by L. P. Maxa
“Underwhelmed?” He chuckled. “I’m pretty sure you were speaking in tongues on that kitchen counter.”
He wasn’t wrong. He’d fucking blew my mind into a million pieces. I was pretty sure I’d stopped breathing for a solid minute. But I wasn’t here to stroke his ego. “I’m not going to hop on your dick because you demand it.”
“You said no foreplay, just sex.”
“And clearly, we already shot that to shit.” I jerked my thumb behind me, indicating what he’d done to me twenty minutes ago.
“Okay.” He sat up his lips dangerously close to mine. “But you asked for it.”
He tangled his hand in my hair, fusing his mouth to mine. He kissed me deeply, invading every single fucking sense I had. He tugged at my hair as his other arm snaked around my waist, holding me tight against his hard body. I fumbled with his jeans, unbuttoning them, freeing his impressive length. I couldn’t think past his kisses, past the feel of him holding me so fucking close. His lips moved to my neck, sucking and kissing his way to my shoulder. He clamped down with his teeth, making me whimper in pleasure. He lifted me with ease.
“Ride me, baby.”
He positioned the head of his cock at my entrance and I wasted no time, sinking down on him as his name left my mouth like a damn prayer. His forehead rested against mine, our breath mingling, both of us panting. His hands were in my hair, my nails digging into his back. There was a tiny voice in the back of my mind, screaming at me to stop. But fuck her. Crue was as deep inside me as I could get him, and he was holding me. He was kissing me. He was worshipping me. And mistake or not, I didn’t want him to ever fucking quit.
“Baby, fuck, you feel so damn good wrapped around my dick like this.” His lips were leaving a burning trail, from my mouth to my shoulder and back again.
My head was back, my breathing ragged. I was so close to the edge, but I didn’t want this to be over. “Crue.” He flipped us around, slamming into me, the headboard hitting the wall behind it. “Yes, fuck, don’t stop.” He could read my mind when we were connected like this: he’d always been able to. He knew exactly what I needed, and when I needed it. Every nerve in my body was firing at the same time, so much pleasure that I wanted to fucking cry.
“Come for me, baby.” He nipped at the sensitive spot between my shoulder and neck. “Let me hear you scream.” He drove inside me, as deep as he could possibly go, grinding his pelvis against my clit. And I did exactly what he demanded. I screamed his fucking name as I shattered around him.
He growled as his fingers tightened in my hair, his lips finding my mine as he spilled inside me.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Avory
Now
I snuck out of Crue’s house before the sun came up. That was how I justified what had happened between us—again—to myself. I didn’t stay the night. I didn’t wake up with him smiling down at me. I got what I came for, twice, and then I left. Sort of.
Currently, I was wrapped in a blanket I’d found on the back of his couch, walking the caliche roads of the compound. The sky was turning a lighter shade of purple, letting the world know that a new day was on its way. After we’d both come down from our high, he’d pulled me to his chest, his fingers dragging up and down my back, and we fell asleep.
I took a deep breath, loving the silence that surrounded me, wiping at the tears that were falling from my eyes. I didn’t know what I was doing. I didn’t know why I’d fallen back into bed with Crue. I didn’t know why I couldn’t love Colin the way he loved me. I didn’t know why I couldn’t leave this place, these people. I was confused, and I was frustrated. And I guess those two things together mixed with the sunrise were making me a little emotional.
When I broke up with Crue, I’d told him I wouldn’t cry over him, that I would smile and move the fuck on. And I had. I hadn’t fallen apart. I hadn’t used one of our cousins as a security blanket. No. I cheered the loudest at all the football games. I was the life of every party I’d attended. I went to college. I dated my ass off. And all the while, I never let the memory of my first love affect me.
I’d buried Crue and all the hurt that accompanied the memory of him down deep, in a locked box that I never even let myself think about opening. But that locked box it seemed had worn through over time. Memories kept escaping, and emotions long since forgotten kept finding their way to the surface.
