by Sarah Picson
She reached up her hand and clasped the back of his neck, her fingertips crackling with electricity as she traced a line across his shoulder and down his thick, strong arm. Robert made a low, guttural, groan from the back of his throat and his kisses became deeper, his hand clasping hers as if he’d never let go.
And then, almost as quickly as it had started, he tore away and released her gently. Ellie’s heels came down to the pavement, her heart beating like a drum, her blood coursing round her body. No longer did she feel the cold November wind on her cheeks.
Robert stepped backwards, breathing hard.
‘I’m sorry,’ he muttered, shaking his head. ‘That was inappropriate. I shouldn’t have done it.’
Ellie put a hand on her car to steady herself.
‘I’m glad you did,’ she whispered.
He fixed her with that gaze she was beginning to love.
‘You are?’
‘I am.’
He took a step forward, his eyes still aflame. Ellie wondered if he was going to kiss her again. She hoped he would.
‘Thank you for coming tonight,’ he said.
He leaned over and kissed her, the lightest of brushes, tickling her lips. He pulled away and Ellie fumbled in her handbag for her car keys.
‘Good night,’ he said, opening the car door for her.
‘Good night.’
Ellie’s hands were shaking so much that she wondered how she was going to drive home. Robert waved to her and strode back up the street towards the cinema; she watched him in the wing mirror for a few moments while she tried to regain control over her breathing. Soaring sensations fizzed and popped around her body like a bottle of champagne and she placed a finger on her lips, which were still tingling from Robert’s kiss.
But then her head thumped back against the headrest. Fragments of her earlier conversation with Dominic pushing their way into her mind. Was it wise to be jumping into something with Robert when she hadn’t tied up all the loose ends in her toxic relationship with Dominic? He was still in her life after all, even if they were only linked by financial matters.
She gripped the steering wheel; Ellie owed it to Robert to fully extricate herself from her relationship with Dominic before anything else happened between them. She knew it was what she needed to do, even if she didn’t like it.
Chapter 24
Robert drained the last of the coffee from his mug and rubbed his bleary eyes, wondering when the caffeine would kick in. The ringing phones and his colleagues’ chatter buzzed around him like irritating flies.
He hadn’t slept well last night. The thrill of kissing Ellie had gradually faded when he got into bed to face the long hours ahead of him, with only his guilty conscience for company.
He did not regret kissing Ellie. He had wanted to. He had needed to. It had felt like the most natural thing in the world and he hadn’t been disappointed by how good she had felt in his arms. But that hadn’t stopped sharp, quick blades of shame stabbing at his stomach over and over again as Jane’s face, bitter with betrayal, swam before his eyes into the early hours of the morning.
Despite this, he couldn’t seem to stop himself picking up his phone. He knew he shouldn’t, but his fingers were itching to send Ellie a message and he couldn’t seem to control them.
Morning, I hope you’re well. I enjoyed the film last night. Robert.
He deleted it. Too boring!
Hi, hope you slept well. Thanks for a great night. Robert.
He deleted that even quicker and groaned softly to himself. He dropped the phone with a clatter on his desk. He felt like an awkward seventeen-year-old boy again, but he allowed himself a small smile. His seventeen-year-old self would never have swept someone he liked off her feet in the middle of the street like he had done last night.
Carl’s voice rang through the office, providing a welcome distraction.
‘Can I have your attention?’
A nervous energy was making Carl walk much faster than usual.
‘Great news!’ he declared, his hands spreading up to the ceiling. ‘We’ve won the Websters project.’
Wild cheers and whistles broke out around the office, as fists punched the air and everyone shook hands with Carl and clapped him on the back.
‘Drinks on me tonight!’ Carl shouted, with a grin. ‘I’m in the mood for celebrating.’
With a final celebratory shake of his fist, Carl disappeared back down the corridor to his office, with Robert close behind.
‘Carl?’ he said, poking his head into the office.
‘Yes, Robert?’
‘Can I have a word?’
‘You can have more than that,’ Carl said, gesturing for him to come in. ‘If you don’t mind me saying, Robert, you look tired.’
‘I didn’t get much sleep.’
‘Have you got anything you need to talk through?’ Carl asked, lacing his fingers up across his stomach.
‘No, no, I’m fine.’
‘A man’s not an island, Robert. You’ve not been in Thistleby long and my door’s always open.’
‘Thank you, Carl,’ he said, a deep respect welling up in his chest for his boss. It made him even more sure about what he was about to say. ‘Congratulations on winning the Websters Project. Is the offer to head it up still on the table?’
‘Well, you know it is,’ Carl said, an inquisitive light shining from his eyes, like the beam of a torch searching out answers. ‘Don’t keep me waiting! What’s it to be?’
‘I’d love to do it,’ Robert announced.
Carl leaned forward and offered Robert his hand.
‘Am I pleased to hear that,’ he cried, pumping Robert’s hand up and down. ‘What made you decide to go for it in the end? I knew something was holding you back.’
‘I just had to figure out if I could make it work with my family commitments.’
‘And can you?’
‘Yes. I believe I can. In fact, I’ve requested some time off I’d like you to approve. I’m planning to take my daughter away for her birthday.’
