by Sarah Picson
A door slammed. Ellie jumped back across the sofa and scrambled to her feet.
‘Thanks for the wine. I had better be going.’
She shot out of the living room and almost collided with Abi, who stared at her with puffy eyes.
‘Miss Saunders?’
‘Hi, Abi.’
‘I thought you were going to ring me for a lift home, Abi,’ Robert said, appearing behind Ellie.
‘I didn’t need one.’
Abi turned and stumbled upstairs and Ellie saw Robert flinch as a door crashed shut a few seconds later; he appeared lost in his own hallway.
Ellie could still feel the pressure of his fingers around hers and embarrassment curled up within her chest. He was the father of one of her students. He was mourning his dead wife. What had she been thinking? She didn’t belong here. She murmured her thanks under her breath again, grappled her coat off the hook and hurtled out of the house without looking back.
Chapter 18
Robert poured himself another glass of wine. His hand, where Ellie had touched it, was still gently pulsating. He wasn’t sure what would have happened if Abi hadn’t come home when she did. Part of him was relieved she’d put a stop to the moment, but a bigger part of him, which he was willing to admit to, felt a shiver of regret.
Ellie had been so close. A few seconds longer and he knew he would have pulled her into his arms. But had he misread the signals?
His hand tightened around his glass. She’d caught him off guard asking about Jane, and the way her kind eyes had searched his, he’d felt a sudden need to open up to her, but his mind had been spinning round in circles, unsure where to begin. Ellie knew she’d unsettled him with her questions and had moved closer to comfort him, that was all. If he’d made a move, it could have been disastrous.
He drained his glass and pushed his hands through his hair. It had been years since he’d held a woman, kissed a woman or even touched a woman. And before tonight he’d lived with that, but Ellie had awoken feelings in him he’d long forgotten, as a light thread of desire quivered through his body.
Yet, Ellie was his daughter’s teacher. They’d had a chat and a glass of wine, that was all. Nothing had happened. Nothing was going to happen. He was a married man, after all.
~
With a grunt of frustration, Robert’s fumbling fingers tried to make sense of his tie. After finishing the bottle of red wine last night, he’d opened another and fallen into bed in the early hours of the morning. Having forgotten to set his alarm, he was now running late for work and to top it all off he seemed to have boulders rattling around in his head.
Moira shuffled into the kitchen wearing fluffy slippers and a dressing gown. She stopped in her tracks when she saw Robert. They hadn’t seen much of each other since their argument and he knew she’d been avoiding him, which wasn’t hard given the long hours he stayed at the office.
‘Morning Robert,’ she said. ‘Your tie is a mess and you’re going to be late for work, but I’ll be gone by the time you get home; I’m moving out this afternoon.’
‘Morning Moira. Yes, I’m aware of the state of my tie and that I’m late, but there was no hurry for you to leave so soon.’ She made a disgruntled noise at the back of her throat as she swept through the kitchen. Robert yanked his tie off in defeat. ‘Moira, I’m sorry about the way I spoke to you. I’m a stubborn idiot sometimes.’
‘Indeed,’ she said, before allowing her face to soften. ‘Well, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m a nosy, interfering old woman who should know better and I probably deserved it.’
They grinned at each other across the kitchen.
‘It’s good to see you,’ he said.
‘I’d like to say the same but you look as if you haven’t slept. Late night in your study?’
‘I wasn’t working last night. I took the evening off and spent it with a few bottles of Châteauneuf-du-Pape.’ He leaned against the wall, finding her familiar motions around the kitchen soothing. ‘Moira, do you think I’m a good father?’
Moira’s head jerked round; the sound of tap water gushing into the kettle the only sound in the kitchen for a few seconds. She turned off the tap and set the kettle down.
‘That’s a big question, Robert.’
‘Do you think I spend enough time with Abi?’ he persisted. ‘Should I be doing more?’
Moira cast her eyes down to the floor.
‘Yes,’ she said, when she finally raised her head.
