“How late are they, and how bad is it?” Alchan asked, sounding tired.
“Four days late and not too troublesome…yet,” Dave explained, turning a book. “We’re fine without this one shipment, if say, they’ve broken down, or animals raided them, or…”
“I really hope the Elvasi don’t have a strike team north of the mountains,” Alchan growled. “I understand what you’re getting at, and it’s a very real possibility at this point.”
“Do they have units like that?”
“She could be taking a page out of our book, and we’re too spread out as it is,” Alchan said softly. “Keep an eye out for it. Send a message to Kerit and ask them if they’ve sent the supplies out like they were supposed to. We might need to figure out a new route.”
“Any other viable routes take a week longer. The road that runs on the north side of the mountains keeps our supply chain at the speed we need it. I’ve already sent Kerit a message. They were adamant they sent out the supplies. They offered to send warriors on the road to see if there’s anything they can find. I should hear back, eventually, but that could be too late to save another caravan if there is something wrong.”
“Just keep me posted,” Alchan ordered, rubbing his forehead. “Thank you for coming to me. You seem to have this in hand. I trust you.”
“Thank you, sire. Learen has been a great help. I’m sorry he couldn’t make this meeting. I know you wanted to meet with both of us.” Dave stood, grabbing his papers and books.
“It’s fine,” Alchan said, dismissing the apology. Lilliana jumped as her kettle began to scream. Alchan turned to look at her with a frown.
“Sorry,” she squeaked. Grabbing it off the fire, she poured what she needed, dumping her tea bag in unceremoniously. She tried to get out of the kitchen as quickly as possible and headed for her room.
Only a few moments later, there was a soft knock at her door. She opened it slowly to see Alchan frowning at her. Her knees went weak at the sight of him, standing tall and domineering in her doorway.
“Are you okay?” he asked, obviously concerned. He didn’t try to step into her room. He never did. It was his home, but Rain had been right. Her room was her private sanctuary, and not even the king entered without express permission, something she never gave him for her own reasons. He never asked for it, either, probably for his own.
“I’m fine. I felt bad for accidentally eavesdropping, then the kettle spooked me. It’s fine,” she declared at the end, smiling weakly. “Don’t you have meetings to go to?”
“I do,” he confirmed. “I just wanted to check in with you. Rain will be with me, but if you need him, you know where the war room is. Feel free to come get him. He needs time off, and you’ve proven invaluable at getting him to relax for a moment.”
“Oh, well…” She shrugged. “He’s a wonderful male to pass the time with. Oh, not like…” She bit her tongue, trying not to say anything more, tucking her head and focusing on her tea. She expected the bedru to be angry, but instead, he laughed.
What a beautiful laugh it was—rich, deep, masculine. He found her funny, and it made her stomach do strange things, and her face heated. Her already weak knees threatened to give out.
“I know what you meant. I would never assume when he’s with you, don’t worry. I know my Consort only has a taste for men. As lovely as you are, you aren’t his type.”
“Of course.”
Skies, did he just call me lovely?
“Have a nice day, Lady Lilliana,” Alchan said before walking away. His last words had been stiffer. She hadn’t seen his face because she was still staring at her tea, still warm in her hands. Once she heard him leave the house, she let out the air trapped in her lungs, but the funny feeling in her gut didn’t change. She knew what it was. She had heard lovers describe the sensation—the attraction.
For the first time in her life, she was attracted to someone—someone she didn’t want to be attracted to. Over the years, she had plenty of opportunities to scratch an itch, as some called it, but she had never felt the itch. The first time she had was the moment she had seen Alchan and Rain in the kitchen.
Now, it never left her. She’d had plenty of opportunities but never took them.
I should have. Maybe it would have prepared me for this. But I can’t…I can’t act on it now. I would never try to hurt someone’s relationship. Rain and the king are so obviously in love. What is wrong with me? Why now? Why do I have to feel like this now? Centuries of never wanting anything to do with sex, and now, that curiosity pops up? Skies damn it.
