by L. P. Maxa
“That’s a shame.” I stuck out my bottom lip, pouting.
He pushed me up against the cinderblock wall, dipping down to capture my lips. I moaned against his mouth, hiking my thigh up higher on his hip. I wanted more. I didn’t care who was watching.
He pulled back, smirking that sexy grin of his. “As soon as the sun goes down.”
“You’ll take me skinny dipping?” I waggled my eyebrows.
“What my baby wants, my baby gets.”
I wrapped my arms around his neck, playing with the hair tickling his neck. “I want you.”
“And I want you.” He kissed me again. “Only you, forever.”
There were so many versions of Crue, and I loved every single one of them. I liked Crue the brother joking with his siblings and playing catch in the empty field beside his house. Crue the asshole glaring at people who dared to talk to us, demanding his way no matter the consequences. But the Crue who loved me, that was my favorite Crue. He made me feel special without letting me act spoiled. He gave me pleasure while riding that dark edge of pain. He was sweet, in the rough way I craved.
“Forever? You promise?” I couldn’t help but glance at Halen and Beau. I was sure Beau had promised my big sister they’d be together for the rest of time too. And look what a fucking disaster that had become.
Crue took my chin in his fingers, tilting my face back to him. “We’re not them, baby spawn.” He kissed me once again, sliding his tongue along my lower lip. “I’ll never hurt you.”
“You don’t know that.” I wasn’t trying to cause a fight, but I needed his words. I needed him to reassure me. “We could end up hurting each other, whether we mean to or not.”
“Then I’d spend the rest of my life kissing the hurt away.”
I wiped at the tear rolling down my cheek. It was over five years later and that’s exactly what it seemed he was doing. Trying to kiss the hurt away.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Crue
Now
Avory was sitting next me, the fire burning bright in front of us. I wanted to put my arm around her. I wanted to rest my palm on her hip and have her sink against me. But what I wanted and what I was going to get were still two very different things. She’d come down to the tank a couple hours ago, instantly going to her sisters. She ignored me, the way she’d been doing at family gatherings since we broke up by the back gate all those years ago. I watched her from a distance, drinking in the way she laughed, the range of emotions that played across her face while someone told her a story.
She was so beautiful, and so close to being mine again I could almost taste it.
When Avory had gone to sit by the firepit, I’d followed her. I was done observing her at a distance. I wanted to talk to her. I wanted to be next to her. She didn’t immediately get up, so I took that as a good sign. “Did you start with my browser history? Or did you snoop through my closet first?” I was teasing, but I also knew the second I left her alone in my house her curiosity would get the best of her.
She glanced at me, smiling against the bottle of beer in her hand. “Your bedroom.”
I tskd. “You’ve already been in there. I’d have started with the closets.”
“There’s a picture of us up on your wall, the one Beau took when we were in high school.”
Beau had framed it for me as a housewarming gift after I moved into the red barn. At first I’d been pissed. But over time, I understood why he’d done it. Avory was a memory worth honoring. “It was a gift.” That was the only explanation I could give her right now, while we were down here surrounded by our cousins. “You ready to go?” I waited until she turned to look at me, and then I winked.
Avory shook her head. “Stop winking at me.” Then flipped her hair over her shoulder, extremely reminiscent of the sixteen-year-old version of herself. “It’s annoying.”
“You used to think it was hot.” She used to think it was hot because she knew the secrets behind it. She knew what I was promising.
“I used to think a lot of things were hot.” She was being a brat, and bringing up that picture and my room had me feeling vulnerable. I couldn’t let her see me be so soft. I needed to remind her who was in charge, who was running this new shit show. I wanted her back, and I was convinced this was the way I had to do it.
My hand shot out, wrapping around the base of her throat before she could protest. “I remember, baby.” I watched with satisfaction as her eyes danced with fire. She fucking loved being touched like this. I wondered how long it’d been since someone had nailed her the way she liked it, the way I had the other night: rough and wild, taking and never asking for permission.
