Blessed Moon: The King's Seer

by L. S Bethel

He felt sick, but also numb. Empty but full of a dark loathsome feeling. Kang-Dae almost couldn’t remember what it was like to not feel uneasy. With every passing day, his trepidation grew and the weight of what was coming was crushing him from the inside out. Food lost all appeal and every moment he was awake was another moment of torment. He didn’t know if he could handle it. He continued to work alongside Serenity, but he didn't dare look at her lest his true feelings be revealed. He shielded himself from her with a wall of indifference. He knew her frustration with him was growing, but he dared not speak to her freely, fearing what he might say. Serenity was not making it easy. Amid the anger he knew she was feeling, she still attempted to rectify things between them. She attempted to converse with him, but he would keep his answers short and detached. She would show up in the midst of his work and offer to help, but he would decline. She had even attempted to engage in physical affections. He quickly excused himself barely able to stop himself from giving in. She'd cornered him one morning before he’d been able to rush out, looking at him with those soft eyes of hers. He could feel himself falling into them. She gave him a sweet smile and offered him a warm good morning.

  “Will you have breakfast with me?” she asked innocently enough though it felt anything but. He made an excuse about having to meet with Yu to talk about the military. She gave a little pout that tugged on his heart. Just as quick as it appeared it was gone replaced by a sensual curve of her mouth. “Can I tell you goodbye?” He wanted so badly to take her in his arms and let her, but his inner turmoil emerged, and he only felt that dark dread inside him when he gazed upon her. He ended up just giving her a terse goodbye before rushing out of the room, ignoring her look of disappointment.

  ***

  They met again that day in the war chamber with the other council members, looking over maps for possible places Katsuo could be keeping his men. Kang-Dae’s plan to get the people involved was working gradually. Reports were coming in from across the land. It was simply a matter of figuring out where to strike. His focus was on the task at hand, but other things were pulling on him. Her presence didn't help. It hurt to even look at her. The men talked amongst themselves giving their perspectives on what should be done. In a moment of weakness, he snuck a peek at her and was instantly filled with longing. She dressed simply in a light blue skirt that touched the floor, and a simple white top with light blue trim on the sleeves all held together with a matching blue sash across her waist. Her hair was up, bound with a white ribbon with white hairpins resting in her tight coils. Jung-Soo stood beside her and the two spoke amongst themselves. There was an easement between them he had been missing with her. It made him both envious and angry. He was in constant unrest, yet she could manage to find comfort elsewhere.

  “Perhaps if we divert this group to the mountainside, we could force them to the west. The province will hold long enough for us to meet their forces,” offered Kyril.

  “We still haven't got an accurate count of how many there are,” Serenity spoke.

  “It will be wise to wait until we have more information before moving,” Jung-Soo said agreeing with Serenity.

  “Maybe-,” Serenity started.

  “In war, there are no maybes,” Kang-Dae snapped. “We move with certainty when we face death. do you understand?” She stared up at him stunned by his harshness. The room was deadly quiet. Jung-Soo frowned at him with judgment in his eyes effectively shaming him for his actions. He could tell Serenity wanted to speak out, scold him for his harsh words, but she held herself back refusing to make a scene in front of the others. Her thoughtfulness in the middle of her rage just made his guilt worse. Once they were dismissed, he didn't return to the chambers, a cowardly attempt to avoid the storm he caused. Instead, he locked himself in his study along with his pain, guilt, and his regrets.

  ***

  “It’s started.”

  Jae-Hwa felt her happiness grow. “Truly. Has he cast her aside?”

  “Patience, it’ll take a bit more to push him that far but judging from his actions today I would say our plan is moving along.”

  Jae-Hwa was surprised. “I did not think to see progress so soon. I thought her hold on him would cause more of a fight.”

  Yoon’s eyes shifted. “Well, you never know the power of suggestion until it is used,” he said vaguely. Jae-Hwa regarded him carefully. He was avoiding her gaze. Was he not telling her something? She dismissed the thought. Whatever it was, it must have been in her best interest and she did not need to know. She was fine with that as long they achieved their goal. If this were to work, all she would be that much closer to becoming the Queen she was always meant to be.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Kang-Dae would not sleep tonight, he knew that. He was not going to try. There was nothing in this world that could fill him with enough ease to allow him the luxury of sleep. Every hour of this day had been tortuous, worse than he could have imagined. He’d been unable to focus or control his conflicting emotions and had unwittingly directed his frustration at Serenity. That had only made things worse in his already restless mind. He was prepared to spend the rest of the night right there in his study but the need to at least check on Serenity was far too great. He just wanted to make sure she was alright, then he could return. As late as it was, he knew she would be sleeping.

  He opened the door to their chambers as quietly as he could. The room was shrouded in darkness. Kang-Dae shut the door carefully not wanting to wake her. As he moved toward the bed, he saw from the corner of his eye that the balcony doors were wide open. He turned slowly until his heart dropped at the sight of Serenity on the balcony. She was only dressed in her night clothes while she stared up at the sky.