She was frustrated, stuck between a rock and a hard place. She tried leaving. She suggested it often enough to annoy the two males she lived with, especially Rain. Alchan always gave her a flat out no, which was his right as the king.
Her growing attraction to both males was a serious issue. It was worse with the king, which put her in exactly the position Leria had wanted. That just made Lilliana angry. She hadn’t wanted to be this pawn, and now, she was playing right into it.
Lilliana sat down at the dining table and frowned as she stared at the home where she lived.
Maybe I can…convince myself not to like them. What’s wrong with them? The obvious is that Rain doesn’t like females. Maybe Alchan doesn’t either. That would be nice. If neither of them like females, I could ignore how I feel and get over it. I mean, it hasn’t stopped me from growing to really care for Rain. He’s such a wonderful male, but at least I don’t…dream about Rain.
Oh, but those dreams about Alchan.
She closed her eyes, images flying into her mind—the way he handled Rain, but now it was her. She had never seen roughness like that. She had never witnessed that raw, animalistic passion before, but it was in the king’s eyes. He owned his lovers. And she found herself desperately wanting to be owned. To be commanded. To be submissive the way her nature called her to be.
No one had ever made her feel the way he did when he looked at her. The command in his eyes to answer his questions. The posture of a dominant male who could make her yield and feel good about it. His very being begged her to drop to her knees and do things she had never considered before.
Lilliana still didn’t care much for sex. She just wanted to be ruled, and she was terrified of that want. Sex was just a thing he would probably expect, and she would do it for him. She tried to think of sex with anyone else and felt displeasure. This was an Alchan specific problem.
I want to feel what Rain felt that morning in the kitchen. That’s what I want.
Her heart was pounding as she realized she was never going to get over this until she was completely out of his presence.
“Hey, Lily,” Rain’s voice cut through her fog and made her jump, tipping over her tea and spilling it across the table. “Oh, no!”
“You spooked me!” she cried out, more distraught at the loss of her tea than she was about him walking in on her, daydreaming about his husband. She really loved her tea. It was her one pure joy since she had been so unceremoniously sent to the village. “Why would you do that?”
“I didn’t mean to,” he said sweetly, jogging into the kitchen. He came back out with a washcloth and washed up as she just stared in dismay. With rationing, she wouldn’t be able to make another glass. She had to be careful about using too much, or she would run out without new tea bags for potentially weeks.
Rain picked up the cup and took it back into the kitchen with the dirty cloth. She sniffed when he never came out, catching the scent of coffee.
“Have some of this,” he ordered. “I really am sorry. I didn’t mean to spook you.”
“It’s okay,” she mumbled, forcing herself to swallow some of the bitter stuff everyone else liked so much.
“What were you thinking about? You must have been deep in thought if I could shake you up that much.”
Her face heated, and she couldn’t stop it.
“Nothing,” she mumbled.
Skies have mercy. I have hidden it so
well since that first day. Don’t notice, please.
Rain’s eyes narrowed, and a smile began to form.
“Were you thinking about someone?”
“No,” she lied.
I should have stayed in my room. This wouldn’t have happened if I stayed in my room like I normally do.
“Sure,” Rain teased. “Want to tell me who?”
“No,” she squeaked, drinking more of the gross coffee. She had never developed a liking for it, but it was a gift, and she would finish every drop. Turning away food from a good friend was rude.
“Can I guess?”
“No,” she said, hiding her mouth behind the glass. “Please.”
“It can’t be that bad,” Rain said, leaning on the table, stretching his arms, and tilting his head to rest on one of them. She had seen him as a wyvern now, and it was like that. He stretched like an animal, getting comfortable in odd ways. She wondered if anyone ever noticed that since no one ever pointed it out to him.
“Please, Rain,” she pleaded. “You know if you demand it, I’ll tell you, but I don’t want to make any trouble.”
