Crazy Stupid Bromance

by Lyssa Kay Adams

  “Damn,” Mack said, reeling back. “You could knock a buzzard off a shit wagon. What happened to you?”

  “Fuck you. I’m here, aren’t I? And why the hell did you make us do this so early on a Saturday?”

  “Because the Russian has a game tonight.” Mack turned around and nodded for Noah to follow. “Come on. We’re just warming up, so you didn’t really miss anything.”

  Great.

  The pulsating beat of a techno song greeted him as he walked into the main part of the bar. Sonia and the guys turned and looked in unison as Noah and Mack walked in. They formed two sloppy lines along the wooden dance floor where, come ten o’clock tonight, drunken douchebags would attempt to out-line-dance one another before stumbling into the street to throw up.

  Standing in front was a man in a baggy pair of sweatpants and a black tank top that read Music City Dance Factory. Tattoos covered both of his arms all the way to the wrist.

  “That’s Clive, our choreographer,” Mack explained. “He owns a dance academy in Midtown.”

  Noah shook the man’s hand, apologized for being late, and then purposely walked to the far back of the dance floor.

  Clive clapped his hands. “Are we ready, then? Let’s get back to working those shoulders. We don’t want to pull any muscles.”

  Noah did. He desperately wanted a pulled muscle. He’d break his own goddamned arm to get out of this.

  Clive moved into some kind of hip gyration, and Noah knew without even trying that his body was not going to move like that. Not with any amount of practice. Dear God. This was going to be beyond humiliating. This was going to be cruel and unusual punishment. There was no way in hell he was going to do this in front of Alexis.

  From his spot in the back, though, he could see that he wasn’t the only one who was going to look ridiculous. Colton, Malcolm, and Gavin were surprisingly good dancers, but everyone else looked like those windup singing animals that people bought at holidays to scare their dogs. They were all stiff-armed and robotic. This was going to be a disaster.

  “Noah, like this.” The Russian turned around in front of him in way-too-short shorts and a ribbed white tank top. Black hair poked from every opening, and bulging muscles gave the overall effect of a bear in a human costume. The Russian planted his hands on his hips and swiveled from left to right and then back to front.

  “From here,” he explained, gesturing just short of his junk. He then began to pump his hips. Dear God, Noah would never be able to unsee that.

  Noah looked at Mack. “You could just shoot me instead, you know.”

  The Russian grabbed Noah’s hips and tugged. “Like this.”

  “I got it,” he snapped, knocking the Russian’s hands away. “I’m fully capable of thrusting my hips at the appropriate time.”

  He just hadn’t done so in a while.

  A long while. Just over eighteen months, to be exact.

  “You are in bad mood,” the Russian said. “You sleep bad?”

  Yeah. Horrible. He’d been tormented all night with alternating dreams of Lexa on an operating table and Lexa caressing his chest. Thrusting his hips was not helping matters.

  For the next hour, Clive led them through a dance workout that left Noah panting and sweaty. By the time they were done, he felt like he’d just biked uphill for an hour straight. But just when Noah was close to running into the traffic outside on Broadway, Clive stopped and killed the music.

  “Great job,” he said. “We’ll learn the second half next weekend.”

  Second half? Noah groaned and wiped his forearm across his brow. Ahead of him, Sonia bent and braced her hands on her knees while Mack leaned against a table to catch his breath. Gavin, Del, and Malcolm collapsed on the floor. Clive had even killed the professional athletes.

  Colton sauntered over. “You look like shit today. Worse than normal, even.”

  “Fuck off.”

  “What’s wrong? You and Alexis get in a fight or something?”

  Noah curbed the urge to flip him off and instead stomped to the bar. Sonia tossed him a bottle of water.

  “What was that?” Mack asked, jogging to the bar. “You got in a fight with Alexis?”

  Noah barely had time to swallow. “No—”

  “What was the fight about?”

  “We did not get in a fight. Jesus.”

