Go Away, Darling

by Alexis Anne

  He was here to stay.

  So the only question now was: did he stay as a friend or as more?

  Luckily Berlin was home for the weekend and we had our regular lunch date scheduled. After I popped into the history museum under the canopy of oaks and pines, I made my way to the patio of The Red Tourist. Berlin was already sitting at a table under a red umbrella near the end, looking at a menu.

  “Did Clint change the menu?”

  “No,” she sighed, closing the large plastic covered tri-fold. “I’m just in a mood and I thought looking at things would help me decide.”

  “You’re going to get salad. You always get the salad.”

  “I know,” she grumbled. Today she wore loose white shorts with thin blue stripes, a matching blue tank top, and strappy brown leather sandals. Her hair was up in a braided bun that looked straight out of a science fiction movie.

  “So what’s with the mood?”

  She twisted her lips off to the side. “My sisters don’t like Ryker.”

  I tried not to make a face, but I’m pretty sure I failed because she groaned and slumped in her chair. “You too?”

  “He’s...different. But you like him and he seems nice. So maybe we just need to get used to different.”

  “Is it the polo shirts?”

  I winced. “Yes and no. It’s more what the polo shirts represent.” He always wore polo shirts. Always. Not sometimes. Casual lunch? Polo shirt. Date night? Polo shirt. Saturday morning? Polo shirt. Walk on the beach? Polo shirt. I was almost positive he didn’t own a regular old t-shirt, let alone an athletic shirt or even a UPF shirt, which nearly everyone wore on the island. Heck, I’d even take a Hawaiian shirt at the point.

  She waved her hand in a “go on” gesture.

  “Well, he’s rigid. He’s not an islander. He can’t seem to relax or change or adapt.”

  “He’s learning.”

  Is he? “It just feels like a square peg in a round hole. Does he want this kind of life? Really? Or is he twisting himself up to fit you?”

  She blanched. “I don’t know.”

  “I think, more than anything, that’s what worries me. If he doesn’t want to wear swim trunks to the beach that’s fine. That’s his quirk, we all have them. But if he lives on land and you live in the sea, then one of you has to grow legs or a tail to make this work.”

  “Are you Little Mermaiding my relationship?”

  I shrugged. “Maybe?”

  She groaned just as our regular waitress, Annabella, came up with our waters and Red Tourist garlic cheesy bread. “How are we today?” Her gaze caught on Berlin and darted back to me.

  “We’re good. We’ll have the usual.”

  “Of course. Dressing on the side, Berlin?”

  “No. Drench it. Give me all the calories.”

  Annabella shot me another wary gaze before darting off.

  “What about you? What’s happening with Chris?”

  Berlin was still skeptical of my relationship as well. I think the only thing that kept her from giving me a hard time was the fact that Chris and I were in the friend zone again.

  “I’ve come to the conclusion we’re both square pegs.”

  “He’s still a professional athlete.”

  I didn’t bite back immediately like I wanted to because the last thing we needed was a tit for tat fight over men when really we just cared about each other so much we got emotional. “Maybe baseball players are just different. Chris isn’t like Beau or Jack.”

  Berlin watched me as she sipped her water and selected a slice of the delicious bread. “Football and hockey are both aggressive contact sports. Baseball is not.” She chewed as she thought through her theory. I liked where this was going. “I suppose there’s a lot of individualism in the sport as well.”

  “Most of the guys are like Chris. There are absolutely a few Beau’s, but by and large, from Chris’s teammates to all the former players I interviewed over the winter, they all had a different attitude. Calmer, more introspective. A desire to be both a teammate and individually excellent. Plus, baseball is just not as glamorous as football.”

  “I can see that. So you’re happy?”

  I took a moment to breathe, to think through all the swirling emotions and possibilities. “He loves it here. He’s not an islander by birth, but by spirit. This is his home and he’s become so a part of our lives I can’t imagine him not being here.”

  “He really stepped up while you were traveling.”

