Uniting the Souls

by Annabella Michaels

  “I like her too, and Nicholas,” he said. I leaned down and brushed my lips over his before kissing him gently.

  “You have a great family,” Isaac added and I turned to kiss him too.

  We were quiet for several minutes as we listened to the music and watched lightning bugs lighting up the backyard, signaling to each other in the hopes of finding a mate. I was blessed to have found mine because that was exactly what I considered the men in my arms to be. They were my soulmates and I couldn’t imagine my life without them.

  “I love you,” I whispered. They both tensed beside me and my chest felt tight so I took a deep breath then stood up and turned to face them.

  “I’m sorry to just blurt it out like that. I wasn’t trying to shock you or scare you away, but I’ve felt this way for a long time and I just couldn’t hold it in anymore. I am absolutely one hundred percent in love with both of you.” I felt dizzy by the time I finished and I wobbled on my feet. Isaac grabbed my hands and eased me back down beside him.

  “You love us?” he asked incredulously.

  “Yes,” I answered, hoping one of them would say something else and put me out of my misery.

  “I love you both too. It took a while for me to be sure of what it was because I’ve never been in love before, but it is and I do. I love you two with all my heart,” Isaac announced, a glorious smile lighting up his face. I cupped the back of his neck and pulled him in for a kiss, trying to convey with my lips everything I felt for him, but knowing it couldn’t come close.

  We were both smiling when we parted, but our smiles dimmed when we turned to look at Matt who was staring up at the stars. He’d been quiet so far and I knew that he was probably the one that would struggle the most with the change in our relationship. I reached for his hand and was relieved when he let me take it. Isaac stood up and climbed in Matt’s lap, cupping Matt’s face in his hands and forcing him to look at him.

  “It’s okay, Matt. We understand this is hard for you and that you may never feel the same way, but we love you and we’re not going anywhere, right, Hudson?” They both turned their heads and I scooted in closer and wrapped my arms around both of them.

  “That’s right. I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you two and I’m not letting go of that no matter what, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t move at your own pace and do whatever you’re comfortable with,” I told Matt.

  “Thank you,” he said then he swallowed hard. “I have been in love before so I know what it is and I know all the signs. Sean stole my heart as a young boy and he’s held it all these years. I will always love him.”

  “It’s okay,” Isaac said again, but Matt cut him off by placing a finger to his lips.

  “I will always love Sean, but the heart really does have the capacity to love many because I love you both more than I ever thought possible,” Matt said. I tilted my head for a second, not sure I’d heard him correctly, but then I saw the way he was looking at me and I knew it was true.

  We moved in, all three of us sharing a kiss in a way that had become second nature to us. We laughed and whispered things to each other that were only for our ears, caught up in the moment and the euphoria of being in love. I may have been in a small backyard in the middle of Illinois, but right then, I was on top of the world.

  “All I’m saying is that if Aysha is going to continue to see this Drew character then I think we should get to meet him and make sure he’s alright. We don’t need some jerk coming around Nicholas,” Matt stated.

  “God, I love you,” Hudson told him and I smiled.

  It had been a few months since we’d first declared our love, but not a day went by that we didn’t say it to each other and my heart still melted every time I heard the words uttered from my lovers’ lips. It didn’t even matter whether they were saying it to me or to each other because seeing the two of them loving each other affected me the same way. What the two of them felt for each other was just as strong as what I shared with each of them and that was the beauty of our relationship.

  It had been a long day and the three of us were relaxing in Matt’s office while he finished some paperwork. I was stretched out on the couch with my head in Hudson’s lap, luxuriating in the feel of his fingers in my hair and enjoying Matt’s protectiveness when it came to Hudson’s sister and nephew. I had to agree with him though. Since that first night, we’d spent a lot more time with Aysha and Nicholas, and Matt and I had begun to care about them as if they were our own family. We were thrilled that she was dating again, but we were anxious to meet the guy and see for ourselves if he was good enough to be around them.