  Serenity hadn't heard him come in. She had purposely turned out all the lights, so he would feel safe enough to enter. She'd been out there for a while praying to God for strength, patience, and understanding. Once her temper had cooled, she took the time to try and understand what Kang-Dae was going through. He was clearly in pain. Although it would be easy to just dismiss his behavior as unacceptable and blow up at him, she wanted to ease his hurt not add to it. “Come inside,” Kang-Dae’s voice had the same harshness as earlier. ‘On the other hand,’ she thought to herself.

  “Now.” She tensed up as her irritation rose once more. Serenity took a long slow breath and counted to three before releasing it. Turning to face him she became even more annoyed at the anger on his face. ‘Like he had the right to be mad right now,’ she thought.

  “Is that all you have to say to me?” she demanded starting to care less and less as to why he was behaving this way.

  “Come inside,” he repeated.

  “No.” He had the nerve to reach for her as if he meant to force her inside. She quickly sidestepped him. “I expected something more on the lines of ‘I'm sorry, forgive me,” she stated, almost daring him to say something different. He only moved to grab her again and once again she avoided him.

  “Stop it. I'm sick of this! I'm done trying to make things easier for you. You clearly would rather sulk and mope and treat me like garbage than act like a damn grown-up and face this together.”

  “Together!” He blustered making her jump. “That word should taste bitter on your tongue. How dare you speak about unity when you relish the day you'll be free from me.”

  “That is not true,” Serenity denied clenching her fist at her sides.

  “No? You said over and over how important it was for you to leave, leave this palace, this land, me,” his voice cracked over the word. “You made it clear I was never in your heart the way you were in mine.” His confession tore at her in her anger began to die down. “You plan to just leave me behind and continue your better life in a better land. Maybe you'll find a better man. Someone worth your affections, someone you couldn't bear to say goodbye to no matter the circumstance.” Tears sprang to her eyes as he poured out his feelings. “I was the fool. I thought if you felt even a tiny bit of what I feel for you it might be diffi
cult for you to even consider leaving, but clearly, it's easy for you to dismiss me, us, what we meant to one another.”

  “Easy? Do you think any of this is easy for me? This is the single most horrible and hardest thing I've ever had to do.” He let out a scoff and folded his arms disbelieving. “I essentially had to decide who's suffering I could live with more, theirs or yours. At least you'll know I'm safe. I won’t be alone. I’ll be with the people that love me. My family doesn't have that reassurance. Every moment of happiness I could find here would be tainted with the knowledge that I got it through their pain.”

  “What about my pain? Does it not matter to you?” Kang-Dae shot back.

  “I just wanted to have your memory with me,” she tried to explain, her fury turning to sorrow at every word from him.

  “Is that what you think I need, memories of someone who tossed me aside, cast aside all we had? You think the memory of your smile, your kiss, your heart will be a comfort to me. You just made my hell that much worse.”

  Serenity turned away unable to stomach the pain in his eyes. “I'm sorry,” she cried.

  “What does your sorry do for me? Can I hold it in my arms? Talk to it, feel the warmth of its comfort? You have nothing to offer me but an empty confession and pain,” he raged on.

  Serenity whirled back around, facing him, her eyes red. “Everything you feel, I feel it too. It feels like I’m sick, and it's just getting worse. I walk around here smiling and laughing and working my way through it but inside I feel like I’m dying, knowing the pain I'll cause when I leave. But if I stay, I’ll feel like I'm dying too. Either way, there’s going to be pain. But that’s the burden I have to bear. It’s my hell to endure because I have to go home. I have to.” Kang-Dae stood stiffly not saying anything. He appeared as if he hadn’t heard her until she saw his face fall.

  “I'm sorry,” he said in Xianian, his voice cracking. “I'm so sorry.” The anguish in his tone just made her heartbreak more. She rushed over to him wiping at his tears before they could fall.

  “It's okay. It's okay,” soothed Serenity.

  “I'm sorry.”

  “You don't have to be sorry. None of this is your fault,” she tried to comfort him.

  “No Serenity I-,” she silenced him with a kiss, the taste of her tears on their lips. She pulled away for a second staring into his haunted brown eyes before kissing him again.

  ‘Stop her. Stop this,’ Kang-Dae’s head demanded. His hands were fisted at his sides clenching so tightly his nails almost drew blood. He knew he should pull away, but he couldn’t bring himself to. Pulling away was returning to that darkening abyss of grief and turmoil. Pulling away would be accepting what was going to transpire and what that would mean for her, for him, and for the future. The feel of her soft lips on his was more than a reprieve, it was paradise. How could one trade paradise for hell? He was not that strong. In a last-ditch effort to contain himself, he placed his hands on her shoulders with the intent of pushing her away. But before he could, Serenity’s hands were suddenly in his hair pulling him down deeper into her kiss and he was lost. All the longing, the need, the desire he had for her, all that he purposely attempted to hold back over the course of several days had been unleashed. He couldn't get enough. He kissed her desperately as if she would disappear at any moment. At some point, her knees went weak and he held her up.

