by Suzanne Hart
I could see sparks, there were lights flashing and a loud buzzing noise in my ears as we continued to kiss, and then the sound came into focus in my ears.
“This is the last call for flight 214 to LAX, last call for flight 214, boarding from gate 6…”
Pulling back from one another, reluctantly, we knew we had to race to get on board. A couple of people were ahead of us, and we were going to make it.
“Coach!?” I heard Mikey exclaim, the passion had gone from him, replaced with a childish disbelief. He looked at me, stunned. “Coach?”
“They were the only seats left,” I said, rolling my eyes. I’d never flown coach. “It can’t be that bad,” I said as we shuffled aboard the plane, the door to first class on our left, as the herd in coach awaited us as we were directed to the right. I felt my jaw hanging, and Mikey saw it and began to laugh.
“Oh. It’s that bad… trust me…”
Horrified, I crammed myself into the tiny seat, next to someone who looked like they had a terrible disease. I began to feel the cabin shrinking around me, the urge to scream and run off the plane was mounting. I had to close my eyes and think of Felix to get me to stay calm enough not to cry out.
Mikey squashed past me and settled in the window seat. I couldn’t even get us side by side seats.
“Pardon me, doctor?” A beaming stewardess had caught Mikey’s brilliant blue eyes and was obviously drawn to him. “A seat just become available up in first class, if you’d prefer?” Mikey smiled that smile he gave whenever things just went his way. It was his own way of giving thanks, by sharing with the world how wonderful he looked when he smiled. He stood up to go, then remembering me; screwed up his face, grimacing for the hostess.
“Aww, shoot! I forgot, my secretary is with me today, we’ll need to be talking for the duration of the flight, I’d better stay…” The hostess’ smile vanished; she looked me over, then blushed a little.
“Your… secretary?” The hostess’ eyes went to my ring, then my manicure, then my tan. I was worth half a mill as I was, just with what I was wearing.
“Sure. Ms. Bernardi here.”
“I’ll get two seats ready for you, doctor, right away.” She pushed past some other passengers.
I looked up, catching my favorite view of Mikey’s crotch, then up to his eyes. He just gave a little shrug. Edging past the poor people, we made our way home, up to the first class cabin. The crew was all apologies for the mix-up. It was “Doctor this” and “Doctor that” for some time, right up until we were in the air.
I felt Mikey’s hand slip into mine as the plane began to level out. It looked like we wouldn’t have any turbulence, and I had him all to myself for the rest of the trip. Thank God.
Twenty-One
Mikey
Looking into her eyes, I could see the whole airplane cabin reflected in them. I saw myself too, she had really beautiful eyes, but there was a certain strangeness about them. They shifted from worry and fear, relaxing into relief and then a flood of tears as she listened to my reaction as she told me about her son, Felix.
It didn’t bother me that she had a son, I was surprised, sure. Her body certainly had no evidence of ever having children. I tried to understand why she hadn’t told me, but it really didn’t matter to me. Chicks were weird sometimes. I had another girl a while back, she had kids too. One snuck into the bed in the morning as I was making my way out, and she freaked, but I didn’t mind. Kids are cool. We were all kids once.
Hearing her own story reminded me of how hard it really must’ve been for every kid growing up in a mob family. Thinking family in two ways each time we say it or think it our whole lives. I was proud of her for keeping Felix out of all the Bernardi bullshit. I couldn’t wait to meet him.
“There’s something else though,” she continued, drying her eyes with some of the endless hot towels that seemed to be brought. Being a doctor now, I must have commanded a high level of cleanliness from all the crew.
I put my hand over hers, sensing she really needed the reassurance.
“He… he’s sick…” Then the tears came again and I only got the full story in little sobs and jerks.
I rubbed her back and leaned in close, more so I could actually hear what she was saying. Not a loud cryer, Natalia, who was also embarrassed, I think.