  A knock sounded at the door and I sat up. Everyone at the center knew we were in a relationship and were happy for us, but we were still careful about PDAs since there were kids around. It was hard at times when all I wanted to do was lay my men out across the nearest desk and have my way with them, but I resisted. I deserve a fucking medal.

  The door opened and Allison popped her head around it. “I’m sorry to bother you guys, I know you were getting ready to leave soon, but we just had a couple of new kids come in. There may be a bit of an issue with one of them though so I thought I better let you know right away.”

  “What kind of issue?” I asked.

  “He’s only eight,” she said.

  I exchanged concerned looks with the other men and then we followed Allison out the door. The boys were sitting on the couch in the lobby area of the building. There was food on the table in front of them and someone had turned the TV on to Nickelodeon. I gave Allison a small smile of thanks and then I turned my attention to Matt who knelt down in front of them and introduced himself in a quiet, soothing voice.

  I’d heard him use that same tone with each new arrival and I knew he did it on purpose to make himself seem less threatening. Matt told me once that most of the kids who came to the center had been hurt in one way or another, often by men and so they would automatically be leery of him. He tried his best to put them at ease and every time I heard it, it made me feel safe just like the first time he’d used it on me.

  The two boys were seated closely together, but as they looked up at Hudson, the youngest scooted in closer to the older boy’s side. The older boy’s eyes never wavered, but his arm curled around the younger boy in a move that was as protective as it was automatic which told me he was used to watching out for the eight-year-old. He also winced when he moved which made me wonder if he was injured and an uneasy feeling began in the pit of my stomach. I was sure that Hudson had seen the boy’s pained expression too because he cursed under his breath. Nothing pissed him off more than someone hurting a child.

  They looked nothing alike so it was difficult to tell if they were related or not. The older of the two had light brown hair that was long in the front and kept falling down over his green eyes. He swept it back to the side nervously and my breath hitched when I caught a glimpse of a narrow gash on his forehead. It was swollen and just beginning to bruise so I knew that it must’ve happened recently. I could tell someone had attempted to clean it, but there were still dark smudges of caked blood along the edges and I clenched my jaw.

  The younger boy was the complete opposite with jet black hair, crystal blue eyes, and dimples along the sides of his mouth that were visible even without smiling. They both were thinner than they should’ve been, but I noticed they hadn’t touched the food that Allison had laid out. They didn’t look dirty so they’d either recently found a place to clean up or they hadn’t been out on their own for long.

  “Will you tell us your names?” Matt asked. The younger boy started to speak, but the older boy cut him off.

  “No names until we know if we can stay here,” he said. “If we’ve got to move on then I don’t want you calling the cops and telling them who we are.”

  “Fair enough. Can you at least tell me how old you are?” Matt asked. The older boy glanced over to the front desk where Allison was on the phone, most likely explaining the situation to C
PS.

  “I already told the lady that I’m fifteen and my brother’s eight.” His eyes held a challenge as he stared back at Matt. “Look, I’ve seen this place on the news when it was being set up. I know it’s for LGBTQA kids to have a safe place they can stay. I’m gay, I promise I am, so will you just let us stay?”

  Hudson took a few steps forward and both pairs of eyes darted in his direction, nervous and untrusting. He halted his steps and then sat down, right on the floor so he’d be on their level. He was trying to make himself look smaller so they wouldn’t be afraid and my heart swelled with love for both of my men and the compassion they were showing.

  “There are more things to consider other than the fact that you’re gay,” Hudson told the boy.

  “Like what? You want to know how our mom beats us?” His voice rose as the words started pouring out of him. “She blames us for our dad leaving so she hits us. She likes to drink a lot too which usually sets her off. Last night was the worst though. She’d been drinking all day and I knew it was going to be bad. I tried to calm her down, but nothing would work, it was like she couldn’t even hear me. She came after my brother and I knew I had to do whatever it took to protect him or she would end up killing him.” His eyes darted around the room, begging us to understand as he continued describing the horrors they’d been through at the hands of their mother.

