn’t wanted any with Jed in them so he had quite a collection and had been looking through them, feeling melancholy.
When he kissed me goodbye late that evening, I felt closer to him than I’d ever felt. Aaron’s appearance, despite the shockwave at the time, had definitely had positive repercussions. Jed had been holding back and so had I, but that was all gone.
On the Thursday afternoon, Peter and Joyce dropped by for their usual afternoon tea.
‘We have company today,’ Joyce said, smiling widely. She stepped aside to reveal Janice and Richie.
‘You came!’ I said, wiping my hands down my apron.
They both hugged me and I reassured then that I was okay and everything was fine between Jed and me.
‘Do you have plans for Christmas Eve?’ Janice asked. ‘After work, I mean?’
‘I’ve been so busy that I haven’t thought about it yet. Why?’
‘Would you like to come to our house for dinner. Nothing fancy. Just some pasta and salad but all the family will be there and you’re family now so it wouldn’t be right if you didn’t join us.’
With a lump in my throat, I thanked her for her kind invite and said I’d be de
lighted to accept. Christmas Eve with Jed’s parents and Christmas Day with mine? I’d never have predicted that at the start of the year, or even a month ago. So much had changed.
As soon as Jed opened his parents’ front door on Christmas Eve, Doris the Dalmatian bounded down the hall to greet us, dressed as a Christmas elf.
‘Strewth! What have they done to you?’ Jed cried, scratching her behind the ears. ‘Was it Lucy? I bet it was.’
Jed introduced me to Doris and she sat down and offered me her right paw followed by her left then rested her head against my leg. ‘That means she loves you,’ Jed said. ‘And who can blame her?’
He gave me such a tender look that my heart melted. We still hadn’t said the ‘L’ word yet but, with his green eyes fixed on mine, I definitely felt it emanating from him.
I stroked Doris’s soft ears. ‘Lucy showed me some photos of you and I’ve been dying to meet you, Doris.’
‘A word of warning,’ Jed said solemnly. ‘Never volunteer to look through Lucy’s Doris albums. Believe me, if you do that, you will not escape for hours.’
He took my coat and I sniffed. I could smell garlic but undertones of gingerbread also hung in the air, transporting me back to childhood Christmas Eves.
Richie appeared in the hallway wearing a Santa hat. ‘I hope you’re both hungry because Janice has made enough pasta to feed a small army.’ He gave me a hug. ‘Come on through. Let’s get you a drink.’
Dinner was wonderfully chaotic. Lucy distributed Christmas-themed hats for everyone to wear, insisting we had to keep them on for the entire meal. With a big smile, she handed me a sparkly angel’s halo then giggled as she placed an elf’s hat with enormous ears on Jed’s head.
A gold and red runner ran the length of the large kitchen table, resting on which were several clear vases containing pinecones, red and gold Christmas baubles, and clusters of battery-operated fairy lights. A silver platter sat in the middle of the table with pine-fragranced candles nestling among a bed of conifer cuttings, shiny green holly, juicy red berries, and more pinecones. I breathed in the fragrance of Christmas and smiled contentedly. I’d missed this so much.
With the pressure of keeping a secret lifted off them, Erin and Lucy were so much more relaxed. They had the same playful banter I’d seen between Carly and Bethany and among some of my foster siblings before living with the Sandersons. My relationship with Leanne had never been like that. I’d thought we were close but it was blindingly obvious now that she’d been playing a game from day one and there never had been any genuine affection.
It warmed my heart to see Erin and Zack together. The eye contact, shy smiles and tender touches suggested a couple very much in love. Then I became aware that Jed and I were doing exactly the same. Would he put it into words soon?
Over coffee, the conversation turned to Christmas Eves from childhood. Zack’s parents had owned a holiday home in Portugal for years where his family always spent Christmas. Unable to bear being apart for the one-month break from university, he’d decided to spend Christmas with Erin’s family and then he and Erin were going to fly out to spend New Year with his family. Lucy and Erin talked about being ex-pats in Australia and how they had a very British traditional Christmas dinner on the day itself but enjoyed a more traditional Aussie beach barbeque on Christmas Eve, preceded by surfing dressed in Santa suits.
‘What about you, Tara?’ Erin asked. ‘Any Christmas Eve traditions?’
‘Not when I lived with my foster parents because we massively varied what we did. Sometimes we were home, sometimes abroad, and sometimes we were working. But when I was younger, my dad and I were all about the traditions. We’d make gingerbread houses and spend the day doing all sorts of Christmas crafts.’ I smiled at the memory. ‘I was telling Jed the other day that Dad and I used to wander round the streets when it got dark, judging how pretty the trees were in the windows. The one we liked the most would win a bar of chocolate and a handmade card from Santa’s elves. We never let on that it was us and there was always this buzz of excitement in the neighbourhood surrounding who’d win each year and who the mystery elves were.’
‘That is so lovely,’ Lucy said.
‘And when Dad told us about it, we wanted to play too.’ Erin placed a box on the table containing three clipboards with what looked to be score sheets attached to them, some homemade certificates and three large bars of chocolate.