“So how much for a kidney?” I asked with a sly grin. My well-intentioned humor going down like a lead balloon. “Sorry,” I said quickly. “I just figured, y’know, with all the Bernardi money, a kidney might be easy enough to get.”
She creased a smile, her mouth making a straight line, trying to lift her own spirits. “It’s his blood type, it’s so rare…” I felt a sudden thrill inside my own belly.
“Not B Negative by any chance?” I asked, beaming. I felt myself swell with satisfaction, anticipating the answer.
I really am a gift to all women.
She sniffed loudly, sounding like she suddenly had the flu. “How did you guess?”
“I’m a doctor; it’s my business to know these things. Second rarest blood type, they say.” I could hardly contain my laughter. I wanted to scream it out loud, but then I suddenly realized something crucial.
I’d be minus a kidney. Shit!
Giving a girl her oats was one thing, being cool about kids, great. But a whole kidney? I felt myself recoiling, wanting to leave, to make an excuse and find a way out; that was my usual modus operandi when things got serious with the ladies. My staying power extended only to their limit of climaxes, not the picket fence and pancakes that came afterward.
Jesus! Get me off this fucking plane! I’m a doctor!
I had felt my smile, my enthusiasm crumple. Natalia saw it too, and she began to look even more concerned, fretting that she shouldn’t have told me anything. Fearing it was as bad as she had expected and that I wouldn’t be interested in her because she had a son, and a sick one at that.
“I’m sorry, Mikey,” she said, really meaning it. “I shouldn’t offload onto you. It’s bad enough that I made a mess of things for both of us by taking you back to my place…” She drifted off. A cold look came into her misty eyes. I felt her whole energy draw back into herself and lock down, like a drawbridge had been pulled up. She turned and looked out the window.
Sitting in silence, my mind was awash with all the information and how much it had made me confront my own patterns, having nowhere to go. I was even considering faking illness and hiding in the restroom until we landed, then making a run for it. That was the old Mikey, a real screw up.
Looking at Natalia looking away from me, I felt a sting inside me. I felt a hollowness that hadn’t been there minutes before. I ran my hands over my face, then through my hair. I felt a tear in my own eye and a prickly lump in my own throat.
This is how it feels. This is how I made all of them feel. Rejected.
I was reeling at the realization, stunned at how I hadn’t even considered my own actions in the past, too blind to see past my own selfishness, my own egomania. I was frightened to speak, knowing my voice would crack if I did right at that moment. I allowed the silence to lap between us, like cold waves, reminding me that I was truly adrift, a castaway.
I was transported back in time, feeling my mother’s hands on my face, the look in her eyes. Such pride in me. I could smell her; she seemed to fill the first class cabin we were sitting in. I felt embarrassed to be dressed as a doctor. I felt ashamed to be Mikey Leone.
Don’t you cry, Mikey. I’m always proud of you, no matter what you do. I know you’ll do the right thing. Don’t worry about your father, follow your heart. Trust in your heart, my sweet angel…”
I felt something rising up inside of me, something good and powerful. I felt myself about to speak without worry or fear. I took Natalia’s hand and she spun her head quickly, our eyes locking. Reaching over, I gently took her other hand in mine.
“I have the same blood type, Natalia. I’m sorry if I made you feel bad, but I just got scared for a second, when
I realized how much I feel for you. If you need a kidney, if Felix needs a kidney, I’ll give it in a heartbeat. For Felix and for you. I can’t stand to see you unhappy, and I’ve made so many people…”
Our lips were locked; she had flung her arms around my neck. I felt the surge of energy between us both again, a sighting of land, a swell in the wind, and the promise of safe harbor. I always loved it when she held me like that; it was a different kind of thrill. It felt like home.
As soon as she could, Natalia made a call to the hospital. I could hear most of what was being said, sitting so close. The luxury of first class affords every convenience, and the silence and some privacy were the best ones.
