Erema; Or, My Father's Sin

by R. D. Blackmore

  CHAPTER L

  THE PANACEA

  As if my own trouble were not enough, so deeply was I grieved by thissad news that I had a great mind to turn back on my own and fly tofar-off disasters. To do so appeared for the moment a noble thing, andalmost a duty; but now, looking back, I perceive that my instinct wasright when it told me to stay where I was, and see out my own sad storyfirst. And Betsy grew hot at the mere idea of my hankering after amiller's affairs, as she very rudely expressed it. To hear about lordsand ladies, and their crimes and adventures, was lovely; but to dwellupon people of common birth, and in trade, was most unbeseeming. A manwho mended his own mill, and had hands like horn--well, even she was ofbetter blood than that, she hoped.

  Before these large and liberal views had fairly been expounded, MajorHockin arrived, with his mind in such a state that he opened his watchevery second.

  "Erema, I must speak to you alone," he cried; "no, not even you, Mrs.Strouss, if you please. If my ward likes to tell you, why, of course shecan; but nobody shall say that I did. There are things that belong tothe family alone. The most loyal retainers--you know what I mean."

  "General, I was not aware that you belonged to the family. But this way,Sir; this way, if you please. There is lath and plaster to that wall,and a crack in the panel of the door, Sir. But here is a room where Ikeep my jams, with double brick and patent locks, from sweet-toothedlodgers. The 'scutcheon goes over the key-hole, General. Perhaps youwill see to that, while I roll up the carpet outside; and then, if anyretainers come, you will hear their footsteps."

  "Bless the woman, what a temper she has!" whispered the Major, in dreadof her ears. "Is she gone, Erema? She wants discipline."

  "Yes, she is gone," I said, trying to be lightsome; "but you are enoughto frighten any one."

  "So far from that, she has quite frightened me. But never mind suchtrifles. Erema, since I saw you I have discovered, I may almost say,every thing."

  Coming upon me so suddenly, even with all allowance made for the Major'ssanguine opinion of his own deeds, this had such effect upon my flurriedbrain that practice alone enabled me to stand upright and gaze at him.

  "Perhaps you imagined when you placed the matter in my hands, MissCastlewood," he went on, with sharp twinkles from the gables of hiseyes, but soft caresses to his whiskers, "that you would be left in thehands of a man who encouraged a crop of hay under his feet. Never didyou or any body make a greater mistake. That is not my character, MissCastlewood."

  "Why do you call me 'Miss Castlewood' so? You quite make me doubt my ownright to the name."

  Major Hockin looked at me with surprise, which gladdened even more thanit shamed me. Clearly his knowledge of all, as he described it, did notcomprise the disgrace which I feared.

  "You are almost like Mrs. Strouss to-day," he answered, with somecompassion. "What way is the wind? I have often observed that when onefemale shows asperity, nearly all the others do the same. The weatheraffects them more than men, because they know nothing about it. But tocome back--are you prepared to hear what I have got to tell you?"

  I bowed without saying another word. For he should be almost the last ofmankind to give a lecture upon irritation.

  "Very well; you wish me to go on. Perceiving how sadly you were upset bythe result of those interviews, first with Handkin, and then with Goad,after leaving you here I drove at once to the office, studio, place ofbusiness, or whatever you please to call it, of the famous fellow inthe portrait line, whose anagram, private mark, or whatever it is, wasburned into the back of the ivory. Handkin told me the fellow was dead,or, of course, his work would be worth nothing; but the name was carriedon, and the register kept, at a little place somewhere in Soho, where,on the strength of his old repute, they keep up a small trade withinferior hands. I gave them a handsome order for a thing that will neverbe handsome, I fear--my old battered physiognomy. And then I producedthe locket which in some queer state of mind you had given me, and madethem hunt out their old books, and at last discovered the very entry.But to verify it I must go to Paris, where his son is living."

  "Whose son? Lord Castlewood's?"

  "Erema, have you taken leave of your senses? What son has LordCastlewood? The artist's son, to be sure; the son of the man who did thelikeness. Is it the vellum and the stuff upon it that has so upset yourmind? I am glad that you showed it to me, because it would have beenmean to do otherwise. But show it to no one else, my dear, except yourcousin, Lord Castlewood. He has the first right of all to know it,though he will laugh at it as I do. Trumpery of that sort! Let themproduce a certified copy of a register. If they could do that, need theyever have shot that raffish old lord--I beg pardon, my dear--your highlyrespected grandfather? No, no; don't tell me. Nicholas Hockin was neverin any way famous for want of brains, my dear, and he tells you to keepyour pluck up."