I gasped. ‘Oh my God! Really?’ Tears pricked my eyes. ‘I would love to do that again. Thank you.’
‘We’re in three teams,’ Jed said. ‘Lucy’s joining Mum and Dad, then it’ll be Zack and Erin, and you and me.’
‘And,’ Lucy added. ‘Each team has to take a photo of the winner on their street and then the overall winner, chosen by us all from the three finalists, will also get this…’
Zack placed a wicker basket on the table containing all sorts of edible Christmas goodies. ‘We thought we could go round some of the streets where money’s a bit tighter and this could really make a difference to someone’s Christmas.’
‘I love that idea.’ I smiled at Jed’s family. ‘Thank you all of you.’
‘It was Dad’s suggestion,’ Lucy said. ‘Because he loves you and would do anything to make you happy.’ She wrapped her arms round herself and made slurpy kissing noises.
‘Lucy!’ Erin cried. ‘You can’t say or do that.’
I glanced at Jed, expecting him to look as embarrassed as me but he was smiling.
‘Why can’t she?’ he said, reaching for my hand under the table. ‘After all, it’s the truth.’
‘Awww,’ Lucy gushed. ‘You guys are too cute. Can I be a bridesmaid when you get married?’
‘Lucy!’ Erin clapped her hand over her sister’s mouth. ‘They’ve only just started dating.’
Lucy wriggled free. ‘And so have you two but I’ve overheard you talking about getting married as soon as you finish university.’
‘Lucy! Shut up!’
‘It’s true. You—’
Erin covered her sister’s mouth again.
Richie stood up. ‘Okay, Erin, release your sister and not another peep from you, young Lucy.’ He spoke with humour but strength and the girls immediately did as they were told. ‘Good. Now let’s get wrapped up warm and do our elf bit.’
I smiled at Jed’s daughters. The affection they had for each other and for Jed was obvious and I felt so proud that he’d obviously been an amazing dad, bringing up such well-adjusted girls despite what their mum had put them through. I very much looked forward to getting to know them better.
Pulling on coats, hats and scarves in the hall, listening to Lucy squealing as Erin tickled her, I had a sudden sense of belonging. I had my family back and I was now part of Jed’s. That cloak of loneliness had floated away.
44
Christmas Day arrived and I was up before Hercules again, ready for an early start at The Hope Centre. I loved waking up without the usual sense of dread.
‘A very different Christmas for us this year,’ I told Hercules as I put some fresh food and water in his bowls. ‘No Friends binge-athon. No leftovers from the café.’ No being alone. No being lonely.
Much as I’d have loved to have spent the full day with my family now that I had one again, I didn’t regret volunteering at The Hope Centre for one minute. It was both rewarding and humbling to be part of a team providing warmth and good food to families, the elderly, and the homeless, bringing a little Christmas cheer to what could otherwise have been a difficult day.
Spirits were so high among the volunteers as we laughed, joked and sang along to Christmas tunes that peeling and chopping what seemed to be an endless supply of vegetables didn’t even feel like a chore.
By the time we opened the door to the service-users at noon, there was quite a queue. There was chicken broth or vegetable soup for starters, followed by traditional Christmas dinner with turkey and all the trimmings, mushroom and squash wellington, or nut roast. For dessert, there was a
choice of Christmas pudding, Eton mess or vegan brownies from The Chocolate Pot.
A few volunteers, including me, stayed in the kitchen cooking more vegetables and mixing extra gravy. The others split their time across serving and clearing.
Through the hatch between the kitchen and main hall, I watched the tables steadily fill. Soon the music couldn’t be heard over the bangs from crackers mingled with chatter. It was good to hear laughter ringing out – a moment of lightness in a challenging time.
I found myself watching a slender dark-haired homeless woman, eagerly tucking into a bowl of soup, and a lump formed in my throat. She couldn’t have been much younger than I’d been when I arrived in Whitsborough Bay, alone and scared. When I needed to leave home, I had the money, skills and experience to set up a new home and business but I was absolutely in the minority. Most people who needed to leave home had very little and many had nothing.
‘You look very thoughtful,’ said Jim, placing a stack of dirty plates on the worktop.
‘Who’s the dark-haired woman over there?’
Jim followed my eyeline. ‘That’s Zoe.’
‘What’s her story?’
‘I only know the basics. She’s been coming here for a few months now. She’s seventeen, from Teesside, and ran away when she was fourteen. She hasn’t specifically said why but I suspect abuse. She seems like a nice kid. Doesn’t do drugs or drink, always polite. Often got her head in a book.’
‘Do you sometimes wish you could move them all into your house?’
‘Every single day.’ Jim shook his head. ‘But I sleep at night knowing I’m playing a small part in bringing some comfort.’
I gave him a warm smiled. ‘You’re playing more than a small part.’
At the end of my shift, I looked round for Zoe but she’d already left.
Starry Skies Over the Chocolate Pot Cafe Page 28