It sounded like she was talking to the same doctor who had seen Felix a few days earlier. He was fine, from the car accident. It was a minor crash, but he did have a broken wrist. The driver, Natalia’s aunt, she was hurt, but not too badly. We would make our way straight to the hospital once we landed.
If I ever felt like the third wheel, it was being with Natalia as we entered the hospital. After my first two minutes in the building, I had tossed the doctor’s outfit. A notably bad idea in a place where sick people needed help. We had the runaround, trying to find out where everybody was, but a quick call to Natalia’s doctor, Dr. Harmer, set everything straight and he came to meet us, taking us straight to Felix and Natalia’s Aunt Pippa.
“It’s not too serious, but we’ll keep both of them here overnight,” Harmer said casually as he led us through the gleaming linoleum corridors. The smell of sanitizer and bleach was heavy in the air and it nauseated me, forcing me to recall the horror of my latest murderous episode in a hospital just a few hours before.
“Just through here. They’re in the same room. I thought you might like that.” I saw Harmer’s brow rise on one side, and I knew the look. I felt a pang of something. It was cold and electric, not like how I felt when I was with Natalia, it was the opposite. I felt weakened by it, angered.
Holy Fuck! I’m jealous!
I stifled a laugh, shaking my head gently to myself. I couldn’t believe how fast all this was moving. The urge to cut and run was running at a direct parallel to the drama of the moment, the urgency to be helpful. To be there for Natalia and Felix.
Natalia and Harmer went into the room. I decided to wait in the corridor, out of respect. I sat down on a vinyl-backed chair and ran my hands across my face and hair, stretching out the knots of one of the strangest days of my life so far.
Sitting there, I became aware of the beeping. I’d heard it somewhere else too, just recently. Not in the hospital, but in my own house.
It hit me like a thunderbolt. My selfish little brain had relaxed enough to let some real world filter through. I was glad to be seated, the wind had been knocked out of me and I thought I might get sick right there and then.
Papa. He’s sick. Really sick. How could I not see it?
Hearing the sound, my mind had flashed back to his office as he interrogated me. I hadn’t taken much notice at the time, but there was a huge white curtain separating half of his office from the rest. The sound of the beeping machinery, the sanitized smell, it was identical. There had even been a doctor there for Christ’s sake. How could I not have realized what was going on?
The sound of Natalia’s squeals of relief, joy and self-deprecating brought me back to the present. I heard the voice of a child cry out in mock agony, followed by laughter and Natalia’s voice babying an apology. There was another voice, too.
“Natalia! I’m sorry! I could have killed us both! Stupido! He came… he came out of nowhere… he slammed right into us, like he was aiming right for Felix’s side of the car…” The voice broke off, dampening the energy of relief and joy which moved to sobs of grief and regret. The guilt of what could have been.
I stood up, swooning slightly from being lightheaded. I felt giddy, and panic started to rise and I eyed the exit signs out of reflex. I felt the roll of cash in my pant pocket, the cards I still had but hadn’t used since leaving Miami. I was ready to run again.
“Are you alright, sir?” A tall, leggy nurse with the most beautiful lips I had ever seen had placed one hand gently onto my shoulder. Our eyes locked and I could feel her attraction to me. It was mutual and I felt my dick shift as her eyes traveled down beyond her control, getting a proper view of what I was carrying. A coy smile started to play on her lips.
Oh man!
I opened my mouth to deliver one of a thousand automated one-liners. In a split second, I could see us both in the nearest laundry closet or empty room on her break. I wanted her, but she wanted me way more.
“Problem?” I turned to see Natalia, standing with her arms folded in the doorway. Her own scowl stripping the grin from my face and forcing a blush from Miss too bad, I could’ve eaten you all day and you would have loved it.
What could I say? Old habits die hard? The habits weren’t even old yet.
I felt the sting of Natalia’s hurt as the nurse moved away, back to her rounds. But I also felt the annoyance, the pressure building between us already.