  “Well, something obviously happened,” Mack said. “You were late, you do look like shit, and you’re stomping around like someone broke your favorite Star Wars collectible.”

  Colton leaned on the bar. “I’m sure it was nothing, Mack. They’re just friends, remember?”

  Noah dug in his pocket for his keys. “I’m out of here.”

  Mack grabbed the back of his shirt. “Wait. We’re going for breakfast at Six Strings.”

  “I’m not.”

  “Yes, you are. I need your opinion on a couple of things, and you obviously need to talk.”

  Gavin and Del both hollered from the floor that they had to go home for family stuff. Sonia said she had to go walk her dog, and two other guys—Derek Wilson and Yan Feliciano—said they had other stuff to do too. Nothing specific. Just stuff.

  Cowards. All of them.

  That left Malcolm, the Russian, Mack, and Colton to stare at Noah with eyebrows arched.

  “I’m not going,” Noah repeated. “I have stuff too.” Which was true. It was just that his stuff wasn’t until later that afternoon, but they didn’t need to know that.

  Mack stuck out his bottom lip.

  Fuuuck. “Fine. I’ll meet you there.”

  * * *

  * * *

  Noah checked his phone as soon as he got back in his car. No message from Lexa. Which wasn’t entirely unusual. Sure, they usually had texted each other by now, but Lexa did say that she was going to have breakfast with Liv today. Still, they normally would have at least said good morning or played a round of Word Nerd by now.

  Noah tossed his phone onto the passenger seat with a curse. He should have texted her when he woke up like normal. Because by not texting, he was making last night into something when maybe it hadn’t been.

  He drove on autopilot to the restaurant and swung into a spot next to Mack’s car. When he walked in and sat down at their normal table, he was the last to arrive. A cup of coffee waited for him next to a menu that he’d long since memorized. He met the guys here at least every other week. It was off the beaten path, so it didn’t attract a lot of tourists, which was good because most of the guys were recognizable.

  “What took you so long?” Mack whined.

  Noah dumped creamer into his coffee. “Why the hell are you monitoring my time this morning?”

  “Because we need to make a decision by noon.”

  “On what?”

  Mack thumbed the screen of his phone. “I’m reconsidering the boutonnieres.”

  Noah dragged his hands down his face. The last time they talked flowers, it took several hours just to get Mack to choose between white and red. “What’s wrong with the one you picked out before?”

  “I discovered that flowers have meanings.”

  “Oh, Christ.” Noah ground the heel of his hand into a suddenly throbbing temple.

  “I discovered that the Christmas rose can symbolize anxiety,” Mack said. “I can’t wear that at my wedding.”

  “It has the word Christmas in it,” Colton said. “What could be more perfect for a December wedding?”

  Noah stirred his coffee. “Is there a flower that means giant douchebag? You should get that one.”

  Mack ignored Noah and turned his phone around to show off a picture of a small white flower that looked almost exactly like Noah remembered the first one he’d chosen.

  “I’m thinking of the white ivy flower,” Mack said. “It stands for fidelity.”

  “Perfec
t,” Noah said. “Go with that.”

  “Definitely that one,” Malcolm said, sending Noah a silent thank-you with his eyes.

  “Absolutely,” Colton added.

  “It’s ugly,” the Russian said.

  Noah elbowed him to shut up. Mack’s eyebrows pulled together as he studied the picture again. “You think it’s ugly?”

  “It’s not ugly,” Noah said. “The Russian doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”

  Colton got a look in his eyes that said he was about to start some shit. He propped his elbows on the table and leaned toward the Russian. “What kind of flowers did you have in your wedding?”

  “I don’t remember,” the Russian answered, cheeks suddenly red.

  Noah glared at Colton, who responded with an I told you so smirk.

  The waitress interrupted to take their orders. While the guys took turns, Mack suddenly became engrossed in something on his phone. The waitress walked away, and Mack looked directly at Noah.

  “So, Liv just texted me.”

  A cold shiver ran across Noah’s skin. “And?”