  My heart skipped a few beats at the thought of how devoted Chris was to Linc. He was the kind of father I dreamed of. Attentive, funny, and he took the time to learn about Linc’s interests, even if they seemed weird. “You think so?”

  “Yeah.” She pushed her melting glass of water around, creating a pool of water on the table. “I saw them a couple of times. Once with Summer at the ice cream shop, and another time when he was picking Linc up from baseball. He’s...well, he’s a natural. They both looked so happy. I realized I was being judgmental and putting my own crap on your relationship. Plus, I caught a couple of games where the camera panned to Linc, you, and Summer, and it all just looked so right. Every single one of you was smiling and happy.”

  “Linc wants us to get married. He informed me last night over dinner.”

  Berlin laughed loud and clear. “I love that kid.”

  “So will you give him a chance? For me?”

  “He plays ball because he loves the game, not because he wants the fame.” She snorted. “That rhymed. That’s awesome.” She chuckled again, pleased with her word play. “Anyway, Chris looks at you the way my dad looked at my mom. Like you’re a gift in his life and every day is a present he can’t wait to unwrap. Let him unwrap you, Olivia. And enjoy it.”

  “That’s beautiful.”

  She shrugged. “I was wrong.”

  I noticed she didn’t ask me to support Ryker. I would if she asked, but I firmly believed they were too different for this to work out. “So...Jack’s brother is one of Chris’s teammates…” Erik and I had a chance to chat about Jack and Berlin on several occasions. Jack was torn up over their divorce and I wasn’t sure if I was doing the right thing or not by telling Berlin.

  But I did it anyway.

  “Yeah,” she sighed. “It’s hard to miss Erik Cassidy in the news. If there’s anything I regret losing in the divorce, it’s Erik. He was always so good to me.”

  “He comes down to fish with Chris sometimes. Maybe I can arrange a lunch or something the next time you're both in town? Zoe is amazing.”

  Berlin smiled. “I might stalk Zoe Hyde’s Instagram account. They seem really, really happy together.”

  I tossed some bread at her. “Get real. You stalk Wes Allen’s Instagram account.” Wes was Erik’s best friend and he frequently posted shirtless videos and pictures. Wes Allen’s account was a delight to follow for women everywhere.

  “Everyone stalks Wes Allen’s account. But when I saw Erik got together with Zoe I was curious. I follow her now too.”

  Annabella dropped off our food and scurried away without a word. I dug into my food and let the subject drop for a few minutes. So I was surprised when Berlin did the questioning.

  “So...how is...he?”

  “Jack’s good. Healthy but sad, according to Erik. He’s...different.”

  Berlin’s eyebrow shot up. “Different how? He bosses around a new woman every day or just every week?”

  I winced. Her pain was so valid. “Erik thinks Jack was a selfish jerkoff, but because he didn’t know he was an asshole until you left him, he’s had an awakening. Apparently he’s no longer selfish or a jerkoff.”

  “According to his little brother.” Berlin shook it off. “Well I’m happy for whatever woman reaps the benefits and I’m glad I’m no longer stuck with a selfish prick in my life. Ryker may be boring but he’s kind and he cares about me.” She dug back into her food.

  I let the entire subject drop. I finished my food and pushed the plate a
way. “So what’s the latest on London and Ben?” The last I heard there were sleepovers taking place at Chris’s house, which seemed like very good news for everyone on Couple Watch.

  Seriously, there was a whole island dating pool going. I’m ashamed (I’m not ashamed) to say I had a bet in and my day was fast approaching. So them getting together was kind of critical.

  Berlin didn’t meet my gaze as she shrugged, but the pink on her cheeks told me something big was coming. Whenever Berlin tried to lie she blushed. “Well, all I can say is there is a plan that may or may not involve all the Kaine brothers, so you might want to ask your future husband for details instead of me.”

  My future husband. “I think Linc is putting the cart before the horse. Maybe we should just date for a little while. Like normal people.”

