Aidan (The Doherty Mafia Book 2)

by Kasey Krane

  I rolled my hips over him, guiding myself over his cock…teasing him by slipping him just half an inch into me and then pulling out.

  He got hard again, his breathing became harsh too. His eyes looked heavy and dark. His mouth hung open with desire.

  Maybe I was the only girl he allowed to do this to him. I felt powerful. He made me feel powerful and I would use it.

  Maybe this was it.

  Maybe this was the last time Aidan and I would be together. After this, everything would change. Reality would eventually sink in and he’d realize the full scope of what I was on the verge of doing before he caught me out.

  And if the truth about our baby ever came out, I knew he would never forgive me.

  This was my only chance of making sure he remembered me as the girl who took him. Instead of the other way around.

  Aidan came inside me again. I came hard too, rubbing my clit with one hand while I bounced on top of him and rode his cock. We couldn’t take our eyes off each other.

  When I was done, I collapsed on top of him. He wrapped his arms around me, holding me close to his beating heart. I loved being like this with him, feeling the warmth of his body and the strength of him.

  He made me feel like anything was possible, even though I knew it was only fantasy.

  He gently stroked my hair. It was amazing how he could be so delicate when he wanted. The last thing anyone would expect from a man like him.

  I didn’t want to move and I hoped he wouldn’t move either. What would it take to just freeze time?

  But with each passing moment of silence—I was reminded of what lay on the other side. He would never tell me how he really felt for me, and a part of me began to believe that I deserved it.

  I didn’t deserve his love. I didn’t deserve to have a relationship with him. Heck, I didn’t even deserve his forgiveness or protection—and he offered both to me.

  Then why was I allowing myself to fall for him? Why did I come back in here when I’d managed to walk out? Why did we have sex? And again.

  Shit.

  I had to struggle a little in his hold before he released me. The only way I would stay would be if he told me what I wanted to hear. I still couldn’t get rid of the hope. That maybe if he told me how he really felt, then every problem we had would go away. If only we could admit the truth to each other.

  Aidan gave me a questioning look, but that was it.

  He wouldn’t say any more.

  I grabbed my underwear and went looking for my shoes. I could feel the tears stinging my eyes, filling up swiftly.

  I really didn’t want to cry. Especially not after we just had sex.

  The last thing I wanted him to think was that I was overly emotional.

  “Leah…” He said my name slowly, dragging it out—but there was nothing at the end of that.

  He didn’t actually have anything to say.

  “I have to go see my mom. I’ll…we’ll…I’m sure we’ll talk. Later.” I couldn’t look at him when I stormed out of the apartment.

  I was angry, confused, guilty, heartbroken and afraid. A cocktail of emotions I wasn’t prepared to handle.

  I didn’t know what I would do, but I knew I needed to put some distance between us first.

  Twenty-Five

  Aidan

  Before I knew what I was doing—I ended up punching the front door once Leah was gone.

  My knuckles were bruised from it and I groaned in pain. The pain felt good, but only for a moment. I needed ice.

  Making a makeshift ice pack and using it on my knuckles kept me temporarily occupied for a short while so I didn’t have to think about Leah and what happened between us.

  I knew it was a mistake. I shouldn’t have let her walk out of here mad at me. I knew what she wanted to hear, but I wasn’t willing to say the words.

  We were both being stubborn.

  Okay, maybe I was a bit more stubborn than her.

  But if I said the words and opened this door—there would be no turning back from that.

  If I claimed her and made her a part of my life, I would be opening myself up to a world’s worth of vulnerability. Something I wasn’t prepared for.

  Most importantly, I wasn’t prepared to trust Leah.

  Not so long ago, when I was on the brink of starting a new life with her, she had made me feel like I had nothing to offer. When she walked away from our relationship, she reinforced the idea I always had about myself—I wasn’t like my father. I wasn’t like all the men who are able to build happy families. Who are able to stick to a relationship.

  After her, there was no other girl I wanted to test drive. Nobody else would ever be good enough. Leah was the reason I didn’t plan on ever settling down.

  And now she was back in town, spying on me, keeping secrets, seducing me. Why should I have trusted her now? Why would I let go of my own emotional wounds for her now?

  I threw the ice pack in the kitchen sink and decided to take a shower instead.

  I needed to forget and there was only one way to do it.

  I called Nolan the moment I stepped out of the shower.

  “Call the others and tell them we’re on for tonight at the bar,” I said, hanging up.

  I’d already wasted too much time on Leah. I needed to hang out with my brothers. Surround myself with people who didn’t betray me.

  That would hopefully remind me exactly what my life looked like now. There wasn’t any space for Leah in it and I was better off alone.

  Maybe if I fucked a different chick, that would send the message home too.

  It wasn’t like we were in an actual relationship. It wasn’t like Leah could do anything about it if I banged someone else.

  I changed and left the apartment without a second thought. I still had a few hours to kill before hitting the bar and I planned on getting some work done in the meantime. Ever since Leah landed back in town, every other aspect of my life had been ignored and it was time to change that.

  I wasn’t going to make everything about her anymore.

