by Sarah Picson
‘What else did Ellie have to say?’ Moira asked, hot on his heels.
‘We talked a bit about Abi, that’s all.’
‘I see, well I enjoyed having her to stay for dinner on Thursday. She’s good company. We often have a little chat when she’s here.’
‘You do?’ Robert asked.
‘Yes. I think she might be having a few personal problems.’
Robert kept his back to Moira, but his ears pricked up.
‘Really?’
‘Yes. Although I’m not one to pry so I don’t know any details.’
It suddenly occurred to Robert that Ellie might have a boyfriend or even a husband. Why wouldn’t she? She was beautiful and intelligent. He felt an uncomfortable prickling sensation beneath his skin.
‘Ellie’s like a breath of fresh air, don’t you think?’ Moira continued.
‘I don’t know.’
‘You didn’t enjoy her company when she stayed for dinner?’
‘I didn’t say that, but I’m paying her to tutor Abi, not to enjoy her company. It’s a professional relationship.’
‘A professional relationship like the one we have, you mean? After all, you’re paying me too,’ Moira said, her voice becoming cool.
‘That’s different.’
‘Is it? How?’
‘Well, you’re like family now.’
‘If that’s the case, then let me tell you Robert that you need to stop cutting yourself off from everything. Stop punishing yourself.’
Robert thumped two mugs down on the kitchen counter and swung round to meet her gaze.
‘Don’t lecture me,’ he said.
Moira looked him straight in the eye with such compassion that he wanted to curl up into a tight ball on the kitchen floor.
‘It was terrible what happened to Jane, but are you going to let it dictate the rest of your life? You’re wallowing in the past.’
Robert crossed his arms.
‘Moira, you’ve said enough.’
‘For a paid employee, you mean?’
‘You don’t understand,’ he cried.
‘I understand better than you think, Robert, because I can see the situation from the outside whereas you’re stuck blindly in the middle of it.’
‘Enough!’ he thundered, slapping his hand down on the counter. ‘Maybe it is time you moved out and gave us some space.’
With a sharp intake of breath, her lips quivering, Moira pulled herself up to her full height, which was still considerably shorter than Robert.
‘That can be arranged.’
She turned, her heels a crisp click upon the floor as she marched from the kitchen.
Robert groaned.
‘Moira,’ he shouted, but the slam of the front door echoed around the house.
~
After finishing his coffee in gloomy silence, the doorbell rang. Robert opened the door to a man dressed in a smart polo shirt, carrying a toolbox. He flashed Robert a smile.
‘Mr Finch?’ he said, holding out his hand.
‘Yes.’
The man pumped his hand up and down.
‘Dominic Moffit. I’m here about the boiler.’
‘Thanks for coming out at the weekend,’ said Robert, motioning for him to come in.
‘No problem. Just lead the way and I’ll take a look.’
In the utility room, Dominic dropped his toolbox on the floor with a clang.
‘Can I get you a drink?’ Robert asked.
‘Tea. Milk. Two sugars,’ Dominic said, opening up the front of the boiler.
‘What do you think?’ Robert asked, when he returned with his tea.
‘Looks like you’ve got a faulty valve,’ Dominic announced.
‘Can it be fixed?’
‘Sure, I’ve got some spare parts on the van.’
‘Great.’
‘When was the last time you had it serviced?’
‘I don’t know, we’ve only just moved in.’
‘Have you got a service history booklet?’
‘I haven’t come across anything yet.’
Dominic slurped his tea.
‘Think she’ll be due a service soon. Let me know if you want me to do one.’
‘I will.’
‘So, moved here recently then?’ Dominic asked.
‘Yes.’
‘Nice, big house you’ve got here. Family man?’
Robert hesitated.
‘I’ve got a fourteen-year-old daughter.’
‘Let me guess, no hot water for a shower and she’s giving you an earful about it?’
Robert couldn’t help but give a little grin.
‘Something like that.’
