Pillar of Light

by Gerald N. Lund

  “I watch her with you and John—” His voice caught, and he shook his head, angry that his emotions had broken through. He let out a quick breath, fighting to gain control again. “I watch her with her cousins. If I try to be another father to her, it will only confuse her.”

  “I’ve not hidden any of this from her, Joshua.”

  “I know that, and I appreciate it. But we have to think of what’s best for her. John is wonderful with her, and it’s obvious she loves him.”

  “Yes, she does,” Jessica said, not able to soften that fact for him. It was true. John Griffith had taken Rachel as his own.

  “Then I think it’s best if I just become her Uncle Joshua. When we come up to visit, we’ll be friends and let it go at that. I don’t want John to be worried about me stepping in either.” He hesitated. “Do you think that will be all right?”

  For several moments, Jessica did not answer. Then, finally, she turned to face him squarely. Now it was her voice that was husky. “You started by saying that words are cheap, Joshua. But I think I know what they must have cost you, and I thank you.” On an impulse, she stepped to him, went up on tiptoe, and kissed him quickly on the cheek. “I thank you very much.”

  * * *

  Not long after Joshua and Jessica returned to the cabin, the parents began to stand and make noises about it being time to think about getting the children to bed. At that point it became obvious that the younger members of the Steed clan had been doing more than simply playing games together. They had formed a conspiracy and laid some careful plans. What if all of the children, except for the youngest ones, slept outside at Grandpa’s house? There were immediate parental protests—tomorrow would be a long day, especially for Joshua’s family, who had two long days of riding ahead of them; the children needed their sleep; Grandma and Grandpa were tired. But they had planned well. Matthew and Will volunteered to chaperon. Rachel and Emily and Olivia turned the full extent of their charm on Benjamin and quickly enlisted his support. Mary Ann capitulated with an accepting smile. After all, it was their last night together for a time. Finally it was agreed. All but the two babies, Savannah, and two-year-old Nathan were granted permission. The boys would sleep on the prairie sod, the girls on straw spread out on the floor of the nearly finished smokehouse.

  By nine o’clock, Joshua and Caroline were back at Nathan’s cabin. Savannah, young Nathan, and baby Elizabeth Mary were quickly put to bed and fell asleep. Knowing this was their last time together for a time, the couples went back out on the porch and sat down to talk. The last of the twilight was gone now, and it was full dark. The crickets were chirping in a combined chorus that filled the air. Occasionally the hum of a mosquito near the ear would bring a hand up to shoo it away. Lydia and Caroline sat in chairs. Nathan and Joshua were on the step.

  “Do you really have to leave tomorrow?” Lydia asked. “You couldn’t stay for another day or two?”

  Caroline looked to her husband. “I don’t think so.”

  Joshua nodded, pulling a face as he looked at Lydia. “As you remember, this husband of yours came calling on me like some thief in the middle of the night. He dragged me out of Independence at first light. I barely had time to leave a note for my partner and tell him I was leaving.”

  Nathan sniffed, feigning hurt pride. “I dragged you out?” He looked at his wife. “This man was so afraid of being seen with some of his poorer relatives, we had to sneak out of town while everyone was still asleep.” He shook his head and spoke to his wife again. “And by the way, you ought to see the house this man has built for Caroline. It’s a mansion.”

  Caroline laughed in embarrassment. “I kept telling him I didn’t need that much room, but he wouldn’t hear of it.”

  “It’s a lovely home,” Nathan said, more soberly now. “I think you deserve it.”

  Caroline swung around and grabbed Lydia’s arm. “Why don’t you come to Independence and see it? Bring your family and come for a visit.”

  Joshua straightened sharply. Nathan too was staring at her.

  “Young Joshua will love the freight yard. Will would burst his buttons showing him around.”

  “Caroline.”

  She stopped and turned to Joshua, her face flushed with enthusiasm. “We have plenty of room, don’t we, Joshua?”

  He cleared his throat awkwardly. “Uh . . . I’m not sure that would be wise right now.”

  Dismay flashed across her face. “Joshua!”

  Nathan jumped in quickly. “Joshua’s right. It might not be the best time, Caroline.”

