Pillar of Light

by Gerald N. Lund

  But there are wonderful moments of success as well, Lydia, and my heart rejoices in the privilege of spreading the message of the Restoration throughout the earth.

  One example will suffice to share with you the joy that is ours. As we came to another town, not far north of Lexington, we were told by several of the inhabitants not to attempt a meeting or any religious instruction, for the town was inhabited by a hardened and irreclaimable set of blasphemers and infidels, given to gambling, drinking, and cursing. Elder Miller was not at all discouraged by such a report. Before entering the town, we found a secluded spot and knelt in prayer. We cried mightily to the Lord that he would open our way and soften the hearts of the people.

  We then entered the town and called at a hotel. We told the landlord that we had come in the name of Jesus Christ to preach the gospel, being sent by him without purse or scrip. “Well,” said he, “you are welcome to my house and such fare as we have, and we will meet together and hear your religion. If it proves to be better than ours we will embrace it.”

  When I asked what religion he embraced, he smiled and replied, “Our religion is to fiddle and dance, and eat, drink, and be merry, and gamble and swear a little; and we believe this to be better than priestcraft.” A goodly crowd gathered, and we were treated with much hospitality and cordiality. Before we left the area we had baptized eight adults—men and women—and three children.

  Well, my dearest Lydia, enough of this report. I long to know how things are with the family in Kirtland. I make mention of you always in my prayers. When I return I shall be much better prepared to speak with my father about the Church. I think I may also have some success with Melissa’s husband, Carl. I have learned the value of bearing testimony by the power of the Spirit. Though I seek not to boast, I think I can now sway their hearts with more success than before.

  Four months ago I started with nothing but a small valise on my back and twenty-three cents in my pocket. I shall return with the same valise, now well worn, and my pockets with nothing but holes. But I rejoice that I have been called as a missionary, for you know of my longings to preach the gospel. I can now say that if other Elders have gone hungry in traveling without purse or scrip, so have I; if they have traveled with sore feet, so have I; if any have been seized and put outside in the freezing weather for preaching, so have I; if any have been obliged, because of the hard-heartedness of the people, to lie out of doors at night, so have I; if they have been mocked and ridiculed and spit upon, so have I. Like Ammon in the Book of Mormon, I feel to glory in my God for the privilege of being one of his emissaries in the latter days.

  Love,

  Nathan

  14th of February Kaw Township, Missouri

  Dear Steed family,

  It still seems strange that I should write to you as my family, who I have never before met nor seen, except for Nathan. But as I said in my first letter to you, I feel close to you, like you were here. Your letter came about two weeks ago. I have read it over and over until I know it by heart. I wish I could write as good as you, Mother Steed. I am still learning and I read better than I write.

  Thank you for telling me about each of the family members. It makes my heart happy and sad at the same time to think of Matthew and Rebecca and Melissa, my family that I may never see. Perhaps someday I can come to Ohio and meet all of you. That would make me very happy.

  I have not heard anything from Joshua. My father finally confessed that he sent Joshua to Santa Fe with one of the wagon trains so he would not be arrested. That was foolish because I would not have made trouble for him. In a way, I understand him better than anyone and know what drove him to it. It grieves me that he has not written or anything to ask after me.

  But now for the best news of all. On the 24th of January, I gave birth to a healthy and strong little baby girl. She weighed about seven pounds and has dark hair. She is a Steed and not a Roundy. She has Joshua’s long fingers, also his nose and mouth. She is a miracle and I have never known such joy in all my life. Grandpa Roundy is as proud as if he had given birth himself. The labor was long but not hard and there were no problems. I am feeling fine again now and back to helping the Lewises. That is the family that I live with.

  When Nathan returns home, tell him for me what has happened. Also tell him that I thank God every night and morning for his coming to Missouri. He came to find Joshua and failed. But if he had not come, I would not have little Rachel now. (I shall name her Rachel after my mother who died when I was eight years old.) Now each day as I look at my little miracle, tears come to my eyes, something that has not happened to me very much in my life, only now they are always tears of joy.

  In my first letter I had so many questions for you, I said little about how the work of the Church is going here. I should like to say more of that now, though I know that Brother Cowdery and Brother Pratt and others of the brethren have written of these matters.

  It has not been an easy winter. As you know, by the time the group from Colesville and the others arrived, it was too late to put in crops for that season. We did spend much time cutting hay for the cattle and storing it for winter. The men worked hard to build cabins, but even with all their industry, they were not able to provide shelter for all. About ten families had to share an open, unfinished log room, without windows, and nothing but the frozen ground for a floor. Our food has consisted mainly of beef and a little bread, made of coarse cornmeal, made by rubbing the ears of corn over a tin grater.

  Brother Parley was one of those who shared the open cabin and has been ill much of the winter. Yet his humor never lessens. When I asked him one day how they did it, ten families in one room, cold, no furniture, and him ill, he merely replied that it was an inconvenient way for a sick person to live.