My cell vibrated in my pocket, the alert making me jump. I knew who it was, and part of me wanted to leave it unread. But that part of me was the same bitch I silenced last night as Crue was fucking me bare.
Crue: Get your ass back in this bed.
I swallowed thickly, wiping away more tears. I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t go climb into that warm bed with the boy who broke my heart. It was all becoming too familiar, too comfortable. Crue had cheated on me. He’d hurt me. He’d ruined us and I didn’t trust him anymore. Right? Right. I needed to remember that. I couldn’t let myself fall for him, fall for whatever it was he was trying to pull.
Avory: Can’t. Plans.
Crue: Your car is still here.
Avory: Plans are on the compound, stalker. Leave me alone.
Crue: No.
I shoved my cell back into the pocket of my jeans and when the road forked, I took a left. I didn’t actually have plans, but I did have plenty of family that lived within walking distance. I waved to the guard at the gate, crossing the empty road and jumping the gate to MJ Botanicals’ land. They had a guard too. He recognized me and tipped his hat.
By the time I made it to my sister’s house, the sun was rising over the horizon. Her kitchen light was on, so I knew they were up. Co didn’t sleep in, ever. She and Talon complained about it all the time. They were perpetually exhausted. I keyed in the code to her door, stepping through. “Hello? No one’s naked, right?”
“Well, one of us is.” Talon came around the corner, chasing a naked crawling baby. He laughed, scooping him up, making Co giggle. “Here, get your nephew dressed.” Talon handed me the kid and the clothes. “It’s early, is everything okay?”
I stepped into the living room, sitting on the floor with Co. “I needed to take a walk.”
“From Austin?” Talon’s eyebrows rose to his blond hairline.
“She stayed at the red barn last night.” Marley came in, her dark hair piled on her head and a steaming mug of coffee in her hands.
Talon winced, collapsing on their sectional. “You hooking up with Motley Crue?”
Hooking up. Well. I supposed that was one of the nicer ways to word it. I fished Co’s hands out of his sleeves, pulling them through before letting him hold onto my fingers so he could stand up. “Yes.”
“How many times now?” Marley smiled when her son dropped back to the ground to crawl over to her. She reached down, picking him up, and got him settled into her lap.
“Twice.” I wrinkled my nose. “Like, two nights.” I’d come more than twice, thanks to that amazing kitchen counter round.
“And you came here so I could tell you you’re making a huge mistake?” Marley questioned, adjusting her glasses.
“I came here because I snuck out of Crue’s bed this morning and I needed a reason not to go back yet.” I crawled over to the couch and tickled the bottom of Co’s feet. “And I wanted to see my favorite nephew.”
Marley glanced down at her son, her grin playful. “Don’t let her spout that bull to you, kid, you’re her only actual nephew.” She sighed, passing me her coffee cup. “You want to talk about it? Talk about Crue?”
Talon got to his feet, gathering their son and hoisting him high in the air before cuddling the baby to his chest. “You two chat, Co and I are going to go have breakfast with Brody and his boys.” Talon dipped down and kissed the top of my head, then straightened and kissed Marley on the mouth before leaving.
Once I heard the front door closed, I sort of folded. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“Do you normally, though?” Marley took her coffee back, pa
tting the couch next to her.
“I meant with Crue. I don’t know what I’m doing with Crue.” Leave it to Marley to make you question more than you wanted to. I’d like to think that normally, I had my shit in order. I mean, I was adulting as best I could. I did laundry and cooked for myself. The other day I’d even reorganized my junk drawer.
“Why did you start sleeping with him again if it’s so confusing for you?”
“I didn’t set out trying to confuse myself.” I stole her coffee, taking another sip. “The other night, Sean Ryan and I were talking. I told him that Crue was the best sex I’d ever had. He said, well then why not give it another go. So, I did.”
Marley scoffed. “Sean, a man you’ve only spoken to a handful of times, is the reason you slept with Crue after five years of avoiding him?” She rolled her eyes. “Avory. Your problem is you like to blame other people for the things that happen in your life.”