  “But why?” There was just a touch of anger now too. “Everything’s fine now between you and your family. I can’t believe you would say that, Joshua.” She turned to Lydia, the excitement returning. “You could bring Father and Mother Steed. And Rebecca. There are some wonderful dress shops. We could look for something for the wedding. It’s not a bit too early.”

  “Caroline!” Joshua spoke more sharply now, trying to pull her back.

  She swung on him, her eyes flashing. “Stop it, Joshua! I won’t hear of this. I want your family to come visit us.”

  His mouth opened, then shut again.

  Nathan cut in to help him. “Caroline, what Joshua is trying to say is . . .” He stopped, looking for a good way to say it. Then he went on, more quietly, but determined. “This is probably not a good time for Mormons to go to Jackson County, Caroline.”

  There was a momentary flash of surprise, as if she had been stung by an insect; then her face fell. “Oh,” she murmured.

  “Especially after today,” Nathan finished. “If word gets out about that speech . . .” He let out a heavy sigh, the concern evident around his mouth. “The Missourians are already at a flash point. We need to be very careful for a while.”

  Lydia was watching her husband’s face closely. It was soft in the lamplight coming from one window, but there was no mistaking the worry that was written there. And that gave her a sudden chill. She turned to her sister-in-law. “Nathan’s right, Caroline. It sounds wonderful, and the children would love it. But maybe this isn’t the best time.”

  There was pain on Caroline’s face as she turned back to Joshua. “They are your family, Joshua. You are highly respected in Independence. Surely no one would dare—” She stopped. Faces of various neighbors and associates of Joshua flashed before her mind. She didn’t finish. She wasn’t so sure anymore. She knew how deeply the feelings against Mormons ran in that town.

  Lydia cleared her throat. “You’ve got to understand, Caroline. You heard the response of our people to what Sidney said. It’s not that we want to start a war of retaliation, but we are tired of being pushed and driven and . . .” She hesitated for a moment. “And killed. So to hear Sidney say we have had enough struck deep chords within us. But Nathan’s right. Sidney’s speech is going to stir a lot of emotion now.”

  “Sidney has become a bit of a hothead of late,” Nathan said grimly. He was thinking of events that had taken place in just the last two weeks or so. Sidney Rigdon had preached a sermon on the Sabbath day, June 17. The “Salt Sermon,” it had been dubbed. He had used the passage from Matthew in which the Savior likened his disciples to the salt of the earth. And if the salt had lost its savor, it was thenceforth good for nothing but to be trodden under foot of men.

  Memories of the apostasy in Kirtland were still vivid and painful. And now apostasy was rising among some of the most prominent members here as well. Oliver Cowdery had been excommunicated. David Whitmer, another of the Three Witnesses to the Book of Mormon, had withdrawn his name from fellowship before they could do the same to him. He was excommunicated anyway. In Kirtland, such apostasy had cost the Church dearly, so feelings ran very deep.

  Sidney didn’t say so directly, but the implications of his sermon were clear. The unfaithful were like salt without savor. Perhaps they too needed to be trampled underfoot. Shortly thereafter, a circular was distributed around Far West. In specific and threatening terms, it warned the apostates to f
lee the city or face dire consequences. It still wasn’t clear who had written it. Some said Sidney himself. But it was signed by enough prominent Latter-day Saints to give it a terrible credibility. Oliver Cowdery had come to Nathan’s house like a fugitive in the night. He begged him to watch over his wife and children until he could send for them. And so they had fled, fearing the wrath stirred up by Sidney’s fiery sermon.

  It had sobered Nathan greatly, to think maybe it had come to that again. Nathan sighed and turned to Joshua. “In calling for blood, Sidney doesn’t represent how the rest of us feel.”

  Joshua looked at him for a long time, then spoke. “Nathan, I don’t think your people have any idea how deeply the feelings against you still run in the state. Your coming up north here hasn’t solved anything. Not permanently.”

  “So much for the land of liberty,” Nathan said bitterly.

  “Nathan,” Joshua said wearily, “I’m not here to argue these points with you. I’m just telling you, this is not the kind of news that settles people. The mood in Jackson County—in Clay County, in Ray and Carroll counties, all around you—it’s not good. Not good at all.”