His eyes went wide, and she realized her mistake.
Fuck.
“Really?” he asked, his face changing to something unreadable. “Are you serious?”
She stood, but he grabbed her wrist and held her there. He had moved so fast, she hadn’t seen him.
“Lilliana, were you daydreaming about my husband?” Rain asked, his voice powerful enough to make her still. It was a demand.
“Yes,” she whispered, feeling terrible. Guilt and shame flooded her, and her eyes filled with tears. “I don’t know how this happened. I never wanted this.”
Rain let her go quickly and stood, nodding as he looked at her. She still couldn’t read his expression. Had she just ruined her only friendship? She hoped she hadn’t. She needed Rain. He was all she had now.
“Okay, we’ll figure this out,” he said suddenly. “The Andinna aren’t monogamous. If you want to approach him, you are more than welcome to.”
Her jaw dropped open.
“He’s told me before, he thinks females are attractive…” Rain hummed, nodding. “This could work. If you want it to work. This is good, actually. Yeah.”
“What?” Lilliana couldn’t believe what she was hearing.
Rain shrugged. “I’m male. I never thought I would be monogamous. I was worried when I first saw you. I thought you would try to split Alchan and me up, but it’s really obvious you don’t have that in you. I’ve been watching you, and I can read people well. I thought you didn’t like sex, though. That makes this a bit strange.”
“I never cared about it at all…until I saw him,” she admitted. “And I’m not planning to…try. Please believe me, Rain, I’ve been trying to think of a way to get out of this situation. I don’t…want to be what Leria wanted me to be.”
“Umm, okay?” Rain was frowning now. “But if you like him, why not fuck him once and get it out of your system?”
“You would be okay with that?” she said, her voice jumping two octaves. Incredulous, she put the coffee down and stared at him, open-mouthed again.
“I’m a male Andinna,” Rain reminded her again, giving her the most confused expression she had ever seen. “I’ve never expected monogamy from any of my lovers, Lily. Why would I expect it of Alchan?”
“He expects it of you,” she said, having thought it went both ways.
“I don’t need any other lovers outside of him. He gives me what I want. He’s a bedru, and I knew that going into it. I would never tell him he can’t have anyone else if he has feelings for them as well.” Rain sat back down. “Calm down. It’s not…I don’t blame you for looking at him and thinking about him. He’s attractive, kind, and lovely. He’s a great male, at least to me.”
She sat down slowly, still staring at Rain as if he was insane. She knew Andinna weren’t normally monogamous, but she had been sent to bed the king. She hadn’t wanted to when she arrived, but now, she did. Why didn’t Rain have a problem with that?
“You, as an Andinna, never have to justify your attraction to someone else,” Rain said, stabbing a finger on the table. “Honestly? I’m mad Leria made this such a contentious thing, you felt I would be angry if I found out. Lily, we’re not like that. I’m…” Rain chuckled suddenly. “I’m actually kind of relieved.”
“What?” she screeched, making the male wince.
“Don’t do that, please,” he begged. “I’m relieved because you’re a sweet female who isn’t conniving or power-hungry. And…maybe it’ll be easier for him to accept you when he had so much of an issue with other females. This could be good. You’re attracted to him. That’s step one.”
“What’s step two?” she asked, narrowing her eyes.
“Finding out if he’s attracted to you,” Rain said with a devious smile.
Lilliana wanted to crawl into a dark corner and never see the sun again. She didn’t know Rain’s game, but it terrified her. Even more terrifying was the idea of learning how Alchan felt about her.
“Why don’t we not and say we did?” she asked, trying to smile.
“Oh no,” Rain crooned. “As your friend and your family, I think it’s time for you to explore these new feelings.”
“Will you tell me why you’re being so nice to me? Or why you are so invested in something you just learned about?”
Rain grew thoughtful, watching her.
