by L. S Bethel
“He helped poison our king. He tried to get him to kill you. Will you allow him to get away with that?”
“I swore that if he gave up Kyril I wouldn’t implicate him in that.” Serenity tugged lightly on her necklace. Arezoo and Amoli did not look pleased with that.
“Besides, once I’m gone, Arezoo’s going to arrest him.”
Both women looked up at her with matching puzzled.
“You swore you would not expose him,” Amoli repeated her words back to her.
“For the poisoning,” Serenity clarified. “Arezoo’s going to arrest him for my murder.”
Arezoo’s eye twitched and Amoli gawked at her.
“Murder, my Queen?”
“When I’m gone, the people will want to know what happened to the Queen. Yoon, someone who is well known for hating me, will just so happen to be there when I disappear forever without a trace after he so kindly asked me to accompany him and his daughter. The people would condemn him based on that alone,” Serenity explained to the women shocking them both. “There’s no way in hell I’m going to let him get away with what he did to my husband,” she continued her face hardening.
Arezoo was impressed, the corner of her mouth turning upward slightly. Amoli looked unsure.
“We don’t have much time left. Arezoo I need you to keep an eye on Yoon. Make sure he doesn’t try to make any special arrangements of his own.” Arezoo agreed. With a bow, she took her leave.
“My Queen are you sure about this?” asked Amoli. Things had gotten so much better between her and the King. She would hate to see how her leaving would affect him.
Before Serenity could answer Nasreen announced “Advisor Min!” from the other side of the door. The ladies only had a two-second notice before he came in. His eyes went from both of them to the map still laid out on the table.
“Did you want something?” Serenity asked. Min sighed heavily.
“You have been busy.” Serenity said nothing, just waited for him to get to the point. “I spoke with the King’s scholars. I know you’ve been asking about the next blessed moon.”
“I was curious,” Serenity deflected.
“You are trying to return home.”
Serenity crossed her arms. “Why do you care?” she demanded. “You wanted me gone as soon as I got here. You should be glad to see me go.”
Min shook his head. “I'd hoped you'd prove me wrong about you,” he uttered shaking his head in disappointment that only angered Serenity. What right did he have to judge her? He must have known about Kang-Dae’s deception as well.
“Excuse me?”
“I feared you would bring strife to our King and the land. There were moments I thought I was mistaken. At times you’ve proven yourself to be very competent as queen.” The compliment surprised her. “But your effect on my King still worried me. His attachment to you was dangerous. When he made you his wife my biggest concern was always for him. I was able to overlook many things when I thought you cared for him. But now, I see that my initial assumption was correct.”
Serenity slammed her hand down on the desk, offended and angered at the man's audacity. “You have no idea what I feel or felt. You have no idea what he tried to take from me.”
“He saved you.”
“He trapped me!”
“You would have died.” The news took her voice and her anger, she felt Amoli stiffen at her side. “That was what he kept from you. All those who arrived on the night of the blessed moon, they like you appeared out of nowhere, but unlike you, they were all dead. That was why they considered you a witch. You were the first to survive and that may have only been because Hui was there to revive you. Do you think you'll be so lucky again?” Serenity stood in stunned silence.
“That- that can't be true.”
“Do you think I would make it up? As you said, it would have been a relief to see you gone back then. I am ashamed to admit, a part of me wanted to keep the truth from him, to let him believe otherwise. But I didn't want your blood on my hands.”
Serenity looked away unable to handle his penetrating stare, screaming the truth of his words.
After dropping his bombshell, Min left. Serenity clutched at her necklace. It was all too much to handle. Amoli tried to speak to her but she couldn’t hear anything she said. Once again fate threw a curveball at her and this time, she didn't think she could avoid it.
Chapter Fifty-five
Serenity sat in her study staring into space. She’d sent Amoli away unable to look at the pitying look on her face any longer. She felt like crying but honestly didn't think she had any more tears to shed. What was she supposed to do now? Back at square one with even less hope than before. Could she die trying to get home? Suddenly her dream was starting to make sense. The shadow must have been death. If she had succeeded in returning, she would not have made it back alive which is why she never made it in the dream. Kang-Dae had known all along. He truly had been trying to protect her from herself.
When Kang-Dae first brought up the possibility of things going wrong on her trip she dismissed it. She just assumed she made it here fine, so she could make it back fine but now she recalled the terrible coldness that had seeped inside her and the fact that she'd been unconscious for several days afterward. When she did wake up, she felt drained like the life had been sucked out of her and maybe it had. But she survived right? Couldn't she do it again? Even as she questioned herself, she felt her chances were nonexistent.