‘Girls. Women. They’re all the same, aren’t they?’ Dominic said, with a smirk. ‘My fiancée would be just the same. It would be no end of grief until it got fixed.’
Robert folded his arms.
‘Abi’s not too bad,’ he said.
‘You’ve got to make sure you can’t be walked over, that’s the secret,’ said Dominic, stepping away from the boiler and giving Robert his full attention, a bright intensity shining from his eyes.
‘Right, well I’ll leave you to it then,’ Robert said, a frown knotting up his eyebrows as he backed out of the room.
‘Sure thing,’ Dominic called after him. ‘Thanks for the tea.’
Chapter 17
Ellie knocked on the door, smoothing down the front of her skirt as her eyes darted over to Robert’s car. It was unusual for him to be at home when she arrived for Abi’s tuition session. As she waited on the doorstep, she pulled her phone from her bag to check her messages and groaned. It was dead. She remembered checking it that morning and the battery had been low, but she’d forgotten to charge it while she’d been at work.
Ellie pulled the zip of her coat further up in an effort to keep out the chilly October air and knocked again, wondering why it was taking Abi or Moira so long to answer. When the door finally opened, it was Robert who peered out at her. His glasses sat nestled on top of his head, his shirt was open a few buttons at the top, revealing some curls of dark chest hair and he was barefoot. He held a glass of red wine and at the sight of her, his face creased up in confusion.
‘Hi,’ she said, her eyes searching over his shoulder for Abi as a strange tingle danced about in her stomach.
As she began to step inside, Robert opened the door wider but stayed standing where he was.
‘Didn’t you get my message?’
She paused and shook her head.
‘No.’
‘Abi’s gone bowling with her friends. I sent you a message to cancel tonight.’
‘You did?’
Ellie’s head spun at the news and her heart plummeted; she’d have to go home.
‘I sent the message this morning.’
‘My phone’s out of battery.’
‘Is email a more reliable way to contact you?’
She winced, his practical words piercing her fragile skin like needles. Ellie wondered whether his phone ever ran out of battery and decided it probably didn’t.
‘Yes, maybe,’ Ellie muttered.
As she took a step away from the door, she heard his voice again. It was softer.
‘I wouldn’t normally let Abi go out on a Thursday evening but she insisted on meeting up with her friends. She showed me some of her recent test results and she’s making great progress with you, so I thought it wouldn’t hurt, I mean I’ve been told friends are important to a teenage girl.’ He attempted a grin that Ellie thought looked more like an awkward grimace. ‘I’m sorry, maybe it was the wrong thing to do, we have an arrangement after all.’
‘It’s fine,’ Ellie said. ‘Abi has worked hard and deserves a night off. I’m away next week, so we can start tuition again the week after if that suits you both?’
Robert nodded, his fingers drumming against the door.
‘Where are you going?’
‘Pardon?’
‘Next week. Where are you go
ing?’
‘Uh…’ she said, hesitating. ‘To my mum and dad’s.’
‘Do they live close by?’
‘No. They live down south, so I sometimes go and catch up with them in the school holidays.’
‘I see.’
A soft veil of silence settled over them. The darkness of the night clashed with the bright shards of light spilling out of the house. Ellie turned for her car.
‘I’d better be on my way.’
‘Do you want to stay for a glass of wine?’ Robert blurted out. ‘I’ve just opened a good bottle of red. I mean that’s if you…you don’t have to, of course…’
He trailed off and Ellie looked back at him with wide eyes. There was something ridiculously charming about his stuttering.
‘A glass of wine would be lovely.’
‘Oh, okay,’ Robert replied, a look of mild surprise jumping onto his face as he stepped aside to let her into the house.
As she removed her coat and hung it on a spare peg, like she did every week, the house seemed somewhat different being in it as a social guest. Ellie noticed the ceilings were higher than she’d realised, the hardwood floor she slipped out of her shoes onto was shiny and clean and as she passed by the sideboard in the hallway, with the huge blue vase sitting on top, she found herself peering at it and wondering how expensive it might be.