  “And when were you going to tell us that you spent the night at Alexis’s house and she saw you without a shirt?”

  Ah, fuck. Heat raced up his neck and blazed a path clear to his hairline. But embarrassment quickly became hope, because if she told Liv about it, then it must have meant something. Right?

  Colton snorted. “I guess we know why you’re off your game this morning.”

  “What happened?” Mack asked.

  “Nothing,” Noah gulped.

  “Bullshit,” Colton coughed.

  “And you were shirtless why?” Mack asked.

  “It’s a long story,” Noah mumbled.

  Malcolm stroked his beard. “Why don’t you start at the beginning?”

  Noah blew out a frustrated breath, swiped his hands over his hair, and launched into the whole story—Candi, the kidney transplant, the story of Beefcake and his fucking claws. By the time he got to the part about Lexa walking into the bathroom and stopping dead in her tracks, his nipples had started to tingle.

  He crossed his arms. “Any questions?”

  The Russian raised his hand. Noah called on him.

  “Did she sniff you?”

  “What the fuck, man? No.”

  Another hand shot into the air.

  Noah sighed. “Yes, Malcolm?”

  “You said she acted weird when she saw you. Can you be more descriptive?”

  “What more do you need?”

  Mack piped in. “Where did she stare?”

  The Russian pouted. “He did not raise his hand.”

  Mack raised his hand and repeated the question.

  “She stared, you know . . .” Noah let his voice trail off. But when all the guys leaned forward, he gestured toward his pecs. “Here.”

  His face got hot again as he lowered his hand and waved it below the belly button. “And here.”

  One by one, the guys met one another’s eyes and then in unison, busted into loud, table-shaking laughter. Noah looked around the restaurant and then hissed at them to be quiet.

  Mack wiped his eyes. “Dude, she was staring. The real kind of staring.”

  “Sure sign,” Colton said. “The happy trail is like catnip for women.”

  Noah gaped at him. “The happy what?”

  The Russian lifted his shirt and pointed to his stomach. “The line of hair from your belly button to your pork and beans.”

  Mack leaned left to whisper, “Frank and beans.”

  The Russian looked baffled. “Who is Frank?”

  Colton raised his hand. Noah shook his head. “Next.”

  “You don’t even know what I’m going to ask!”

  “Doesn’t matter. It’ll be inappropriate. Next question.”

  “Who is Frank?” the Russian asked again.

  “Someone fucking tell him,” Noah growled.

  Malcolm leaned over and whispered in the Russian’s ear. He giggled and covered his mouth.

  Their food arrived, but Noah barely had time to take a single bite before the questions continued.

  “So what are you going to do about it?” Mack asked.

  Noah poked his eggs with the corner of his toast and feigned ignorance. “Do about what?”

  “The staring,” Colton said.

  Noah lifted a shoulder. “Nothing.”

  “You can’t do nothing, man,” Colton said. “She stared.”

  Noah snorted even as his pits began to sweat. “You guys have read too many romance novels. Which, by the way, the one you gave me? It’s total bullshit. Do you even know what that book is about?”

  Mack leaned back in his chair. “I do. What’s wrong with it?”

  “It’s about a guy who abandoned his daughter! You seriously expect me to learn something from this guy?”

  “The secret baby trope is a very popular plotline in the romance genre,” Mack said.

  Noah made a noise that was part snort, part laugh. “Secret. Baby. Trope?”

  Mack shrugged. “Guy finds out he has a kid he never knew about.”

  “And people find this romantic?”

  Mack sighed and looked to the ceiling as if praying for patience. “It’s a plot device for a larger message, Noah.”

  “What larger message?”

  “Forgiveness.”

  This time, Noah laughed outright. “Bullshit. Some things are unforgivable.”

  Mack sipped his coffee. “True. But that’s not the point.”

  “Yeah, the point is that there’s no freaking way I’m going to learn how to build a relationship with Alexis by reading about a guy who’s as much of a bastard as her father.”