Was this what Kang-Dae had struggled with when he found out? Had he gone back and forward on whether to tell her and destroy her hope of returning home? Would she have even believed him? Just thinking about it made her heart lurch with guilt. How horrible she’d been to him, how callous. She thought the worst of him when in actuality he had been doing what he’d done since she'd arrived, protecting her. She recalled the guilt in his eyes and his apology that night under the stars. He looked so tormented. It had hurt him to lie to her. Even when she suffered due to his lie, he had suffered along with her. That night she thought she would go home he looked so ashamed. She imagined it must have been so difficult for him. A man of such honor having to deceive someone they cared about in such a way. It explained the distant look in his eyes that was always present. Even when they’d been on good terms, and every moment for her felt precious and memorable he always looked as though he wasn’t worthy of it or her. He faced it all alone for her and the idea of it tore her heart.
***
Kang-Dae sat on his throne speaking to what was left of his counsel. With the death of Kyril, he felt things needed to be talked through. He needed to be more diligent about who he kept around. He needed to know who was actually here for the kingdom and who was here for themselves. There had been too much betrayal, selfishness, and unknown grudges. This couldn't happen again. The doors burst open and his Queen came in. He sat up straighter as she walked in with purpose.
“Leave!” she shot it with such a commanding voice his counsel only hesitated for a moment before filing out one by one. After they were alone, she climbed up the steps towards him. She looked distraught and he became fearful that something awful might have happened. She stopped in front of him her eyes brimming with unshed tears.
He wanted to ask what was wrong, but before he could even say a word, she was climbing into his lap kissing him almost desperately. He was stunned, unable to react fast enough. He could taste the tears on her lips as she practically devoured him. It was like she was trying to climb into him. He broke free and grabbed her face in his hands. Her eyes were wild yet pleading. She was out of breath, but she was still determined for more. She leaned in again this time going for his throat. Kang-Dae bit back a moan. A million questions circled in his mind but all he could focus on was her soft lips. Feeling her shift on top of him his eyes widened seeing her attempt to remove her overlay. Pulling back, he stopped her. She released a frustrated whimper. “Serenity,” he said softly. Raising her eyes to his. Her chin quivered and she released a
sob. Kang-Dae took her in his arms as she cried.
Serenity slowly came to her senses. She knew she probably should get up, but her legs had fallen asleep. In light of her actions, she now felt embarrassed over her wanton behavior. It was hard to even meet his eyes because she wanted to hide. She felt the need to explain herself just a little. “I,” She began not sure how to explain what it got into her. He cut her off with a soft kiss. He stared at her with loving and gentle eyes. She intended to finally put everything in the open, to talk about what he'd done and what she learned. But when she saw him, she became so overcome with everything she could not find the words. Her body acted on its own accord.
He helped her stand and awkwardly resituated her clothes not speaking or attempting to make sense of what had just happened.
***
Serenity's eyes stared at the walls in the dark room. Sleep alluded her that night. She was too filled with heavy thoughts. She clung to Kang-Dae’s arm around her. Serenity started to imagine a life with him, something she’d been too afraid to do before. With the chances of her returning home seemingly dashed once again, she felt she had to open herself up to the possibility. If she allowed herself to truly give up what would she be gaining? She could almost see it. Sitting by his side, running the kingdom together, supporting one another. Doing work in the city, maybe even teaching again. She imagined mornings with him, awakening in his arms each day, the gift of a gentle kiss every time she opened her eyes. She thought of playing games with Amoli and her long talks with Jung-Soo. She even dared to imagine a child. She could almost see her running through the halls with laughter as Kang-Dae chased her. A beautiful child with her curls and her father's eyes. The vision became too much, and she stopped. It all sounded nice, blissful even, but she couldn't forget that it came with a heavy price, the price of her family's peace of mind, the price of never seeing them again. If she truly gave in now, she was giving up on them. Would she be giving in to fear if she didn't even try to return? God had protected her the first time. Was she choosing to believe he wouldn't do it again? Or was she being too optimistic? Was this where she was meant to be? Or maybe this was a test of her conviction and faith.
How could she live happily knowing home was at her fingertips, but she had been too scared to try? Didn't she owe it to her family to do anything and everything possible to make it back to them? Wouldn't it be selfish to move on? Those thoughts played through her mind all night. She needed guidance, someone to talk to. But she knew those she would want to go to would only tell her to stay. They’d encourage that part of herself that wanted the life she’d envisioned. They didn't understand what she would be giving up, the heartache she could cause. No, there was no happiness to be had here if she didn't try. Making her decision, she felt no relief or excitement. Instead, that overwhelming grief she’d had the night she’d thought her family was lost to her forever had returned only now it was for her new family.
Chapter Fifty-Six
When Serenity revealed to Amoli she still intended to go home, the woman couldn’t believe it. “You still mean to go through with it?” Serenity nodded.