  But we have also enjoyed many happy seasons in our prayers and other meetings, and the Spirit of the Lord has been poured out upon us many times. Even some of the children—those eight, ten, or twelve years of age—have spoken and prayed and prophesied in our meetings or in our family worship. Yes, it has been hard, but there has been a spirit of peace and union, and love and goodwill manifested in our little Church in the wilderness. My faith feels like a seed that is growing so fast inside me that I cannot contain it.

  Well, I must close. Please write again soon. You and the Saints here have now become my family. If we cannot see each other, at least we can get to know each other better through our letters.

  With much affection,

  Jessica Steed

  3 March 1832 Jackson County, Missouri

  Dear Joshua,

  I have high hopes that this letter will eventually reach you. I hope you check the post from time to time in Santa Fe, if you are still there. As you know, I do not read nor write very well, so I am asking Judge Lucas to help write this for me. It is urgent that you get this and return to us as soon as possible. Yes, that is right. I am asking that you return at once. There are two reasons for this.

  Wilson Everett, the gambler, left town before the turn of the year and has not returned. I trust he has gone to where there are richer pickings. He never learned anything about our device, and I shall say no more of that matter, if you get my meaning. The constable has dropped all charges and there is no more writ out for your arrest. Jessica does not want to make trouble and refuses to ask for vengeance. So you are not facing trouble if you return.

  Mr. Cornwell, your foreman, has done a most praiseworthy job with the freight company. We had to sell much of the stock and all but four of the wagons to pay off your debts, but they did not take everything as we feared, and he has kept what you have left busy and profitable. I hear that you have used the wagons and teams that had already gone to Santa Fe to good service and are prospering there as well. That is good, but this is the place for you. New settlers continue to arrive almost daily, and the need for goods brought in from the East is great. Mr. Cornwell must be commended, but to be honest, he has not your sense of business nor your ability to organize. We need you. All is
not lost as we first thought.

  The second reason you must come back has to do with Jessica. As I said, she is not after revenge and will not press charges further. She lives out in Kaw Township with the accursed Mormons, and I regret to tell you that she has become one of them. Your brother Nathan came out last July seeking you. He arrived a short time after your flight. I understand that it was he who baptized her. I see her from time to time but she is not cordial, especially when I try to tell her that she has made a great mistake.

  But here is the news that will be pleasing to you. As you know, Jessie was with child when you left. Always before, she could not carry a baby full term. But according to her, your brother gave her some kind of prayer and the laying on of hands. I don’t believe any of that, but she does, and that seems to have been enough to change things. That’s right! What I am trying to say to you is that Jessica carried the baby the full time and did not lose it. She gave birth to a baby girl about five weeks ago now. You are a papa! She has named the child Rachel, for my deceased wife.

  For those two reasons, please return to us. All is well here.

  Clinton Roundy

  March 16th, Kirtland, Ohio

  Dear Mother,

  I have little hope that you will acknowledge the receipt of this letter, or respond. I have written you and Papa many times in this last year, but you have never answered. I know I have hurt you deeply, but I still find it hard to understand why you cannot even write a short note to let me know if all is right with you and Papa.

  It would be so good to hear from you, even a line or two. These last five months since Nathan has been gone have been very difficult ones for me. I told you in my last epistle that I am with child again. I am now in my sixth month, and this time it has been more difficult for me. I am often sick and find it hard to care for young Joshua. Fortunately, Mother and Father Steed are wonderful with him and do much to lift the burden. I believe I told you in my last post that when Nathan left I moved into town to live with his family. I am glad, for that breaks the loneliness somewhat, though Melissa has married now and I miss her companionship.

  It seems like an eternity since Nathan left me. More and more at night now I cannot sleep. I get so lonely and often break into tears. I know the Lord needs him and that I shouldn’t resent his absence, but I need him too! Little Joshua needs him! He is growing up without his father.

  I need you too, Mama, and Papa. I know you can never condone my joining the Church, but it still hurts terribly to think that you will never even speak to me again. Sometimes, when I think of that day when Nathan and I were married and Papa was so cruel, it hurts inside so badly that I wish I could die.

  I’m sorry. I did not start out to make this letter sound so discouraging. It’s just that I can’t talk to Mother Steed about this. Not now. She believes that Nathan has to answer God’s call, even though it makes it difficult for his family.

  Please write, Mama. Please!

  All my love,

  Your only daughter, Lydia

  30th March, 1832, Hiram, Ohio

  My dear Nathan,

  When I was up last week visiting in Kirtland, your dear wife, Lydia, shared with me your recent letter from Lexington. How thrilling it was to hear your report of the missionary work! May the Spirit continue to accompany your labors and bring you the fruits of a bounteous harvest. I hope this letter reaches you before your departure to return to us. I look forward to sitting down with you and hearing of your labors firsthand. I will be leaving for Missouri the day after tomorrow, but should return to Kirtland not long after you get back, if not before.

  I can report that all is well with your family. Lydia is now in the sixth month of her pregnancy and seems fine. She does get discouraged from time to time, but your return will do much to help that, I’m sure. She and Emma have become quite close. Emma seems to be able to cheer her up. Melissa and her new husband are very happy. Though he seems to have no inclination toward spiritual things, he is a man of integrity and gentleness. Perhaps in time he will change.