Ellie followed Robert into a room she hadn’t been in before. Plush sofas and armchairs dominated the perimeter of the large room and there was a TV playing an old movie in the corner. A marble fireplace adorned with photo frames and ornaments sat against the wall at the far end of the room and on a low, oak table in the centre, sat a lonely bottle of red wine.
‘I’ll get another glass,’ Robert said, striding away.
Ellie was unsure where to put herself, but finally decided to perch on the far end of a sofa. The strange jittery feeling in her stomach wouldn’t quieten down as she licked her lips and clasped her hands in her lap. Robert swept back into the room before she could think too hard about it and poured her a generous glass of wine.
‘To Abi’s continuing success in maths,’ he said, holding his glass out to her.
‘She’s a great girl,’ Ellie said, and with a soft clink, touched her glass to his.
Ellie took a sip. The wine was delicious.
‘She’s also getting headstrong,’ Robert continued. ‘She practically bullied me into letting her go bowling tonight.’
Ellie suppressed a small smile as she sank into the comfortable sofa, while he took a seat at the other end.
‘I often have parents approach me, asking how to get their children more motivated to do homework and take school more seriously but their horizons are broadening and their world is getting bigger. It’s an exciting place for them to explore.’
‘She’s been asking for large amounts of money too, is that part of exploring the world?’ Robert asked, with a sigh.
Ellie tilted her head to one side.
‘Asking for money?’
Ellie saw him hesitate, shadows haunting the taut features of his face.
‘It happens every time she goes out with these new friends of hers. She asked me for thirty pounds tonight. It was forty pounds for the cinema the other day. I’m probably out of touch with how much these things cost but it seems far too much.’
‘I see,’ said Ellie, picturing Abi surrounded by Leonie, Rebecca and their little gang at the back of the maths classroom yesterday. Something in the pit of her stomach turned over. ‘Have you asked her what the money is for?’
‘Of course, I have, but she rolls her eyes and tells me I don’t understand how much these things cost. I don’t know, something just doesn’t feel right, she’s never asked me for money like this before.’
‘When was the last time you and Abi went bowling?’
Robert frowned. He gazed into his glass of wine for a few moments before answering.
‘I can’t ever remember taking her. Why?’
‘If she likes bowling, maybe you should take her. She might open up to you about why she’s asking for money.’
Ellie took a large mouthful of wine as Robert pierced her with a stern stare.
‘I took her up to White Willow Lake and look where that got me? She didn’t even get out of the car.’
‘Perhaps it should be something she wants to do.’
Robert’s eyebrows furrowed so deeply that they almost met in the middle. Ellie held her breath, wondering if she’d gone too far.
‘You can be very forthright when you want to be, Miss Saunders,’ he said, in a low voice.
‘Maybe,’ she mused, wondering what it was about Robert that made her feel so comfortable challenging him. ‘Sorry.’
‘Don’t be sorry. It’s good to hear the truth.’
The sincerity with which he spoke these words made her heart skip a beat.
‘I couldn’t agree more,’ she murmured.
‘Well, I appreciate your opinion. Abi has mentioned that you have her maths class eating out of your hand, yet I struggle with one fourteen-year-old!’
He laughed lightly, a laugh that didn’t quite reach his eyes.
‘Oh, I don’t know about eating out of my hand,’ Ellie said, a grin tugging at the corners of her lips. ‘But I try and give them some autonomy. They’re turning into young adults after all.’
‘I feel like I’ve blinked and all of a sudden Abi’s almost a grown up. I knew what I was doing when she was five years old, but I’ve no idea how to talk to her now.’
‘I think spending time with someone is enough sometimes, you don’t even always need to talk.’
She almost laughed out loud at her audacity to give advice like this when her relationship with Dominic was in tatters.
A tinkling of piano music filled the air as a song burst into life on the TV. Ellie tapped her foot to the music: it was one of her favourite Fred Astaire movies.
‘I don’t watch a lot of TV but having the house to myself tonight I thought I’d indulge and do something different,’ Robert said.