“The honest truth?” he asked in return.
“Yes,” she pleaded.
“Because I love him,” Rain answered simply. “And one day I’m going to die centuries before any of you, and I don’t want him to be alone when that happens. So, I see you, and I see a chance to add someone to our family who will comfort him and love him after I’m gone.”
She didn’t know what to say. It was raw. It was passionate.
And it was heartbreaking.
“I don’t know if I love him,” she whispered.
“That’s okay, but I don’t think you should let Leria’s expectations get in the way of finding out if you could. I’m just asking…for you to see how deep your feelings or attraction runs and explore them. Give him a chance, please. Give yourself a chance.”
Lilliana didn’t know what to say, so she just nodded.
27
Mave
Mave was the first to reach the cliff.
“This is where we want to leave the horses, right?” she asked, looking at Kian as he came up beside her. Emerian came up on her left as she watched Kian.
“Can we leave the horses here?” Emerian asked, frowning.
“Yeah, this is the place,” Kian said with a chuckle. “When it’s time to go, we leave the Elvasi in the dust, flying up and grabbing our horses. It’s a great plan…unless they have gryphons, then we use the cliffside as a chance to turn and fight.”
“How much farther to the mission objective?” a warrior asked. Mave didn’t turn to see who, recognizing Deusav’s voice. His a little higher than most males, which made him more distinctive. She didn’t think she would be able to do that with any of the others.
“We’ll walk for half the night through this valley,” Kian said, pointing out over the vista. “See the mountain on the far side? We’ll be going to the other side of it. That’s where the Elvasi camp is. I would say we fly, but that puts us out in the open. I’d rather keep us under tree cover. If we run into an Elvasi patrol, we kill them quickly and keep moving. It’s nearly sunset now. We should be back at the horses by dawn.”
Mave dismounted and took her mare back to the trees, tying it up safely. She was ready to go. Everyone was ready because preparedness was important. If they saw Elvasi on the trip, they had to be ready. The horses only carried emergency supplies, and in Kian’s case, an explosive brick that made everyone nervous.
She met everyone back on the cliffside, choosing to stand next to Emerian. He was the only person with his weapon out, but it was practical. He had a make
shift place to carry it on his back, but it wasn’t the type of weapon with a safe sheath, like their swords. Even the three archers in their group could sling the bow over their shoulders. Not Emerian.
“You ready? First mission, possible combat, and something I’ve never even done. I can’t say I’ve blown up a mountain before.”
“I’m ready,” he promised, smiling as he looked over the view. “Since I started training with Luykas and Trevan here in Anden, I’ve craved this. It started small, but I really wanted to prove myself this year, and I’m glad to have the chance. Thank you.”
“Anything else you want to talk about while we walk?” She crossed her arms.
“Why?” Her nemari’s frown did nothing to distract from the attractive form of his face. She always tried to put his appearance to the back of her mind, but sometimes, it was impossible to ignore. His profile was beautiful, even concentrated, and confused.
“She wants to know if you have anything you want to get off your chest because you might die,” Kian explained. “She’s right to do so since it’s your first mission.”
Emerian shrugged. “No, I’m fine, I think.”
She wished she could see him blush, but he never did. He just got that same sheepish expression.
“You should think about it a little more. More warriors die on their first mission than any other,” a gruff old male said. “Lack of experience. If there’s anything you want to say, now’s the time.”
“I would say more die on their last,” Mave muttered.
“But…” Kian started to chuckle. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”
“I figured you would get that joke, eventually,” she smirked, turning to elbow her father. “Getting slow in your old age?”
He wrapped an arm around her head and pulled her in, messing up her hair. She was on the road, so it wasn’t nice to begin with.
“Let’s get going,” Kian said, kissing the top of her head. She wondered if she was supposed to be embarrassed. Mat always turned a little red when Leshaun messed with him, but when she was with Kian, it felt natural.
The Champion's Ruin Page 30