“I’m not blaming him.” It wasn’t Sean’s fault that I slept with Crue, although he was the one who put the idea in my head. “I’m trying to tell you what happened.”
“You slept with Crue because you broke up with your boyfriend and your first love has been all up in your head space ever since.” She got to her feet, heading to the kitchen, knowing I’d follow. She did that a lot, to all of us. “Now. Why did you sleep with him again last night?” She put two bagels in the toaster.
“I don’t know. He kept texting me. He knows how to push my buttons and—”
“There you go again.” She rested her back against the counter, waiting on her breakfast and handing me my ass. “He texted me, he pushes my buttons. No. You’re an adult, Avory. You are the only person in charge of you. Now. Why did you sleep with him again?”
“I don’t know.” I threw my hands in the air when her eyes narrowed scarily. “Because I wanted to. Because it felt good. Because I like the way he bosses me around. Because I’ve been craving that passion. Because I missed it. Because I fucking missed him.” I bit my lips together, tears welling in my eyes for the second time that morning. “I missed him. He hurt me, and I broke up with him. And I’ve missed him every single day since then.”
Marley nodded, reaching out and rubbing her hand down my arm. “It’s okay to feel things for him, Avory. And it’s okay to forgive him.”
“I can’t forgive him.” I was sniffling, my words barely a whisper. “He hurt me.”
“And you hurt him.” Marley turned back to making breakfast. “And you both hurt Cash. Your relationship was a fucking disaster from the beginning. You know that, right? You two were lying, sneaking around. Then you dragged his twin and your best friend into the mix. You two destroyed Cash without blinking an eye.”
I hated thinking about what we’d asked of Cash, so it was something else I buried down very deep inside me. Crue told me that he did what he did with that girl to save me, to save his twin. And it wasn’t that I didn’t believe him, it was that it didn’t make it better. It didn’t make it all fade away.
Marley handed me a bagel. “Avory, you are as much at fault for your breakup as he is. You two made a mess, the both of you, together. You expected Cash’s help, and you didn’t care if it hurt him.” Her words were true, and they made my heart ache. “Crue was trying to clean up something that both of you had a hand in. He was like a trapped animal, trying to save everyone he loved. He made a mistake, but so did you.”
I let Marley’s words rattle around in my brain, picking them apart as they settled in to stay. Crue was backed in a corner, and he did the best he could. I was at fault too. I was fine with using Cash when it suited me, but when it backfired, I jumped ship. I let Crue take all the blame, and I washed my hands of the whole situation. “I fucked up too.” I buried my memories, and along with them, the reality of what actually happened all those years ago. “Holy shit. I fucked up too.”
Marley nodded. “You fucked up too, Avory.” She took a bite of her bagel, as if this wasn’t a world-tilting conversation for me. “I don’t know if you and Crue have a future, that isn’t for me to say. But I do think it’s high time you start seeing your past the way it really played out. He isn’t the villain here, and deep down you know it.”
I didn’t see it then, I was a heartbroken teenager. But I wasn’t that girl anymore.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Crue
Now
I wouldn’t leave her alone, I couldn’t. I was getting closer. I could feel it. At night, when I had her in my arms, she let her guard down. In the moonlight she didn’t look at me like I was the bad guy, she looked at me like I was her hero. Like she had when we were kids. I’d never stopped loving Avory, and I would spend every day for the rest of my life trying to convince her to come back to me.
I was struggling like hell to distract myself. I’d already started a load of laundry and emptied the dishwasher. I wanted to send Avory more texts. I wanted to beg her to come back to the barn. I knew she hadn’t left the compound because her car was still here, but she’d been gone for a couple of hours now. I wanted to know where she’d been.
“Hey, where’ve you been?” I picked Avory up, smiling when she wrapped her long legs around my waist. I loved her in her cheerleading skirt. It never failed to turn me all the way on.
