I'm All Yours

by Madhumitha Lakshamanan

  My instant reaction was to push him away slowly without hurting his feelings.

  "What are you doing in Bangalore?? Why didn't you tell me about it?" he ranted.

  "I just came today for my cousin's marriage.” I smiled to mask my lie. "I am actually getting late! Can we meet later?" I asked.

  "Yea sure! When are we going to meet again?" he sounded excited.

  "Will text you!" I said, knowing I wouldn’t.

  "Okay! Carry on! Have fun!"

  Just when I was about to thank God it was over, I heard him again. "I am sorry, but I have something for you."

  He started to rummage into his shopping bags and after few seconds of waiting he took out a keychain. It was a girl with a flower in one hand and the other hand having half of a heart. It looked incomplete.

  "You like it?" he asked, his voice dripping with eagerness.

  I didn't want to hurt him by rejecting this and the keychain was nice except for the incomplete heart.

  "Of course! Thank you so much!" I said, trying to be enthusiastic about it.

  "I am so glad you like it!" He beamed.

  I smiled, keeping the keychain in my purse.

  "Okay, then! Will see you soon! Bye!"

  "Bye" I said, waving and he left.

  ***

  My day with Ashika was amazing! We gosspied, ate, tried on outfits and so much more. And I boguht some decent sweat pants and t-shirts for the night!

  By the time we were done, it was almost evening.

  The travel back to the hotel was tiring and it almost took two and a half hours. But, the climate made it up. It was incredible. The mornings being warm and nice and evenings being cool and breezy with occasional showers, made Bangalore a heavenly place.

  The suite was already unlocked with the card inserted. So, Gautham was back. I rang the bell, hoping he would be back to his normal mode.

  In a few seconds, he opened the door. He was in the same dress that I saw him in when he left. He still hadn't changed. He had a frown on his face, clearly showing that his mood was even worse.

  He glared at me. What was his problem? Why was he acting so weird?

  "Give me a pillow, I will sleep in the corridor" I said, hoping he would allow me inside the suite.

  It looked like he got the signal, because he quickly moved.

  He closed the door behind me and still I felt him staring at me as I walked to the bedroom.

  "Where were you?" he asked, folding his arms across his chest, leaning on the door frame.

  "Like you care!" I muttered under my breath.

  "You are right, I actually don't care!" he said.

  Without prolonging this awkward and hurtful talk, I rushed to the restroom.

  Tears stung my eyes. Why was I crying? I should have known he was never going to change!

  Stop it, Shakthi! Crying will just cause a headache! Relax!!

  I had a long hot shower and changed into my sweatpants and a t-shirt which had a zip at the back.

  I lazily settled on one end of the couch, making myself comfortable and switched on the huge plasma TV.

  I was really tired with all the roaming and not a single show on the television caught my interest. I just kept shuffling the channels, sighing heavily. This so called honeymoon was boring.

  Gautham was on the other side of the couch, working on his laptop.

  Unconsciously, I just kept surfing through the channels, thinking about what made him react like this suddenly.

  "Settle with one channel or switch off the television!" he said.

  Before I could bite back with an equally harsh response, his phone rang.

  He picked up his phone and went to the bedroom and I continued flipping the channels again.

  "We are going out and I want you to get dressed" He said as he shut his laptop, standing in front of me, blocking the TV so that he can have my full attention on his words.

  "I am not going anywhere with you" I retorted.

  "Shakthi, stop being difficult and get dressed up. We are leaving in twenty minute!" he said in a dangerously angry voice.

  "Which part of 'I don't want to go' did you not understand??" I cried out, standing up from the couch. This was the limit! He can't treat me like a puppy, going behind him, wagging my tail!

  "Get dressed or else I will have to dress you up!" he threatened.

  "You've got to be kidding me!" I said, totally ignoring what he said and turned to leave.

  He pulled me towards him and in one swift movement, his other hand removed the zip of my top.