‘Approved! I’m all for making sure you get as much play time in as you do work time,’ Carl said, his face creasing into a smile. ‘I don’t stand a chance of breaking ninety on the golf course if I’m in the office all the time, do I?’
‘I guess not.’
Robert’s knowledge about golf was minimal, but Carl ploughed on, showing no inclination to enlighten him.
‘I’m glad you brought up the need to find balance, Robert, because as much as I admire your drive and determination, I think you need to leave the office on time more often.’
‘I plan to start doing just that, Carl,’ Robert said, with a grin.
~
He started that very evening after work, following a procession of his colleagues as they poured down Thistleby High Street and into The Olive Tree. Standing at the bar, Robert thought back to the night he had met Ellie here. He couldn’t believe that the woman he’d considered to be so rude and thoughtless that evening was the same woman he’d kissed so passionately last night. He shook his head to himself in amusement, his pulse quickening at the thought of her lips on his.
‘Three bottles of your finest champagne,’ rang out Carl’s voice.
Cheers rose up from their group, followed by the clink of glasses. A soft glow filled Robert from head to toe as his smiling colleagues toasted him as the project lead and the champagne bottles kept arriving on the bar.
The evening rolled on and Carl showed no signs of putting his wallet away, but Robert eventually managed to slip away. Arriving home to a dark house, he poked his head round Abi’s door to check on her, before rolling into bed with what felt like a keg of champagne sloshing about in his stomach.
~
The mood in the office the next day was subdued. Robert’s headache had nothing to do with his usual migraines, as he slumped over his computer. Everything he did was slow, as if he were dragging himself through treacle, but by the time he left the office, after co
pious mugs of coffee, he was beginning to feel a little more human.
His discomfort melted away completely when he was welcomed home to the sound of Ellie’s soft voice floating out of the dining room.
‘Psst!’
Moira beckoned to him from the kitchen as he hung his coat up. She bustled around the hob, stirring something in a large saucepan.
‘Abi was upset last night when you were out.’
‘Oh?’
‘I couldn’t get it out of her, but she was agitated. She’s clearly worried about something. I made her a hot chocolate and got her to have a warm bath and she calmed down after that, but I thought you should know.’
‘Thank you, Moira. I should have been here to do that, I’m sorry.’
She held a hand up.
‘It’s no problem. It’s good to see you out and about. But there’s something going on with that girl.’
‘I think so too, but I seem to be the last person Abi will open up to,’ Robert said, with a grimace.
‘That’s why I asked Ellie to put some feelers out and see if she can get anything out of her.’
‘You did?’
‘Yes, Abi dotes on her, if she’s going to open up to anyone, it will be Ellie.’
Robert folded his arms.
‘I’d rather you didn’t do that again, Moira.’
‘Do what?’
‘Ask Ellie to intervene. She shouldn’t have to get involved, it’s not her responsibility.’
Moira’s chin rose up.
‘I’m only trying to help. It’s not as if Ellie’s a stranger.’
‘No, she’s not, but she’s Abi’s teacher.’
Moira made a brief, sharp noise at the back of her throat and flared her nostrils.
‘How was Tuesday night?’ she asked.
‘Pardon?’
‘I said, how was Tuesday night?’
A knowing look danced mischievously in her eyes.
‘Moira?’
‘What?’ she exclaimed. ‘Can’t I ask an innocent question? I tell you about my bridge club all the time, why can’t I ask about your trip to the cinema?’
‘It was a good film,’ Robert said, his eyes never leaving Moira’s.
‘Okay,’ she said, shrugging her shoulders.
Robert made himself a drink before making his way towards the dining room as the tuition session was due to end. He came to a halt outside as he heard Elie’s voice.
‘Is everything, okay, Abi? You’ve been very quiet this evening.’
‘Yes,’ muttered Abi.
‘I like to think of myself as your friend as well as your teacher.’
Robert’s heart swelled at her kindness.
‘I know,’ Abi said, so quietly Robert almost missed it.
‘I’m always here if you need someone to talk to, okay?’
‘Thanks.’
‘How was it tonight?’ Robert asked, walking into the room.
Ellie gave him a tight smile.
‘It was fine, Dad,’ Abi said, slipping past him.
‘Moira tells me you were upset last night,’ he said, following her to the bottom of the stairs.
‘I’m fine.’
He bit at the inside of his mouth.
‘Okay, well have you decided where you want to go for your birthday? I’ve booked the time off work.’
Abi turned to him, a faint flicker of guilt in her eyes.
‘No, I haven’t.’
‘Give it some thought. It’s not long now and I want to book it up.’
‘Sure,’ Abi said, sidestepping him and bounding upstairs.
Robert turned on his heel and strode back to the dining room to find it empty. His stomach did a flip as he hurried along the hallway and poked his head into the kitchen.
‘She’s left,’ Moira called. ‘Seemed keen to be on her way.’
Robert bolted for the door and caught himself as he pulled it open, forcing himself to slow down. He could make out Ellie’s profile in her car and the noise of her engine wheezing as it tried to turn over, but stubbornly refusing to start.
