by L. P. Maxa
“But he is, that’s what I’m trying to tell you guys.” Jett dropped his new pet into its home, and then plucked a pill bug off the deck and dropped it in there with it. “What do crawfish eat? You know what, never mind, I’ll look it up later.” He sat the bowl down and then turned to look at the rest of us. “Like I was saying, Avory came by with Colin.”
“Don’t use his name.” I was being childish, and I’d had enough whiskey not to care. “Don’t call him her boyfriend either.”
“Fine.” Jett sighed at my immature demand. “Avory’s special friend got this amazing job offer in Portland, and he asked Avory to go with him.”
I scoffed. “Avory would never leave Texas. She loves all you assholes way too much. She has nieces and nephews, her new job with MJ Botanicals. She’s not going to move across the country to be with that douche.” I wasn’t concerned, not in the slightest. I knew Avory. I knew what she valued, what mattered to her. She wouldn’t leave her family. She wouldn’t leave us.
“Crue.” Jett’s gaze darted to Cash, then back to me. “That’s why they stopped by to talk to me. Avory wanted to know if she would be able to work for MJ Botanicals remotely.”
Remotely? She was going with him? I stopped breathing. My heart stopped beating, everything I needed to survive ceased functioning. The patio fell silent for a few moments while everyone absorbed Jett’s words the way I was struggling to do.
“You’re with family, and Talon, bro, let it out.” Jett got to his feet, leaving his crawfish fishbowl on the deck. “Scream, cry, lose your shit.”
I barely registered it as Talon rolled his eyes at Jett’s joke, excluding him as family. “I don’t even know how you’ve held it together this long. I thought when she brought him to Christmas your head was going to explode.”
Yeah, Christmas had sucked. But this? This was a punch to the fucking balls.
“No.” I shook my head, trying to drag air into my lungs. “No. She’s not moving with him. She’s not leaving. She can’t. She won’t. She doesn’t love him. I know she doesn’t love him.”
How could she? How could she love him when she was still in love with me? A love like ours didn’t disappear like that. It didn’t fade away. It couldn’t be replaced. I’d never be able to replace her, so she shouldn’t be able to replace me. Right?
Jett nodded sagely. “Ah, denial, that’s how you’ve kept your cool.”
“It’s not denial,” I snapped, getting to my feet, the need to escape my audience clawing at my throat with angry nails. “She doesn’t love him.” They didn’t understand. They didn’t know how Avory and I felt about each other. “She’s still angry at me, but she’ll come around.”
“Still angry? Crue, it’s been like five years, man.” The look Brody trained on me was one of veiled wariness. “I don’t want you to Hulk out on me or anything, but maybe it’s…over.”
Things between Avory and I weren’t over. There was still love there lingering between us. I could feel it every time she accidentally brushed against my body, every time her eyes stayed on mine a few seconds longer than necessary. Our love was epic, and epic love didn’t get snuffed out with one tragic fight.
“No.” I bounded down the back steps, leaving the faint light of the porch and heading into the darkness of the compound. I couldn’t stay there. I couldn’t stand their pity, their ignorance.
It wasn’t over. It would never be over. Avory was made for me, and I was made for her. We were that forever kind of love.
“Do you ever feel bad sneaking into my bedroom after my parents have gone to sleep?”
Was that a fucking trick question? I couldn’t help but chuckle softly as I answered her. “Nope.” I shut her window, almost all the way. “If your parents didn’t want deviants coming into their house after lights out, they should be more aware of their surroundings.”
She smiled and my chest swelled. I’d fallen in love with everything about Avory Connor. I loved her sass, her defiance. I loved the way she let me touch her. I loved her trust. I loved that this thing between us made no fucking sense but neither one of us seemed to care. I’d been sneaking into her room for a few nights now, no longer satisfied with a couple stolen hours making out down by the back gate. I wanted more. I wanted more time, more touches. I wanted to own her, the way she owned me.
