A Song to Remember

by Kay Correll

  She carefully arranged the items on the plate. She couldn’t help herself. She needed it to look… artful. Picking up the plate, she headed for the chairs in front of the window.

  A knock at the door echoed through the apartment. She set the plate back on the counter and crossed over to open the door.

  “Hi.” Chase stood in the open doorway.

  “I didn’t know if you were even still in town.” She couldn’t keep the reproach from entering her voice.

  “I know. I’m sorry. I’ve just been…” He paused. “Can I come in?”

  She wasn’t sure whether she wanted him to come in or not. He’d basically walked away from her. Twice. After kissing her. Just thinking about him balled her thoughts up in a wad of crumpled emotions.

  She realized he was still standing there, waiting patiently for her answer.

  “Sure.” Was she sure? “Come in.”

  She stood aside and he entered, brushing dangerously close to her as he stepped past. She closed the door behind him and walked over to the kitchen area. “I was just going to eat. It’s not much. Just cheese and apples. Want some?”

  “No, I’m fine.” He walked over to lean against the counter. “I expect you’re pretty mad at me right now.”

  “I’m not mad.” Well, she was a little bit. “I’m more confused.”

  “You have every right to be. I’ve treated you terribly. I’m sorry. I’m just… so confused myself. Seeing my mother…”

  “It must have been hard to see her after all this time.”

  “It was. It is. I mean…” He raked his hand through his hair. “I don’t want anything to do with her. Nothing.”

  He pushed off the counter and walked over to look out the window. “And yet, she’s my mother. I kind of feel like the little boy who has waited forever for his mother to return. And now she has. It’s like on Christmas morning, seeing that you got exactly what you wanted. Only…”

  She walked over to stand beside him. “I’m sure it’s confusing.”

  “But what does she want from me? She left me.”

  “You could go talk to her. Find out what she wants.”

  “But I’m so angry at her. I don’t know if I can even talk to her without…” He turned to look at Sophie. “I might lose my temper and say something that can’t be taken back.”

  Sophie reached out and took his hand in hers. “I can’t decide this for you. All I know is that if I had a chance to see my mother again… We don’t always get second chances in life. You have that chance. Maybe you can see her and find some kind of peace.”

  “Maybe.”

  “So you’ll go see her?”

  “I think so. Maybe I can find some peace with all of this even if we just talk this one time.”

  “I hope you can. Why don’t you go now? Before you have time to change your mind.”

  He gave her a weak smile. “You’re a pushy one, aren’t you?”

  “I just think she’s come to see you twice now. She wants to connect. You could at least listen to what she has to say.”

  “Okay. I will. I’ll go over to the Pine View B&B and see if she’s still there.”

  “I bet she is.” Sophie led him back to the door.

  He stood by the open door and took both her hands in his. “Thank you. For listening. For being patient with me. For forgiving me for how I’ve treated you the last few days. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

  He reached out and she felt the warmth of his hand on her face. She pressed her hand against his.

  “Sophie?”

  “Yes?”

  “I… care about you. I didn’t mean to hurt you. We should talk soon and sort things out.”

  “I’d like that. But right now, go see your mother. See if you can sort that out first.”

  She thought he might kiss her then, but he slowly pulled his hand back and gave her the look of a little lost boy. He turned and slowly trudged down the stairs and out into the growing darkness of the Colorado evening.

  Chase stood at the front door of the Pine View Bed and Breakfast. Warm light spilled out onto the wide front porch. He could see a cheery fire through the front window. He moved to get a better look, feeling a bit like a stalker. He froze in place.

  His mother sat in a chair near the fire. She was knitting something. She knits now. He tucked that fact in his brain. He’d never seen her knit in all the time she’d been… well, when she’d been with him and her family.

  Just then the door opened and a petite blonde woman stood in the doorway. “Well, hello there. May I help you?”

  “Um, yes. I came to see Elizabeth Green.”

  “Liz?”

  Well, that was new, too. His mother had always gone by the full name Elizabeth. No nickname.

  He just nodded at the woman.

  The woman gave him a warm smile. “I’m Lucy Compton.”

  “Nice to meet you, Lucy.”

  “Why don’t you come in? Liz is sitting by the fire. We were just chatting a bit.”

  Lucy turned and headed inside. He stood frozen on the porch. She poked her head back out. “You coming?”

  “I’m coming.” He forced himself to take a step. And another one. And one more. Soon he was inside the cheerful building.

  Lucy led him to the front room. “Liz is in there. I’ll leave you two alone.”

  His mother rose as soon as she saw him, her knitting falling to the floor. “Chase.”

  He stepped into the room. “I hear you go by Liz now.”

  She bent down and scooped up her knitting and set it on a table by her chair. “I do. I needed a change.”

  “Lots of change. Like leaving your family behind change.”

  “Chase, I’m so sorry for that. For leaving you.”

  “Sorry? You think saying you’re sorry makes any difference at all?”

  “I don’t suppose it does. But I do want you to know that I am sorry. It’s the biggest regret of my life.”

  “Why did you leave?” He couldn’t believe he was finally getting the chance to ask her that question, in person, to her face.