She dug her sharp nails into the flesh of my wrist, demanding I let her go. “I’m not yours to touch like this anymore, Crue.”
I leaned close, pissing her off further as I put my lips against the shell of her ear. “You’ll always be mine, Avory.”
“Tell me I’ll always be yours.”
“You’ll always be mine, baby.” I let my hands trail up her ribcage, loving how big my palms looked as they spanned across her body. “Always.”
There would never be anyone else I’d ever want like this. I craved her. I was addicted to every single inch of my girl.
“You’re playing with fire.” Brody came to sit next to me after Avory got up and left in what could only be described as a huff. “She looks pissed enough to explode.”
He handed me a fresh beer and I instantly popped the top. “Good. Reaction is what gets her back in my bed.” Reaction and a bit of Irish whiskey apparently.
“Is that what you’re after? You want to fuck your first love?”
I wouldn’t tell him that I already had, a few times, and that I planned on doing it again in a matter of minutes. “Yes, and no.” I sighed, knowing that Avory and I wouldn’t make a lot of sense to him. “Avory is tougher than she looks, tougher than she lets people see. I need to get her defenses down, I need to remind her how good we were together. And then, maybe, she’ll let me back in.”
“So you need to get into her pants in order to get into her heart?”
“Yep.” I needed her to be weak with me, and the only way she’d let me hold her, let me love her, was after she let me fuck her. If I walked up to her right now and tried to take her hand, she’d probably punch me in the balls.
“I feel ya.”
I raised my eyebrows. “Really?”
He nodded, lips pursed. “I’m pretty sure Landry fell in love with my dick before she did any other part of me.”
“Word.” Landry lifted her beer above her head, making us laugh and letting us know she was eavesdropping in on our conversation.
I drained the bottle in my hand, tossing the empty into the ice chest I brought with me. I’d come get it tomorrow. I’d leave the rest of the brews in there for my cousins. I got to my feet, dusting off my jeans and making a beeline for Avory.
She was standing with Jett and Devin, laughing at something that cocky-ass fucker had said. I took her elbow in my hand, gently pulling her away from them and into the shadows. I was done being a bystander in her life tonight. I wanted to be the star. “It’s time to go.” She looked up at me, defiance in her eyes. “Go back to the house, baby, or I’ll throw you over my shoulder in front of everyone and take you there myself.”
She rolled her eyes, gritting out a short, “Fine. Asshole.”
When she started telling people bye, I couldn’t hide my satisfied smirk. She’d go to my house, and I’d wait five minutes and leave too. My girl would be back in my bed, back in my arms. I’d get to hold her. I’d get to feel her heartbeat against my own. Fuck. I wish she’d just give in. I wished she’d let me love her again.
“Could you stare any harder?” My twin came up, cocking his head to the side and following my line of sight. “I’m assuming she’s not leaving the compound tonight?”
I snorted. “You’d assume correctly.” That girl wasn’t going anywhere until the sun came up. She’
d be lucky if I let her leave then either. I was feeling slightly unhinged and incredibly in love-lust.
Cash took a sip of his beer. “So, what’s going on with you two?”
“What’s going on with you two?”
“What are you talking about?” Sweat instantly pooled in my armpits.
“I saw you. You were climbing out of Avory’s window last night.” I felt like a deer caught in the headlights. Our secret was out. “I know what I saw. I was leaving Halen’s room, Crue. So stop lying to me.”
I didn’t set out to keep anything from my brother, but somewhere along the way, I had. I didn’t feel guilty about it, not really. Cash had his own shit to deal with. Hell, he was still handling the fallout from Beau leaving Halen after her miscarriage. And that was some heavy crap right there. But I guessed now was as good a time as any to come clean with my best friend.
“We’re, uh, hooking up.” Ugh. That sounded so fucking lame.
“You’re hooking up? With Avory? You’re fucking Avory? Are you fucking kidding me?” Cash fisted his hands in front of my face, like he was thinking about punching me. “Since when, and what the hell are you thinking?”