  The more he talked, the more my hands began to shake. I felt sweat trickle down my spine and my chest felt tight, making it difficult to breathe. I closed my eyes, trying to fight back my nausea, but my stomach continued to churn until I was forced to run from the room.

  I made it to the bathroom just in time as my body tried to rid itself of not only the food I’d eaten that day, but also the painful memories. I wished it were that simple. I wished I could just throw up and purge myself of everything that had happened that terrible night, but I couldn’t. The memories were trapped inside me, burned into my brain.

  I flushed the toilet and then went to the sink, rinsing my mouth out and splashing cold water on my face. I got a paper towel and wiped my face, but tears were running down my face faster than I could catch them. I glanced up and caught my reflection in the mirror. My blue eyes looked wild, frantic, and desperate. Exactly the same as his had looked on that terrible night as he’d stared at me.

  For years, I’d pushed the images of that night to the back of my mind. Each time they tried to creep in, I’d force them back again, telling myself that it wasn’t real or that it had happened to someone other than me. The similarity between the boys’ story and mine had brought it all back though and this time the memories forced their way in, refusing to be ignored.

  I fought. I fought like hell to lock them away one more time, but his face flashed in front of my eyes and I heard his voice as he screamed at me. A tremor shook my body and darkness crept in around the edges of my vision. My legs gave out and I fell to the floor, shaking all over as pitch blackness enveloped me.

  I felt something cool and wet brush across my forehead and I reached up blindly and tried to brush it away. “Shhh, it’s okay, baby. We’re here.” Hudson. A small smile lifted my lips at the sound of his deep baritone voice.

  I felt tired and my body ached, but not the good way it usually did when I was in bed with my lovers. I shifted and wondered immediately why the bed was so hard and cold. I pried my eyes open and found Matt and Hudson leaning over me. Hudson was frowning and Matt had tears in his eyes. It hurt my heart to see him sad so I reached up and wiped his tears away with my thumb. Matt grabbed my hand and pressed his lips to my wrist as he breathed in deeply. He was shaking as if something had scared him and I tried to sit up so I could figure out what was going on.

  Hudson helped me into a sitting position and leaned me against the headboard, only it wasn’t a headboard, it was a wall and I wasn’t in bed, I was sitting on the floor. I glanced around the room and saw that I was in the employee bathroom at work. My forehead wrinkled as I tried to remember how I’d ended up there.

  I sucked in a gasp as everything came flooding back to me; the two young boys, what they’d been through, my own past and those blue eyes, so similar to mine, staring straight into my soul as he screamed at me in a voice I barely recognized.

  “No, no, no, no,” I began to chant as pain swept through me. Hudson grabbed me by the shoulders, speaking to me, but I couldn’t hear him over the rush of blood in my ears. I felt like I was about to be washed away by a tidal wave of emotions so I clutched the front of Hudson’s shirt in my fists, just trying to hold on. I was having trouble breathing and then suddenly, I felt myself being lifted in the air as Hudson swept one arm under my legs and one behind my back and carried me out the door.

  I was barely aware of him walking with me out the front door of the center and tossing his keys to Matt. The car doors slammed and then I was alone with my guys. Hudson held me on his lap with his arms wrapped around me as Matt started the car and began to drive. I sobbed into Hudson’s neck, still clinging on to him and his hand came up to run over my hair as he whispered in my ear. Matt reached over as he drove and laid his hand on my leg. I reached down and grabbed onto him, uniting us all together and letting myself feed off their strength.

  My sobs turned into softer cries, interrupted by occasional hiccups and I allowed myself to drift into an exhausted sleep. Lulled away by the security of having my men so close and the sound of Hudson’s voice in my ear. “We’ve got you, Isaac. We won’t let you go.”