  “I felt like I had to. When Garrett…” She pushed her hair away from her face. “When he died, I felt so empty, so lost. I felt like the whole world was crushing me and I couldn’t take a breath.”

  “So did I. I lost my brother, my best friend.”

  “I know you did. I should have been there for you to help you through it. At the time all I could think of was to run away. As if running away would get me further from the pain.” She took a step toward him. “Your father blamed me, you know.”

  “No, he didn’t.” Chase frowned.

  “He did. He thought I should have realized something was wrong with Garrett sooner. He told me that I should have taken him to the doctor when he first got sick. I didn’t, you know. I thought it was nothing. Just some kind of kid’s bug he’d picked up that was lingering on longer than normal.”

  Chase frowned. He didn’t remember any of this, though he knew his father had been angry when Garrett was ill. But he figured it was just a reaction to the helplessness they all felt. He tried to think back on that time, something he rarely let himself do. He remembered his mother started sleeping in the guest room, but he’d thought that it was because it was right next to Garrett’s room, so she could hear him if he needed her.

  “I’ll never forgive myself for not taking him in to see the doctor sooner.”

  “You don’t know that it would have made a difference.”

  A lone tear trailed down his mother’s cheek. “No, I won’t ever know for sure. But I didn’t give him that chance. That chance that things might have been caught earlier. What kind of mother just puts off taking her child in when he’s sick? I wasn’t a doctor. I shouldn’t have made that choice of thinking it was nothing.”

  “So you’ve blamed yourself all these years?”

  “I do blame myself.” She swiped away the tear. “And what if I made another bad decision that affected your life? I w
asn’t fit to be a mother…”

  A memory long hidden came flooding back to him. The night before Garrett’s funeral. His parents arguing downstairs. His father’s words had thundered through the house. That’s exactly what his dad had said to his mother. She wasn’t fit to be a mother.

  “I know that none of this excuses me leaving you. I was in so much pain and had so much guilt. So I ran away… It wasn’t right, but it was the choice I made at the time, and I can’t change it now. I’m so very sorry for leaving you, though. I am.”

  His thoughts and his words tangled in his brain and he stood there staring at her as she crossed the distance between them. She reached out to touch him, and a war broke out inside of him. The little boy who wanted to throw himself into his mother’s arms and be comforted and the man who had lived years without his mother, not knowing why she left him.

  “Chase?” She looked at him questioningly.

  He still couldn’t find a single word to say.

  She opened her arms to him, but still, he stood.

  “I don’t expect you to forgive me. What I did was unforgivable. But… if I could just hold you one more time…”

  The man side of him began to realize what had motivated her to leave all those years ago. Could understand the guilt and grief she’d been carrying with her. He didn’t exactly forgive her, but at least there was a hint of understanding.

  The war ended, and he walked into his mother’s embrace.

  Chapter 22

  Beth sat at the kitchen table at her mother’s cabin, watching her mother finish cleaning up after one of her famous baking extravaganzas. Her mother was always baking or cooking something, along with running the lodge. She never could figure out how her mother juggled everything so smoothly.

  She didn’t juggle things smoothly. Not in the least. A trait she hadn’t inherited from her mother, though she wished she had.

  She sipped her coffee, trying to get up her nerve to tell her mother why she’d come over.

  Her mother looked at her and laughed. “You might as well just come out and say it.”

  “Say what?” She eyed her mother.

  “Say whatever it is that you’ve been trying to tell me for the last five minutes.”

  “How do you…” Beth shook her head. “Never mind. You always know when I need to talk.”

  “So what is it?”

  She took a deep breath. “Mom, I know I’m letting you down, but I need to withdraw from the race for mayor.”

  “Good.” Her mother set down a hot loaf of homemade bread on a cooling rack.

  “Good?”

  “Yes, good. I’d never stand in your way of anything you wanted to do, you know that. I know you can do anything that you set your mind to. But sometimes… well, you take on a lot. You don’t always know how to say no.”

  Beth sighed. “You’re right. It’s just when I heard James Weaver saying he was running unopposed and I knew that meant it was going to be harder to stop any zoning changes to the lake… Well, I had to do something.”

  “And we will. We’ll try everything we can to keep the lake the way it is. But it doesn’t mean you have to give up your time with the boys. Being a Mom is hard. It means tough choices. And you’ll never regret giving up something so you have more time with them. Kids grow up so quickly.”

  “They do. I still can’t believe they aren’t little toddlers. Connor seems so old sometimes.”

  “But he’s still a young boy who needs his mother.”

  “I know. And I’m busy enough with my teaching job, then helping out here at the lodge during the busy summer season. And I feel like I’m always asking you for help with the boys.”

  “You know I never mind helping you out with them. I love spending time with the boys.”

  “And they love spending time with you. But, honestly? I miss them. I’ve just been so busy with campaigning and making sure I go to this meeting and that meeting.”

  “So, when are you going to officially withdraw?”

  “I guess I’ll head into town now. I really hate to disappoint you, Mom.”