She sat up, her sheets pooling in her lap, her short sleep shirt barely covering her torso. Avory didn’t like to wear a lot of clothes. I loved that about her too. She was wholly herself. She didn’t give a damn what anyone else thought. “You gonna do more than kiss me tonight, Crue Matthews?”
“I’ve already done more than kiss you. You need a reminder?” I dropped to my knees, fully prepared to feast on my girl.
“I want more,” she whispered into the night, making chills race down my spine. “I want it all.”
I did too. But for the first time in my life, I was afraid that wanting it all would ruin everything. “We have all the time in the world, baby spawn. Don’t rush on my account.” I’d been with more girls than I ever wanted to say out loud in front of Avory, even though I was sure she already knew. But with her, I didn’t feel the urgency to get to the finish line.
“Do I ever do anything for anyone’s account beside my own?” She rose up on her knees, the moonlight bright enough for me to catch her lacy black panties.
Avory knew what she wanted and she tended to go after it, no matter the consequences. She and I were a lot alike: we were so different from the rest of our family. They were selfless, self-deprecating, and they always put others above themselves. The only person I’d ever put before me was Avory. And maybe my twin, every now and then.
She reached for me, gripping my athletic shorts and using the waistband to drag me toward her. I sighed, shaking my head playfully. “Such the little brat.” I picked her up, tossing her back against her pillows. Her eyes stayed on mine, watching as I let my shorts fall to my bare feet.
“I’m a brat, and you’re an asshole.”
She wasn’t wrong. We both owned who we were and didn’t feel the need to apologize. We were made for each other, like two pieces of the same semi-fucked-up whole. I grabbed her hips, dragging her down the bed and underneath me. “You wouldn’t want me any other way.”
Avory had shocked me the first time we’d made out. She’d bit my lip and pretty much came apart when I’d pulled her hair in response. She wasn’t delicate, and she made sure I knew it. Which worked real fucking well for me, because I didn’t do soft and sweet.
“You’re right. Now be an asshole and give me what I want.”
I tore her panties down one side, then the other. “You always get your way.”
She scraped her nails down my bare chest, leaving pink lines in her wake. “You going to lie to me and tell me you don’t want this?”
I shook my head. “I’ll never lie to you, baby.” I ground myself against her core, loving the hiss that escaped her lips. I held still after that, waiting until her eyes flew open in annoyance. “I love you, you know that, right?” She nodded, her expression going soft. “In order for me to love you the way you want to be loved, I need you to trust me.”
“I do trust you.” She reached up, cupping my cheek, and I placed a kiss on her palm. “I promise, Crue, I trust you. I love you.”
We were sarcastic jerks, even to each other half the time, but in this moment I needed more. I needed her to know that I cherished her, that this wasn’t some fling for me. She meant something. Something big, and I wanted her trust as much as I wanted her love. I never wanted her to regret us.
I positioned the head of my cock at her entrance, my eyes connected to hers. “Say it again, Avory.”
“I trust you.” She knew that was what I wanted to hear.
I pulled back and slammed inside of her tight pussy, crashing through her barrier without remorse. Loving my girl exactly the way she wanted to be loved.
Chapter Six
Avory
Now
I w
as still at my parents’ house. My dad had offered, and Colin had insisted we stay the weekend. He was such a people pleaser. Which wasn’t a bad trait, it was a good thing. Putting other people’s needs and feelings in front of your own. He was selfless: his behavior commendable. But at the same time, it made me wonder. Could I spend the rest of my life with someone like him?
Ugh. I needed to stop. I loved Colin, I did. And before he’d asked me to move away with him, I’d been incredibly happy in our relationship. But it was like he’d suddenly put us in warp speed and it’d freaked me the hell out.
I adored my family and the thought of leaving them literally made my heart ache. I’d known one home my whole life. The condo I owned in Austin was the first place I’d lived off the compound. I was used to being surrounded by my sisters and cousins, their babies climbing all over me at every meal. I even worked for a family business.
“Hey, there you are.” Colin stepped onto my parents’ back porch, sitting down next to me in one of the outside lounge chairs. He’d been inside helping my dad fix his computer and I’d been sitting in the warm sunshine trying to thaw my freezing heart. “We haven’t gotten a chance to talk since last night when Jett said you could work remotely.”