‘Yes?’
‘In many ways, I think you’re a wonderful father. You work hard to provide for Abi, but you also hide yourself away in your work. I think you could probably be doing more.’
Robert nodded; her words sliced at his skin but she was right.
‘What do you think I should do?’
‘Oh, Robert, you’re the girl’s father. I never had any children, so I’m not an expert, besides I’m working on being less interfering! But what you said before, about spending more time with her, start with that, I’d say.’
‘Do you think she’ll start coming to the clinic with me if I do?’
Moira threw her hands in the air.
‘I don’t know, it’s a long time since I was fourteen, I’m not sure what’s going on in that head of hers. All I know, is that whether you realise it or not, she’s very much like you.’
‘Do you think so?’
‘I do. She’s stubborn and it’s hard to get her to open up,’ Moira explained.
‘Say what’s on your mind, why don’t you, Moira!’ Robert grunted.
‘You asked my opinion,’ she said, waggling a finger in his direction. ‘But this isn’t just about Abi. Do you like it here in Thistleby?’
‘What?’
‘Answer the question.’
Robert thrust his hands in his pockets.
‘Yes.’
Moira gave him a challenging stare, as if he hadn’t answered the question well enough.
‘Good. Then you should try and make some friends. Get some hobbies. It will do you good to have an alternative to work.’
‘I have a hobby. I go cycling.’
‘Cycling is a very solitary pursuit.’
‘Please don’t fuss, I’m fine,’ he said.
‘You do seem fine this morning, I must say,’ she observed. ‘Very relaxed, especially about being late for work. And I notice there are two wine glasses in the sink.’
Robert looked up sharply into Moira’s curious, dancing eyes. She didn’t miss a thing. He wanted to kick himself for not washing the glasses up last night.
‘I’ve got to get to work now,’ he said.
‘I’m sure you do.’
Robert marched out of the kitchen, feeling the warmth of Moira’s wide grin on his back.
On his drive to work, Moira’s words swirled around his head. Maybe he did need more in his life than just his work and his cycling. And then he thought about what Ellie had said last night, about spending time with Abi on her terms and the first thing he did when he arrived at the office was book a day off work during the half-term holiday.
~
The following Wednesday, instead of his suit, Robert enjoyed the unusual luxury of pulling on his jeans and a light jumper, before popping out to the small parade of shops at the end of their road.
By the time Abi trudged downstairs later that morning in her pyjamas, her hair sticking out in all directions, Robert had almost read his newspaper. Spread out before him on the kitchen island was orange juice, coffee, pastries, freshly-baked bread and fruit. Robert grinned as he saw Abi’s eyes widen in astonishment.
‘What are you doing?’ she asked.
‘I’ve got the day off work, I thought we might spend it together.’
‘You never take a day off work.’
Robert’s smile faded a little.
‘Well, I am today.’
There was a long pause as Abi’s eyes ran suspiciously across all the food and drink. Robert folded his paper up.
; ‘We can do whatever you want. You’re in charge today.’
A flicker of surprise stole across her face.
‘Dad, I’ve got my friends coming over.’
‘But I’ve taken the day off work. Can’t you cancel them?’
Abi’s jaw dropped open.
‘I can’t cancel.’
‘We could go for lunch or go bowling, whatever you want. Come on, it will be fun.’
He saw her hesitate for just a second; her face softening. He held his breath.
‘I’m seeing my friends, Dad.’
Abi grabbed a pastry and shot out of the room, leaving Robert alone in front of his morning feast. His shoulders sagged as he threw his newspaper down and he churned through the possibilities of what he could do with his unexpected free day. It didn’t take him long to realise that he would be going to Thistleby Care Clinic, he needed to talk to Jane, to tell her something that he’d been too cowardly to bring up until now.
~
Being mid-week, it was quiet in the communal living area, with few visitors. Sitting opposite Robert, Jane seemed tiny in her large, high-backed chair. Her hair had been swept away from her high cheekbones and tucked back with a clip; she looked younger.