‘I’ve watched this film more times than I can remember. I love old movies like this, I used to watch them with my dad when I was a girl.’
‘I did too,’ Robert said. ‘With my dad obviously, not yours. I find them refreshing; there’s no explosions or car chases like in so many of the modern films, they took their time and got it right back then.’
They sat in comfortable silence watching the film and sipping their wine.
‘The cinema in town plays old movies every Tuesday,’ Ellie said, peeking over the rim of her glass at Robert. ‘I haven’t been yet, but I’d love to go one day.’
Robert looked round at her, his eyebrows travelling up his forehead. She felt her heart speed up. Had that sounded like she was inviting him to go to the cinema with her? She put her glass of wine on the coffee table; the room suddenly seemed far too warm and her head was light and fuzzy from drinking on an empty stomach.
‘You don’t like the wine?’ he asked.
‘It’s lovely, but I’m not a big drinker, despite you having plenty of evidence to the contrary.’
A hot flush crept up her neck as he let out a gentle snort of laughter.
‘I’m glad you’re having a decent drink tonight and not one of those strange pink concoctions.’
He stuck his tongue out, it was stained light red.
‘The way I was feeling that night I didn’t care what I was drinking,’ she said, grimacing. ‘Not that it excuses my behaviour.’
‘You don’t need to apologise again.’
Ellie slunk further down the sofa.
‘I’m amazed you didn’t run in the opposite direction when you were introduced to me as a possible tutor for Abi.’
‘The thought did cross my mind,’ he said, his eyes dancing.
Ellie lowered her gaze and crossed and uncrossed her legs several times in an effort to get comfortable.
‘I’d had a pretty terrible day, to be honest. I’
ve been having problems with my…my…’
She struggled to say the word fiancé out loud; she found she didn’t want to.
‘Are you okay?’ Robert asked, concern crinkling the corners of his eyes.
‘I will be. That’s partly why I’m going to see my parents next week, I need a bit of thinking time.’
‘I hope the time away helps.’
‘I hope so too.’ It might have been the wine, the comfortable sofa, those intelligent brown eyes studying her or a combination of all three that compelled her to continue speaking. ‘You think you have your whole life mapped out in front of you but nothing is certain. Everything can change in an instant.’
Robert let out a deep sigh.
‘I know that better than anybody, but a wise woman recently informed me that rather than wallowing in the past, it’s best to accept what has changed and move on.’ He shrugged his shoulders. ‘If only it was that easy.’
Ellie’s gaze instinctively moved to a photograph of the woman who looked like Abi. Her image stared at them from surfaces all around the room.
‘Is that Abi’s mum in the photographs?’ she asked.
It seemed like an eternity before he spoke.
‘Yes,’ he murmured. ‘Her name is Jane.’
‘She’s beautiful,’ Ellie continued, glancing down at the wedding ring on Robert’s finger. ‘I haven’t met your wife yet.’
‘No, you haven’t, she…’
Robert didn’t finish his sentence. He suddenly looked deeply uncertain of himself, a world away from the composed, confident man she’d come to know over recent months. His mouth remained rigidly open, poised to begin talking again, but she watched a storm of emotion rolling across his face as he struggled to find his words.
It was then that Ellie understood. The photographs of Jane that surrounded them, the wedding ring that Robert always wore and Abi’s emotional reaction when Ellie had brought her mum up in conversation. There was only one explanation: Jane was dead.
Ellie recoiled in horror at the thought of what she’d said to Robert that night at the bar. The pain he must feel at losing his wife was much worse than anything she’d been through with Dominic.
She shuffled along the sofa towards him and placed her hand over his, giving it a gentle squeeze. He glanced at her in surprise but didn’t remove his hand. Instead, he turned his hand over and grasped onto hers. It was warm and strong. In that moment, Ellie had a longing to make the pain swimming in his eyes go away. Her heart hammered in her chest as they sat with their eyes locked for what seemed like forever.