  When I woke again, I was in Hudson’s bed and it was dark. I could hear voices speaking quietly and there was a soft light coming from the living room, just below the loft. My throat felt scratchy and dry and my eyes were swollen from crying so much. I lay still, waiting for the excruciating pain to take over again, but it didn’t. It was still there, but it felt hazy and dull, like it was hovering in the distance, unable to fully touch me. I barely remembered Hudson holding a pill to my lips and telling me to swallow. He’d given me water to wash it down with and then I’d fallen back to sleep.

  I climbed out of bed and made my way to the stairs on wobbly legs. I peered down over the railing and my heart ached at what I saw. Hudson was standing near the balcony doors, his arms wrapped around Matt as he rocked him gently back and forth.

  “When we found him lying there, unconscious on the bathroom floor, I felt so hopeless, Hudson. I love him and it’s killing me to see him in pain, but how can we help if he won’t talk to us?” Matt said quietly.

  “I know, honey. I want to help him too, but this isn’t something we can force him to do. It has to be his decision or we could end up causing more damage,” Hudson told him.

  Guilt slammed into me as I realized how selfish I was being by not putting myself in their shoes. I could only imagine how much it would kill me to see one of them in pain and wanting to help, but having them turn away from me instead. I knew they had heard me crying late at night, but I’d brushed off their questions, telling myself that they might leave me if they knew the truth. I knew in my heart that was a lie though. I knew Matt and Hudson loved me deeply, and I trusted that they would see me through any obstacle.

  The truth of the matter was, I was a coward. I had chosen to hide from my past instead of facing it head-on and dealing with it, and when it all came barreling down, I’d not only been hurt by the crushing weight of it, the two people I loved most in the world had also been hurt.

  “I’m an asshole.” I hadn’t even realized I’d spoken out loud until both men whipped their heads in my direction.

  Seconds later they were racing up the stairs and wrapping themselves around me. I nuzzled my face into Matt’s neck, breathing his familiar scent deep into my lungs. Hudson’s strong chest was pressed against my back and I sighed, cocooned in the warmth and safety of their bodies. That right there was my happy place. The place where the outside world and the demons from my past couldn’t touch me. I’d hidden for long enough though. It was time to get everything out into the open.


  “We need to talk,” I told them, forcing myself out of their comforting embrace. They exchanged a look that was both cautious and hopeful at the same time and nodded.

  We made our way downstairs and Hudson and I each sat down while Matt ran to the kitchen, bringing me back a bottle of water. I gave him a grateful look as I unscrewed the lid and took a long drink. It felt cool and refreshing on my sore throat. I placed the bottle on the coffee table then sat back, staring down at my hands in my lap.

  “I owe you both an apology.” I held my hand up when they looked like they were going to argue. They didn’t look happy, but they allowed me to continue. “I’ve tried so hard over the last several years to forget about my past and for the most part, I was successful. I knew it wasn’t healthy, but what had happened was just too painful to think about, so I didn’t. I hadn’t realized though that I was hurting the two of you by not telling you and allowing you to help, and for that I’m sorry.”

  “You don’t have anything to apologize for,” Hudson said gently. “Everyone deals with pain in their own way.”

  “But you’re not alone anymore. You have both of us and we’ll always be here to listen whenever you’re ready,” Matt added. I gave them a small smile, so thankful to have them in my life.

  “I think I’m ready,” I told them. I reached for their hands and clasped them in my own, folding them in my lap then I took a deep breath.

  “My story is very similar to the one the boys told today.” My eyes widened suddenly and I turned to Matt. He squeezed my hand.

  “They’re being taken care of. Allison finally got them to eat and CPS was on their way to talk to them when we left. I called and told the caseworker that I would take full responsibility for having a child under thirteen at the center and she agreed to let the boys stay there until something can be figured out.” I sagged in relief.