  “What the fuck are you doing, man?”

  Killian stood behind me at the bar. I didn’t expect to see him here, considering he had Reese at home now. Wasn’t that what all engaged couples did? Shack up together and refuse to lay eyes on the rest of the world.

  “I’m having a drink. What the fuck are you doing, man? Where is that lovely fiancé of yours?”

  Even as I spoke, I could feel the floor undulating under my feet. I’d been drinking since early evening, before anyone else showed up at the bar.

  Killian placed a hand on my shoulder, squeezing it tightly.

  “Reese is spending the night with Isabelle. They’re going over some of the wedding plans, probably getting drunk, I don’t know. I don’t need to keep tabs on her,” he said.

  I found myself grinning sheepishly.

  “I mean, you probably should keep tabs on her, considering Aldo Baron is probably doing it.”

  I was on the verge of telling him what Leah told me. How Aldo used her to keep tabs on me, but I decided against it. I wasn’t willing to throw her under the bus yet.

  “Thanks for the advice. I don’t know what I’d do without you,” he replied, smirking too.

  I passed him a mock salute, then held the glass of whiskey to my lips and spilled it down my throat in one large gulp.

  Killian watched me.

  “Why have you decided to get drunk tonight?” he asked calmly.

  I looked over my brother’s shoulders at my other brothers and some of my friends. They were all standing around the pool table, joking and talking loudly. A few girls had joined the group, draping themselves over the guys. There was always an abundance of chicks here. They wanted us and we could have them. Fresh for the plucking.

  “I am always up for getting drunk. It’s not a decision I’ve had to make. What’s gotten into you?” I spoke to Killian, but I was annoyed with him.

  I wasn’t happy with the direction his questio
ns were taking.

  “Where’s Leah?” he continued.

  I shrugged. “Fuck if I know. I’m not her keeper. Maybe she’s with Reese and Isabelle, planning the wedding.”

  Killian’s eyes narrowed at me. “So, this is about her.”

  I banged the glass down on the bar and made to walk away from him. Killian grabbed my elbow and I pulled away from him aggressively.

  “Get the fuck off me!” I growled.

  I could sense that got the attention of the others who turned to look at us from over at the pool table. Killian clenched his jaws. I could see I pissed him off. Well, he pissed me the fuck off too.

  “You need to take a long hard look at yourself and figure out what you really want from your life before you throw it down the drain again. Sometimes, it’s too late to turn back time.” Killian spoke in his deep wiseguy voice which always infuriated me.

  I came up close, facing off with him.

  “So you put a ring on some chick’s finger, changing the whole course of our family’s business and safety, and suddenly you think someone made you the world’s greatest husband? I don’t need your fuckin’ advice.”

  Before Killian could speak, I already walked away from him.

  I didn’t need his shit.

  I didn’t need anybody.

  Colin found me on the toilet.

  I was doing exactly what I did the night I got the phone call from Leah. I’d locked myself in after throwing out the sorry ass who was already in there. Then, I proceeded to pace around and sit on the grubby floor, rocking myself back and forth like I’d been possessed.

  Colin banged on the toilet door until I opened it.

  It was too dark in there to see, but I sensed he wasn’t happy with me.

  “What the fuck happened out there?” he growled at me.

  “Did you ask Killian the same question?”

  “I was there. I saw it. I didn’t have to ask him anything.”

  “But you didn’t hear the bullshit he spouted.”

  “Let me guess, he brought up Leah and this is how you reacted.”

  “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

  Colin pushed his way in, looking around like he couldn’t believe I chose to be alone in there. Yeah, I couldn’t believe I chose to be alone in there either.

  “Do you see what you’re doing to yourself, man?” Colin spoke in a calmer voice now.

  “I’m just trying to make sense of a few things. Give me one night without your preachy bullshit. All of you.”

  “Nobody is preaching to you. We all just want the same thing for you, brother. For you to get away from the rabbit hole of heartbreak.”

  “Heartbreak?” I chuckled maniacally. I couldn’t believe he actually used that fuckin’ word on me.

  “What else would you call what happened when Leah left the last time?”

  I glared at him and he glared back. So, he expected her to leave again. Maybe they all did. Maybe I did too.

  That was the problem. I didn’t trust her. No matter how I truly felt about her. She had the kind of power over me nobody else did—and that power was dangerous.

  Colin shoved his hands into the pockets of his pants and let out a deep sigh.

  “Figure this out with her, man. You need to talk to her. You need to end this. One way or the other. You either saddle up and prepare for the ride with her. Or without her. Either way, you need to decide before it eats you up.”

  With that, Colin left the bathroom, finally giving me exactly what I wanted all night—to be left alone.

  But I didn’t want to be left alone anymore.

  It was close to midnight when I knocked on Leah’s apartment door. I didn’t know how long I’d locked myself in that bathroom at the bar, but I was finally ready to face her.

  Have that conversation Colin talked about.

  The truth was, I didn’t know what I wanted to fucking say to her. I just wanted to see her again and make sure she was doing okay.