  But Berlin scoffed. “Normal is boring. Don’t be boring, Olivia. It doesn’t suit you.”

  19

  Let gravity, Newton’s first, second, and third laws, and fate take over

  Chris

  I bent down to Linc who cupped his mouth and whispered in my ear. “I laid the groundwork. It’s all up to you now.”

  I bit my lower lip to keep from laughing. It was the way he said it. All serious and spy-like. I schooled my features. “What exactly did you do?” I pictured him gushing about how awesome I was.

  That was not what happened.

  “I said I needed a brother or sister and that you should get married to make that happen.”

  I blinked in surprise. “You have no subtlety in you.”

  “What’s that mean?”

  “You’re blunt. Straight to the point. Brutally honest.”

  Linc frowned. “I’ve waited long enough. No more games. Ask mom to marry you already.”

  I could only imagine Liv’s response if I walked across the yard and proposed marriage. She’d kick me out or die laughing. As much as I wanted Linc’s plan to work, I had serious doubts.

  “How about we put your skills to good use helping me first.”

  Linc shrugged. “Okay. What do you need me to do?”

  I pressed my finger to my mouth in the universal sign of silence and then waved him into the kitchen behind me. Scott was in his room taking a nap like usual, so we needed to be quiet and quick before Ben got back. We crept over to the butler pantry and in the back of an unused cabinet stood the secret bag of sunflower seeds I’d been accumulating for the last two weeks.

  I showed Linc what was inside and he nodded solemnly. This was not his first rodeo after all. He’d participated in multiple hijinx over the months. The traitor even helped punk me.

  Then we crept upstairs to Big Ben’s room. It was dark but the bed was neatly made as usual. I pulled back the covers and we got to work covering the fitted sheet in seeds. Then we carefully replaced the pillows and top sheet (because of course Ben was a top sheet kind of guy) and then finally the duvet. We collected our trash and snuck downstairs just in time.

  Even better? Ben had London with him. This was going to be awesome!

  And I didn’t even need to coach Linc. He was a natural at pranks. “Hi Ben! Hi Aunt London!”

  “Well hello Mr. Lincoln,” London said. “And how was school today, good sir?”

  He shrugged. “Fine. On Friday we get pizza, so that’s cool.”

  “Pizza’s always cool,” Ben agreed. “Any big plans this weekend?” He looked between us.

  Other than win over the love of my life with the help of her sneaky son? Nope. Nothing comes to mind. “I want to get some fishing in.”

  Linc nodded enthusiastically and fist bumped me. “Yes!”

  “And you lovebirds?”

  London blushed a little. “Nothing in particular.”

  Sheba, Ben’s dog, finally decided to wake up from her afternoon nap and trotted over to Linc.

  “How’s she been?”

  “These last couple of days have been brutal,” Ben said. “Thanks for letting her stay here.”

  I bent down and ruffled the hair on her back while Linc rubbed her belly. “She’s a good dog. No worries.”

  The sound of our voices must have roused the sleeping giant, because a half-awake Scott appeared in the doorway. “Hey guys. Happy Friday.” Then he ran his hand through his hair and opened the fridge, pulling out a soda.

  “I think Scott and Sheba are on the same schedule,” London laughed.

  “Ha. Ha.” He glanced at us and then focused on his drink.

  Scott was permanently stuck in this odd place between healing and self loathing. He whipped out wise adages like, “If you let the fear into the room with you it will always win. Don’t let the fear in, Chris. Only take the truth with you.”

  But he couldn’t seem to stop hating himself for his past mistakes. He refused to speak to Lucy ever since the latest hit piece on my brother dropped. I think in the past he was embarrassed by his mistakes, but now that he was in love, he felt responsible for Lucy’s happiness and wellbeing. As if his mistakes would somehow ruin her life.

  So he lived life in nap mode. Constantly meditating and sleeping, but not moving forward or backward.

  “Any plans tonight, Scott?” London asked.

  He grunted.