  “You’re not disappointing me.” Her mom sat down beside her and put her hand over Beth’s. “I’m always so proud of you. All that you’ve accomplished. What a wonderful mother you are.”

  “Thanks, Mom.” Beth didn’t know what she’d done to get such a terrific mother, but she was grateful every single day for having her mom in her life. She knew that Sophie missed her mom terribly.

  “Finish up that coffee and go on your way. You’ll feel better after you actually withdraw.” Her mom stood back up. “And don’t worry about me. We’ll find a way to fight any changes to the lake.”

  “I hope so.” She got up and set her cup in the sink. “Okay, I’m doing this now. Before I change my mind.” Not that she was going to change her decision. She was sure she was making the right choice.

  Pretty sure.

  Beth pushed open the door to city hall. She just needed to turn in the letter she’d written stating she was withdrawing from the mayoral race. Hopefully, she could just quickly give it to the secretary and escape back outside without running into anyone. Soon enough everyone would know she was out of the race.

  She walked to the desk and smiled at the woman working there. “I just need to turn in this letter.”

  The woman glanced at the envelope. “To the election committee?”

  “Yes.”

  “Okay, I’ll make sure they get it.”

  “Thank you.” Beth turned around, and much to her dismay, Dobbs was just entering the building.

  “Well, well, Miss Cassidy. What brings you to city hall?”

  “I—” She took a deep breath and looked right at him. “I’m turning in my official letter that I’m withdrawing from the mayoral race.”

  She couldn’t miss the wide grin that spread across Dobbs’s face. “Are you, now?” The grin got wider if that was even possible.

  “Yes. I’m afraid so.”

  “Well, it looks like James Weaver will be our next mayor then. Of course, I was sure he would be anyway, even if you were in the race.”

  Of course, Dobbs thought that. But it didn’t matter now because James would be running unopposed.

  “Of course, we’ll still have the election. Have to give the town the opportunity to show their support for James. And there’s the option for write-in candidates.” Dobbs rubbed his hands together in glee. “I best go find James and tell him the good news.”

  Dobbs spun around and headed out the door.

  Beth stood in the entryway for a moment, unsure of how she felt about everything. Then she straightened her shoulders and pushed back outside. The decision was made. James Weaver would be the next mayor.

  She decided to tell Sophie the news and hurried down the street to the gallery. She waved to Melissa as she entered. Melissa pointed to the back room, and Beth headed that direction.

  “Hey, Soph.”

  Sophie turned at the sound of her voice. “Hey, Beth. What’s up?”

  “How do you know something is up?”

  “You have that I-need-to-talk look on your face.”

  “Man, you and my mother. I can’t hide anything from you two.”

  “So, what gives?” Sophie put down a stack of papers and gave Beth her full attention.

  “So… I just turned in my letter withdrawing from the mayoral race.”

  “Good.”

  Beth laughed. “That’s exactly what my mother said.”

  “Of course she did. You’re trying to be all things to everyone, but you’re just one person. You always sign on to do too much.”

  “Gee, thanks for your support.”

  Sophie laughed and hugged her. “You know what I mean. I’d support you in anything you wanted to do, but in this instance, I’m glad you decided to back off.”

  “I’m still worried about Mom and the lake.”

  “I’m sure Nora will do everything she can to stop Dobbs from pushing through
his zoning change.”

  “But James will be on the zoning committee since he’ll be the mayor, and he does everything Dobbs tells him to. He’s basically a puppet for Dobbs.”

  “Well, we’ll just have to raise more support to stop them. I’ll do everything I can to help.”

  “Thanks.” Beth sank onto a chair. “I just feel like I’m letting Mom down. Letting down everyone who enjoys Lone Elk Lake just like it is.”

  “How long are you going to beat yourself up for making this decision?” Sophie cocked her head to one side and eyed Beth.

  Beth laughed again. “You’re right. The decision is made, and I know it was the right one for the boys and for me.”

  “And that’s the important thing.” Sophie dipped her head in emphasis.

  “So speaking of decisions. What’s up with you and Chase?”

  Sophie sat in the chair across from her. “Well, he came by last night.”

  “And?”

  “And I convinced him to go see his mother.”

  “Really?” Beth eyed her friend.

  “I did. I think he needed to talk to her to find some kind of peace with the whole situation. Maybe hear her side. Or maybe just yell at her for leaving him.” Sophie shrugged.

  “Well, I hope it helps.”

  “Then he said we should talk.”

  “You and him? What about?”

  “The concert… us… I’m just not sure.”

  “High time. You two need to sort it out. You need to tell him how you feel about him.”

  “But I’m not sure I know how I feel about him.”

  Beth shook her head. “Sure you do. You’re just not ready to admit it to yourself yet.” Beth glanced at her watch and stood up. “Well, I better go pick the boys up from after-school sports and let them know they no longer have a chance of being the sons of the mayor of Sweet River Falls.”

  “I bet they’ll be thrilled.”

  “I might even celebrate with them by making homemade pizza.”

  “Good choice.”

  “I’m making lots of good choices these days.” A grin spread across her face. “You should make a good choice about Chase.”