  “You can’t judge the book based on one chapter,” Malcolm said. “Give it a try.”

  “No.” He sounded as stubborn as he felt.

  The Russian patted his arm. “Noah, why are you so angry all the time?”

  “He’s not angry,” Colton snorted over the rim of his coffee mug. “He’s horny.”

  Noah pointed. “Fuck off.”

  “Dude, Alexis could not be making it any clearer that she wants more and is ready for more,” Mack said. “What the hell are you waiting for?”

  “Didn’t you hear what I just told you about her father? She’s going through a lot right now. She’s emotional, and—”

  “Alexis isn’t exactly fragile,” Mack said.

  Noah bristled. “I know.” Just the opposite. Lexa was the strongest person he’d ever known. “I’m just saying she is going through some deep stuff now, and I’m not going to add to her burden by asking her why the hell she was staring at my nipples!”

  The restaurant got instantly quiet, and twenty heads turned toward their table.

  “He’s talking about his dog,” Mack said loudly with a lift of his hand. “Nothing to see here.”

  Noah heard a growl rumble from his chest. “I’m going to hack into your phone and leak all your nudes on Facebook.”

  Mack spread his hands wide. “Naked is my best angle, man.”

  “Look,” Malcolm said, wadding up his napkin. “I think what Mack was attempting to say is that there’s a fine line between being sensitive to what Alexis is going through and treating her like she doesn’t know her own mind.”

  “Doesn’t change a goddamned thing.”

  “Of course it does.” Malcolm leaned forward. “Your relationship with her is built on unrequited feelings. That’s not fair to either of you. She deserves to know how you really feel about her, and you deserve to know if she feels the same.”

  “I can’t risk our friendship like that.”

  “And you’ll be happy to remain friends with her, only friends?”

  “If that’s what it takes to be
in her life, then yes.”

  “And I suppose if she started dating someone else, you’d be fine with it?” Mack asked.

  At his blistering silence, Mack snorted. “That’s what I thought.”

  Noah gave in to a sudden burst of weariness. He set down his fork and ran his hands over his face. After a long, quiet moment, he looked up to find the guys watching him in matching expressions of patience and amusement.

  “I don’t know what to do,” he admitted.

  “Luckily, we do,” Mack said. “Be at my bar at three o’clock tomorrow.”

  Noah’s stomach dropped. “What for?”

  Mack grinned. “Initiation.”

  Fuuuck.

  CHAPTER TEN

  A few hours later, Noah pulled into Alexis’s driveway again to pick her up for their meeting with Candi. He hadn’t been this nervous to pick up a woman since . . . ever. Something had changed last night, at least in his mind, and he was going to have a hard time keeping it cool today. Which is exactly what she needed from him.

  She met him on the sidewalk wearing a long cardigan, a pair of leggings, and a small smile. “I saw you pull up,” she explained.

  He held open her door and waited while she slid into the car before returning to the driver’s side. He exhaled the breath he’d been holding before sliding behind the wheel.

  “Thanks for driving,” she said, not quite looking at him as she buckled her seat belt.

  “You sure you want to do this?”

  “I’m sure.”

  She didn’t look sure, though. Her hands were a tangled mess in her lap, and her lips were a thin line. A raw, red nick in the corner meant she’d been gnawing on it with her teeth.

  “You don’t have to—”

  She cut him off with a look. He raised his hands in surrender.

  The trip downtown was short and quiet. And when Noah parked in the ramp for the hotel where Candi was staying, they sat in the dark and the silence for a moment, just staring at the glowing red sign that read ELEVATOR. He finally looked over at her.

  “Ready?” Noah got out and rounded the car to her side. He held out his hand as she slid out of the passenger seat and, as if they’d done it a hundred times before, she folded her fingers in his. His heart kicked the underside of his ribs with a painful thud as they walked hand in hand to the elevators. Only when they walked in did she pull her hand away to push the button for the lobby floor.