  Chapter 33-What do I feel for him?

  Shakthi's POV

  He pulled me towards him and in one swift movement, his other hand removed the zip of my top.

  I shrieked, holding the front side of my t-shirt to prevent it from falling "Gautham, stop!!" I yelled again, but his hands were now moving towards my sweatpants.

  "Okay! I will go with you!" I agreed in a flash, wanting to save myself of the embarrassment.

  "Good! Be quick!" He smirked, loosening his grip and I used the chance to zip up my t-shirt again.

  "Where are we going? I am just asking so that I can dress accordingly!" I said, justifying my question as well.

  "Just a movie and a dinner with friends," he replied and left to answer another phone.

  I sighed and got dressed in a knee length, wrap around skirt and a pale yellow sleeveless silk blouse to match.

  When we reached the theatre, we saw four of them standing near the ticket counter, waving at Gautham.

  But, only the two men waved and not the women. Each girl held her man's arm and it was evident that they were couples with how closely they held on to each other.

  But, Gautham and I were walking like strangers.

  Both the guys hugged Gautham and now their eyes were on me.

  "Who is this, you have with you?" the taller man asked.

  "She is Shakthi, my wife," he said and both of them exchanged a look of shock.

  "Hi Shakthi! I am Sharad and this is my wife Aqueela," the taller guy said and I smiled.

  "And I am Chirag," the other guy introduced himself and suddenly, the girl elbowed Chirag signaling that he had forgotten to introduce her.

  "Ow! Sorry! She's my fiancé Vidya," he said proudly, holding her by her waist, looking into her eyes and she gave him a sweet smile. It was really heartening to see a couple so much in love.

  "Hi." She put her hand forward and I gladly shook it. She was sweet.

  After a few minutes of talking and getting to know his friends, and with Gautham completely avoiding me, it was time for the show to start and so we went into the cinema hall that had been booked.

  Both Chirag and Sharad sat with their girls on their sides leaving me no option, but to sit next to Gautham.

  The titles started and to my shock the movie was Bombay Velvet and I was literally drooling over Ranbir Kapoor throughout. He was one of my favorites. The movie was just okay-ish, but Ranbir Kapoor was totally worth the tickets.

  After our movie we headed to the restaurant for our food. I was famished, considering the fact, that I had a long day. I eagerly picked up the menu card to place my orders, but before I could even have a good look at the menu, I heard Gautham placing the orders on my behalf as well.

  It was fine that he had placed the order on my behalf, but he knew that any dish with fish puts me off and every dish he ordered had fish in it.

  His behavior was just too weird today. Even while watching the movie, accidentally I had placed my hand on the arm rest where he had placed his hand, and he quickly withdrew his hand, making me feel like as if touching him was a crime.

  I let go of it and tried not to take it to heart, but his behavior made that task a little tough for me.

  The guys started to talk about old times and how they enjoyed every bit of it. My heart warmed at the sight of Gautham actually laughing his heart out.

  "So, when did you guys get married?" Aqueela asked me, from across the table.
<
br />   "Two months back" I said, smiling.

  "Whoa! So where did you guys go for your honeymoon?" Aqueela asked curiously.

  "Manali," I lied.

  "Wow! How romantic!" Aqueela squealed.

  "So when are you both getting married?" I asked Vidya.

  "In four days and I just can't wait!"

  "Wow." I really hope they have a wonderful married life unlike me and Gautham.

  "You and Gautham should come!" she offered.

  "Of course, we will," I said and I didn't know why. I had this feeling, we would surely go and Gautham would definitely force me if I refuse.

  Just then, our orders arrived.

  The smell of fish was making my stomach twist and I already started feel like throwing up..

  With great effort I ate the food, hoping that this day couldn’t get worse.

  ***

  I was totally spent as I lazily sat on the bed.

  I had this feeling of nausea. It must be the fish! If this was going to prolong, I know for sure that I would surely end up puking. I got up and started to jump furiously and trust me, this was what my mom made me do when I felt like throwing up when I was young. I know it's a bit funny, but it really works.