“I’ll need a home office and a secure VPN.”
“Lucky for you, your boyfriend is a tech mastermind.” He took my hand in his, bringing it to his lips for a quick kiss. “What was next on that list of yours? You needed to talk to your parents?”
He was so hopeful, so eager. He wanted me with him. He wanted to start a life together. I should be jumping for joy, packing my bags while whistling a merry little tune. But I still wasn’t sure. I didn’t know if I wanted to move. I didn’t know if I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Colin. Because that was what this step would mean to him. It would mean forever. I knew that.
“Uh, yeah, there are a few conversations I need to have.” But right now, I wanted to escape this conversation. I wanted to escape the hopeful lilt in his voice. I needed some space to think, to figure out what I wanted. “In fact, I’m going to go have one of them now.” I got to my feet, smiling down at the man who I should say yes to. “You going to be okay here for a bit?”
He nodded, kissing the back of my hand once again. “Of course, sweetie, do what you need to do.”
***
My younger sister was the most brutally honest person I’d ever met in my entire life. When I needed real advice, when I needed to be called on my bullshit, she was where I went. She’d helped me start dating again after Crue and I broke up. She’d helped me pick a major, and she’d talked me out of running for office in my sorority. I tended to fly into situations without thinking them through all the way, but Marley was born skeptical and jaded, and I needed her to guide me through life’s mazes.
I knocked twice, then walked into her newly built home across the road from the Devil’s Share compound. Talon’s car was over at MJ Botanicals, so I figured Marley was here somewhere with their son. Co was a carbon copy of his dad, thank goodness. He was happy, sweet, always smiling, and kind.
“Yo, MVP, where you at?” I passed through the entryway, checking the kitchen and the living room.
“Back here. Your nephew just shit in the bathtub. Come help me.” I laughed as I rounded the corner, heading toward the master bedroom and Marley’s voice. She was holding her son up out of the tub, water dripping off his little naked body. “Take him, I’ll start disinfecting.”
I took him, wrapping him in a fluffy green towel with an alligator hood before sitting on the ground and settling him in my lap. Co was a super content kid, happy to be held by his aunt. He’d sit in my lap for an hour straight if I wanted him to. In short, he was absolutely nothing like Brody and Landry’s tornado children.
“I need your advice.”
“You want my advice? When you have kids, hire a nanny.” Marley poured half a gallon of bleach into the tub, soaking all the bath toys that had been affected by the dump her kid had taken in the middle of bath time. She rocked back on her heels, blowing a loose dark strand of hair out of her face. “I’m sorry, it’s been a morning. What’s up?”
“I can’t decide if I should go with Colin or stay in Texas.” I rested my chin lightly on top of Co’s green ’gator-covered head. I’d gone to talk to Jett last night about working remotely because staff was his domain, but I knew that he would have told Marley what was going on by now.
Marley sat on the tile next to me, handing Co a toy from the floor that hadn’t been part of the bath mess. “You answered your own question, Avory.”
I turned to look at her, my eyebrows raised in confusion. “Spell it out for your big sister, MVP.”
“You can’t decide if you should go or stay. Should implies that you think of moving to Portland with Colin as an obligation or a chore. Something you’re supposed to do, not necessarily something you want to do.” I rested my head on her shoulder, knowing that she was as right as rain, per usual. “Avory, if you aren’t excited at the idea of going with Colin, then it’s not the right choice. And you know it. You wanted to hear it from someone else so you didn’t feel so shitty about it.”
I did feel shitty. She was right again. “I don’t know why I don’t want to go. Colin is great. He’s brilliant and kind, he treats me like royalty and—”
“And he bores the ever-loving hell out of you.” She got to her feet and lifted Co onto her hip. “Come on, I need to get a diaper on him before he shits on the floor next.”
I followed her into her bedroom, tickling my nephew’s tummy as soon as she placed him on her bed. “Colin is the nicest guy I’ve ever dated.”