  Nathan nodded, his eyes morose. “I know.”

  “And some people are nervous about the fact that you have your own militia now, your own judges and law officers. You even have a cavalry. There are those who are saying if they don’t stop you now, pretty soon you’ll be unstoppable.”

  “That would be nice for a change,” Nathan said dryly.

  But Caroline had been struck by another thought, and it left her feeling slightly sick. “You hold a commission in the Jackson County militia, Joshua. What if they call it out against the Mormons again?”

  He looked away. “I’ve tried not to think about that.”

  “But surely you wouldn’t go,” she cried.

  With a snap his head came back around. “Caroline, a commission from the governor is not a thing of convenience. I am an officer in the military. You think I can just shuck that aside?”

  Her eyes were stricken. “What will you do, then, if it comes to that?”

  Nathan was staring at the ground. “He’ll have to go,” he said, his voice barely audible. “There will be no choice.”

  Chapter Notes

  Derek’s description of the area around Adam-ondi-Ahman is taken from Joseph’s history (see HC 3:34–35, 39–40).

  The prophecy that Adam—or the Ancient of Days, as the prophet Daniel calls him—will return prior to Christ’s second coming is found in Daniel 7:9–14, 22. The fact that this will happen in the valley of Adam-ondi-Ahman was given to the Prophet Joseph through revelation in 1838 (see D&C 116). The Lord also revealed to Joseph that Adam gathered his righteous posterity in that same place three years before his death and blessed them and prophesied many things concerning the future (see D&C 107:53–56).

  Chapter 5

  Thursday morning was a long series of farewells all around Far West. Families began moving out at dawn and continued in a steady stream through most of the morning. Most lived in scattered homesteads, but there were a considerable number from Di-Ahman and several families from Haun’s Mill. At the Steeds, Derek and Peter were the first to leave. They had come down in Lyman Wight’s wagon with other families from Daviess County. Brother Wight was anxious to make the twenty-five-mile trip before dark, and the wagons were out front of Benjamin’s cabin by the time the sun was fully up. With everyone looking on, Derek and Rebecca said their farewells with a brief touch of their hands, and with longing eyes.

  John Griffith and Jessica were next. Theirs was the shortest trip, but John was anxious to get back in time to get in half a day’s work. As he and Jessica loaded Rachel and the two boys into their small wagon, the children wailed and made solemn vows to each other about all they would do when they got back together again. The women hugged Jessica. The men shook hands with John. Jessica’s baby was chucked under the chin and held up and cooed at, and then they were off, heading east.

  Though he had the farthest to go, Joshua seemed the least concerned about getting an early start. Benjamin, Nathan, and Matthew helped him pack the wagon and hitch the team. Lydia and Caroline stayed at Mary Ann’s, gathering the leftovers from the night before—fried chicken, corn bread, some apple pie—along with the first of the season’s sweet corn and tomatoes from the garden. By the time the men returned with the wagon, the Steeds from Independence had enough food to take them safely on to New Orleans.

  Finally it was time to load up. Matthew stepped forward and stuck out his hand to Will. There was four years’ difference in age, and technically they were stepuncle and nephew, but they paid that no mind, for they had become close friends. “Remember,” Matthew said, “you and your pa promised to take me to St. Joseph the next time you go that way.”

  “We will,” Will vowed.

  “Count on it,” Joshua added firmly. “We’ll be back through here in four to six weeks.”

  Olivia went to Mary Ann and threw her arms around her waist. “Good-bye, Grandma.”

  Mary Ann held her tight. At almost eleven years old, Olivia was growing fast now and was only an inch or two shorter than Mary Ann. Mary Ann bent down and kissed her cheek. “Good-bye, Olivia.”

  “I’m so glad I have a grandpa and grandma now,” Olivia said fiercely.

  Mary Ann had to blink quickly. “And we’re so glad that we’ve got such a lovely granddaughter as you.”

  Olivia hugged Rebecca, her grandfather, and Nathan and Lydia and their children in quick order. But when she turned to Matthew she became suddenly quite demure and merely held out her hand. Matthew gave her a hurt look. “What? No hug for your Uncle Matthew?” He swept her up, swinging her off her feet, making her squeal in surprise. When he set her down finally, she shot a quick glance at Lydia, who smiled and nodded with a knowing look, then climbed up on the wagon, quite out of breath.