  "I never can thank you enough," I replied, "for such inspiritingcounsel. I have been rather miserable all this day. And I have had sucha letter from America!"

  Without my intending any offer of the kind, or having such idea at thefurthest tip of any radius of mind, I found myself under a weight aboutthe waist, like the things the young girls put on now. And this was thearm of the Major, which had been knocked about in some actions, but wasuseful still to let other people know, both in this way and that, whathe thought of them. And now it let me know that he pitied me.

  This kindness from so old a soldier made me partial to him. He had takenan age to understand me, because my father was out of the army almostbefore I was born, and therefore I had no traditions. Also, from wantof drilling, I had been awkward to this officer, and sometimes mutinous,and sometimes a coward. All that, however, he forgave me when he sawme so downhearted; and while I was striving to repress all signs, thequivering of my lips perhaps suggested thoughts of kissing. Whereuponhe kissed my forehead with nice dry lips, and told me not to be at allafraid.

  "How many times have you been brave?" he inquired, to set me counting,knowing from all his own children, perhaps, that nothing stops futiletears and the waste of sobs like prompt arithmetic. "Six, if not seven,times you have displayed considerable valor. Are you going to fallaway through some wretched imagination of your own? Now don't stop toargue--time will not allow it. I have put Cosmopolitan Jack as well uponthe track of Captain Brown. I have not told you half of what I couldtell, and what I am doing; but never mind, never mind; it is better thatyou should not know too much, my dear. Young minds, from their want ofknowledge of the world, are inclined to become uneasy. Now go to bed andsleep soundly, Erema, for we have lots to do to-morrow, and you have hada most worrying day to-day. To-morrow, of course, you must come with meto Paris. You can parleyvoo better than I can."

  However, as it happened, I did nothing of the kind, for when he cameback in the morning, and while he was fidgeting and hurrying me, andvowing that we should lose the tidal train, a letter from Bruntsea wasput into my hand. I saw Mrs. Price's clear writing, followed by goodAunt Mary's crooked lines, and knew that the latter must have receivedit too late to be sent by her messenger. In few words it told me thatif I wished to see my cousin alive, the only chance was to startimmediately.

  Shock and self-reproach and wonder came (as usual) before grief, whichalways means to stay, and waits to get its mourning ready. I loved andrespected my cousin more deeply than any one living, save Uncle Sam; andnow to lose them both at once seemed much too dreadful to be true.There was no time to think. I took the Major's cab, and hurried off toPaddington, leaving him to catch his tidal train.

  Alas! when I got to Castlewood, there was but a house of mourning!Faithful Stixon's eyes were dim, and he pointed upward and said,"Hush!" I entered with great awe, and asked, "How long?" And he said,"Four-and-twenty hours now; and a more peacefuller end was never seen,and to lament was sinful; but he was blessed if he could help it." Itold him, through my tears, that this was greatly to his credit, and hemust not crush fine feelings, which are an honor to our nature. And hesaid that I was mistress now, and
must order him to my liking.

  I asked him to send Mrs. Price to me, if she was not too busy; and heanswered that he believed her to be a very good soul, and handy. And ifhe ever had been thought to speak in a sense disparishing of her, suchthings should not be borne in mind, with great afflictions over us. Mrs.Price, hearing that I was come, already was on her way to me, andnow glanced at the door for Mr. Stixon to depart, in a manner pastmisunderstanding.

  "He gives himself such airs!" she said; "sometimes one would think--butI will not trouble you now with that, Miss Castlewood, or LadyCastlewood--which do you please to be called, miss? They say that thebarony goes on, when there is no more Viscount."

  "I please to be called 'Miss Castlewood,' even if I have any right to becalled that. But don't let us talk of such trifles now. I wish to hearonly of my cousin."

  "Well, you know, ma'am, what a sufferer he has been for years. If everan angel had pains all over, and one leg compulsory of a walking-stick,that angel was his late lordship. He would stand up and look at one, andgive orders in that beautiful silvery voice of his, just as if he waslying on a bed of down. And never a twitch, nor a hitch in his face, norhis words, nor any other part of him. I assure you, miss, that I havebeen quite amazed and overwhelmed with interest while looking at hispoor legs, and thinking--"

  "I can quite enter into it. I have felt the same. But please to come towhat has happened lately."