  And speaking of change, your father continues to amaze us all. No, he hasn’t consented to baptism, but he is now one of us in most other ways. He attends worship services regularly, and has been a great help to Bishop Newel K. Whitney in organizing the bishops’ storehouse for the poor, as has Lydia. Her experience in her father’s store has been most helpful.

  Things here in Hiram have been both wonderful and terrible. Let me share some of the better news first, knowing that you have had no communication from us since your departure. Since we moved here to live with Brother John and Sister Elsa Johnson in Hiram, the work on the translation of the Bible has moved forward in good speed. We have also been busy compiling the revelations for publication, which now number over sixty. Last fall I instructed Brother W. W. Phelps to stop in Cincinnati on his way to Zion and purchase a printing press, which he did. In November last we held a conference for the purpose of making final plans for the publication of the revelations. The Lord was gracious and gave a revelation that is to serve as the preface to the book, which we shall call “The Book of Commandments,” a phrase taken from the preface aforementioned.

  We had a most interesting experience during that conference. As you know, in writing, my grammar is poor and my spelling far short of perfection. Fortunately, I have grown wise enough to use Brother Sidney and others as my scribes. In any case, some complaints were made about the language and style of the revelations. The Lord was displeased, and I received a revelation from him challenging the brethren to pick what they considered to be the “least” of the revelations and see if they could do better. William E. McLellin, a recent convert and a schoolteacher, was the wisest man present (in his own sight), and having more learning than sense, endeavored to write a commandment like unto one of the least of the Lord’s. But he failed miserably. He learned that it is an awful responsibility to write in the name of the Lord. Thereafter, the brethren’s faith in the revelations was renewed, and a testimony to that effect was written which will be placed in the front of the new book. Brothers Oliver Cowdery and John Whitmer have now carried the revelations to Missouri for printing.

  In February, we received one of the most glorious revelations thus far. Brother Sidney and I were continuing our work on the translation of the New Testament. From sundry revelations already received, it was obvious that many points touching the salvation of man had been taken from the Bible, or lost before it was compiled. It appeared self-evident from what truths were left, that if God rewarded every one according to the deeds done in the body, the term “Heaven,” as intended for the Saints’ eternal home, must include more kingdoms than one. I know this is at strict variance with the doctrines of Christianity as now taught, but the Spirit seemed to testify that such was the case.

  When we came to the twenty-ninth verse of the fifth chapter of John, which speaks of the resurrection of life and the resurrection of damnation, a vision burst upon our view. I can tell you without hesitation, Nathan, that nothing could be more pleasing to the Saints upon the order of the kingdom of the Lord than the light which burst upon the world with the opening of that revelation to our view. Every law, every commandment, and every promise touching the destiny of man, from Genesis to Revelation, witness that this revelation was in very deed a transcript from the records of the eternal world. Any honest man who reads must be led to exclaim, “This came from God!”

  I have not the space to give you all the details—I shall let you peruse it at your leisure when you return. But suffice it to say that in that vision—or better yet, that series of visions, for different scenes were presented to our view—God’s great plan for the salvation of his children was unfolded and we saw that there are differing kingdoms of glory to which men are sent after their sojourn in this life. As the Savior said, men are rewarded according to their manner of living and there are indeed many mansions in the kingdom of his Father.

  I had to smile a little. There were close to a dozen men present in
the translation room, here on the upper floor of the Johnson home, but only Sidney and I were privileged to see the vision. When the vision finally closed, poor Sidney was as pale and limp as a rag. The experience had totally drained him. I fear that he is not as used to this process of revelation as I.

  Now for darker news. Satan continues to rage against our work. Just as the Savior foretold in the parables of the gathering, the gospel net brings in many kinds of fish. Some are stalwarts, like Oliver and Parley and Sidney and yourself. Others are as weak as a castle made of sand. Simonds Ryder, converted through the prophecy of a young girl about a great earthquake in China, apostatized when I misspelled his name as “Rider” instead of “Ryder” in a call for him to serve a mission. If the Spirit could not even spell his name correctly, he reasoned, then perhaps he had been mistaken about its promptings when he was converted. We lost another brother when I came down one day from the translation room where Sidney and I had been working, and immediately began to play with some children. It wasn’t how a prophet should act, he said. Others leave because of economic difficulties, or because I do this or that which does not please them. Some of the Johnsons’ own sons have turned bitter against me because I warned them that they must start living the gospel more diligently.

  If it was simply a matter of them leaving the Church and kingdom, it would be a sad case; but they cannot simply walk away. The same spirit which leads them into apostasy drives them to fight against us.

  Just about a week ago now, the opposition of these apostates came to a bitter and most tragic head. On the night of the 24th of this month, I suggested that Emma retire to her rest. Our twins, little Joseph and Julia, had been quite ill for a time with the measles and we had finally separated them, since the moment one would finally get to sleep the other would cry and wake the other. In the evening I told her I would watch with the sicker child so she could sleep. Later, when both babies finally took some sleep, she told me I had better lie down on the trundle bed also. I did so, and due to my state of exhaustion, quickly fell asleep.