  Savannah was in the arms of her grandfather. She was talking in a steady stream of her peculiar jabber, speaking to no one in particular. Caroline came to them. “All right, Savannah. It’s time to go. Say bye-bye to Grandpa.”

  Savannah’s blue eyes surveyed her mother’s face gravely, but she didn’t move. Then she turned away, pointing over Benjamin’s shoulder and launching into a nonstop explanation about something that caught her eye. Benjamin chuckled. “You want to just stay here with Gampa?” he said. The red head bobbed up and down vigorously without turning around.

  “Benjamin,” Mary Ann chided, “don’t make it harder than it is.”

  Benjamin reached in his pocket and withdrew a small piece of hardtack candy. “Here, Savannah, this is so you’ll remember Gampa and come back soon.”

  Savannah snatched it and popped it in her mouth, looking very smug about the whole thing. Caroline shook her head at her father-in-law. “You are shameless. You know that, don’t you?”

  “Yes,” Benjamin said cheerfully. Then suddenly he pulled Savannah to him. “Good-bye, little sweetheart. You come back and see Gampa real soon.”

  He stepped forward and handed Savannah to her mother. For a moment, he stood there awkwardly. Then he put his arms around mother and daughter. “Thank you, Caroline,” he whispered. “Thank you for not giving up on an ornery old man. Thank you for what you’ve done for all of us.”

  Caroline’s eyes widened, then instantly filled with tears. She started to speak, but couldn’t get it out. She just went up on tiptoes and kissed his cheek.

  Mary Ann was to them now as well. Then Lydia and Rebecca were there, all trying to hold one another. Caroline reached out and touched Mary Ann’s face. “Dear Mother Steed. I feel like I’ve known you for years. And my children do too. Thank you. Thank you for everything.”

  Mary Ann could barely speak. “If you hadn’t come, none of this—” She couldn’t finish. She finally sniffed back the tears and looked at her little granddaughter. “And maybe if you come up here often enough, I’ll even get this little scamp to pay some attention to someone besides her grandfath
er.”

  Savannah was watching her grandmother with those same wide eyes. The soberness of her expression suggested a much greater age than her fifteen months. Then she startled everyone. “Bye, Gamma,” she said, and leaned forward and gave Mary Ann a wet and sticky kiss smack on the lips.

  “Oh, you precious little thing!” Mary Ann cried, holding her hands. “Grandma will buy you a whole bag of candy for that.”

  Pleased with the delight she had caused, Savannah proceeded to dole out kisses to the rest of the family. Finally Caroline turned and walked to the wagon. Joshua took Savannah from her, and Nathan helped her up onto the wagon seat. Then Joshua handed up the little girl.

  He turned to Nathan. For several seconds, the two brothers just looked at each other, then suddenly they were embracing, pounding each other on the back. Nothing was said. Nothing needed to be. Joshua moved swiftly now. He gave Rebecca a huge bear hug, whispering something into her ear about Derek that made her laugh and nod happily. He grabbed Matthew’s hand and shook it firmly. “St. Jo. No later than the middle of next month. Agreed?” Matthew grinned back his answer.

  Nathan’s firstborn son stood beside his father, waiting expectantly for his turn. Joshua walked to him and stuck out his hand. “Young Joshua?”

  He took it and gripped it firmly. “Yes, Uncle Joshua?”

  “You make me very proud of my name. I promise you I will not do anything to bring it shame.”

  “Me too,” the boy said, beaming proudly.

  “And I haven’t forgotten my promise to have Will teach you how to drive a team of horses, either.”

  “Great!” Young Joshua said, nearly whooping it out.

  Joshua took a step to the left and stooped down. He took Emily by the hand. “And here’s our birthday girl, a big six years old today.”

  “Yep,” she crowed.

  His voice got very soft. “A little Lydia, as pretty and wonderful as your mother. If I had known it was going to be your birthday, I would have brought you something. But next time I come I’ll bring you whatever you want. What will it be?”