  "The very thing I was at the point of doing. Then last Sunday, God aloneknows why, the pain did not come on at all. For the first time for sevenyears or more the pain forgot the time-piece. His lordship thought thatthe clock was wrong; but waited with his usual patience, though missingit from the length of custom, instead of being happy. But when itwas come to an hour too late for the proper attack of the enemy, hislordship sent orders for Stixon's boy to take a good horse and ride toPangbourne for a highly respectable lawyer. There was no time to fetchMr. Spines, you see, miss, the proper solicitor, who lives in London.The gentleman from Pangbourne was here by eight o'clock; and then andthere his lordship made his will, to supersede all other wills. He putit more clearly, the lawyer said, than he himself could have put it, butnot, of course, in such legal words, but doubtless far more beautiful.Nobody in the house was forgotten; and the rule of law being, it seems,that those with best cause to remember must not witness, two of thetenants were sent for, and wrote down their names legitimate. And thenhis lordship lay back and smiled, and said, 'I shall have no more pain.'

  "All that night and three days more he slept as sound as a little child,to make up for so many years. We called two doctors in; but they onlywhispered and looked dismal, and told us to have hot water ready at anyhour of the day or night. Nobody loved him as I did, miss, from seeingso much of his troubles and miraculous way of bearing them; and I sat bythe hour and hour, and watched him, trusting no paid nurses.

  "It must have been eight o'clock on Wednesday morning--what is to-day?Oh, Friday--then Thursday morning it must have been, when the cloudsopened up in the east, and the light of the sun was on the window-sill,not glaring or staring, but playing about, with patterns of leavesbetween it; and I went to screen it from his poor white face; but heopened his eyes, as if he had been half awake, half dreaming, and hetried to lift one of his thin, thin hands to tell me not to do it. So Ilet the curtain stay as it was, and crept back, and asked, very softly,'Will your lordship have some breakfast?'

  "He did not seem to comprehend me, but only watched the window; andif ever a blessed face there was, looking toward heaven's glory, hislordship had it, so that I could scarcely keep from sobbing. For I neverhad seen any living body die, but knew that it must be so. He heard mecatching my breath, perhaps, or at any rate he looked at me; and thepoor angel knew that I was a woman; and being full of high respect, ashe always was for females--in spite of the way they had served him--itbecame apparent to his mind that the pearl button of his neck was open,as ordered by the doctors. And he tried to lift his hand to do it; andthen he tried to turn away, but could not manage either. Poor dear! theonly movement he could make was to a better world.

  "Then I drew the sheet across his chest, and he gave me a little smileof thanks, and perhaps he knew whose hand it was. But the look of hiskind soft eyes was flickering--not steady, I mean, miss--but glancingand stopping and going astray, as drops of rain do on the window-glass.But I could not endure to examine him much; at such a holy time I feltthat to watch death was unholy.

  "Perhaps I ought to have rung the bell for others to be present. But hislordship was always shy, you know, miss; and with none of his kindredleft, and no wife to say 'good-by' to him, right or wrong I resolvedalone to see him depart to his everlasting rest. And people may talkabout hirelings, but I think nobody loved him as I did."

  Here Mrs. Price broke fairly down, and I could not help admiring her.To a faithful servant's humility and duty she had added a woman's pureattachment to one more gifted than herself, and ruined for life by herown sex. But she fell away frightened and ashamed beneath my look, as ifI had caught her in sacrilege.

  "Well, miss, we all must come and go," she began again, rather clumsily;"and, good and great as he was, his lordship has left few to mourn forhim. Only the birds and beasts and animals that he was so good to; theywill miss him, if men don't. There came one of his favorite pigeons,white as snow all over, and sat on the sill of the window, and cooed,and arched up its neck for his fingers. And he tried to put his fingersout, but they were ice already. Whether that or something else broughthome his thoughts, who knows, miss? but he seemed to mix the pigeon upwith some of his own experience.

  "'Say that I have forgiven her, if ever she did harm to me,' hewhispered, without moving lips. 'Times and times, when I was young, Iwas not always steady;' and then he seemed to wander in his mind amongold places; and he would have laughed at something if his voice had beensufficient.

  "'Bitter grief and pain shall never come again,' he seemed to breathe,with a calm, soft smile, like a child with its rhyme about the rain whenthe sun breaks out; and sure enough, the sun upon the quilt abovehis heart was shining, as if there could be no more clouds. Then hewhispered a few short words to the Lord, more in the way of thanks thanprayer, and his eyes seemed to close of their own accord, or with somegood spirit soothing them. And when or how his sleep passed from thisworld into the other there was scarcely the flutter of a nerve to show.There he lies, like an image of happiness. Will you come and see him?"

  I followed her to the bedroom, and am very glad that I did so; forit showed me the bliss of a good man's rest, and took away my fear ofdeath.