  When she opened the door, it was pretty evident that she hadn’t been sleeping. But she looked cute in the tiny shorts and oversized t-shirt she wore.

  “Why are you here, Aidan?” She sounded exhausted.

  “I don’t know.”

  Her eyes roamed over me and I was sure she knew I’d been drinking. She could probably smell it off me. It didn’t matter. I had it pretty clear in my head now.

  Leah crossed her arms over her breasts and licked her plump pink lips.

  “So are we just going to stand here and stare at each other till one of us drops dead?” she asked.

  “Or you could invite me inside.”

  “What good would that do?” She rolled her eyes.

  When I didn’t say anything, her eyes softened. She wasn’t the kind of girl to be okay with being mean or even making snarky remarks. I could sense in her a need to apologize for her behavior.

  “Yes, you should come in. We have a lot to talk about.”

  Her apartment was warm and smelled of her. I felt immediately comfortable and that was another one of those scary feelings. I’ve had plenty of those lately.

  “I’d offer you a drink but maybe you shouldn’t have any more,” she said.

  Once again, I didn’t say anything.

  Leah ran a hand through her long red hair and sighed.

  “You have to give me something if anything productive is going to come of tonight, Aidan. Is there anything you want to say?”

  I clenched my jaws tightly. I was so close to her. I could pull her in, overpower her, take her again. But I couldn’t do it. She wanted something else from me tonight. I just didn’t know if I was ready to give it.

  “I know what you want to hear,” I finally said.

  She gulped and suddenly looked nervous and guilty.

  “I don’t want you to say or do anything you don’t believe in. I’m sorry for the way I acted this morning. I wasn’t trying to force your hand. You are right about everything, Aidan. I am sorry for what I did in the past and the present. I’m sorry for being a disappointment. I know you don’t trust me or any woman, and it is completely my fault.”

  Her eyes sparkled and not because she was excited. I didn’t want to see her cry.

  “You’re right, I don’t trust you.”

  Her lips quivered but somehow, she managed to keep her tears in check.

  “Then tell me what I need to do to make you trust me again. I will do anything.”

  I didn’t know what to say because I didn’t know how she could make me trust her again.

  I stood leaning against a wall, watching her intently as she paced around her living room. Leah clasped and unclasped her hands.

  “I…should probably leave. Maybe I can take Mom with me. Somewhere the Barons can’t find me? Just until she has…passed away…after that, they can make me pay for it however they like. I just don't want her to have to face the brunt of it.”

  Leah babbled on. She wasn’t even looking at me.

  But most of all, I noticed how she hadn’t thought of herself at all. She only thought of her mother.

  When I went up to her and put my hands on her shoulders, she seemed to startle back to Earth.

  “I’m sorry, Aidan. For everything. But right now, I think the only solution I have for all this is if I disappear with Mom. Leave you in peace to deal with whatever is going on with the Barons.”

  I clenched my jaws tightly, staring at the freckles on her cheeks. She blushed when she noticed how hard I stared at her.

  “You’re not going anywhere,” I said.

  Leah looked a little confused.

  “The safest place for you right now is here. Where I can make sure Aldo Baron doesn’t lay a finger on you or your mother.”

  Her nostrils flared and she pushed her chin up in the air.

  “I can’t be here, Aidan. I can’t be around you. Not when we have so much history between us. I’m exhausted by this thing between us. It’s not fair to you either. I want to let you live your
life.”

  “I want to live my life too.”

  Her shoulders heaved and I saw a glimmer of hope in her eyes.

  “What are you saying exactly?” she asked.

  “I want to live my life with you,” I replied.

  Leah’s mouth fell open. Her lips parted like she’d forgotten how to breathe. She couldn’t believe what she just heard. I couldn’t believe I said it either.

  Was I really prepared to trust her? Was I willing to take the plunge?

  Maybe if I didn’t do it right now, I’d spend the rest of my life regretting letting her go.

  Without a word, she placed a hand over mine and brought it up to her face. Her eyes fluttered shut as she moved my fingers over her lips, eyes and cheeks. It was like she wanted me to touch every part of her face so she could make sure I was real.

  “You said you wanted to do whatever it took to make me trust you again,” I added.

  Leah’s eyes flew open. She nodded lightly.

  “I want you to tell me what you’re hiding from me. I want to know your secret.”

  Twenty-Six

  Leah

  He wouldn’t talk about Aldo Baron anymore.

  When he said he wanted to know my secret—I saw it in his eyes, he knew. He knew I was hiding something.

  How did he know?

  It was like he could read me like an open book.

  He moved his hand from my face and I stepped away from him. A shudder ran through me and I felt frozen. I couldn’t move another muscle.

  Aidan’s eyes were fixed on me, he watched me like a hawk. And every moment of silence that passed between us was a reaffirmation of the fact that I did actually have something to hide from him.

  “You have me if you want me, Leah,” he began. “I’m willing to trust you, drop all my defenses. All against my better judgement. But I need you to do this for me. I know a lot of time has passed and you have a new life, but if there is something you’re hiding from me, I want you to tell me now.”