“First of all, lower your goddamn voice, before I lower it for you.” I stepped forward, grabbing his arm and dragging him away from my bedroom door. “Second of all, no, I’m not fucking her. Or at least, I haven’t, yet.”
“Did you learn nothing from what happened with Hales and Beau?” I wondered if my cousins knew they’d become a cautionary tale.
“We aren’t Halen and Beau. We aren’t. I wouldn’t leave her. I would never hurt her like that.” If anything, being with Avory these last few weeks made me hate my older cousin, made me hate what he’d done to Halen. “I care about her, man, like, I really fucking care.”
“Are you guys dating? Is that what you’re telling me? You’re with Avory, and no one else?” Cash sounded skeptical, but I couldn’t blame him. I got around.
“There’s no one else, I don’t want anyone else.” The thought of being with another girl made me sick to my stomach. Sometimes, late at night when Avory was lying in my arms, I wished I could go back and save every part of me for her. The way she’d saved herself for me.
“How did this even happen?”
That was the million-dollar question, wasn’t it? “I don’t know, honestly. It was like one day I woke up and she looked different to me. I saw her standing outside her house waiting for us to pick her up and she…she took my breath away. It was as if overnight, everything changed.” I sounded like a sap, but that was the truth as I remembered it. “I started getting jealous when guys would ask her out. I broke some sophomore’s nose when I saw him bring her home past curfew.”
“How long has this been going on?”
“Few weeks.” I collapsed back down onto my bed, picking up the gaming controller I’d been playing with before Cash had barged in. “I was down by the back gate one night and I caught her trying to sneak off the compound. I made her cancel her plans, and then we sort of jumped each other.”
“Anyone else know?”
“No.” I handed him the second controller when he sat down beside me. “I was going to tell you, soon, I swear. It’s new and it’s…a lot. You’ve already got Halen’s shit to deal with and we didn’t want you to have to lie for us too.”
“I’m your twin, Crue. I’m with you guys all the way.” He held his fist out so I could bump it. “’Til the end, bro.”
“’Til the end.”
“Hey. You going to answer me or keep staring off in the distance like a nutcase?” Cash bumped his shoulder into mine, bringing me back to the here and now.
“Sorry.” I sighed. “I guess you could say I’ve made some progress.” Slight progress and motherf’in baby steps. That was exactly what was going on between Avory and me at the moment.
“You banged her, but she’s still trying to act like you’re the dirt on her shoes?”
I nodded, lips pursed. “Yep.” Cash knew me, and he knew Avory. It wasn’t hard for him to hit the nail on the head with his summarization.
Cash put his hand on my shoulder, shaking me gently. “We’re here for you, bro, ’til the end.”
I turned to him, smiling at the words that had been in my memories moments ago. He’d been by my side, no matter what, since day one. It didn’t matter if I was going to get us both in trouble, or if I was asking too much of him. He never wavered. “You’re a really fucking good brother, you know that?”
“I do, in fact, know that.”
Cash had been stepping up for me my whole life. He’d helped me keep my secrets, he’d sacrificed himself at the altar of my and Avory’s love. “We didn’t deserve your help, Avory and me.” I wasn’t sure when I’d come to that conclusion, or when I’d decided to go there with him tonight. But the words felt right, cathartic. I should have said them years ago. He stared at me, like he wasn’t sure how to respond. “We were selfish, and self-serving. And I’m so fucking sorry.”
Cash swallowed, nodding his head. “I appreciate that.” He cleared this throat, emotion heavy in the air between us. “Now, go work on getting your girl back.”
I smiled as I walked away. Every one of our cousins still called Avory my girl, and I wasn’t sure they’d ever stopped.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Avory
Now
I was sitting in Crue’s living room, staring at the black screen of his TV. I’d been arguing with myself since I’d walked in here a few minutes ago. Should I leave? Prove to him that he wasn’t the boss of me, that he wasn’t in control the way he thought he was? Should I stay? Have a good time, and let him make me feel good for a few hours? I was weighing the pros and cons of each option when the front door opened and Crue filled the entryway. His presence took up a space and my body noticed even when I refused to let my heart weigh in.