  Serenity wondered if this is what the women in romance books meant when they claimed they saw stars. Even though they were under the night sky she knew the stars she was seeing were unrelated. He was kissing her senseless. Thoughts no longer processed. Up, down, none of it mattered at that moment. There was nothing, nothing but them. She was suddenly weightless, as her feet left the ground. She felt the softness of the pallet on her back. The intensity in his gaze was almost too much. He kissed her softly this time, letting his lips linger. He started laying kisses down her cheek, to her throat and collarbone. When his lips dipped even lower to the valley between her breasts she sucked in a breath. He raised his eyes to meet hers, watching her as he placed gentle wet kisses right at the swell of her breast. She couldn't get enough air even though she was outside. Her hands clutched at the padding beneath her as he trailed back up to her throat finding the perfect spot nibbling on it so deliciously, she let out a moan. The sound only spurred him on as he moved to do the same thing on the other side. She began to wonder why she had yet to stop him. This would only make things worse.

  She brought his face back to hers as they stared into each other's eyes, hearts, souls. Serenity hesitated. If she allowed this, if they crossed this line, she knew in her heart she could only survive one night. Just tonight, just this one night to express everything they needed to without the complexity of words. Her hands reached out to grab his shirt, intending to remove it when he suddenly pulled away. Serenity stared up at him confused by his actions. Kang-Dae gently shook his head, making her frown. She was about to question him when he was on her once more, silencing her with his mouth. His hands roamed all over causing her stomach to tighten. She was starting to feel overwhelmed by it all. Every time she thought it was becoming too much, he’d pull away allowing her to breathe just for a second taking the chance to kiss whatever parts of her he could reach. Once she caught her breath, he returned to her to do it all over again. Vaguely she wondered why he wouldn’t go further. The way he was making her feel she’d let him do whatever he wanted but he never stopped kissing her and making her body ache for more of his touch. His hands moved all over her, touching parts of her no one ever had before. When his hand grazed her thigh she almost died on the spot. It could’ve been seconds, minutes, or hours before his kisses started to slow, becoming gentler, lingering ever so sweetly. He slowly lifted his head to stare into her eyes. “Serenghae,” he whispered in her ear, placing a soft kiss on her pulse. She didn’t recognize the word, but she was far too dazed to comprehend anything at the moment. Eventually, he gathered her in his arms holding her close to him. Warm, safe, loved. Serenity felt it all in his embrace as she listened to the beating of his heart. In that moment she could feel it, whether she admitted it or not, this man had her heart. ‘Why does this feel like home,’ was her last thought before she drifted to sleep.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Serenity woke up in their bed under the blanket with strong arms around her. She smiled to herself as she realized he must have carried her over at some time during the night. She looked up and her heart skipped seeing Kang-Dae watching her, his grin making her heart dance. “Morning,” she said shyly in Xianian.

  “Morning,” he replied, his voice sounding deeper than normal or maybe that was just her. “Sleep well?” he asked. She nodded.

  “You?” He nodded as well. Serenity wasn't exactly sure what to say at a moment like this. What do you say after a night like that? “You-,” she began. He raised his eyebrow. “You’re on my side,” she finished suddenly. Kang-Dae looked puzzled until understanding hit him and he let out the sexiest laugh she ever heard. Suddenly she was rolling, when the room stopped spinning, he was staring down at her and she was beneath him.

  “Now you're on my side.” Serenity giggled. He kissed her softly. He was about to do it a second time.

  “We have to get up,” She told him. She did her best not to laugh when he pouted. “The sun's pretty high. I think we overslept,” she explained. He let out a disappointed sigh.

  “Can we at least have breakfast together?” She smiled and nodded. After kissing her above her eye he finally released her. He picked up his robe. “I'll be back,” he said before walking out of the room. Once alone, Serenity covered her face with her hand still reeling over the events of last night. Even though they didn’t go beyond kissing, it was still a wonderfully intimate experience that she was glad she could share with him. It would be a memory she could cherish for the rest of her life.

  ***

  Amoli was sewing up a rip in the Queen's dress. Across from her, the Queen sat at the table, writing. The Queen had
asked for her help in writing personal letters to the King so she could comfort him even when she was gone. Amoli didn't like to think about her Queen and friend leaving. It filled her with such sadness to know not only that the country was losing such a fine queen, but she was also losing her most cherished friend. A part of her understood her Queen's desire to return to the land of her birth. Amoli missed her family as well. They had sent her off, hoping she would have a better life in the capital, not wanting her to be stuck in their small village only hoping to become a bride and nothing more. She missed them every day, but in the end, they knew she was safe, and she knew the same. It was different for her Queen and she understood that, but it didn’t stop her from wanting her to stay. She’d seen the influence she’d had, not just on the King, but the people as well. Her Queen may not have noticed but Amoli did. Her desire to help the people and personally go out to make sure they had what they needed had inspired some of the nobles. Families Amoli had never even seen lift a finger without the help of a servant, were making the effort to go out into the cities and villages and giving aid where they could. Amoli had thought more than once, that perhaps fate had brought her here for a purpose, one beyond what her Queen could see.

  “Do you need help, my Queen?” Amoli asked realizing the Queen had not asked for a translation in a while. She looked to be struggling to find the right words.