  Ben kept hopping from one foot to another. He was anxious. I had a feeling he wanted to get up to his room for some alone time with London, so I served up the opportunity. “Well, I think Linc and I are going to head out.”

  “Yeah,” Linc stretched. “We need to make dinner for mom. Chris is teaching me how to grill.”

  “Oh really?” Ben said. “That’s very impressive. Will you make dinner for us?”

  “Maybe after I learn what I’m doing. Come on, Chris.” The kid was so deadpan matter-of-fact. I loved it.

  And so did my family. Ben and London giggled their way upstairs. Which is when Linc and I doubled back to the kitchen to Scott’s confusion. “What are you two doing?”

  “The whole point of a prank is to hear or see the results.”

  Understanding dawned on Scott’s scruffy face. “You’re brave dragging the kid in on this.”

  Linc scowled.

  “Hey, you’re the one who got to him to help prank me.”

  Scott shrugged. “I knew you’d let the kid live. I’m not sure Ben will.”

  “Ben’s a gentle giant,” I countered.

  “Not when you mess with ‘alone time’ he’s not.”

  And right on cue we heard a shriek. And then, “Ow! What the hell?”

  And then, “Chris Kaine you are DEAD!”

  And then I heard footsteps on the stairs. I looked at Linc. “We’ve got to go!”

  We ran outside and I had no idea where to hide. Luckily I was with a kid. Linc yanked on my arm and dragged me down the dock to the boat. We huddled up, knees to chest, and waited out the shrieking.

  “I like pranks,” Linc said quietly. “It’s doing something you’re not allowed to do, but it’s okay.”

  “To be clear, you can’t do something wrong and call it a prank. This is a long established game with my brothers. There are rules.”

  “Are there though?”

  This kid. “Yes. Number one being do no harm. Did we make a big mess? Yes. Was it intended to mess up Ben’s bedroom? Absolutely. But no one got hurt and if he was really mad I’d help him clean up. And if I ever step over the line and do something wrong, I understand that it is within my big brother’s rights to be angry and maybe even wrestle me, because that’s what we do. You’ve always got to be ready to accept the consequences of your actions.”

  “Now you sound like Mom,” he grumbled.

  I ruffled his hair just as London yelled across the lawn, “You’ll pay for this Christopher Kaine!”

  Linc and I looked at each other.

  “See? Now she’s super irritated with me, but she's not mad. I can expect an equally awful prank to be pulled on me in the next few days and I’ll just have to accept that I deserve whatever Ben does to me. No getting angry about it because I basica
lly asked for it.”

  “But...you do want it. That’s the fun.”

  “Exactly.” The sound of a shop vac getting to work in the house echoed through the air. The thought of Ben and London finding seeds for the next few days made me smile. I was happy they were happy, but there was definitely a little bit of a smartass little brother in me that wanted to pay them back for having so much sex in my house. “I think we’re in the clear. You want to head home now?”

  “Yeah sure. Are you going to ask Mom to marry you tonight?”

  “No, bud. It’s too soon.”

  He shook his head as we stood up like he was completely, utterly exasperated with me.

  “There you are!” Liv yelled. She was right in front of us on the dock and she looked terrified.

  At the same time that I jumped from the sound, Linc bounced up and down and I had to sidestep to keep from taking a head to my chin. “Mom! We put sunflower seeds in Ben’s bed! It was awesome!”

  I couldn’t get my feet under me. Every time I moved, Linc moved, then the boat started moving.

  “Oh no!” Liv reached for me, her eyes all big.

  But if she grabbed my arm she was going over the side with me and I couldn’t let that happen. So I gave up the fight. I let gravity, Newton’s first, second, and third laws, and fate take over. As my knees hit the hull, sending me head over ass into the water again, I was struck by the timeliness of it all. I first went over the side of this very boat because I wanted Olivia (even though I didn’t know it yet.) And now that I’d let time take its course, now that I wanted to move forward into forever with her, here I was right back where it all started.

  Cold. Wet. Excited.

  20

  Now do her