  Gautham who was busy texting someone, gave me a -what the hell are you doing? look.

  I ignored him and continued jumping.

  The bile started to rise up and I rushed to the toilet.

  I started to puke. After emptying the contents of my stomach, I rinsed my mouth and washed my face. My head started to ache.

  I had no energy. I made my way to the bed, laid down and closed my eyes.

  "Eat this," I heard him command me again.

  "I won't." I felt my words come out in a whisper.

  I felt his strong arms hold me by my shoulders and make me sit up on the bed.

  "What do you want?"

  He didn't reply, but simply took the glass of milk which was placed on the table and made me drink it.

  Then he handed me a glass of water along with the tablet. "Take this, it will make you feel better," he said.

  I took the tablet.

  "Feeling better?" he asked, sounding worried. My anger started to boil.

  "There is no point in wounding someone and then applying the medicine as well."

  A flash of guilt crossed his features, but he quickly masked it with anger and walked away.

  What was his problem? Why was he behaving like this? He was normal till yesterday night!

  Yesterday night, oh shit!

  Did the rejection make him act like this? Was he hurt? He was behaving distant! This was it! It was my fault entirely. I should have stopped him saying, I wasn't ready for sex. Instead, I just pushed him off.

  Shakthi, you screwed it up! I needed to apologize right now!

  I managed to get up and go to the hall where he was watching some news program.

  He was seated lazily on the couch with his right hand holding the remote and his left hand resting behind his head and his foot tapping the floor gently. He looked simply mouthwatering even when he doesn't try...

  "I am sorry Gautham."

  I felt the TV being muted and he stood up from his place and approached me.

  "You should be resting," he said, holding my shoulders and forcing me to the bed. But, I stood rooted to the spot.

  "Not until we clear things between us," I retaliated.

  "Everything is fine between us, Shakthi! You really need to sleep."

  "No, Gautham! Nothing is fine between us! You are being distant."

  "I am perfectly normal with you! You are just imagining it! You should really sleep."

  "Yea right! Then why did you leave me alone and go this morning? Why did you keep snapping at me the entire time? Why did you behave like a stranger in front of your friends? Why did you order that stupid fish even after knowing that I hate it? And yet you say I am imagining all this?"

  His adam's apple bobbed. He was becoming apprehensive. I was able to feel the tension that gripped him. He quickly turned away and his hand kept brushing through his hair messily.

  I went and stood in front of him again, making him face me.

  "Gautham! Please! I am sorry! I know that you are hurt because of me! I am sorry! I really am! I shouldn't have pushed you off like that last night! But, I am really not ready for-"

  He silenced me by placing his finger on my lips. "Shh! Not a word! I know that you aren't ready for sex! But, why are you feeling sorry about it? It should be me! Just because I was lost in the heat of the moment and wanted sex it doesn't mean that even you should feel the same way about it and give in to my desires! Even you have your boundaries and I respect it! I felt really guilty of forcing myself on you-"

  "No! You didn't force yourself on me, even I-"

  "I could have stopped it, but I didn't. I felt really guilty and that was why I wanted to maintain some distance with you so that you can have your own private space! I thought if I create some distance between us we can have some time to think about our relationship! I never was mad at you for pushing me off yesterday! I was angry at my own self that I brought you to a situation where you had to push me off.”

  Chapter 34-Maintaining Distance

  Shakthi's POV

  I was left dumb founded. What was he saying? I thought that I had hurt him, but the whole time he was thinking, he had hurt me? How could I be so selfish?? What did I do to deserve such a gem of a man in my life?

  An unknown feeling, something more than respect, something more than lust, something more than concern and care, something that I never experienced, a feeling that I wasn't able to define, grew for him in my heart. I could trust him with my life! We hear about marital rapes and abuse every day, yet here was Gautham allowing me to take my own time!