He reached his hand out and it hovered in the space between them, the same hand that had grasped onto Ellie’s last week. He snapped it back and rested it on his knee, his fingers scratching at his trousers.
‘I have an apology to make, Jane.’ He cleared his throat. ‘There’s a woman.’
Robert swallowed and forced himself to look his wife in the eye, even though she wasn’t paying him any attention.
‘She’s Abi’s maths tutor. She’s been coming by the house every Thursday and I didn’t expect it, but I find myself…’ He puffed out a deep breath before continuing. ‘I find myself drawn to her.’
He fidgeted about in his chair, a wave of hot shame pouring over him. He wished Jane would rise up from her chair and slap him, scream at him, anything.
‘I doubt she feels much of anything for me, we didn’t get off to the best start,’ he said. ‘And I know I shouldn’t see her again. I should find someone else to tutor Abi, that’s what I should do…’
He trailed off, his chest constricting into a tight ball at the enormity of what his words might mean.
‘I don’t think I want to disrupt Abi’s tuition though,’ he finished, his voice barely above a whisper.
The thick mantle of guilt that he always wore when visiting her seemed to be crushing him today.
‘I don’t expect you to understand,’ Robert continued. ‘How could you? I know it’s not right, but it’s been seven years, Jane. I don’t know how much longer I can keep going like this. I don’t know how to repair things with Abi. I don’t think I’m happy. Not really. Not that I deserve to be, but…’
He broke off, a sob heaving up and out of his body as he reached across and finally gripped her hand.
‘I’m so sorry,’ Robert cried. ‘For everything.’
~
When Robert arrived home later that morning, he was surprised to find Moira armed with a feather duster in the hallway.
‘I didn’t expect you here today,’ he said.
‘Well, I thought I’d pop in and I’m glad I did, it’s a mess,’ she scolded. ‘I also promised Abi that I’d make lunch for her friends today, but it looks like I was beaten to it. There’s enough food in the kitchen to feed a small army.’
‘A failed attempt at bribery,’ Robert murmured. ‘I took the day off work to spend time with her, but as you can see it hasn’t exactly gone to plan.’
Moira’s eyes crinkled up in sympathy as a shriek of raucous laughter erupted from somewhere within the house. Robert pulled a face.
‘She’s having fun with her friends then?’
‘Yes, it’s nice to hear the house so lively.’
Robert nodded in agreement.
‘How’s the flat?’ he asked. ‘I’m sure we agreed that you’d take the whole week off to get settled in.’
‘Oh, who’s fussing now?’ Moira remarked, with a wave of her feather duster. ‘I’m just checking up on you and Abi, that’s all.’
Robert strolled into the living room to find it had been taken over by five young people. Long limbs were draped over armchairs and sofas, hands grabbed at bowls of crisps and there were empty chocolate wrappers on the floor. The sofa cushions had been chucked around the room and Robert tutted as he noticed one lying abandoned in the grate of the fireplace. Noise blared out from a reality show on the TV and they didn’t notice Robert until he picked up an empty, upturned bowl from the floor and placed it on the coffee table.
‘Hi,’ Abi mumbled, from the sofa.
‘Aren’t you going to introduce me to your friends?’
Abi sighed.
‘Leonie, Rebecca, Travis, Kyle,’ she reeled off, without pausing for breath.
‘Hi everyone,’ he said. ‘Having fun?’
Four pairs of eyes swivelled in his direction.
’Yes, Mr Finch,’ said the girl that Abi had introduced as Leonie, her face lit up with a sugar-sweet smile. ‘We’re having lots of fun.’
Leonie had long, honey-coloured hair and big round eyes, caked in makeup. Robert immediately understood why Abi had suddenly started wearing so much herself lately.
‘Enjoying your week off school?’ he asked.
Unintelligible muttering rippled across the room.
‘Yes, Mr Finch, we are. Thanks for letting us hang out here with Abi today,’ said Leonie, staring boldly up at him.