You should’ve run, Mikey.
Twenty-Two
Natalia
After I’d held my son until he got so embarrassed that he asked me to stop, I held Pippa just as hard for just as long. I was beyond relieved that they were both alive and well, and I had feared the worst.
Pippa’s account of them being hit in what she thought was a deliberate ramming had scared me. I was shaken to the core and experiencing a sickening series of waves of relief and joy, then fear and revulsion.
Pippa noticed Mikey out in the hall, sitting down. “Who’s that?” she asked suspiciously, jutting her chin toward the door.
“Just a friend,” I said, failing to sound casual. “He flew out with me from Miami.” He looked soured as I eyed him through the door.
“Friend huh? Just don’t get too clucky, Natalia! Do I need to remind you of what can happen with these male friends?” She jerked her thumb toward Felix’s bed, then immediately apologized for her outburst. She seemed far from her usual self that day. I put it down to the trauma of the accident.
Harmer helped to break the tension which had blanketed the room in a few short seconds. “The police did say the other car sped away from the scene, and several eyewitnesses have confirmed the car you were both in was rammed.” He looked down at his notes then back up to me. He seemed to be in extremely good spirits about something.
“Well, I’m sorry, doctor, I can’t see the silver lining around this,” I said bitterly, showing my anger at his sudden smug look and behavior. He came over to me, putting his hand firmly on my shoulder.
“I’m sorry, I really am,” he beamed. “It’s just… well, I may as well let you all know. We got the tests back and ran them again. It’s highly irregular, but it looks like Felix’s kidneys are responding better than we expected to the initial treatment!”
My jaw dropped and I felt another wave of tears beginning to spill over my lids. “But… but what about the crash?” I asked, dumbfounded.
Harmer was beyond pleased, and he looked like he was ready to break into song. “Everything looks like it’s improving. I can’t explain why. His blood work since the crash is showing a reduced number of the original markers. It’s early, sure, but it’s a great piece of news!”
I felt myself breathe out, sighing away one set of problems as I began to consider the next.
Who would ram Felix while he was in a car? Why? How would they even know who he…
Claridge.
The thought of him sent a chill straight up my spine. I rushed over to Felix and held him even tighter. Stroking his hair, I promised everything would be fine, that the worst was over and we could all go home soon.
I would have to think of something, and fast. I felt they were safe enough in the hospital, but asked if the police would be by at any point to ask more questions. Harmer said they would, and I asked him if they could try and stay as long as possible, it didn�
��t sit right that someone would want to hurt my son. He agreed and promised to tell them. He was looking at me strangely all of a sudden.
“Is there somewhere you have to be? You really just got here,” he remarked, now looking more puzzled. I felt the familiar stab of guilt as I felt torn in several directions.
I need to find out exactly who did this. I can’t sit here and not know.
I put on my professional face for Harmer. “I know, I know! I’ll be back before you know it. I just need to go and organize some finances. I only just flew in and I’d like to get Felix and Pippa some things from home, so they’re more comfortable.” He bought it.
“Of course, I’m sorry. I just got carried away with my own news there for a moment. Please, you take the time to organize whatever you need. They’re both perfectly fine and safe here. You can count on that.”
I was trying to focus on his voice, but was distracted by Mikey’s figure by the doorway. A red hot nurse was standing so close to him, touching his shoulder. I made a fist and marched over to the doorway, folding my arms, trying not to rip that bitch’s hair out.
After I’d seen to her slinking away, back under whatever slut rock she had crawled out from under, I said a long and tearful goodbye to Felix and Pippa. I really did have to go back to the house and get them some things, plus I did have to get to a bank, to the safety deposit box. I had to officially transform myself into Felicia Diamond, for a while anyway.
I had to figure out so much, the last thing I had expected was to feel so jealous at the mere thought of Mikey talking to someone else, but she was way too attractive for my liking. Hell, I would have scissored her myself, in another lifetime.