  I knew that men cannot control themselves when they are sexually charged up, but for Gautham, it would have taken so much for him to process the whole thing when I pushed him off! Even after that, he respected my choices and my personal space.

  "Why are you crying?" he asked, holding my face securely in his large hands.

  I quickly wiped my tears. "Sorry!" I said.

  "I am sorry!" he said, making me powerless.

  "Just remember that I will never touch you until you ask for it, yourself," he said with utmost sincerity, which reflected in his eyes.

  I smiled at his words and stood on my toes and kissed him, holding him by his neck. He didn't react.

  I slowly withdrew myself from him and started to leave when suddenly, I felt a tug at my wrist.

  He pulled me towards him and started to kiss me slowly, devouring my lips. I felt my body perfectly molding with his as he held me securely by my waist, lifting me a bit from the ground to match his height.

  I could feel the same passion that I used to feel. He didn't dare to deepen the kiss, but he stopped once when he sensed that the kiss grew more passionate.

  "Thank you," I said and my breathing was totally ragged as my forehead rested on his.

  "For?" he questioned, trying to control his breathing.

  "For respecting my choices."

  He smiled. "Stop thanking me for all this! Am I not supposed to respect every choice you make?"

  I felt blessed to have him in my life.

  "But, you know what? Ordering the dishes containing fish was a bad stunt that you pulled on me!" I said, laughing.

  "I know! I am sorry!" He chuckled.

  "You better be mister! Otherwise I wouldn't mind throwing up on you."

  "Oh really??" he asked, again pulling me by my waist, making me crash on his chest. His husky voice sounded so sexy and seductive.

  "Uh." I croaked and he started laughing, letting go off me. "I don't think I cracked a joke!"

  He stopped laughing. "But your expressions! Seriously!!"

  I huffed, shunning away from him and walked over to my bed. He should really write a book on '100 ways to spoil good moments.'

  I pulled the covers over me and
was pleased that things were back to normal.

  "Good night, sleep tight!" I heard him chuckle.

  "Hmm." I dragged sleepily.

  ***

  The next three days went by in a blur with me and Gautham just hanging out together at all the famous places in Bangalore. We have both been to Bangalore several times, but it was always related to work.

  There was a newfound friendship growing between us. We were behaving like we were friends since we were five.

  It was nice to see Gautham being carefree and every time he smiled, it made my heart do a little somersault.

  He would smile at every random ugly thing that I did. When I sensed that my pants started to lower down on my waist, I adjusted it, thinking that he wasn't looking at me. But, he had actually caught me doing it and he started to smile and even commented that it was cute.

  But, every time when I saw a girl check him out, I snapped at him in the next few seconds. I shouldn't have done that, I know. But what do I do? I felt so jealous when any girl checked him out!

  ***

  It was just five in the morning! Why had I set my alarm for this early hour in the morning?

  I dismissed it and again slept. But the next moment, I was woken up by Gautham.

  "What is your problem? Let me sleep" I moaned sleepily, shutting my ears with the pillow to avoid his loud voice.

  "Shakthi, we are already running late! Don't you remember the Mysore trip and long bike drive we had planned for today?" it sunk in me. I sprang out of bed!

  "I am really sorry! I totally forgot!"

  "Go and get your smart ass dressed up first!" he said, almost pushing me into the bathroom.

  I quickly brushed my teeth and had a soothing, hot shower. I dressed up in a comfortable cotton caprice and a black full sleeved t-shirt. I didn't care about my makeup. I didn't even bother to brush my hair. I left it in the same messy bun. I was actually so excited about the long bike drive that nothing made sense to me.

  Gautham was already ready in his jeans and black, V-neck t-shirt that clung to his muscles.

  We packed our requirements for the next two days in our backpacks and left our suite.

  Soon our rented bike arrived and it made my jaw drop to the ground. I was expecting some normal bike, but this was India's top most sports bike, for crying out loud! It looked so stylish and dangerous as well.