A loud burp erupted from one of the boys lounging across the sofa and they all dissolved into uncontrollable giggles.
‘Kyle!’ Rebecca screeched. ‘That’s disgusting!’
The blond, curly-haired Kyle beamed in triumph.
‘Abi, I’ve run out of crisps,’ he said, holding out an empty bowl in her direction.
Robert watched as Abi scrambled up from her cross-legged position on the sofa and grabbed the bowl from him.
‘I’ll get you some more, Kyle.’
‘Can’t you get your maid to do it?’ Travis asked.
Abi faltered and shot a quick glance at Robert.
‘Yeh, of course, I’ll just go and talk to her,’ Abi said.
‘Oh, you’re so lucky, Abi,’ Leonie purred.
With a frown, Robert followed his daughter into the kitchen where Moira was humming along to the radio and preparing sandwiches.
‘Moira, we need more crisps,’ Abi stated.
Moira looked up.
‘I’m not sure that’s a good idea, you won’t eat your lunch.’
‘Yes, we will.’
Abi grabbed some crisps from a cupboard and disappeared out of the kitchen in a flash.
‘What do you make of that lot?’ Robert asked.
‘I’m not sure. I’ve heard nothing but laughter since they arrived, but they’re very different to Lana. I liked her; she was a lovely girl.’
‘I agree.’
Nabbing a slice of cheese when Moira’s back was turned, Robert chewed on it thoughtfully. Abi seemed happy; his quiet, shy daughter had a group of friends over to the house already and that had to be a good sign. He decided not to press the matter any further.
Chapter 19
Ellie’s mouth creaked open in a wide yawn as she lurched out of the taxi. Lunch with two of her oldest friends had turned into an afternoon of reminiscing, giggling and too many glasses of wine. With a fuzzy head, she tripped up the path to her mum and dad’s house.
As she reached the door, it swung open immediately and Ellie suspected her mum had been watching out of the window for her.
Anne Saunders was a petite woman, with wide hips and blonde hair that fell in soft waves just below her shoulders. Her viscous perfume enveloped Ellie as she beckoned her inside the house with arms that could direct air traffic.
‘You’re late.’
‘One drink turned into a few more,’ Ellie said, by way of an ex
planation as a hiccup exploded from her mouth.
‘Ellie!’ Her dad grinned as he plodded down the stairs. ‘You look a bit squiffy, young lady.’
‘Squiffy?’ she said, sniggering.
Clive Saunders folded her into his arms, her nose twitching as his soft jumper tickled her face.
‘Let’s have dinner,’ Anne said. ‘If we leave it much longer, the lasagne will be ruined.’
She stalked off into the kitchen.
‘Did you have a good time?’ Clive asked.
‘Yes,’
Clive Saunders wasn’t much taller than his daughter, his clothes drowning his slender frame.
‘Dinner!’ came an irritable call from the kitchen.
Clive shared a guilty look with Ellie.
‘Better get in there,’ he said.
~
Ellie leaned back in her chair and undid the top button of her trousers. She’d had two portions of lasagne and even though she felt more sober, her eyelids were drooping.
‘More?’ her dad asked, picking up the serving spoon.
‘Clive,’ Anne scolded. ‘She wants to be able to fit into her wedding dress!’
Ellie bit her lip. She wondered when talk of the wedding would surface again. To her mum’s credit, she’d been remarkably controlled ever since she’d got here, but she knew it couldn’t last forever. Ellie felt a flutter of guilt. All week, she had been ducking out of the house, meeting up with old friends and avoiding her mum’s questions and suggestions about the wedding.
‘We’ve got one more day before you go home,’ Anne said, placing her knife and fork delicately on her plate. ‘I know you’ve been struggling to organise the wedding all on your own, but with my help we should be able to make some progress tomorrow.’
Ellie sunk further down her chair.
‘I was hoping for a break from all that while I was here actually.’
Anne looked like a woman who had just had a bucket of icy water dumped over her head.