“I have to.”
“No, you don’t. My Queen, what can you achieve by throwing away your life so carelessly?” Serenity had never heard Amoli’s voice so strong.
“I’m not.”
“You heard what Min said,” Amoli brought up. Serenity let out a sigh.
“I heard what a bunch of superstitious men told him.”
“It was those same superstitious men who told you about the moon, and you believed that.” Serenity didn’t have a response to that. “Maybe you need to consider-,” Amoli began.
“No.”
“My Queen,” pleaded Amoli.
“I’m going home. It’s going to work this time.”
“Did you have a vision?” Amoli asked. Serenity's eyes shifted as that dream resurfaced once more. The memory of that shadow making her shudder.
“It doesn’t matter.”
“What did you see?” Amoli demanded.
“It’s going to work this time,” repeated Serenity.
“If your dreams are trying to warn you from making a mistake you have to heed them.”
“I didn’t dream anything,” she lied, but Amoli wasn’t buying it.
“I know you want to be with your family. I know how important it is for you to have them know you are safe. But if given the choice to have you here and alive or with them and dead, you know what they would choose.” Serenity did not want to hear Amoli voicing the very things she spent all night suppressing. Of course, all of Amoli’s concerns were valid, but if she let them back in, the fear would return, along with the doubts and she couldn’t afford that. She couldn’t falter on this.
She placed her hands on Amoli’s shoulders. “I know it’s hard for you to understand this. But I need you to trust me. This is going to work. I know it.” Amoli searched her eyes, trying to find anything that suggested she would not go through with it. Finding nothing, pulled away from Serenity.
“I will not help lead you to your death!” she shouted storming out of the room.
That anxiousness returned. Serenity hated to see Amoli so angry with her but there was nothing she could say to comfort her. This was something she had to do.
Chapter Fifty-Seven
Kang-Dae was alone in their bed. The sun was up but it didn't feel too late. He knew he’d fallen asleep wrapped around Serenity. He sat up to find her just as she came strolling into the room with a tray in her hands. A servant was behind her with another. They set the trays down and Serenity thanked her for her help. When she noticed he was awake her smile made his heart skip. She sent the servant on her way before rushing back to bed practically jumping in, making him laugh. She kissed him softly. “Good morning,” she said in Xianian. He returned the kiss and the greeting.
“Why are you up so early?” he asked.
“I wanted to get things ready.”
“Ready for what?”
“We're playing hooky today.”
“Hoo-key?” She quickly explained the tradition in her land where young people would avoid studies and responsibilities for a day without their parents’ knowledge. It sounded like something he would have loved to participate in when he was young. “Why today?”
“Because I think you deserve a break and we should take some time for us,” she said with conviction. Kang-Dae thought about it. He knew there were many things they could be doing but like always he couldn't deny her.
Their day started with breakfast which she gingerly fed him in bed. She doted on him and fed him from chopsticks and her fingers which he couldn't help nipping at lovingly making her laugh. Once breakfast was done, she read to him as he lay on her lap holding her hand to his chest. Her reading had become much better. There was less hesitation now, and her pronunciations were like a native Xianian. Later they went riding, enjoying a leisurely trot around the palace walls. They even had a race that he easily won, to her annoyance. He had teased her, laughing at her pout but he kissed it away. They enjoyed lunch in the garden with his mother. He enjoyed seeing the two interacting, talking like mother and daughter. He could have done without the moments when they both turned on him, brought up supposedly bad habits he had, and talked amongst themselves about him like he wasn't there.
Following that, they played a game in their chambers which she won, and spent several minutes mercilessly teasing him for his loss and his surprising lack of skills. They ate dinner on the balcony under the stars in a comfortable silence giving one another soft and loving smiles the entire time. He realized at that moment everything he'd eating that day had been his favorite foods. She must have purposely requested and picked every meal. He felt grateful, grateful for her. Her bright smile and happy behavior made him feel happy. They lay together under the stars. To his surprise, she began to sing. Her voice was so soft and soothing. He of course didn't recognize the song, but it didn't matter. The day had been so perfect it was like a
dream. He couldn't help thinking wishing this would be their future. He even conjured up an image of her heavy with his child one day. He wanted that with her, but he knew he couldn’t have it unless he told her the truth. After the Kyril incident, he’d put it off, unable to deal with her possible hatred of him on top of losing Kyril. Now he knew had to come clean and pray she would not hate him.
“Serenity,” he called out. She turned to him. He swallowed, trying to work up the courage to speak. “There’s something you need to know.” If he looked at her, he didn’t think he could get through it, so he kept his eyes on her necklace, focusing on the small purple flower inside. “That night, when you tried to return home, I-,”