“He’s the smartest too.” Marley quickly slipped a diaper on her son, then put him on the floor so he could play with the pile of wooden blocks on the ground. “Colin will be okay, Avory. He’ll move to Portland, make great money, and do wonderful things for the world. It won’t take long for him to meet a girl who worships him and makes him forget all about the rock-and-roll princess who broke his heart.”
The thought of him forgetting about me didn’t bother me. Which said it all, didn’t it? I wanted him to forget me, to move on. I wanted him to be smitten with someone else so I didn’t have to feel any guilt. I didn’t deserve his kindness. “I was happy with him, before he asked me to move. I swear I was.” I got excited every time I saw him. I missed him when we were apart. I was falling for him, slowly, but still I was falling. “But then he asked me to move and everything started to change.”
“Of course it did.” Marley rolled her eyes like I was the densest person on the damn planet. “You were happy with him because there was no pressure. You were exploring what it was like to be with a good guy. You were caught up in the newness. But the moment it became real, the moment he was asking for more, you fucking balked.”
Accurate. I’d felt immediately on edge and trapped from the moment he’d told me about his promotion. But then again, maybe I’d balked because he was asking me to leave my comfort zone? And never straying from what I was used to didn’t send all that healthy either. “Moving might be good for me. Maybe…”
“Look. You came to me because you knew I’d be honest with you. I don’t mince words. I don’t even know how.” She picked Co up off the floor, hiking him back onto her hip. “Colin loves you more than you love him. When Cash and Katie announced that they were having a baby, you didn’t turn to your boyfriend with hearts in your eyes. You gave him your back and looked at Crue.”
I opened my mouth to protest, to tell her she was wrong, but she held her hand up. “Whether you meant to or not, you did. Colin doesn’t hold your attention anymore, and he doesn’t deserve your pity love. So stop thinking about what would be good for you, and for at least one time in your relationship, think about what would be best for him.”
I wracked my brain, looking for a rebuttal. Searching for a time when I put Colin first, when I was a good girlfriend. But I had nothing. I sighed, pursing my lips. “And here I thought
I’d worked on myself as a person.”
She made me sound like a selfish monster, which sucked a whole lot. But maybe she was right. Not about me looking at Crue at dinner, that didn’t happen the way she thought it did. I was watching Cash, watching how excited he was. And he looked over at Crue. I simply followed his gaze. I wasn’t staring at my first love thinking about how it could have been us. I was watching one of my best friends worry about his twin in a moment when he should have only been thinking of himself and his growing family.
“You’re my sister and I love you. Co adores you, all the kids do. You show up, you love your family. You’re a hard worker, and color me shocked, but you’ve become an invaluable asset to MJ Botanicals.”
Marley left her bedroom, knowing I would follow so I could hear her say more nice things about me. Although I was positive there was a but coming. “You are a good person, Avory, you are. But sometimes,” there it was, “you get so wrapped up in your own shit that you forget there are other people being affected by your actions.”
I scoffed, taking my nephew from her so she could make his naptime bottle with two hands. “Is this still about the summer I convinced you to let me dye your hair blonde?” I was joking, trying to lighten the mood. And she knew it.
“I’ll never forgive you.” She lost the battle with the scowl she was sporting and broke into a smile. “Brat.” She went back to making her baby’s bottle, her voice growing softer. “You know, if you stay, Crue is going to think it’s because of him.”
“It won’t be.” If I stayed in Texas, if I ended things with Colin, it would be for me. Well, for me and for Colin because he deserved more than what I could give him. Crue didn’t factor into my decisions, my life choices. He hadn’t for a really long time. “Thanks for the talk. I knew I could count on you to help me figure out my shit.”
“You knew the right answer already, Avory. You just needed confirmation because somewhere along the way, you lost trust in yourself.” She took Co from my arms and handed him his warm milk. “One day you’ll grow up and stop seeking validation from other people.” She wasn’t being rude or unkind: she was being Marley. She spoke with no filter, but she also spoke with no judgment, so it evened out. “I love you.”