She kissed my lips, tangling her fingers in my hair. “The game ran into overtime.” She hopped down, climbing into the passenger seat of my truck. I walked around the hood, momentarily blinded by the headlights. I always picked up Avory after football games. It was our Friday night ritual. “But I’m all yours now.” She made her bare shoulders dance. “My parents think I’m staying the night with one of the girls from my squad.”
I rested my hand on her thigh as we left the stadium parking lot. “We got a whole night, baby spawn?” I curled my palm around her leg, sliding it toward her center.
She wiggled in her seat, my touch driving her crazy. “Yes.” Her words came out like a whisper as my attention became more focused.
“Where to? Field? Back gate?” We had lots of places we ran away to be alone. But most of them meant we were hooking up in my truck or a blanket under the stars.
“Pool house.” I raised my brows, but kept my eyes on the road. “I want to fall asleep next to you all cuddled up under the covers, and then I want to wake up to you without the fear of bugs in my hair.” She leaned over the console, putting her lips against my ear. “I want you to make me scream, and then I want you to hold me all night long.”
I nodded. “I want that too, baby. That sounds perfect.”
I was so lost in my own head that I almost missed the sound of Avory’s car door closing out front. Was she really going to leave without saying anything to me? I paused, unsure if I should play it cool and let her go, or if I should run outside and try like hell to stop her. In the end, I settled somewhere in the middle.
I walked out front, taking my time and refusing to let myself sprint. I stood on the porch, leaning my shoulder against the railing. She was sitting in her car, her hands on the steering wheel and her eyes on me. She looked like she had been crying, and her hair was a windblown mess. I crossed my arms over my chest, impatiently awaiting her next move. I didn’t want to spook her by walking toward her. I felt like I was suddenly dealing with a scared deer. Where was the confident brat I was used to?
She rested her forehead on the steering wheel for a few moments before climbing out. She didn’t come to me. Instead she stood in her open door. I made my way down the front walk, more than okay with meeting her in the middle of the standoff I didn’t quite understand.
“I’m going home.” She took a deep breath, then glanced down at her feet. “I need some space, Crue. I need to try to sort out some shit.”
“I don’t want you to leave.” I’d been playing the asshole role and I’d been doing it well. But something about the tone of her voice, the uncertainty in her gaze. She was being honest, and I wanted to return the favor. “I don’t want you to ever leave, baby.”
&n
bsp; Avory nodded, wiping at her cheeks. “I know you don’t.” She sniffled. “But I don’t know how that makes me feel. And I need some time to figure it out.”
Time? She needed time. I’d already given her way too much of that. “I’ve given you five years to figure it out.” Would she ever love me again? Would she ever take me back? I never doubted that before. But standing here in my driveway, watching silent tears fall, I was suddenly unsure of everything.
“I didn’t spend the last five years thinking about you, thinking about us.” Her voice cracked. “I buried every single loving thing I felt about you down deep in a place where it couldn’t hurt me anymore.” She threw her hands up, letting her palm smack the top of her car. “And then bam, the floodgates opened and you’re everywhere. Memories and texts and long nights tangled up in your sheets… Fuck. Crue. I spent so many years thinking you were the bad guy, the villain and, and, and—”
“And what, baby?” My scarred heart soared with hope.
“And I don’t know anymore.” She pushed her hair back from her face, her fingers sticking in the tangles. “I’ve got to go.” She got behind the wheel, shutting her door and backing down the driveway before I could even process that she was leaving.
She’d shocked me with her raw emotions and her honest words. I stood frozen on my front porch until her car disappeared from my view. There was nothing I could do now but wait.
I’d made her see me. I’d made her remember our love.
And now I had to give her time to process it all.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Avory
Now
Marley’s blunt honesty shook me to my core. I left her house in a daze, walking all the way back to Crue’s driveway. The sun was higher in the sky, its heat beaming down on me. I had every intention of getting in my car and not telling him I was going. But then I sat there so long that he came out to watch me.