His white shirt was threadbare, on purpose I was sure. His jeans were worn and tattered, his boots untied. He looked messy, but in a way that worked for him. He cleaned up for work, wearing expensive suits and shiny shoes. But I preferred this Crue. The relaxed badass.
“Took you long enough.” I studied my nails, going for nonchalant when really my mind was racing. “I almost left.”
He shut the door, throwing the deadbolt into place. “And yet, you’re still here.” He grabbed his shirt from the back, pulling it off and tossing it onto the couch beside me.
He was right. I was still there. I was still on my family’s compound. I was still waiting with bated breath for Crue Matthews’s next move. I wasn’t too sure how that made me feel. Was I stuck, stagnant in this life of mine? Or was I exactly where I was always supposed to be? “I’m not staying the night this time, Crue. One and done.” I couldn’t answer any of my own questions, and until I could, I needed to draw some clear lines between the two of us.
“One?” He chuckled, unbuckling his jeans as he made his way across the room, coming closer with every step. I felt like I was being stalked like prey. “We’ll see, baby spawn.”
He picked me up, my legs wrapping around him automatically. He carried me effortlessly into the kitchen, holding me with one arm and clearing everything off the center island with the other. A bowl full of fruit went crashing to the ground, papers scattering. My heart was racing, my core already clenching. That right there, the recklessness, that was what I’d been missing. That insatiable need. That passion only Crue Matthews could give me.
A few nights ago I’d told him no foreplay, but as he yanked my jeans off my legs, I was already going against my own rules. He ripped my panties, letting them fall to the floor with the ruined apples. He put his palms on my bare thighs, spreading me out before him. His jaw was clenched, his eyes hungry. I couldn’t help but watch him enjoy the sight of me. I had butterflies in my stomach. I was shaking on the kitchen counter. I wanted him to touch me and at the same time I wanted him to turn around and walk away, saving us both.
Crue’s mouth covered my core
, his tongue working my clit as warmth filled my entire body. My hands tangled in his hair, my spine arching. A small gasp left my mouth, and with it, all thoughts of self-preservation.
***
Crue and I were sitting on the kitchen island, side by side, our legs swinging. Since he’d ruined my panties, he let me sit on his t-shirt. After he’d finished feasting on me, like he’d promised he would, he picked a banana up off the floor and we were sharing it.
“I should go.” I swallowed the last bite, the one he’d offered to me moments ago. “It’s late.” I checked my watch, seeing that it was half past midnight. Huh. He’d called me a midnight snack on that text, and he’d stood by it.
He placed his hand on my thigh, his fingers tapping out a static beat. “You’re not leaving, baby.” His tone was soft, like he almost felt sorry for me. What was he going to do, tie me to his bed and never let me out of this house again? Eventually someone would come looking for me. Our cousins weren’t stupid. They knew I was here. My car was parked out front.
“You don’t control me.” I lifted my chin, turning so I could see his face out of the corner of my eye. “If I want to leave, I’ll fucking leave.”
He hopped down off the counter, standing in front of me with his muscular pecs on display. Damn he looked good. “But you don’t want to leave.”
He said it like a statement, and that pissed me off. But he wasn’t wrong. I didn’t want to leave, not yet anyway. I was already here. I’d already let him back inside my body. I might as well fucking enjoy it. Besides, it didn’t mean anything.
Crue palmed my ass, lifting me into his arms. He carried me up the stairs, like he had a few nights ago. I kissed his lips, sucking roughly on his bottom one. He groaned and I smirked. Once his bedroom door was shut, he fell backward onto the large bed, landing with me on top of him. He smacked my ass. “Ride me, baby.”
I pursed my lips, my hands on my hips as I stared down at him. He put his palms behind his head, one eyebrow cocked. I could feel him nestled against my thigh, hard as stone. “That’s it? ‘Ride me, baby’?” I shrugged. “Underwhelmed.”