He strolled over and knocked on the car window. She sat there staring out of the windscreen for a moment, before rolling the window down.
‘Need any assistance?’ Robert asked.
‘I should have taken it to the garage,’ she moaned. ‘I just haven’t found the time. It started fine earlier.’
‘I’ll get my jump leads.’
Robert pulled his car over and applied the leads; his eyes darting over to Ellie, who remained in her car. He wasn’t sure what he’d been anticipating after their kiss on Tuesday night, but he hadn’t expected this remoteness from her.
After trying the jump leads, it soon became apparent that her car wasn’t going to start any time soon.
‘I don’t think it’s the battery,’ Robert said, leaning in the window. ‘Whatever it is, it needs to go to the garage.’
‘Oh no,’ she said, screwing her face up.
‘Hey, not to worry. I’ll give you a lift home.’
‘You don’t have to do that. I can get a taxi.’
Robert’s mouth went dry at her response and his head told him it would be sensible to let her find her own way home but his heart wouldn’t allow it. He needed to be alone with her, he needed to be close to her again.
‘I want to,’ he said, opening the passenger door of his car for her. ‘It’s no trouble.’
Her features softened and she shot him a grateful look.
The first part of the short journey was spent exchanging polite small talk about the weather and work. Robert was at a loss as she returned his questions with monosyllabic answers, so he tried a subject he knew was close to her heart.
‘Moira told me that she asked you to check in with Abi.’
‘That’s right, but she seems preoccupied with something at the moment, so I didn’t get very far.’
‘No, but you asked, thank you for that.’
Ellie caught his eye for the first time that evening.
‘I’m always here for Abi if she needs me,’ she said. ‘I can’t imagine what it must be like to lose your mum at such a young age; to lose a wife as well. You’ve both been through so much.’
Robert’s hands clenched the steering wheel as Ellie’s words screeched like a siren in his ears.
To lose your mum at such a young age; to lose a wife as well.
He recoiled back in his seat, slowing the car down as the road before him became a blur. Why would Ellie think Jane was dead? His mind flashed back to the pity that had sparkled in Ellie’s eyes that night on his sofa and the comforting hand she’d slipped over his. His stomach lurched as he remembered her questions, and the things he should have told her about Jane, instead of fixating on the softness of Ellie’s skin and the gentle curve of her lips.
Robert’s throat became thick with regret; Ellie had made an assumption that Jane was dead and based on the facts she’d been given, it was a perfectly logical one. Millions of words formed on the tip of his tongue, competing with one another on how best to begin explaining his past to her.
‘Turn here,’ Ellie said, touching his shoulder, as he almost missed the turning for a road off Thistleby High Street.
As he yanked the steering wheel round, the words he’d been meaning to say turned to dust in his mouth under the pressure of her fingers; a ripple of desire shivering through him like a jolt of electricity.
‘This is where you live?’ he asked, peering out as they pulled up outside a narrow, terraced house.
‘No, not exactly. It’s my friend’s house. I’m staying with her for a while.’ Robert tilted his head to one side and studied her guarded expression ‘I’m sorry I haven’t been very friendly this evening.’
‘Is everything okay?’
‘I think so,’ she said, staring down at her lap. ‘It’s complicated.’
‘I hope you enjoyed Tuesday night as much as I did.’
‘Oh, Robert,’ she murmured.
Her h
and found his shoulder again and Robert’s heart raced as he felt the heat of her hand through his shirt.
Reaching across, Robert pulled her gently to him and drank in her sweet taste, as their lips met again. His mouth became bold, travelling across the soft skin of her cheek and down her pale neck. Her uneven breath, tickling his ear, made his body tighten.
Ellie wound her hands round his neck, her fingers getting lost in his hair; the air in the car thick and hot with their ragged breathing. And then her hands were on his chest, pushing him away.
He sat back, licking his lips. Her eyes held a sparkle of excitement and Robert was overjoyed that she seemed to want this as much as he did, but there was something else there too.
‘Robert, I’ve recently come out of a relationship.’
Robert sat quite still as he absorbed this information. He wasn’t entirely surprised; Moira had hinted that Ellie might be in a relationship but it came as a blow. To think of another man in Ellie’s life was inconceivable.
‘A serious relationship?’ he asked, trying to keep his voice steady.
‘It was for a while, yes.’
Robert tried to ignore the fervent clawing in the pit of his stomach.
‘I see.’
‘I need to sort a few things out before I can move on. Things ended quite badly between us and I just need a little time. I hope you can understand.’
Her face was pinched with worry.
‘Can I do anything to help?’
‘Thank you, but this is my problem and I need to deal with it myself.’
The corner of Robert’s eye twinged.
‘I completely understand and I’m not going anywhere.’
‘Thank you, Robert,’ she whispered.
He watched Ellie slip out of his car and let herself into the house, not taking his eyes off her until the door closed.
Robert sank deeper into his seat, feeling hollow in her absence. Now that he’d found her, the last thing he wanted to do was give her a little time.
Robert looked down at his hand and pulled his wedding ring off. His finger felt strange. His ring had been his armour for so long: a reason for women not to approach him and a reason why he shouldn’t approach them. Until now.